When Wonderland ain't so Sweet
by Svart-Natt
Summary: She looks in the mirror. She's at that age, that age in between the magic and the horrible reality of the world. She wonders if there's anyone in there, behind the reflective glass. She knows there's not. That's just a game. That's imagination. But she still likes to pretend. Because she'd rather pretend than tune into the screamed words that are sounding from her mother below.
1. Chapter 1

Everyone's looking at her.

She's pristine. Beautiful. Mesmerising.

She sips her champagne and as she turns her black, backless dress blows softly.

Everyone's looking at her and he knows it. He delights in the fact that everyone wants her. That no one can have her. Because she's his. All his.

Everyone's looking at her and yet she can only feel his eyes burning into her.

Her hair is long, tresses of dark gold fall over her bare back. He likes her hair long.

She shivers. It's cold tonight. She'd picked out a long sleeved dress for that reason. He likes this one though. So she wore this one.

'Darling' His hand touches her unclad back and she shivers for an entirely different reason. 'Let's go'

'We've only been here half an hour'

'I think we've shown our faces long enough hm?' He smiles down at her lovingly and she smiles back.

Truth be told she doesn't want to be here. Hadn't wanted to come at all. These are the people he works with. They worship the ground he walks on. She doesn't like this scene one bit.

But he does. He likes parading her around on his arm. He likes showing her off and she hates it.

Hates the way people talk to her through him, as though she's incapable of answering, as though she hasn't a voice.

She feels like she hasn't. She feels like she lost her voice a long time ago.

He kisses her when they reach the car. He tells her he's sorry because he knows she hates these things. He tells her he'll make it up to her. He tells her she's beautiful in a low husk that tickles her cheek.

It calms her. That tone always makes her remember. It reminds her of the beginning of their relationship. Reminds her of a time when it was so easy. She gets wrapped up in those memories and on the short car journey home she quietly relives them, remembers those first dates, first kisses, the way he'd made her laugh, how he'd made her feel safe, how she'd fallen in love with that person and then they're home and she doesn't want to get out of the car. Doesn't want to go inside, doesn't want to come back to the now. Because the present isn't as idyllic as the distorted memories she likes to conjure up. Because he's not that person. He never was.

She's in the kitchen of the large house when she notes how quiet it is and then she's thinking of the two things that keep her going; that give her life meaning.

'I might as well go pick the kids up from-'

He jerks her back against his chest and his touch cuts off her words, startles her into silence. His hand delves under her dress and presses roughly against her underwear.

She gasps and her head falls forward against the fridge door as lust jars her.

But it's all despised.

She hates it all. Hates the way her body insults her with it's desire for more. She doesn't want more and that little thrill that he ignites in her is just a charade, a defence mechanism, because she knows, knows if she doesn't play along, doesn't will herself to go through the motions then this would never be bearable. And she knows by the way he's been looking at her all night. Knows what's to come. Knows that one too many men spoke to her and he doesn't like it when other men speak to her. Doesn't like it when she indulges them, that's what he calls it, she calls it having a conversation.

Sometimes it's okay. Sometimes he's gentle.

But she knows tonight isn't one of those times because he wants her to know that she's his. All his. He likes to remind her of that frequently.

And then he's turning her around and lifting her and she can barely see straight and the teetering line between pain and pleasure snaps as he presses her violently into the wall.

His broad chest is suffocating against her and makes her feel so small and fragile.

And she doesn't matter, she knows he doesn't care of her discomfort. She's his, his to mark. Every mark, every bruise left behind is his claim on her body. But he needn't work so hard. His words are constantly interfering with her intelligence, his games completely fuck with her mind and have her surrendering over and over again.

She'll do anything he wants. Be anything he wants. She learnt that lesson a long time ago.

From the very beginning he'd been moulding her into this. She'd not even known it then. She'd let herself get swept up by his romantic words and as that person had slowly crumbled before her eyes she'd clung on, forgiven his behaviour because at first it was minute, was forgivable. But now it's beyond that. And she doesn't know how she got here.

This is the last time. She closes her eyes tightly and repeats it like a mantra to herself.

She's not going to be this person anymore.

She doesn't know how many times those thoughts have drifted through her mind. She always promises herself it's the last time. Failed promises, promises that she never keeps.

His hands snag her tights. Rip her underwear away and she goes somewhere else.

She wonders if she ironed the shirt she knows he'll want to wear tomorrow because he has a meeting. She tells herself to go and check when this is over. He hates having to work on the weekend. He hates it when his shirts aren't ironed. She'll go check. She loves it when he works at the weekend. She loves it when he has to work fullstop. It'll be nice to have a Saturday alone with the children. Her baby's. Adele and Alexa. Addie and Lexie. Her babies. Maybe they can go to the park. Lexie's just learnt how to make the swing go without her sister's assistance. Adele is quite the budding acrobat and likes to hang from the monkey bars.

Her line of thought is interrupted.

He growls into her ear and she grimaces as he pushes into her in one swift motion and forces her leg high.

She blinks. Her hands lock around his neck and she digs her nails into her palms to try and keep herself grounded.

He hoists her leg impossibly higher and she thinks she might just break but she says nothing. Won't protest. Can't. She's learnt her lesson one too many a time. She knows the rules of his sick games.

He's always there. Lurking around every corner. Predetermining her every move.

He half groans, half barks and her eyes water and her hands move to his broad shoulders and she wants to push against them so badly, her hands instinctively want to fight because this isn't pleasure, this is pain. She's thankful when he pins her wrists back, thankful because her arms are shaking under the strain of resisting her desire to fight him, to engage in battle. It's a futile battle that she knows the outcome of. It's best to stay quiet. Best to endure.

She closes her eyes and reminds herself to breathe.

Maybe she'll take them to get ice cream. They're always so excited when she takes them for ice cream. They always sit on the pier after. Adele always chooses vanilla. Lexie chocolate. They always share, lick each others and giggle as she sneaks a mouthful here and there and she'll smile because their laughter is her only reason for breathing. Her only reason for carrying on. And she doesn't understand how they've turned out so sweet. Because god knows they've witnessed things they shouldn't.

He grunts loudly and then he's still and it's over and he's looking into her face and she forces a smile. He kisses her lips and somehow that sweet kiss makes her feel even more sick than his violence. She wants him to let her go. Let her slide down the wall and crumble. Wants him to walk away and leave her there. But he doesn't. Never does that, because he's her husband and he'll carry her to bed, undress her and hold her and tell her he loves her and she'll say it back. His hands will smooth over the bruises he's just made and she'll grimace into her pillow and close her eyes tightly and pretend she's not here because she's not this girl. She's never been this girl.


	2. Chapter 2

She doesn't know how it got to this point...well she knows how. Mistake after mistake after mistake is how. She'd always been good at screwing up. But it had all been so gradual until she was in too deep. And it would have been okay. She would have accepted this as her fate. But she wasn't in this whirlpool alone. There were two children and she couldn't tread water and keep them afloat at the same time and she'd be damned if she'd let them get sucked into the dark depths of the raging current that pulled her down everyday.

She wanted out. But it wasn't as easy as that.

But today was different. Today was the beginning of the end. Not that she knew it then.

When she later looks back she can't pinpoint why it was so different. It hadn't been exceptionally different in terms of her life at that moment. But something had led her to make that decision. Maybe it was the single, silent tear that she'd watched race down her eight year olds face, a sadness in the little girl's eyes that no child should be able to comprehend.

It didn't really matter what it was. She'd made a decision. She'd not made a decision in a long time. Not one that had stuck anyway. But today she made a decision.

A decision to die.

To end it once and for all...

'Oh I'm sorry Miss, here let me help you with that' It's early Monday morning. The weekend was uneventful and it's that eerie calmness that always convinces her things aren't so bad, it cocoons her in a false sense of security. But it always comes crashing down.

She hastily takes a step back as the postman walks through the threshold to her house and gathers the mail she's just dropped.

'Th-thank you' She croaks as he holds out the crumpled envelopes to her. She thought it would be Katie from church, walking the dog. She quite often popped her head in on her morning walk. She knows it's under her husband's duress. Katie is a good influence. She's a good girl. She knows how to be a good housewife. She'd not have opened the door if she'd known it wasn't the mentor in good behaviour.

'You're welcome. So I just need you to sign here for the parcel' He holds out the electronic key pad and her hand wobbles as she quickly scrawls her initials in the box.

'Thank you'

He smiles. 'Have a nice day Miss' And then he's back out the door and walking down the path and the door bangs loudly as she tries to get it closed quickly.

'You two go upstairs' Her eyes close tight as his bark sounds from the back room and her body stiffens, her stomach sinking. She wasn't quiet enough. Wasn't quick enough. Was too fucking jittery and clumsy. He's heard. He's seen.

'But-' Young voices start to complain as she bravely walks into the living room.

'Baby take your sister' She cuts off her eldest daughter's objection, turning to face the scene. The child knows by her look, senses it's of vital importance and then she's hauling the smaller blonde infant to her feet and away from her dolls to the stairs. They leave in silence and her eyes want to follow them but they don't, they guardedly stay fixated on the angry dark blue pair.

'You're teaching her to talk back to me' He states.

'She's eight years old- nearly nine. Kids talk back sometimes. She has her own opinions. She's just voicing them' She bites her tongue. She can't not defend her children. She won't. He can teach her to be a lot of things but she'll never learn that lesson. Because her love for those two children is unconditional.

He snatches the envelopes in her hands and she instinctively takes a step back.

And she knows instantly that they're done talking about the little girl in question.

Because he doesn't approve of her talking to other men. He sees it as her being flirtatious.

'I thought it was Katie. I didn't know...He just gave me the post Ian' His eyes have changed and she starts speaking quickly. She knows she's only got a few moments to make this better. 'He was just giving me the post. I didn't do anyth-'

It doesn't matter how many times it happens it still shocks her. Still takes her by surprise. Every time.

He strikes her. Hand hitting the side of her face and it's enough to send her small form flying backwards.

A strangled cry escapes her mouth as her back hits the corner of the side table and then she crumbles.

She's shaking.

She's stopped wondering why her. Stopped wondering what she did that was so terrible to warrant this. It's just the way it is. It is her life. Only this isn't her. None of this is her.

He sends a sharp kick to her stomach and she grunts.

But this isn't going to be her life. Not for much longer. The thought flutters through her like always.

'Why do you insist on humiliating me?' She cowers away as he crouches beside her. She doesn't answer. There's never a right answer. 'You're in a strop now aren't you? Do you think I enjoy doing this Peyton?'

Her watery eyes blink up at him and his saddened expression has anger bubbling inside her. 'God no, that would make you a monster wouldn't it?' She rasps.

His stare narrows.

She knows she's provoking him. She can't help it. Not when he says things like that. There's still a bit of fight in her yet apparently.

His hand tangles in her hair and jerks her head up to look at him. 'You're my wife. You're mine-'

'I'm fucking aware' She's not sure what's gotten into her. She knows she's playing with fire.

'Don't talk to me like that' He seethes. 'If you're so aware, why do you act like a slut? Hm? You can't help yourself can you? You have to flirt with every man that looks in your direction! Even under my own fucking roof'

'He was the fucking postman! I didn't do anything'

'I said don't speak like that' He grips her face, fingers squeezing her cheeks so she can't speak. There was a time when she would have wriggled free and answered by spitting in his face or throwing another string of curse words out but she knows it's not worth it. She's been trained and she might not always be able to hold her tongue but she knows when enough is enough.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

She looks in the mirror. She's at that age, that age in between the magic and the horrible reality of the world. She wonders if there's anyone in there, behind the reflective glass. She knows there's not. That's just a game. That's imagination. But she still likes to pretend, still sort of believes. Because she'd rather pretend than tune into the screamed words that are sounding from her mother below.

'Addie whatcha' looking at?'

A drawer is pulled out. Little feet clamber up the makeshift steps before a smaller head appears in the shiny silver surface.

'Lex. You're gonna fall' She reaches out, an arm going around her smaller sister to protect her from the short tumble from drawers to floor because this is what she is. She's the protector.

'Whatcha' lookin' at?' The three and a half year old repeats, quizzically searching her reflection.

'The goblins'

'Goblins?' Alexa's brow furrows. She can't see anything.

'Uhuh. You can't see them. They can only see you. They're on the other side'

'No they're not' Her cherub cheeks puff out as she squints into the mirror.

'Uhuh. Are too' Adele disagrees. 'And you have to be good or you'll annoy them. And they're there to protect us so don't be naughty' She wags her finger at the little girl.

A worried look transpires across Alexa's face.

'Don't be frightened. They're warriors. They fight off the monsters under the bed when we're asleep and they keep all the bad things away'

'I thought goblins were mean...they are in somfins'

'Not our ones...and it's a secret so you can't tell anyone' She hoists Alexa off of the drawers and sets her on the ground with a grunt.

It's stopped now; her mother's distressed voice, humming from downstairs.

'What's their names?'

She doesn't miss a beat. 'Carlos. Roland and Cleo'

'Three?'

'Three. One for you. One for me and one for Mummy'

'What about Daddy?'

'Nope' She shakes her head dismissively. Alexa's too little. Not so little that she doesn't get frightened, not so little that she doesn't get upset but she still loves unconditionally, is still accepting of the monster she calls Daddy.

Adele is not so accepting. Knows right and wrong. Has learnt from school, has learnt from TV that it's not okay.

'It's stopped' Alexa points to the door.

'Uhuh'

'Is Mummy okay?' A thumb suddenly creeps into Alexa's mouth and Adele refrains from calling her a baby as she'd normally chant because she sees the worry in the youngsters big green eyes.

'Of course. The Goblins will be down there looking after her now. Here' She tugs the three year old down to the floor and drags a box of horses before her. 'Play with your horses'

'An-du' Alexa demands, thumb obscuring her words.

'When I get back'

A little hand darts out and ensnares her leg as she rises to her feet.

'It's alright. I'm not going down there' She knows she can't go down. Knows her mother will screech at her later if she does that. She just wants to look through the bannister. Just wants to check. 'I'll be right back. I promise'

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

Her eyes are shut tight.

Everything is quiet but her ears are ringing. She hopes it disappears quickly. She hates it when she's left with this insistent hum for the whole day; she can't think.

'I'm going to be late now' His voice is a panted exhale. He's exhausted himself.

She opens her eyes. It's over now. She can relax. Only she can't. She doesn't know how. Her stare skitters upwards as it always does and her stomach turns because the little face she has zero desire to see right now is peering down from the landing above that looks over the large open living room. Her daughter. Her baby. And she wants to scream because she doesn't know how many times she's said it. How many times she's ordered that the eight year old never come out of her room if she hears yelling, she's still to be found looking through the railings.

'Go make sure Adele is ready and I'll drop her at school'

She can't take her herself. Not now.

She can feel the bruises forming.

She's trembling but is quick to pull herself to her feet, eager to usher the stubborn child back to her room before he takes note of their audience.

Her legs don't want to cooperate. Bleary eyed she staggers hastily for the stairs.

The humiliation has a lump lodged in the back of her throat that she swallows back.

 _Just hold it together for a bit longer._

 _Just a bit longer._

She doesn't speak. Doesn't say a word.

Adele is backed up against the hallway wall by the time she reaches the landing and she grabs the child's hand before hastily venturing to her children's bedroom.

It takes her three attempts to turn the door knob.

And she realises she's been holding her breath when the door clicks safely shut behind them.

'Mummy?' Adele struggles to stop her lip from quivering, her hands wrung together in apprehension.

'It's alright honey' She leans back against the door.

'You're bleeding' Alexa is on her feet. Her favourite horse in hand as she contemplates her mother's appearance.

'I'm okay' She shakes her head and glances in the mirror that hangs on the deep blue wall, noting the trail of blood that's making its way down the side of her face, she wipes at it with her finger but it just smears the line across her cheek. 'It's just a scratch. I just bumped my head on the cupboard door'

The eldest child isn't so foolish as to believe her story and she knows it and it breaks her heart that she can't disguise this from her anymore.

'I'm alright Addie...what have I told you about staying in here with your sister?' She's berating but it's not stern or angry, it's just disappointed.

'I just wanted to check' Adele announces.

Peyton's brow furrows and then she sinks to her knees and grasps Adele's hands tightly. 'You don't need to do that. I'm not going anywhere. Not ever. Okay?' She strokes the little flushed cheeks of her daughter.

Adele isn't convinced.

But there's no time for anymore reassurances right now.

'Quickly. Have you got your school bag packed?'

'Uhuh'

'Good girl. Daddy's going to take you-'

'I don't want to go with him. I want you to take me'

She swallows thickly. 'Me and Lex are going to make cup cakes and when you get home you can help us ice them and then we'll watch the wizard of oz, how does that sound?' She promises.

Alexa jumps up and down gleefully at this plan.

Adele looks at her solemnly. 'Fine'

She kisses her head. 'Be good baby. Please' She pleads.

A silent tear races down Adele's cheek and it kills her. She has to stop herself from swaddling her in arms and kisses and promising her she doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to. But she doesn't do that. Won't. Because she's not about to risk her child being at the brunt of her husband's anger.

'Okay' Adele's voice is small but strong and that wide eyed determination in her little girl's face will stay with her mother forever and a day.

She watches from the upstairs window as her daughter is driven away and she feels sick. So sick. Self hatred seeps through her veins. She doesn't know how she can sit back and let her get in a car with him. She wonders what kind of Mother she is to let them see this day in day out.

She flees into the closet, numb to her throbbing cheek. Her thoughts are quick and brash and her feet move with the same hastiness. She has a suitcase open on the bed in seconds and items are flung into it.

And then determination and desperation dwindle into a raging combination of fear and uncertainty that have her crumbling at the foot of the bed.

She recalls her last escape. She clings to her arm. He'd broken it that night. And she'd not just been scared of him. She'd feared for her life. Feared what would become of her then four year old daughter that sat in the car. And an hour later as she'd sat in the police station, charged with drink driving and lectured on doing what was right for her daughter, she was reminded insistently on how she were lucky it was her husband that had found her. Lucky that her husband was the law. Lucky to be let off so lightly. Lucky she'd only broke her arm in the crash.

She'd sat silently. Tears relentlessly falling.

And she'd known in that very moment that freeing herself from his lair was near impossible. Because she couldn't run to the law. He was the law. And at every stepping stone there were obstacles built high. Because her word didn't count. Not when confronted with all the documents filed on her. Of that he reminded her. Many times that night as they'd driven home.

She'd not only lost a bit of her soul that night, but her independence too.

She buries her head in the bedsheets and screams. And an hour later her things are back in their rightful places, the suitcase buried once more at the back of the cupboard and she's making cup cakes with her surprisingly happy three year old as promised.

Flowers are delivered by lunch. A predictable message scrawled on the small card. _I'm sorry we fought. I love you._

She puts them in a vase, fights the urge to put them straight down the garbage shoot. No that would be asking for trouble.

Just like embarking on an unplanned escape was. She couldn't just escape.

It's at some point in between washing up the aftermath of baking with a three year old and Adele being dropped home from school by another parent that she makes the decision.

She's staring out the window. All you can see are trees. She thought the secluded spot was magical when she first saw it. Now it's a cave of darkness.

She can't run. She's tried running. Wherever she went he'd find her. He'd always find her. She doesn't want to have to live like that. Always on edge. Always moving. Always fearing he'll catch up with them. And if he did... She shudders. No, she can't run. She can't just disappear. She has to disappear in a way that she can never be found. Disappear in a way where he'll never even try to find her...there's only one way... Her green eyes grow wide and unblinking... She has to die... Not just her but her children too.


	3. Chapter 3

She use to like the trees. Use to love long walks through the forest. She hates it now. It can be so quiet. So lonely. They hide her away from the world, they help disguise the monsters that lurk. She wants to be out in the open. She longs to be able to see all the way to the horizon. She dreams of her childhood home. Dreams of the crop fields, she'd had hours of fun racing through those fields. Hiding and shrieking. Laughing. And the barn where the tyre swing hung; she use to go so high, she use to run and launch her little body through the middle, arms spread wide so she felt like she was flying. _He_ was always too scared. She'd giggle when he'd tell her not to go so high. He was always the careful one. Always the sensible one. Perhaps if her six year old self had listened to him a bit more she wouldn't be stood here.

She blinks and turns away from the window.

 _Not long now. Not long._ It's her insistent mantra.

Because she can't be reckless. She's been a professional at reckless far too many times and if she's doing this, if she's really, really doing this, she has to be 100 percent sure that her children are going to be safe. She knows that she's never going to have those satisfying statistics. But she's unwilling to put their lives on the line in anyway. She has to be sure they're going to be okay. That's what matters most. This isn't even about her. This is about their life. And she knows she has to get out for them.

But safety comes at a price; It takes time. A lot of biding her time. A lot of patience. A lot of meticulous preparation. Everything must be accounted for, every last little detail.

'Mumma' Alexa gallops her horse along the back of the sofa.

'Yes Lexie?'

'I'm bored' She whines and Peyton's brow kinks because she doesn't say things like that, not yet, she's too little not to find entertainment in all things around her. But she's sure mastered the art of imitating her big sister.

'Bored?' Peyton smiles and shakes her head. 'You Alexa Elizabeth are a fibber' She tickles the little girl's sides and soon shrieks of laughter are sounding and there's no sweeter sound. 'Poor Mr Hooves will be upset that his company isn't good enough' She teases and scratches the horse's head which entices the three year old to whisper to the inanimate animal that she's sorry and she does love to play with him so he shouldn't be upset.

'I'm bored' Adele pipes up from her spot on the armchair, perhaps for the fifth time in the last ten minutes.

'Really? You are? I didn't realise' Peyton coyly retorts. 'How can you be bored? You have so many lovely toys'

'I'm not a baby Mummy' Her declaration conflicts with the utterance of Mummy and Peyton bites on her lip to stop her laughing.

'No one is ever too big for toys Addie'

'What's this for?' The eight year old huffs, inspecting the map that's splayed out on the coffee table. She watches that look transcend across Peyton's face. It's her nothing, it's fine face and she wants to know why.

'Oh nothing. Just a map'

'What of?'

'Our woods'

'Why?'

She shakes her head dismissively. She won't tell them. They can't be trusted. She won't burden them with this. She doesn't want them scared. They need to believe everything is normal until it's happening. It's the only way she foresees getting them through this in the least harmful way. She thinks Adele will handle it. She knows her eldest daughter, knows she'll soldier on through. She's worried about Alexa. Her youngest child is comforted by routine, a routine she's about to destroy. She's predicting tears and tantrums.

'No reason. I was just seeing if there are any trails I'd not noticed before. I thought we could go on a walk this weekend' She hurriedly crumples the map back up and the eight year old has another why on the tip of her tongue but another thought flits through her head.

'I thought Dad said we were going to Nana and Grandad's' She recalls. She never forgets what her father tells them. She tries to remember every little detail just in case her Mother forgets because it's never good when her Mother forgets.

'Oh yeah' Peyton nods. 'Silly me. We'll do it another time' She wavers her hand dismissively and suddenly Adele isn't thinking of maps and walks and her Mother's suspicious aversion to the subject.

'Mummy, why don't we ever see your Mummy and Daddy?'

The question is out of the blue. Well not really because she keeps asking questions like this. School has opened a can of worms. She's learnt about families. Learnt that everyone has to have a mother and father whether they see them or not.

'I told you, my Mummy's in heaven'

'And your Daddy..?'

She feels her body seizing up because she doesn't want to discuss this.

'Yes, and my Daddy' She clarifies stiffly.

'How comes both, er both yours mummy and daddy are' Alexa pauses as she struggles to get her words in order and Peyton can't help but smile at her thoughtful expression. 'Are in heavens but, but Daddy's Mummy and Daddy are lived down the roads' She rambles nonsensically.

'Live' She corrects. 'They live down the road' Peyton shrugs. 'Just bad luck honey. We don't get to pick when we go up to heaven'

'I don't want to go to heaven. Not ever' Adele chips in.

'Well you gots to otherwise you go to hell' Alexa waggles her finger at her sibling and Peyton wants to correct her because over the years she's decided she doesn't believe in religion. Maybe it's because it's been rammed down her throat day in, day out since she met her husband. Whatever the reason, she doesn't like that her three year old thinks that there's some fiery pit that she'll end up in if she's not good. Heaven is allowed. It's just a nice way of making them not so scared of death and if anything were to ever happen to her she hopes the thought of a Heaven will give them comfort.

'I don't care' Adele bickers. 'I like red' She grins at her younger sister's angry little face, entertained by winding her up so effortlessly.

'Addie' Peyton narrows her eyes.

'What?'

'You know what' She answers softly. 'You might not know it now but you're so lucky to have a sister. A best friend for life. So be nice'

'I wasn't being mean'

'No. Just a wind up' Peyton tickles her sides and the eight year old smiles.

'I'll go to heaven if you want me to Lexie' Adele concedes with a dramatic huff.

'And you too Mumma?'

'Me too' Peyton agrees. She just hopes it's not while her babies still need her so desperately.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

He puts his badge down on the side. She hates that thing. Hates the power it gives him.

'How was your day?' She asks.

'Mm. Busy' His hand rests on her back as she dishes up the dinner. 'This looks good'

She hopes so. She's put a look of effort into making it look good. She sets the serving spoon down before smiling up at him and kissing him hello.

'Mm. Hello to you too' His hands find her hips and his eyes inspect her attire and she can't help but think how awfully predictable he is. 'You look nice' His fingers seek out the ties of her apron and pull free the bow at her back, tugging the check piece of fabric away from her waist to fully reveal her red dress. 'Really nice'

'Nice?'

'Beautiful' He corrects. 'Why are you wearing this?' He wonders and she knows she's that transparent. She doesn't like wearing fancy clothes and he knows it too. She was brought up wearing dungarees and t-shirts and playing in the mud. It's never been in her make-up to want to wear these sophisticated dresses that he likes. She's learnt to wear more _appropriate_ clothes but she still feels funny putting on evening dresses when they're not even going anywhere.

'No reason. I just thought you'd like it' She shrugs.

'Well you're right about that' He walks her back until she's pressed into the kitchen island.

'I told the girls to go wash up a minute ago' She can see where his mind has gone but he won't push this when their children are expected. 'Later' She strokes his cheek and tries to return to the dinner. He lets her but groans dramatically and she looks back over her shoulder at him with a seductive glance that she's mastered over the years.

And then the girls come running in, their little feet slowing into a more lady like walk upon seeing their father.

Adele says hello and Alexa forgets about walking nicely and becomes the three year old she is in her excitement to be swooped up into her father's strong arms. She likes being swung around. Likes being flown like a bird. He makes her feel like she's safe when she's in his hold. And he does keep them safe because he's a cop and cop's protect people. They hunt down the bad guys and make sure they go to prison.

Adele use to think that to. She thinks differently now. Because the good guys don't hit their wives.

She sits down and tugs at the collar of the dress her mother convinced her to put on only she's not sure why because it's nobody's birthday but her father seems happy and that's never something to be upset about.

They eat dinner. They remember their manners. No elbows on the table. No talking with your mouth full. Fork in the left hand. Knife in the right. And like always Peyton breathes a sigh of relief when their plates are empty because she can relax at long last.

'Can we please leave the table?' The question is directed at their mother but she doesn't answer. Knows not to answer. It's not up to her.

'Yes' It's up to him. 'Have you done your homework Adele?'

'Not yet'

'It's my fault, we were playing' Peyton quickly announces.

'Go do it now and keep an eye on your sister'

Peyton opens her mouth. She wants to say that's not necessary. It's their job to keep an eye on her sister. Not the eight year old's and she doesn't see how she's going to be able to concentrate on homework if she's got the excitable infant at her side.

She doesn't say anything though and Adele slips from her chair, taking Alexa's hand as they disappear.

'You know the rules. Homework first. Play after'

'She was tired when she got in. She just needed a break'

'But now she's going to be more tired Peyton. It's illogical and it undermines me' He counters.

'I'm sorry' She apologises freely because she doesn't want to get into a fight. She was trying her hardest not to piss him off and has still managed to get berated.

'You let her get away with so much when I'm not here'

'She's a good girl Ian. She's kind, sweet, funny and she does as she's told. She always does as she's told'

He doesn't look convinced.

'There's this school that Steven at work has his children enrolled in-'

'Boarding school?' She cuts in because she sees Michelle at church with Steven. Sees them sans children all of a sudden. Found the woman crying in the toilets after the service, saying she couldn't bear it even though she knew it was for the best. Peyton found herself saying all sorts of things she knows she shouldn't have. She's sure it's probably got back to him. Sure that Michelle's a good wife unlike her, sure she doesn't keep secrets from her husband and her husband would have course indulged Ian in his wife's misconduct. She'd conveyed that it wasn't necessarily the best thing for her children to be taken off to boarding school. If it wasn't good for her then it wasn't good at all and she should drive up there and take them out because she had every right as their parent. She'd looked at her then, like she was crazy and Peyton had known in an instant that she'd screwed up.

'Well yes, but it's got a great reputation, a great curriculum-'

'She's not going to boarding school' Peyton shakes her head and drops her fork noisily onto her plate. She's done eating.

'She's not?' His voice becomes deeper as it does when she tries to be authoritative.

'She's eight Ian! She's just a baby. You wouldn't even suggest it if we were talking about Alexa-'

'Alexa is three'

'Yes but if she was eight there's no way you'd consider sending her away'

'You're struggling to cope with the both of them-'

'No. No I'm not. Not at all. You promised me when you asked me to marry you, you put your hand on my growing belly and you promised to love her like your own but you treat them differently. Every-'

'I do no such thing' He hisses, his eyes snapping to the doorway. He gets up. Shuts the door before slowly returning. And she braces herself because the clicking of the door shutting is never a good sign 'You promised we'd never speak of this. That she'd never know-'

'She doesn't know. But she thinks her Daddy hates her' She stands up and gathers the children's empty plates along with her own and marches over to the sink to escape. She's surprised when he doesn't follow her straight away. She clatters around angrily. She's fuming and she knows she's got moments to reel it in before things turn nasty. She grips the work surface, her head hung and exhales heavily. 1.2.3. Sometimes counting helps.

'When we have another baby it's going to be a lot of work. This decision has got nothing to do with Adele and everything to do with you'

She stops herself from snorting. It does have everything to do with her, he's right, because this is her daughter they're talking about. But the suggestion that she can't handle her own children makes her seethe and he's talking about babies again. A baby she doesn't want. A baby that doesn't even exist.

She forces herself to return to the table. The distance has allowed her to compose herself. 'Are you finished?' She enquires as she goes to retrieve his plate. His hand captures her wrist.

'Come here' He pulls her down onto his lap. 'Sweetheart. I know this will be hard on you but I've decided this because I love her and you' He declares. 'Because I want her to have the best of the best. Her school is nothing special. I'm in the position where I can afford to pay for her to have a wonderful education. She'll be socialising with the best of the best. We'll be able to avoid her getting in with the wrong crowd as she progresses into high school. Don't you want her to have the best?'

She doesn't answer. She doesn't care about any of that. Not having a mother to kiss her goodnight or hug her when she's sad or tell her she's the most special little girl does not equate to her having the best. Not in her eyes.

'This will be harder on you than her. She'll love it'

She knows that's not true. She knows her little girl, unlike him. Knows she's brave and stubborn but she'd never want to go away. Never.

But she says nothing. She's already said far too much. And it doesn't matter anyway.

'...Okay' she nods.

It doesn't matter because they won't be here for much longer. This is just another factor in her necessary plan. This will mean there's more urgency. It will mean there's less time but it changes nothing.

'Okay?' She can hear the surprise in his voice.

'You know what's best' She agrees.

His hand ghosts over her cheek, tucks her hair behind her ear.

'It is for the best. We'll see her. We'll visit and she'll be home every holiday'

'When will she go?'

'It'll be disruptive to take her out mid term. They suggested bringing her up the week before the end of term so she has a taster for a week to ease her in. Which will be good for you and her'

She wants to scream. Wants to shout how dare he make these plans without her. How dare he?

'Okay'

She quickly calculates the timeframe she's left with. She knows her children's schedules like the back of her hand. She's got little else to occupy her time. Six weeks. No, five. Five weeks and two days.

'Have you done something wrong?' He wonders suddenly.

'What?'

'The dress. The children's clothes. The dinner. The amenable behaviour. Who are you and what have you done with my wife?' He wonders, his tilting voice teasing but his eyes are suspicious.

'I just wanted to make it nice for you. I know I'm...I know I can be hard work and I'm stubborn and I'm not good at listening but I do want to make you happy' She fiddles with the buttons of his shirt. 'You deserve better. You work so hard and then you come home to me being an awful wife...I'm trying to be better' She nervously looks up at him. 'I'm going to be better' She corrects assertively. 'And if you think this is right it, it's right'

'You're not an awful wife' He disagrees. 'You're learning sweetheart. There's a difference'

'We've been married eight years. I'm not like all the other wives' She doesn't fit in with the other women they socialises with. She knows they disapprove. They don't like the way their husband's stare at her. They don't like that sometimes she can't seem to filter the words that come out of her mouth. They think she doesn't set a good example to their children. They think she's trouble. And at first it had bothered her. She'd tried so hard to fit in with them all but now. Now she just hates them all back. 'I should be better accustomed to-'

'Shh. If I'd wanted a wife like them I wouldn't have chosen you. You keep me on my toes and you're perfect'

She nearly scoffs. His arrogance frequently has her screaming obscenities at him but she keeps her words in check. But she supposes he did choose her in a way. She knows now that she'd been manipulated by his words. If she could go back to that day that they'd met she'd not be so naive.

'They all look at you' He cradles her face in his hands and she wants to roll her eyes because he says it frequently and he's not entirely wrong. She's caught his friends and colleague's ogling at her. To begin with she'd thought it was because she didn't come from here. Because she was a new face. And in a way she still thinks theres an element of that. She's an exotic bird in this community of law abiding church goers. She's intriguing. 'They all want you' She frowns because she's made the wrong expression before in answer to his statement and he's accused her of wanting to participate in illicit relationships with men she barely knows. He both loves that they want her but his jealousy makes him tumultuous.

'I'm yours'

'Mm. Yes you are' His mouth seeks out hers then and within moments he's lifted her to sit on the table edge, moving urgently between her legs.

She lays back under his duress and she can see his abandoned plate in her peripheral vision and briefly considers reaching out. Slyly grabbing his knife and bringing it down hard into his back.

She won't do that though. Because she can't be certain of the outcome. She knows his strength outweighs hers. Every time. She can't be sure she'll be able to end it. And if she can't...well her planning will all be for nothing because he won't trust her again anytime soon and even if she could she knows she'll be living on the run because she won't have a chance of not being done for murder, not with all the filed reports there are regarding her mental state.

She wants him to be convinced more than ever that she loves him. Because it's important that he doesn't question her loyalty, doesn't consider that she's not dead. It's important that he believes she's gone forever when the time comes.

She'd usually try and coax him out of this right now. She'd usually tell him the children could poke their little head's around the door despite knowing they wouldn't dare because she's said it a thousand times. Drummed it into their little mind's. _Never go into a room if Mummy and Daddy have the door shut._ It's not always full proof. There's been moments but since Adele was witness to her father smashing her mother's head into a wall they've both been exceptionally good at keeping to the rule.

She's not trying to convince him to stop tonight though. Not that her persuasive words usually have much of an effect when it comes to this in particular. Because in her world no doesn't mean no. It does when he says it. It really means something when he says it but her no's are just an obstacle in him getting what he wants.

The gun that's still belted to his waist presses against her and she swears he likes parading his weapon around, swears be keeps it on for her benefit; it's just another demonstration of his great almighty power. There's been a couple of horrific instances when the barrel of said weapon has been pressed to her temple and she'd believed he was going to pull the trigger in those moments, she really had.

He lets her hands unbuckle his pants and then he's urging her helpful digits above her head, one hand pinning her wrists to the table top because every element of this is about control. She remembers the first time he'd restrained her hands. Remembers the panic that had swelled in her chest because she couldn't move and she knows it's not that she was being held down. It's that he was more than a little rough and more importantly oblivious to her pleas for him to stop. She'd sobbed. She'd told him he'd scared her afterwards. She'd told him he'd hurt her and he'd consoled her. He'd told her he was so sorry he'd called her Darling and Sweetheart. He'd asked her not to cry because it broke his heart. He'd told her he'd not been able to help himself. That he'd wanted her that much. That she did this to him. That she was the only person in the whole wide world that could make him loose his inhibitions. That he'd never felt this way about anyone else before. He told her he'd been jealous when she'd been talking and laughing with one of his colleagues earlier that evening and the thought of loosing her had turned him crazy. She thinks she should have known then and there what he was. But he'd been so remorseful. He'd talked and talked. He'd made her feel like she'd overreacted.

She arches her back. She's not trying to get free though. She's not panicking like she had that first time. She's not panicked when it comes to this in a long time. She's use to it. It doesn't mean it's always easy. She works hard at mentally preparing herself. She works hard at surrendering to him completely because it always makes it easier. He likes having complete control and he struggles to maintain that sometimes, she says things he doesn't approve of, has habits he's keen to eradicate but this, he's always been able to gain total control of her when they're like this.

His nose brushes hers and he smirks. 'What're you thinking baby?' He wonders.

She pants. 'I need you. I want you' She tries to kiss him but his mouth evades hers. 'Please'

His other hand is beneath her dress and he groans when he finds no underwear and she was counting on her lack of panties to send him over the edge, to get it over and done with quicker and he kisses her then and she remembers the first time they'd kissed. Remembers how tentative he was. Remembers how butterflies had fluttered in her belly. Remembers thinking he was a complete gentleman. It's almost laughable now. She feels nothing. Those butterflies have spread their wings and gone elsewhere. When his head disappears into the crook of her neck minutes later she knows she's no longer needed to be present in this.

Her eyes avert to the ceiling. Five weeks and two days more. That's all. She's got a little bit of money hidden away but it's not enough. Not at all. She's not going to get far. And it's her main concern. Because he keeps track of their finances. She's drip fed money, just enough to cover the necessary groceries and he'll know if she withdraws a lump sum on their credit card. He'll know in an instant that all may not be what it seems. She needs to find a way of getting some cash together. And soon. And she wants to walk the forest track. She vaguely knows the one they're going to have to navigate but she's not convinced she'll be able to find her way as easily in the dark with two frightened children. Alexa's been especially scared of the dark lately. She reminds herself to read that story about the little bear who's afraid of the night and finds the moon. The three year old likes that one. Maybe if she reads it every evening until they leave she'll be less difficult when they have to make their way through the darkness. Adele will be brave. She knows that. But it's a long way for an eight year old and she's counting on her walking through the night.

They'll be okay. She has to believe that. She has to start believing that. She has to start believing that she's going home. Because home is most definitely not here. And she wants her children to grow up in a happy environment similar to the one she had. She's got to stop thinking that their going home to North Carolina if this works. She's got to start believing that it will work. Because the alternative just isn't an option.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N** Hey guys, I just wanted to say a BIG thanks for your kind words and interest so far! It's been a LONG time since I shared anything! I'm glad to see you all have loads of questions. Hopefully they'll all be answered along the way!

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

She takes nothing. It's vital that she takes nothing.

Her fingers linger on trinkets she has no desire to part with; Her mother's locket. Her mother's diary. The medal Adele had been given for kindness at school the previous year. Her children's baby footprints. Her favourite baby grow that both little girl's had worn. Silly momentos that were worth nothing but meant the world.

No. She can't take them. Taking them would be the first tell tale sign.

The only indulgence she allows herself is a memory stick containing copies of her children's photographs. A library of baby pictures, first steps, first day of school. Their toothy grinned smiles were enough to make any bad day better.

She doesn't allow herself to get excited. Doesn't allow herself to feel anything in those weeks leading up to it because nothing is full proof.

She sporadically steals the odd note from his wallet. Never enough for him to notice. She knows all the tricks. She swaps notes for smaller bills just in case he counts in the hopes that he'll just think he was wrong.

It's not enough. But it helps.

And then she does the unthinkable. Well, what she once would have classified as the unthinkable. Now, now not so much because there's so many people that stand around her in this church that are bystanders to the abuse she's endured. People that think it's okay. That think it's acceptable. That think it's right that her husband should get to choose what she does, who she sees, how she behaves, right that she's his to punish as he sees fit. And she doesn't see how a church that condones that can be faithful to any god.

She takes out of the collection box. She steals from anyone and everyone at any given opportunity. She doesn't have a choice. And it's surprisingly easy because nobody would ever assume the good girl, church going, Peyton Banks would ever be capable of such a thing.

And then there's the cake stall that she helps the ladies with every week to raise money for the church. She doesn't hand in all of her makings as usual. She keeps a quarter back each week.

And it all adds up.

She's relieved when she counts her stash one morning to find she's surely got enough to cover transportation if she's careful. It's not going to go far but it'll get them far enough away.

But the relief is short lived because Adele is hysterical because she's just been told that she's to start boarding school and her daughter's sadness is unbearable.

And she can't tell her. Doesn't assure her that she won't be going. Instead she holds her. She tells her she loves her. And ignores the eight year old's pleas to please, please not make her go despite her aching heart because it's far too risky to put such a secret on the little girl's shoulder's. And it's only five days more.

Five days.

Those days move slowly and yet too quickly.

She starts to flounder. Starts to doubt her meticulous planning. She studies maps over and over again. She rehearses words on a loop in her head.

And then it's the last night.

He tells her he's proud of her. He tells her he's proud of the way she's not pandered to Adele's whinging. And she hates herself in that moment because she feels like she's let her daughter down more in the last week than ever before.

She lets him touch her for the last time. She finds herself wondering if he'll replay these moments. She hopes he doesn't. She hopes he never thinks of her again. She knows he will. He's promised her time and time again that he'll never let her go and she can run away but she can't stop him from thinking of her.

She doesn't sleep that night. She lays staring at the ceiling. She listens to the familiar ticking of the clock. Listens to his familiar breathing.

At some point she rolls onto her side and watches him.

She finds herself thinking sinful thoughts. She hopes he suffers. She hopes this tears him apart. She wonders if he'll realise what a monster he is.

She knows he won't.

And when morning rises and she looks into her children's faces her doubts disappear.

She asks if she can go down to the river for a picnic with the girls to cheer Addie up. She knows full well he can't come, can't take a day off work at such short notice. She tells him she wishes he could.

It's one of the rare places she's been permitted to go without being escorted in the past. She knows it's because it's highly unlikely she'll be able to seek any unwanted male attention because it's not a well known trail. Not that he's ever said those words. It's always _I just need to know you're somewhere safe. I couldn't bear it if anything happened to you. It's my job to ensure you're safe._

He kisses her and tells her he wishes he could come too but it's alright, she can go and he'll take them out for dinner tonight.

And then he's gone.

Gone.

She watches his car disappear through the trees and she hovers long after he's gone. She daren't tell herself this is the last time. Daren't let herself think that for a second.

She's frozen. Paralysed with a combination of excitement and fear.

'Mummy what're you doing?' A small voice is the only prompt she needs.

And then she's moving quickly.

She fills a bag with a picnic. A few snacks, a picnic blanket. And then a backpack that includes as many canned goods as she thinks she'll be able to carry. She packs a change of clothes for the children, choosing the warmest options. Nothing else.

And she suddenly feels as though there's a ticking time bomb and she has to go that very second. She doesn't look back at the house. It holds no sentimental value to her. She's got her babies with her, that's all that matters.

Alexa is oblivious to her antsy behaviour. She skips along the trail, gallops her toy horse along fallen logs, runs down the sloping path and pretends she's a bird.

Adele isn't so oblivious. She doesn't join in with her sister's antics. She'd usually be running ahead. Usually be seeking out the best tree to climb. She stays firmly by her Mother's side.

The trees soon open and they walk along the river's bank before stopping at their familiar spot. The water stretches far, the river expanding as it morphs into the estuary. Peyton hands them snacks. She doesn't embark on their usual rituals. She doesn't skim stones with them. Doesn't seek out fallen branches to make an exciting den. Her eyes scan their surroundings and when she sees a couple walking on the opposite side of the water her eyes goes wide because they rarely see anyone out this way. And it excites her because she wants to be seen here. Being seen here is a good thing. But she's not sure they've been sighted at all. So she asks something of her daughter.

'I don't want to'

'I know. I know. But I need you to baby'

'But it's gonna be cold Mummy' Adele complains.

'You're wearing boots you won't get wet' Peyton grasps the eight year old's hands. There at the waters edge. 'I won't let go of your hand. Not for a second I've got a change of clothes for you in the bag if you get wet baby. It's just for a second and I need you to look happy and excited and-'

'But why?' The child looks up at her nervously.

Peyton pushes her tongue to the roof of her mouth for a moment. 'I'd never ask you to do this baby. Not if it wasn't important. I know you don't like water after last Summer but I won't let anything happen to you' She knows she's asking a lot. The eight year old's aversion to water had come from slipping off her grandparents jetty. Peyton had never been so scared that day. Had never ran so fast. Never screamed so loudly. Because despite being able to swim she wasn't the strongest and the current on the river was not something even an adult should contend with. Her husband had beat her to the scene. Had dived in and had had her back to safety quite swiftly. That had been a rare occasion when her heart had fluttered with admiration because he'd saved her child. Saved her. 'I need those people on the other side of the bank to see us baby. I can't explain right now but they need to spot us playing. They need to see you paddling. Okay?'

'But why?'

She glances toward the three year old behind them. Checks she's out of earshot. She's piling pebbles up, Mr Hooves the horse observing the precarious tower.

'Because we're not going home. We're going away. Today. Just you, me and Lexie' Peyton's eyes are wide. 'I need you to be my big girl today Addie. You need to be brave for me because we can't tell Lex. She's too little and we don't want her to get frightened do we? We're just going to tell her we're going for a little adventure'

Adele says nothing. Her little ears absorbing her Mother's words.

'I need you to pretend with me so Daddy knows we were definitely playing here. Okay?'

'He's going to be mad-'

'He's not going to find us-'

'I'm not going to boarding school?'

'Not ever. I promise. I promise you honey. Not ever'

Adele is silent for a moment and then she steps forward until her red shiny boots disappear beneath the murky water.

Her apprehension kills Peyton. She can feel her little hand trembling within her clutch and she's about to jerk her back onto the muddy bank when Adele looks up at her and shrieks with laughter.

Peyton's eyes widen.

'Look! Look! A fish!' She shouts loudly and is pointing with her free hand and then Alexa's on the other side of her Mother eagerly seeking out the imaginary fish and soon enough she's echoing her big sister's words as she desperately tries to see what Adele claims to.

Peyton's surprised by her daughter's effortless performance. Is scared by it. Because she knows she's taught her this. Taught her how to slap a smile on her face despite what she's feeling and she doesn't want that. She wants to erase this. She's going to erase this. But for now she's thankful.

Her stare snaps back across the water. The couple have stopped walking and appear to be looking in their direction to find the source of the distant, gleeful noise.

She keeps up her act until Peyton gently pulls her back.

'Is that enough?' Adele wonders.

'Perfect' Peyton taps her nose and smiles. 'Thank you baby. You did so good' She commends. 'Did you get wet?'

'Nope'

'You're so brave' She guides them up to the shelter of the trees. The light is dropping. The walkers have disappeared out of sight but she still wants the protection of the tall tree trunks.

'This is the wrong way Mummy' Alexa chants.

'I thought we'd try a different route today. Won't that be exciting? An adventure!' Peyton chimes. 'But first we need to take your coats off first'

Adele unzips her jacket without hesitation.

'Why?' Alexa pouts as she's undressed. 'It's cold. I want-'

'Here's your nice cosy jumper' She produces the garment and swiftly directs the infants arms into the right holes. 'Here's yours Addie'

Adele tugs the warm article of clothing on and accepts the familiar rain macs to go on top.

'Help your sister'

Peyton leaves them fumbling with zips and hoods and walks back down to the water, her eyes scanning as far as she can see. She's not sure these will be found but she knows the estuary well. Knows how the river meanders before meeting the sea. Knows how mud becomes sand. Knows where the branches and debris collect. She's hoping one of the garments might be found. Maybe. It'd be a bonus if one of them does. The wind has picked up and her hair blows. She throws the flowery coats into the water.

She doesn't loiter. She marches back toward the waiting children.

They leave the picnic blanket. Leave remains of their snacks. She leaves her purse and ID. Leaves everything that should be there. She takes the prepared backpack.

And then they're walking.

And walking.

And walking.

And darkness creeps up on them.

The canopy of green envelopes them.

And the adventure that the three year old was promised is suddenly not as fun.

She's tired. She wants the comfort of her home. She wants her bed.

Peyton carries her from that point. She can't hold Adele's hand any longer so the eight year old makes do with her sister's ankle.

She tells herself those goblins that's she's told her little sister about are lurking in the trees, protecting them, watching them, guiding them. Wills them to be real. Because she's scared. She's so very scared. _Please keep us safe. Please keep us safe._

Peyton concentrates on one thing only; she imagines _his_ panicked face. It spurs her on. Imagines the sadness and anger that will rage inside him. She imagines a broken cry of her name echoing through the trees.

Guilt doesn't consume her though. Not even as she imagine his desperate pleas for the safety of the children in her arms. No, she doesn't feel the guilt that has been burning in the pit of her belly for days now. Because she's been guilty she has. Guilty for letting Adele think she'd stand by and let him ship her off to boarding school, guilty for the distinctive change in her little girls behaviour, guilty for her sadness. But as Adele buries her head in her mother's side in an instant it's gone. Because her girl's are okay. She's going to make sure they're okay.

She feels an overwhelming sense of power as she walks through the stretch of woodland. The light has completely gone now but she doesn't stop.

She has a choice and that luxury has been hard to come by in recent years. She has a choice. She can change the course of events that are unfolding. She could turn around right now. She could return. She could lie. She could make up an excuse.

Her pace quickens with such thoughts. She won't linger because she's scared the fear might have her turning around and heading back to the torturous life but she knows what awaits her there. Her death awaits her. And her survival is key to the safety of her growing children.

'Mummy'

They've been walking for going on three hours. Her arms ache from holding the three year old and her stomach is in knots but she doesn't want to stop, nor slow down.

'Mummy'

She stops though because Adele's croaked whisper is desperate.

'What is it?'

'I can't, I can't walk anymore' Her bottom lip quivers and with difficulty Peyton crouches down.

'It's okay. Yes you can'

'No. I-I can't.'

Peyton looks behind her, into the darkness. She's unable to shake the feeling that they're being followed. She knows it's not possible. Not yet. He shouldn't even be home yet but it doesn't matter. Every crack, every creek makes her head snap towards the noise. The woodland is alive with creatures but every noise is him. Watching. Waiting. Ready to pounce. She can't shake the feeling that she's being watched and her eight year old daughter knows it.

'I'm scared'

'You don't need to be scared. I won't let anyone hurt you. Never' She vows. She's too small to hear the actual words that are running on a loop in her mother's head. _I'm doing this for you. I have to be strong for you. I'm so sorry I've not given you the life you deserve. You deserve better. I'm going to do better for you. For you and your sister._

'Is...is he going to find us?'

Peyton touches her cheek. 'It's just the three of us now, I promise. The three musketeers' She hopes that will insight a smile. It doesn't. 'Darling it's not that much further until we reach the road and then it's only a mile until we can get on a bus. Okay? I know you're tired but please try and be my brave girl. I can't carry you and Lex'

She looks beyond her eight years as she looks up at Peyton with a new found determination. 'I can do it'

'I know you can' Peyton agrees. 'Just a bit further'


	5. Chapter 5

A/N Thanks for your kind, encouraging words guys. I'm going to try my best at getting updates out to yall more regularly!

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She thought she'd feel calmer when they'd reached this point of the journey but she's not. Not in the least.

She's exhausted but she couldn't sleep even if she tried. The sky is murky with a pink tinge, the sun starting to rise in the horizon. She tucks an escaping blonde curl beneath the red hat that sits on her daughter's head. It's warm on the bus and she'd usually pull the wooly accessory off the child's mop of golden hair to aid her comfort but she can't be the doting mother right now. She doesn't want anyone to take note of tiny details like her children's features. It's why she has the sleeping infant cradled to her chest in an effort to keep her face hidden. It's why she coaxed Adele to curl up beside her with her head facing the back of the seats.

Her heart is palpitating uncomfortably in her chest. A part of her is anticipating the coach coming to a halt. Is anticipating blue and white flashing lights. Is anticipating them being found.

'Mummy'

She startles at Adele's small voice, eyes snapping down.

'Yes honey?' Her hand is draped over the eight year old and her fingers lovingly travel up to her flushed cheeks to stroke her porcelain face.

'Where're we going?'

The eight year old has questioned nothing but she's smart and the uncertainty has her worried.

Peyton's stare darts up. She glances around the bus. It's quiet asides from two giggling teenager's toward the front, the only two travellers to be so spritely at such an early hour.

'To a place where I use to live baby' Her voice is hushed.

'Is it far?'

'It's going to take a little while' Peyton nods.

'All day?'

'Yes. And then we need to change buses. We should be there by tomorrow'

Adele's eyes are wide because it sound's like they're going to the end of the world and it's scary.

'But...what are we going to do? We don't have any money. Where are we going to live?-'

'Shh' Peyton coos and her heart aches because her daughter is intelligent but her daughter shouldn't be worrying about such things because that's her job. 'It's going to be okay. I've sorted everything. Okay?' It's a white lie but her little girl is exhausted and she wants her to feel secure and safe. 'Close your eyes now'

She does and Peyton resumes relaying the map in her head, relaying the stops that she's spent hours memorising, looking for landmarks that signify they're one step closer, one step further away.

They're four hours into the journey when the bus comes to it's sixth stop off and for the first time she feels brave enough to let them get off and stretch their legs.

Alexa is curious. Sleep has washed her of her desire for home. Her wide eyes look around in wonder. Sleep hasn't brightened her big sister's mood. Adele is more worried in this foreign place. Her hands cling onto her mother tight. They drift into one of the service station shops. She notes a mother with two children of a similar age. Watches how the two children are jumping up and down. Are pointing at magazines. Are animatedly pleading for one that comes with a glittery tiara. She looks down at her own children and her heart clenches for the umpteenth time because her children are different. They don't have smiles.

 _"Today the search is continuing for a missing mother and wife and her two children who disappeared in Northern Ontario near the Albany River. They were reported missing late yesterday evening when they didn't return home from a picnic. Mr Bradwell of Sycamore Avenue reportedly saw the lady and daughter's playing on the bank of the estuary whilst walking with his wife. A child's jacket was found by a dog walker late last night washed up a mile down the river."_

Peyton's throat constricts as the news sounds. She pulls the girls toward the exit. She can see her eldest daughter's eyes are growing bigger with the realisation that the report is referring to them.

'Shouldn't we tell the police we're safe Mumma? People are looking for us-'

'Shh honey wait a minute' She waits until they're back outside and huddles them next to a wall before venturing back toward their bus.

'Mumma we-we need to tell-'

'No' Peyton squats down. 'No we mustn't tell anyone. You mustn't ever tell anyone Addie. Swear it' She sternly whispers.

'I swear' Adele bleats without hesitance.

'I swear' Alexa echos and Peyton stroke's her cherub cheek with a wane smile because she's more than aware of the three year old's utter obliviousness to their grave situation.

'He'll be able to find us if we tell anyone Addie'

'Is he going to think we're...we're dead?'

Peyton's gaze skitters around to check there are still no bystanders to this private conversation. She lower's her already quiet voice to a mere whisper.

'I hope so'

They only get off the bus for strict toilet breaks at next pit stops. She doesn't stray into a shop again.

By late afternoon they've had two transfers and both children have had enough. Alexa wants to go home again and Peyton's relief at crossing the boarder dwindles and she becomes panicked by her little girl's tears because this isn't not drawing attention to themselves.

'Oh poor dear. Have you had a long journey?' An elderly couple sitting across the aisle coo over her and Peyton cautiously smiles. 'I'm sure you'll be home soon Sweetie, Here' She extends two chocolate lollypops to the girls.

'Oh that's not necessary' Peyton shakes her head, her voice is quite and nervy, she doesn't want to engage in conversation with anyone.

'It's my pleasure. I just got them for my two grandbabies but I'll get a couple more at our next stop. I know how hard it can be travelling with little ones'

The lolly pop does the trick for Alexa. Her mood swiftly changes as she sucks at the rare treat and Peyton can't help but smile because this might be a normal occurrence for most children but sugary treats were a no, no in their household and she's all for healthy eating but she's also for spoiling them once in a while. Especially now. Especially after everything.

'You have two beautiful little girls'

Peyton smiles at the lady, her anxiety subsides a little because those eyes are all kindness. 'Thank you'

'Are you off on your holidays?'

She pushes her tongue to the roof of her mouth and then Adele is speaking. 'We're going home!' And Peyton is startled by her daughter's sudden announcement, is terrified because she's masked her little face in happiness that makes Peyton want to cry.

She won't cry though. She smiles at the elderly lady and coaxes her children's attention away to instead look out the window and she watches Adele's bright smile melt into worry and she finds herself whispering reassurance after reassurance.

'It will be home Addie. It will in no time. You're going to love it. We're going to be happy here. So happy. I promise'

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It's after dark. It's getting late.

She's got blisters on the back of her heels from the fist leg of their journey that she's been ignoring but now that she's come to a halt the stinging intensifies but it doesn't matter. None of it matters. Because they're here.

They've been walking for an hour.

She knows it was unnecessary not to mention cruel on the exhausted eight year old at her side but she'd not wanted to get a taxi. Not wanted somebody to remember picking them up. Not just that but it was money that could be used for food and until she knows where she stands on the money front every last penny is important.

'We're here' She comes to a stop.

'Here?' Adele looks up at her Mother and then at their surroundings.

'Down the lane there. See?'

Alexa lifts her little head from the crook of Peyton's neck to follow her mother's guiding finger too.

'You think you can walk a little way for Mummy Lexie?' Peyton sets her down. To say her arms ache is an understatement.

'There's other houses too' Adele announces. She can see the odd warm lure of lights in the distance, a sight that is foreign to her. She's accustomed to trees, to darkness.

'Yes. There's a few farms nearby. There might be other children for you to play with'

'There's no trees'

'No. In the morning you'll be able to see better. There's corn fields...at least there were when I was last here'

As they get nearer she can make out the familiar big tree that sits at the side of the house as they get nearer and it's that lone silhouette that has her emotions getting the better of her. She blinks away the tears. She'd spent hours dangling from it's branches. Hours designing a promised tree house that never got round to being made.

'Does someone live here?' Adele wonders as they reach the silhouette of the house and Peyton can hear the worry in her voice.

'Not anymore. I use to though. When I was a child this was my home'

'It, it's scary. You lived here?'

'Yes, I lived here. It's not scary. It's only cause it's dark Addie. You'll see in the morning'

'The, the air feels different'

Peyton smiles at her observation. It's significantly warmer and her body is tingling with satisfaction. She knows now that she's never adjusted to the cold Winters that her children know.

'Mm. In a few weeks you might even be able to wear sundresses' Peyton presses a kiss to Adele's head. 'Come on, lets go inside'

Her hands shake as they approach the door. She fumbles with a key that use to sit behind the mirror in her jewellery box and Adele's wonder grows as she watches her mother because her Mum clearly has big secrets and has lived a whole other life and it's perplexing. She's wondering if this is like a magical film. She's wondering if beyond this door is a bewitching world that's just for them. A place safe from all evil. She's wondering if those secret goblins she'd dreamed up to protect her and her baby sister are really real after all, have led them here to safety. She hopes so.

Beyond the door isn't a fairytale land. Just darkness.

Peyton tries the nearest light switch but as anticipated nothing happens.

'It's dark Mumma' Alexa announces the obvious.

'Mm. It's alright. I'll get it sorted tomorrow and I'll find some candles or something for tonight. We'll camp in the lounge. It'll be fun' Her voice is all sing song in a bid to disguise her angst over this not so wonderful start because there are so many little details she's not thought of.

She can make out silhouettes of picture frames that she daren't linger on. She navigates them through to the lounge. She sets down their minimal luggage and fumbles near a desk before locating some candles and matches. Everything is in it's rightful place. Everything is the same. Only it's not. Not at all. The plastic sheets that cover the sofas, the thick layer of dust that coats the furniture only emphasises the time that's past since she was last stood in this room.

The flickering candles casts a warm glow on the room and somehow makes everything seem better though.

'Mummy that's you' Adele points to a faded image on the mantel shelf.

'Yeah, that's me' She doesn't look. Doesn't need to look to know the photograph her daughter has spotted. 'That was a long time ago' She pulls back the plastic sheets and directs her eldest daughter into helping her push the two sofas together to make a fun bed and then she's ordering them to stay put and disappears and Alexa doesn't like being left alone but Adele tells the three year old that it's okay now. That they're safe. That nobody can touch them in this magical house. And when Peyton reappears with found bedding from the airing cupboard she overhears the eight year old painting a picture of an enchanted world where anything is possible.

'Addie's right Lex, this is a magical place. Wanna know why?' Peyton indulges their fantasies as she tucks them into a nest of pillows and covers. Both girls nod. 'Because this is the place where my Mumma watches over'

'An angel?' Adele clarifies.

'That's right. She can keep us safe here. You don't have to be afraid. And you can both close those eyes tight and go fast to sleep and when you wake up in the morning we can all explore' She coos. She tells them of wonderful adventures they'll have. Just the three of them and she waits for them to fall asleep. She strokes her hand over their heads and Alexa goes out like a light. She tells Adele that they're safe here. She tells her how she use to have a dog called Comet. She says perhaps they can get a puppy when they're all settled and Adele's face lights up for the first time in weeks and Peyton thinks perhaps she's insane making such promises when she's not even sure how she's going to put food on the table but she won't break it. She's done letting these children down. From now on they're going to have the world and she'll break her back giving them it if necessary.

She watches them for a long time. She listens for their little breaths.

But unlike them sleep doesn't beckon her. It's been so long since she's been stood within these walls and she's itching to familiarise herself with her surroundings. She avoids certain rooms. Hers. She's scared to go in there. Scared of the emotions it will summon.

Her emotions can't be kept at bay though. She can't breathe and she's soon being drawn outside by the full moon. It's strange not having to pull on a coat. The sky is different here. Everything is different.

She's found her favourite spot. The barn. This had always been her place. The tyre is still hanging in the middle and she's tempted to throw herself onto the swing and fly high. She doesn't.

'Hey!'

She jumps, spinning and backing up against the barn wall.

The voice takes her completely off guard.

Her mind moves quickly, irrationally. Her heart racing wildly in her chest. This stranger has been sent for her. He's working for her husband, has been summoned to track her down and take her back to her rightful place.

The baseball bat in his hand has lowered but his fierce eyes remain as he edges out of the shadows.

Her mouth doesn't seem to be working.

'You're trespassing on private property' His face softens somewhat.

He recognises her. Her face is lit by the full moon. Of course he recognises her because this isn't a stranger.

She recognises him too as he gets closer.

Her relief doesn't come. Shock has her frozen. She feels like she's been sucked back ten years and she's standing in this barn getting lured into those blue eyes all over again.

'I...I...No one lives here anymore' Her voice is a croaked answer.

'No' He agrees. 'But that doesn't mean you can just walk in here, it still belongs to someone' He blinks. Because it can't be _her._ There's no way. 'The man that owns this property gave me strict instructions to keep this place safe because one day his daughter will be ready to come home'

She can feel tears welling in her eyes. Because she thinks he doesn't know who she is. But he's right. Her Dad was right. And she's ready to be home. So ready. This place is home and it's overwhelming. It summons all those feelings of safety and warmth that come with cherished memories of a childhood cocooned with love and happiness. She feels safe here. She'd use to think this place was filled with too many unhappy memories. She knows now that she was happier here than she ever was sad. The happy times outweighed the sad.

'Well she's ready to come home now' She whispers.

He says her name then and it sounds strange. 'Peyton?' He sounds strange. His voice is deeper than she remembers.

She's not quite sure where to look. She's scared he can see straight through her. He always made her feel like that. He could read her better than anyone she'd ever known, right from the age of six. That both terrified her and thrilled her.

Right now it terrifies her.

She doesn't want him to see through the well perfected smile that's suddenly curling her lips.

Doesn't want him to find out her secrets. And she doesn't know why he's here. He shouldn't be here. He's the last person she expected to see here.

'Is it really you?'

She nods.

'Your hair's so long...and straight' It's the first thing that spurts from his mouth and it breaks the ice.

She self consciously runs her hand through her long tresses and smiles sheepishly. 'I know. I'm going to cut it-'

'I didn't mean...I think it looks nice' He shifts his weight.

She nods. 'I know you didn't. I don't like it though, ready for change'

He nods once, his head tilts to the side as he looks at her. She's different and it's not just her hair but he can't quite pin point what the difference is. He'd not been sure if he'd recognise her if she turned up here one day but of course he did. How could he not? Sure he'd just had a baseball bat raised and ready for attack but the second she'd turned to face him, he'd known. And while she can't disguise her true identity, not now that he can see the green eyes he'd once known so well, she's still a stranger before him.

'What are...what are you, how long...You're here' He smiles, he knows he's not making any sense. He'd long accepted she wasn't coming home.

'Yes'

'Visiting or-'

'Forever I hope' She confides nervously.

'Mummy!'

His head spins as small feet approach and then the small hurtling person comes to an almighty halt as she turns into the barn and sets eyes on him.

'It's alright honey'

Alexa's startled face looks up at her mother with sudden anxiety and she scurries over to Peyton, hands outstretched. She obliges and lifts her up into her safe arms.

'You're a...a mum?' His eyes are wide.

She nods once.

'You left me Mumma'

'I'm sorry baby. I thought you were asleep. I didn't go far' She coos assuringly into Alexa's ear. 'Where's your sister?'

'Sleeping. Who's that?' The youngster eyes him with trepidation.

'I'm Lucas. I live on the other side of the field' He smiles warmly. 'I'm an old friend of your Mummy'

Alexa slowly turns her head into Peyton's neck.

'She's tired' Peyton embraces her daughter's shyness, isn't eager to share her with anyone. Never again. 'She's had a long day'

'...is there a...are you married?'

She watches his stare find the ring that's still glinting on her wedding finger and the first lie spills effortlessly from her lips.

'Widowed'

As hoped her answer silences any other intrusive questioning. '...Oh Peyton...I'm...I'm so sorry'

She's a little stunned by his genuine condolences and suddenly her lie is encased with guilt. She wasn't looking for his sympathies. That wasn't her intention at all. She shakes her head as he stumbles over his words.

'...I...I don't...I didn't..-'

'It's fine. I'm okay. Really' For the first time she thinks that might be an actual truth.

He swallows thickly. '...I didn't know. Your Dad never mentioned you'd married even-'

'That's because he never approved'

'If I'd known you were coming I would have come by and prepared the house for you'

She shakes her head and then words are tumbling from her lips in quick succession. 'I didn't know you'd be here. I didn't think you'd still be living here'

'I moved out for a while but Mum broke her leg last Summer and was struggling with Lily so I just came back to lend a hand...I think I realised where I want to be is here' He watches her. Watches her hand smooth over her daughter's back and can't help but think how much this suits her. Being a Mum. She's different. She's grown up. Her cheek bones are more pronounced than he remembers, she's lost that healthy glow that comes with spending Summer days outside. He remembers her. Remembers her curls flying all over the place, her face flush as she raced him across the fields. She always won. He always let her.

He looks different too. He's broader than she remembers. Taller. And there's a bit of scruff on his cheeks. She realises now that the face she imagines is that of a baby faced teenager. He's not a teenager anymore. He's a man. Not a boy.

'Your Dad is going to be over the moon-'

'You see him?'

'Every week'

She feels judgement pouring out of his eyes whether it's there or not. 'I don't want him to know I'm here. Not yet...Please' Her eyes are pleading. 'I just want to get myself settled before I see him'

He's squinting at her and they might have grown up but she recognises that look. He wants to argue with her but he doesn't and she knows then that they're more strangers than the friends they'd once been because Lucas Scott had never not told her what he thought. 'Okay'

'Thank you'

'Sorry about this' He indicates to the bat. 'We had some trouble a couple of years back with people trying to break in here and I thought...well I didn't think it would be you'

'It's fine...Thank you for caring enough to keep an eye on this place. I really do appreciate it. I...I'd love to catch up' She wouldn't but it's the polite thing to say. The normal thing to say despite the statement's falsity. She has no desire to catch up. Because catching up would mean completely eradicating his memory of the girl he once knew. She knows she's different. She's been within his presence for less than ten minutes and she's not ready for him to not see her as that person...she wants him to continue to remember her as the eighteen year old he'd been head over heels in love with. She's not ready for the inevitible catch up. Not yet. 'But I should get her settled and check on her sister'

'Of course, course' His head bobs enthusiastically because the cute little girl in her arms does look tired and he doesn't want to be a hindrance. 'Well, if you need anything at all you know where I am. Shout won't you?'

Her nervous smile is back. 'Thank you'

He suddenly steps forward and his hand outstretches, awkwardly touching her arm and she remembers his grubby fingers at seven years old, wiping off her grazed knees whenever she took a tumble, she remembers those fingers hugging her tight when her Mother died, she remembers those hands hoisting her over his shoulder and throwing her into the lake, she remembers those fingers coasting over her cheeks and fumbling beneath her dress.

He'd never been hesitant when it came to touching her. Not back then. But now those fingers retract swiftly and he shifts his weight indecisively before backing up out of the barn. 'I'll be seeing you'

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	6. Chapter 6

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The tinned goods she'd managed to pack are not going down well to say the least and she's just worked up courage to maybe walk into town and see what bits she can get them with what little money she has left. There's a basket on the doorstep that stops her dead in her track. It's filled with food. Bread. Milk. Fruit. A homemade cake. Jams and Honey. And in the middle sits a familiar casserole dish with little daisies round the edge. She remembers being little. Remembers Karen Scott dishing up her famous casserole. Her mouth almost waters with the memory. Her eyes do water as they scan the scrawled note that's stuck to the front.

 _I couldn't believe it when Lucas came bounding through the door to tell me you'd come home last night._

 _Welcome home my darling!_

 _I didn't want to intrude on your first morning. Hopefully these bits will keep you going for a couple of days while you get settled._

 _Karen x_

'Who's Karen?' Adele enquires.

Peyton blinks, startled by her daughter's voice. 'Erm...she...she lives across that field. I- I use to know her. She use to look after me sometimes when I was your age...'

'Why?'

'I was...I was best of friends with her little boy'

'Best friends with a boy?' She scrunches her nose up and Peyton smiles and grabs her hands.

'Yes Addie. A boy' She imitates the eight year olds expression. 'Come on you crazy cat. Help me carry this inside and we can have a yummy breakfast thanks to Karen'

'Is Karen nice?'

'The loveliest' .

'Will she like me?'

Peyton blinks because her daughter's simple question only reiterates that she's going to have to see the woman in question. 'Of course. Of course. Why wouldn't she like you?'

Adele shrugs. 'What was his name?'

'Who's?' She knows full well who's. But she doesn't like this subject. Nor does she want to answer.

'Your best friend?'

She pushes her tongue to the roof of her mouth and sets the basket on the work surface and begins to unload its contents. The lack of power hasn't thrown her. She's been in this house on countless occasions without electricity. Only this isn't a short power cut and she's concerned about how they're going to cope long term. For now it's fine. She found a stash of back up gas tanks that her father always kept in the cellar and located the portable gas hobs that had made many appearance on camping trips and she's managed to get them working just fine. Food had been her main concern but Karen has just fixed that problem for a couple of days at least. Adele is a little astounded by this version of her Mother. The mother that knows about things that would be Daddy's job.

'Mummy?' Adele rests her chin on the work surface, still patiently awaiting an answer.

'Luke' She surrenders the name hurriedly.

'Luke. Like Luca. I'm Adele Luca'

Peyton doesn't speak. And the eight year old's age is apparent for a moment because the observation is nothing more than that. She's not making assumptions or connecting dots, she's not searching for a reasoning. It's just a coincidence. She has a similar middle name to her Mother's childhood best friend.

'Is he still your best friend?...Mummy I think that bits done'

Adele's words snap her from her trance and she's quick to realise she's been spreading jam on the same slice of bread for the last few minutes. She sets it down on the table in front of a patiently waiting Alexa.

'Is he Mumm-'

'No. Not really we've not seen each other properly for a long, long time. Lexie don't do that' She frowns as she watches the three year old lick the jam of the bread. 'Bite it'

'Why?' Adele wonders, garnering Peyton's attention once more and Alexa gleefully goes back to licking her bread.

'Because I moved far away'

'Why?'

She freezes. The last forty eight hours is catching up with her. She's sleep deprived. She's spent the most part of the night watching over her children and peering out of windows. She's emotionally drained. She's not relieved. The relief is yet to set in. And all of these questions, they're making the lump in the back of her throat expand. Because there are so many conversations she knows she's going to have to have. With her daughters. With the people she left behind here nearly ten years ago. Only it's hard. It's all too hard. And she wishes she'd had somewhere else to run. She's already been tempted to drag her children out the door and go in search of another town. But that's not an option. She has no funds to make such a journey. She's got no other destination awaiting her. She knows if it was just her that wouldn't matter but she's not about to make her children suffer any longer.

That doesn't mean she's ready to answer all these curious questions Adele has.

'Why Mummy?'

'Because'

'Because what?'

'Addie' Peyton huffs and stomps her foot in frustration. 'Please'

'What? I'm just asking!'

'Yes. I know, I know. But I've got a headache'

'Sorry Mummy'

And then the predictable guilt hits her. Because her irritation is just a mask for the guilt and shame that has been growing inside her since _that_ day. Since the night she left this town all those years ago. 'No. Don't be sorry baby. Lets sit down with your sister and just eat and then I'll feel better and we can decide who is getting what bedroom'

She's got too many things whizzing round her head. They're completely cut off here. She has no phone. No access to the internet. No TV. No way of knowing what's happening regarding their disappearance and the not knowing is making her certain that there's going to be a police car pulling up outside the house at any given moment. She can't relax. She'd thought it would feel like they'd be in hiding here. But it's not hiding when the people she'd been sure would have left are still here. And she doesn't want to see them. She'd not been counting on seeing him again. She can't.

Lucas. Lucas. Lucas.

He's completely different and yet completely the same and she doesn't know why she'd assumed Karen would have gone. Maybe they didn't see it like her. Maybe they'd never focused on the bad memories. Only the good. Maybe they'd always seen what she's only just seen. And of course he'd stood by her. He'd always been a better than her. He'd always put his family first. She'd not. She'd thought she'd been putting them all first when she fled but now she's got her own babies she knows, knows she'd die if they ever ran off. It wouldn't make any difference if it were now or the future. Loosing either of them would be impossible. Unbearable. It makes her feel ill just thinking about it.

'Mummy' Adele's voice chirps through her dazed expression.

She's been in a trance for the last two hours. She's made the children food. She's cleaned the dust away that coated the kitchen.

And now they're upstairs.

'Can I have this one?'

Peyton swallows and nods. They're in her old bedroom. Her childhood room.

'Me too' Alexa chants.

'Nope' Adele shakes her head. 'Mine. Mummy says we get one each. You can visit'

Alexa pouts.

'You'll like having your own room Lexie' Peyton scoops her up. 'We can paint the walls whatever colour you like and your room can be the one right next door to mine if you like' Peyton tempts her and the three year old is easily won over.

'Green' She declares. 'I want green walls like the forest'

'Whatever you want' Peyton nods.

'Mumma what's this?' Adele's finger trails over the carved initials on the cupboard door. 'PS & LS. Always.'

'This was my room' Peyton sinks onto the unused bed with Alexa and she smiles at the familiar squeaking noise that sounds from the springs of the raw iron frame. 'PS is me. Peyton Sawyer'

'Sawyer? You're Peyton Banks. Like me and Lexie. Adele Banks. Alexa Banks' Adele disagrees with a frown on her face.

'Not before I was married. I use to be Peyton Sawyer. If you ever decide to get married you can change your name. You're allowed to take the other person's surname so you're the same. Or they can take yours' Peyton diplomatically declares. 'You don't even have to be married. You can just change it'

'Are you going to change it back now?' Adele wonders.

'Mm. It's important that you don't say Banks anymore Addie' She rubs her head. She can feel the unpleasant pounding at her temple returning because this is all too much to put on an eight year old.

'So we're all Sawyer now?'

'Mm. Well yes but we may have to think up something new once we start you at school'

'Why?'

'We don't need to think about that right now' Peyton wavers her hand dismissively because it's not an issue right now. She has no intention of enrolling Adele at any school for the time being.

'What about LS'

Peyton taps her nose. 'You missy ask far too many questions' She smiles and changes the subject. 'So what colour?'

'I don't like the red'

'No. Me neither' Peyton amusedly agrees.

'Blue. Like the sky blue. So I can pretend I'm flying like a bird'

'Sky blue it is. I can't be letting my little bird fly around without her own sky' Adele smiles. And Peyton could drown in that smile. She's not seen her daughter's lips curve upward so dramatically in a long while. She pulls them both into her arms and lays back on the bed. 'A forest for my monkey and a sky for my little bird'

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She's not sure she likes it here. She doesn't like that there's no lights working. She's use to the glow of the landing light peeking beneath the door. She doesn't like the way the moon is casting shadows either. And now that night has come the red walls are making the room even darker. It's too dark. It's making her think there's definitely monsters lurking in every corner.

It's different here. The noises are different. She's use to hearing creaking trees. The noise the boiler made when the heating was on. Her father's thumping foot steps. Her mother's muffled shrieks.

She pulls the covers up tight around her. She doesn't miss those noises. But at least she knew where the monsters were then. Or monster. He could always be heard.

The monsters here could be hiding out of sight.

She prods Alexa with her foot.

Despite her earlier assertiveness over wanting a room of her very own, come time to go to sleep she'd quickly changed her tune and suggested it might be best if Alexa stayed with her for the first couple of nights because she'd surely be afraid by herself. Her mother had nodded in agreement despite the three year old's lack of anxiety over their change of environment. Alexa has been happily exploring their new home for the most part of the day. It's like being on holiday to her. She doesn't understand the concept of time so much. She doesn't understand that they're not going back to her house. That she won't see her bedroom or her toys again. Asides from Mr hooves everything is gone. Adele does understand.

She prods Alexa again and the three year old opens her eyes.

Her little nose crumples. 'Ad-die'

'You want me to tell you a story Lex' Adele suggests.

'I'm sleeping' She grumbles curling toward her big sister, her thumb finding it's way to her mouth.

'I'll tell you a story. It'll make you feel better' She decides as she begins to recite Peter Pan but Alexa's eyes don't stay open for long. They're heavy with sleep and she's soon breathing heavily again and the slight relief Adele had gained from seeing her baby sister's blue eyes vanishes because she's alone again. Her voice ciphers off but it's not silent like before.

She can hear the sound of the front door clicking and a panic swells in her stomach. She can hear people talking.

She wriggles free from the covers quietly. Suddenly it's of the utmost importance not to disturb the little girl that she'd just been eager to wake. Because she's turned into the protective big sister. She's the protector and if there's danger of any kind Alexa will be kept safe here but she won't stay put. She has to be brave. Has to brave the darkness and monsters because she has to make sure her mother is okay.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'Lucas'

It doesn't matter that he's knocked on the door. It doesn't matter that he's not crept up on her with a baseball bat clutched in his hands like the previous day, she feels just as light headed upon seeing him stood before her.

She runs her hand down herself. She's been too busy to be concerned by her appearance but his eyes drift down and suddenly her appearance is playing on her mind. She's not got any clothes asides from the dress she's wearing. Well, she found her bedroom cupboards still filled with her eighteen year old self's wardrobe. She'd found some old t-shirts that she's swamped the girls in for make shift night dresses but she's not sure any of the other garments are any longer appropriate for herself nor can be recycled into everyday child worthy clothes.

She hopes he doesn't notice that she's wearing the same outfit as she had been the previous night.

He does.

'Hi'

He always did notice everything.

She's all he's been thinking about for the last twenty four hours. He's relayed every detail over and over again. From what she'd said the previous evening to what she'd been wearing.

The navy dress that covers her slight form hadn't been appropriate for their long journey but her wardrobe had become very much steered toward Ian's preferences rather than her own taste, not that she knows what that is anymore. She's not sure what kind of clothes she'd be wearing if she'd been left to develop her own style as an adult. All she does know is dressing herself has come with a lot of trepidation that's going to take time to eradicate.

Her hand rests over the rip in the blue fabric where she'd snagged it on branches. She hopes he can't make out the rip. She doesn't want to be quizzed on what happened.

He does see. He doesn't quiz her. She's no longer wearing the thick jumper and jacket nor the two pairs of tights and winter boots that had kept her warm on route here and now that he can see the dress fully he can't help but think how unlike her it is.

She sees him judging and she's soon speaking before he can. 'I...I'm sorry I've not been over to thank your Mum for all the lovely things she left on the doorstep this morning. She really shouldn't have gone to that trouble. I should have popped over I just-'

'God don't worry about that' Lucas wavers his hand dismissively. 'She'd be over here right now but she's been working all day and then Lily has piano lessons on Tuesday's so she's taxiing her around. She's desperate to see you'

Peyton's stomach clenches. She's not so desperate to see the lady in question nor the little baby that must be ten by now. She smiles just the same.

'I wanted to just check you're alright because it suddenly occurred to me that you can't have power or anything- your Dad had me cancel all that stuff a good while ago. I just wanted to let you know I've been on the phone and there's going to be some people coming by tomorrow to sort it all out for you'

Her brow raises and she feels humiliation creeping up her cheeks because she doesn't know how she's going to cover the cost of that. She doesn't even have a credit card. And the last thing she wants is for Lucas Scott to know of her finances.

'And there's something else...can I come in?' She swallows and doesn't move. 'I know it's getting late. It won't take long' His eyes narrow into a familiar squint as he regards her. She still hasn't moved. He's hurt. She clearly doesn't want him to come inside and it doesn't matter that it's been forever since they had a real conversation, he still feels the sting of rejection. 'Sorry do you want me to come back tomorrow?' He wonders.

She looks down and then she's shaking her head. 'No. No it's fine. I'm sorry' She takes a little step back, awkwardly opening the door further. 'It's just the children are sleeping and...well I don't want them to wake up' She lamely finishes. It's a sort of truth. She has just come downstairs. And it had taken a lot of stories and reassurances to get them settled. 'They're so over tired'

'Don't worry. I'm a professional at being quiet. Remember?' He winks at her then and she does remember. She remembers them sneaking over to each others houses after dark for sleepovers that weren't exactly planned. They'd been professionals at deceiving their parents into thinking they were tucked up in bed when in reality they were telling stories and dreaming up adventures. Of course Peyton's shrieking laughter was always the cause of their parents catching on to a stow away. Lucas never gave the game away. 'God you must have been fumbling around with candles all of last night' He comments on the warm flickering glow from the candles as they make their way down the dark hall to the kitchen. 'It didn't occur to me. I should've come in and helped you. We've got tons of those lanterns at home- I should have-'

'It's fine. We're managing just fine, I don't mind it at all. I always did like camping- remember?'

Lucas nods. 'I know you're more than capable, just if you need anything, anything at all, please don't be shy about asking. Honestly, I want to help in anyway. You could have come over to make use of our hot water and-'

'It really is fine' Her Daddy had always taught her how to be resourceful and she's not forgotten those skills over the years. Besides, she's become quite adept at quick thinking. Having an unpredictable husband that could turn at any minute is the cause of that.

'Well Mum's decided she's closing the cafe tomorrow so she can come help you just the same'

'What?' Peyton shakes her head. 'That, that's really not necessary'

'I know but you know Mum she likes to feel like she's helping. Don't worry about it' Lucas smiles. 'Anyway the thing that I wanted to talk about was actually money'

'Money' She repeats meekly. She wonders if he can read her mind. She use to be sure he could. He always knew what she was thinking but surely he can't possibly know of her money worries.

'Yeah. You see since your Dad decided to go into a home he transferred all the accounts into my hands to look after. So basically we employ a few guys on the farm-'

'Wait. You mean he- he's not, he's never sold the land?'

Lucas's brow raises because her question makes it crystal clear that she really hasn't had a real conversation with her father in a long, long time. He'd known things weren't great between them but he'd assumed they still spoke on the phone. 'Sold it? No of course not' He shakes his head.

'I- I just assumed. He told me he'd never sell the house but I- I thought to pay for all his accommodation and care-'

'The farm pays for that. Larry might be in a home but he's still as business savvy as ever. He bought a few properties in the area a couple of years after you left and the rent from them is a great money maker and well...makes you a nice tidy sum each month.' He smiles.

'Me...' She shakes her head. She doesn't understand.

'Yes you' He produces a wad of papers and a debit card that's been clutched beneath his arm and sets them on the table top.

Her name sparkles up at her. _Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer._ She's not seen her maiden name in far too long. She can't help but think how much nicer it looks in comparison to Peyton Banks.

'All the details are here and you can read through everything. Basically once all wages have been paid and anything your Dad doesn't need each month goes in here'

'Wh..what...why?'

'What do you mean why?' Lucas's voice is all teasing. 'Because you happen to be your Dad's darling daughter and he wants you to have all this' He wavers his hands around. 'I don't, I don't know your history in terms of work and finances' He gingerly shifts his weight. Her life is a complete blank to him. He knows nothing. He use to know everything. He wants to know everything. 'If, if you have a profession and you're worried that this is going to interfere, well don't be. You don't have to do a single thing, obviously you're more than welcome to be involved however much you like. You might not need the money but, well it's there for you and if not, well, it's there for your children's future' He rambles on. 'I just, I wanted to make sure you knew about this sooner than later in case you need it'

'Thank you' The word spills from her lips and he knows then that she needs this because the Peyton Sawyer he knew would never had wanted to accept this.

She's still staring at her name on the silver debit card and he notices a tear race free and then her hand is hastily rising in an attempt to disguise it but she can't. He's seen. Of course he's seen.

'Peyton-'

'God I'm sorry' She abruptly turns away. 'I-I'm being ridiculous...I'm just tired... you're being so nice. Why're you being so nice?... I-I after everything-'

'Peyton we were kids' He interrupts hastily and moves around her so he can better see her face. His heart aches. He wants to stroke his hand over her face. It's been too long since he's seen that face. Those eyes. He wants to ask her so many things. Because he does have questions. So many questions. They still eat away at him after all this time because she just left. No goodbye. No note. No nothing. 'Please don't worry about any of that. We were always friends right? We can be friends again' But he's not about to scare her away by demanding answers. Now isn't the time. He's a grown man and now is the time for reassurances.

She swallows thickly.

'Come here' He pulls her into a hug. He feels her tense. She's different to how he remembers. Her arms had always went around him, always clung on tight. They don't now. She'd always been surprisingly strong. When they'd been ten she'd always tackled him to the ground if he refused to hug her and he'd tackled her right back. At thirteen he'd welcomed her pinning him down. Had welcomed feeling her changing body press against him. At fifteen his hands had skimmed over the curves that were suddenly there, had pressed her closer.

'Mummy'

She lurches backward, the backs of her legs bump against the table top as she twists toward the small voice. 'Honey'

Adele's eyes are on the stranger. Lucas stares right back and Peyton's heart is in her mouth.

She edges over to the eight year old. 'Baby what're you doing up?'

'I heard voices'

'Sorry. I'm sorry. It's alright, this is is...this is Luke, an old friend of Mummy's- remember I was telling you earlier. We-we knew each other a long time ago' She rambles, a protective hand sliding round her daughter's rigid form. 'This, this is Adele Lucas' She stutters over her introduction.

Lucas's eyes are fixated on the child and Peyton can feel herself trembling.

'Adele' He repeats. 'God Peyton' He breathes out. 'She, she's the spitting image of you' He's more than taken aback. He'd thought her younger daughter had inherited her mother's looks but this is different; He feels like he's been transported back to his childhood because this little person is a carbon copy of the little girl he'd idolised. 'Minus the wild hair'

Adele's wary stare skitters up to her mother.

'Curly' Peyton corrects.

'It's not curly anymore' Lucas dumbly states. Her straight hair isn't something he's yet use to. It's not so much that it's straight, it's not even just her hair, it's just that even with the tear in her dress she seems far more immaculate. She's so put together and his memory of her is definitely not this pristine version. He remembers messy hair pulled back on top of her head, a wild lock always flying free. He remembers her jean clad legs. He remembers her clothes always getting ruined because she was forever climbing trees and throwing herself around.

'Lexie's hair is kind of curly' Adele declares.

'You must take after your Daddy in that department then' Lucas smiles. It isn't returned. Adele's intrigued face evaporates because she doesn't want to be likened to the man she knows as her father. Not now, not ever again.

'Lucas has a sister who's a bit older than you Addie' Peyton hastily steers the conversation away from such subjects.

'Yes, Lily is so looking forward to having some other children nearby- she gets quite lonely living here sometimes' Lucas nods.

'You'd like that too wouldn't you? We weren't exactly in walking distance to any of your friends where we use to live either were we?'

Adele nods. Her green eyes not drifting from the man before her and Lucas isn't sure what that look is. This child is definitely her mother's daughter but there's also obvious differences. The curly haired child he has such clear memories of also had a constant smile on her face at that age. He's not seen this little girl's lips curl up into anything reminiscent of a smile.

'Why don't you go on back upstairs and I'll come tuck you in again in a sec' Peyton coaxes her back toward the door. She's ready for her unpleasant racing heart to steady to it's normal pace and getting her daughter back upstairs is key to that. 'It's okay' She rubs her Adele's back because her little head is craning back at their visitor and she knows what the child is thinking; she's scared because whenever she's been hurried out of a room it's always followed by a loud thump or her mother's strangled cries and she doesn't know who this man is and all she knows is she doesn't want him here. It's meant to be just them. The three musketeers. 'It's okay. I'll be up in a sec'

'Bye Adele. It was lovely meeting you. I'm sure I'll see you again soon'

Peyton tilts her daughter's head back to gain her stare and smiles down at her. A smile she hopes puts her nerves at ease. She drops a kiss to her head and then ushers her out the door. 'I'll be up in a sec' She promises again, listening for the sound of little steps making their way upstairs before turning her attention back to Lucas. 'She, she's not exactly at ease here'

'It'll take a while for them to get settled. I can't get over how much she looks like you'

'I suppose she sort of does'

'Sort of? She's your complete mini me'

'Maybe to look at but she, she's far more serious and sensible than I ever was at that age' She discloses and she instantly regrets it because she doesn't know if her daughter's personality is a result of her upbringing so far or traits she's inherited from her father. Because he was always far more sensible than she ever was. She was always the one getting them both in trouble. 'I-I should probably go up there. She's only going to come back down if I don't'

Lucas nods. 'Sure. I'll get out of your way. Well, as I said Mum will be up tomorrow and I'll pop in when the electrician turns up just to oversee everything if you'd like?'

'I...Thank you'

She walks with him back down the hall. Neither of them saying a word. He pauses when she opens the front door for him. He looks at her hard and she feels herself shrinking.

'Peyt' She unconsciously holds her breath. Peyt. She's not heard that in a long time. 'I'm still me. I might look older but I'm still the same person' She wishes she could say the same about herself. 'You're not alone here. I just want you to know that...I can't imagine what you're going through and I just... I don't want you to feel alone... or like this isn't your home anymore. This is still your home'

Her hand twitches on the door. She wants to push it shut quickly because he's doing what he always did. He's trying to save her only she's certain it's too late for that. 'I know' Her smile is tight. Awkward. Fake. 'Thank you. It's the girls I need to convince that this is home'

'I'm sure they'll feel like they've always been here in no time'

'I hope so' She nods. Shifts her weight and then her finger is floundering and gesturing that she should go check on said children.

'I'll see you tomorrow' He bids goodnight and then he's turning and she wastes no time in getting the door shut and pressing her forehead into the hard surface. Her mouth opens wide in a silent scream because she doesn't know if she can handle this. Him. Being so close. It's been less than two days and he's already rocked up twice. And there's too many lies. Too many secrets. And if he hasn't already figured out the truth it's only a matter of time because the tangled web she's woven is too much. She's not strong enough. She doesn't want to be alone with these tormenting secrets anymore. Only she's terrified of the ramifications that being honest will inevitably bring. Because like Lucas said, this is her home and she's scared she won't be welcome here at all, not once pandora's box has been opened.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N** Thank you for your kind words and support guys! x

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

She stares at the bit of paper.

Her hands are trembling.

Money had never been an important factor in her childhood. She was taught that it didn't buy happiness at a young age. But her parents had never struggled financially. She'd never wanted for anything. But throughout her adult life money had been yet another strain because she'd had none. Her husband had plenty. More than plenty. But her relationship with her husband was not like her parents. Her parents had shared everything. What had been her father's had been her mother's. That's not how her marriage had worked. She was given money like pocket money. She had to behave. She had to seek permission. And whilst through it all she still had the mentality that money didn't buy happiness she also knew it would take a huge weight off her shoulders and could allow her to take care of her children and give them the life they so deserved.

The bank statement staring up at her has bought her a life. A new start. She knows that. And her father, well, he's given her this. Even after everything he's still making sure she has something to fall back on. He's still, after all this time ready to catch her when she falls and she's fallen. Fallen hard. But despite the distance between them he's ready to hold her up and she feels both extreme relief and gratitude along with irritation and distress. Relief that he still cares. Gratitude that he's saving her. Irritation because she thinks she's too old to be being saved by her father. Distress because he knows so little about her. Distress because they'd once been so close. Distress because he's needed her here and she should have been here. Distress because of all the awful words that transpired between them the last time they were in a room together and she doesn't know if nor how it can ever be fixed.

The back door is open. A gentle breeze drifts through and blows her tousled locks. There's a slight kink in her hair, the warmer weather enticing her lost curls to make themselves known. Both the cooler climate, it's long length together with her ironing out the defiant curls to appease her husband were the cause to her altered hair, something she has no intent on maintaining.

'Peyton'

She startles, her eyes jolting up from the bank statement. She's been so wrapped up in her thoughts that she missed the car pulling into the drive.

She knows that voice. It's warmth. It's love. It's kindness. It makes her stomach clench.

'Karen'

'Oh my' The older woman is suddenly moving through the open door, there's a thump as a box of cleaning products is dropped to the floor and then she's wrapped up in motherly arms in all of a second. 'It's so good to see you! Look at you!' Karen withdraws but the hands that were just around her are suddenly on her face. 'You're, you're...'

Peyton's gaze shyly shifts down as Karen inspects her.

'You're all grown up' Karen finally decides.

'I'm a mess'

'You are not'

'I...I have nothing here. Our clothes and things I...' She runs her hand down herself, she feels self conscious in these clothes that had been hers as a teenager.

'Oh of course. Are you waiting for a moving truck to bring your things?'

'No I...I just thought it would be easier to start a fresh actually, you know? New things for a new beginning' Peyton shifts uncomfortably. She's said the wrong thing already, she knows it. She hastily puts some space between them.

'...Lucas said you lost your husband'

She stiffens.

'I'm so sorry darling' Karen closes the gap between them and that comforting hand goes back around her. 'If you ever want to talk...I know how you must be feeling like your world is falling apart but it, it does get easier. I still miss Keith everyday but it...I get to see him everyday too. In Lily. Those girls of yours will get you through this. They will and you've come home. This is where you're meant to be right now'

She nods. 'I'm sorry Karen. I'm so sorry' She spurts.

'Sorry?' Karen shakes her head.

'I...I...'

The knowing woman watches her carefully, tries to see the girl she use to know, tries to see the child she'd once watched racing through the fields with her boy, tries to see the girl she'd held when her mother had passed away but there's a wall built high and she wants to knock it down right this instant.

'I don't know what happened to make you want to leave darling. I've missed you so very much, we all have. When you left...well, you broke Lucas's heart but I know you must have had your reasons and if you ever want to talk about it I'd love to hear why...but if you don't that's absolutely fine too. All that matters is the now and that you're back. Lets just concentrate on that hm?'

Peyton blinks away the tears that have gathered in her eyes.

'Your Daddy is going to be so pleased to see you'

She feels like the everything is closing in on her. Her hands grip the side board.

'You are going to see him right?'

'I...yes, yes of course. I just...not yet'

'You're all he talks about. You know that he loves you right?'

'The last time I saw him he- I- I said awful things to him'

'And according to him so did he'

'He told you...'

'You were so young darling. He always imagined he'd walk you down the aisle to someone he knew and trusted but you sprang a wedding on him, it just all happened so quickly. Surely now you've got your own babies you get his worries'

Her head bobs vigorously. 'I understand completely. Those two aren't dating until they're at least thirty' She declares. Karen smiles but her eyes are narrowed because despite knowing the younger mother is joking, the Peyton Sawyer she'd last known would not have ever dreamt of saying such a thing. She was carefree. She'd be encouraging her children to find adventure. To live. She'd never abided by any rules. 'I hate that I disappointed him so badly'

'Disappointed? Honey he's not disappointed in you, he's disappointed that you've been living your life so far away, that he doesn't get to see you, that he doesn't know his grand babies. I'm sure if it weren't for his health he would have come and visited, would have tried to make things right with you a long time ago'

'He's got nothing to make right. It's me that has to make this right. I...' She exhales shakily. 'I just need some time to pluck up courage I guess...I- I'm scared to see him like that'

'He's still him darling. He needs help with moving around but mentally he's the same father you've always known'

'I...'

'Mummy look what Lexie fou...' Adele's voice ciphers off and she comes to an abrupt halt as she comes hurtling into the kitchen and notes the stranger beside her mother. Alexa appears beside her, a goofy smile on her face as she displays a cowboy hat.

'Oh my god' Karen stares at the two children.

'You two this is Karen, she lives across the field. Karen this is Adele and Alexa'

'Oh my' Karen clasps her hand over her chest. 'Look at them. They're beautiful...It's so lovely to meet you both'

'I got a hat'

'Yes you do' Karen smirks at the smiling three year old. 'Your Mumma got that on her ninth birthday when she had a cowboys and indians party' Karen knowledgeably informs them both.

'Can I have it Mumma?'

'Sure Lexie' Peyton smiles because her youngest daughter is struggling to see her beneath the hat. 'Why don't you go on outside and play and I'll bring you both a drink out in a minute'

Adele takes her little sisters hand and obediently disappears out of the open door. Peyton's eyes follow them but they don't go too far and their small voices can be heard and Adele's laughter sounds as she watches Alexa gallop around and Peyton thinks she wants nothing but to hear that sound again and again.

'They're wonderful darling'

'Yes. They kind of are' Peyton nods, she blinks away those insistent tears that keep arising. 'Thank you for all those bits you left on the doorstep. You were a life saver yesterday'

Karen wavers her hand dismissively. 'Not at all, it was nothing. I want to help in anyway I can..Come on' She migrates back to the box she'd abandoned, reaching into it's depths for her cleaning supplies. 'We'll have this place spick and span in no time'

'You really don't need to do-'

'I want to. I won't hear anything more about it'

They clean. They wipe away the dust and cobwebs. They fondly look at the framed photographs. Untouched trinkets that are still in the same spot as they had been the last time she'd been here. Her emotions teeter. Her lips curve into smiles. She remembers lazy days, sunshine, doors always open, painting with her Mumma. Her gaze lingers on the measurements on the inside of the door frame, her height scrawled down for every birthday. It stops at nine. A lot of things stopped at nine. Her smiles disappear. Sadness coils around her, enveloping her in coldness. She wishes her mother had never been taken from her. It wasn't fair. She'd been too young. She'd still needed her. She still needs her.

She's caught up in that thought when the children charge into the living room, their shrieking laughter and heavy footed run disallowing any chance of subtlety. But despite the forewarning of their entrance she's still startled, something that has a whole lot to do with the additional little girl that bounded round the corner first, the stranger that isn't a stranger at all.

She's about an inch taller than Adele. Brown pigtails neatly braided. Brown eyes. And there's no doubt in her mind who this child is.

'Lily Scott, how many times do I have to tell you not to run inside' Karen chides.

'Sorry' She breathlessly apologises with a smile that says she's only going to do it again.

Karen rolls her eyes. 'Have you been back long?' She glances at her watch.

'No. I found your note and came straight over'

'Was school okay?' The caring mother wonders as she lovingly kisses her daughter's cheek, ignoring the way the ten year old shies away with a whined _Mum_ followed by a disgruntled _Fine._ 'I see you've bumped into Adele and Alexa'

'Uhuh, can we go back to our house- I want to show them my room?' Lily claps her hands together and looks up with pleading eyes.

'Er...I'm not sure' Karen's eyes trail to Peyton, who's still hovering in the far corner, duster clutched in hand. She notes her expression. Notes the way the blonde's eyes have glazed over. Notes the way she's staring at Lily. 'Oh sorry honey- this is Lily' She introduces the youngster.

'Yes...I..She...sorry I just...'

'She's grown a bit huh?' Karen smiles. 'Peyton use to babysit you Lil when you were just a tiny thing'

Peyton swallows thickly as the ten year old smiles at her. She swallows the guilt. Swallows her distress. 'She...she's so much like Keith' She blurts.

Karen nods proudly. 'Yeah, he's definitely in her.'

'Can we Mum?' Lily interrupts, bored by all the grown up talk. She has more important things to be doing.

'She didn't inherit his patience however' Karen smirks, ignoring her daughter's question. 'How do you feel about them going back to mine?'

Peyton bites her lip as she regards her children. They're being extra quiet, seemingly transfixed by this older child. She can see the admiration flowering in Adele's eyes. But the thought of letting them out of her sight doesn't bode well.

'I...I don't know...I...'

'We'll be good' Lily chants. 'I'm ten. I'll look after them'

Peyton smiles. 'It's not that I don't trust you it's just Lexie is only little...' Peyton shifts her weight.

'I know. Why don't I go back with them for a while and give you five minutes of alone time' Karen suggests, reaching for her bag. She rifles through it's contents for a moment and then produces some keys. 'And hey...if you feel like it, you're welcome to take my car and go see...' She trails off. She doesn't need to finish.

Peyton's trembling hand accepts the keys.

'Do you know where-'

'I know' Peyton nods. She has the address memorised.

'He'd love to see you honey. I'll feed the girls. Don't worry at all, you just come get them whenever you're ready'

Karen watches how the younger mother says her goodbyes. The way her hands linger on the two girls. How she promises she won't be long. How she kisses them like they're going further than the short walk across the field. Says goodbye like they're going to be gone for more than a mere couple of hours and the concern that has been simmering in the pit of her belly since she walked through the door becomes a tight knot because she's wise. Years of being a mother, of watching her two children grow have taught her to know when things aren't quite as they seem. And this Peyton Sawyer that's stood before her is not the same person she'd once been. Of course she wouldn't be. She's no longer a teenager. But there's more to it than that. She can't put her finger on it...she supposes she's being ridiculous; the poor girl has just lost her husband...of course she's not the same.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

She already knows she doesn't like it here.

She'd sat in the car for a good forty minutes before dragging herself from it's safety.

She doesn't know how she got here. Maybe it was the pleading look on Karen's face. Maybe it was wiping the dust off of all those family photos. Suddenly staying away for a second more seemed unbearable. But now she's here. She's really here. Stood outside his door. Hovering. Her heart racing. her hands trembling.

She's thought about this moment over and over. Imagined what she'd say. But now there's nothing. Her mind has stopped functioning. All she can do is feel.

'He's going to be beside himself with excitement' The caring nurse smiles reassuringly and she wants to tell this nice lady to fuck off because she sees. She sees that judging look. _How on earth could anyone stay away from their father this long? How don't you care about his well being? What's changed after all this time?_ 'It'll be alright honey. You just take as long as you need' And then she feels guilty because she knows she's being paranoid.

'Thank you' She forces a smile and is glad when she's left alone. She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and then she's pushing the door open.

Her nose stings. Her throat constricts.

She hates this room. Hates the flowers sat on the side. Hates the medical equipment. Hates the wheelchair he's sat in.

'Peyton' His breath hitches.

'Dad' She moves slowly, migrating to him and her tears are inevitable.

He's not the father she remembers. He's not energetic and strong. He's frail and...older and as she sinks to the ground before him his arms don't go around her. Can't. No longer working.

'You're here' He wonders if his brain is playing tricks on him. It wouldn't be the first time he'd imagined her.

'I'm here' she nods and her hand reaches for his. She grips tight. His fingers don't squeeze back. Can't. And her nostrils flare as she tries to dispel the lump in the back of her throat.

'I...I...you're really here' His voice is thick with emotion.

'Yes' She brings his heavy hand up to her mouth and presses a kiss to his knuckles that he can't feel.

'You stopped writing and I thought...I thought...'

'I'm sorry' She shakes her head. 'I, I'm sorry. I didn't want to I just, I had to do that because, well...it doesn't matter now I just, I had to...'

'When did you get here? Are, are you here long? Are, are the girls with you?' His words come in an abrupt flurry. He has so many questions.

'I...a couple of days ago' She admits. 'I...we're at the house...me and the girls I, I still had a key and...I've seen Karen and, and Lucas, they...they've helped me with lots of things'

'You...you're staying?'

She nods once.

'What about...where's, is he here too?'

'No. He's not here. It, it's just us' She admits.

'You and the girls'

'Yes'

'The girls are here?'

'They, they're with Karen. I, I'll bring them I just, I wanted to see you by myself...'

'You left him?'

She nods and then she can't keep it together for a moment more and he watches on in distress as she falls apart before him. Tears roll down her cheeks that he wants to wipe away. Her shoulders shake and he wants to hold her tight. Because this is his baby girl. It doesn't matter that she's all grown up. He just wants to god damn hold her but he can't.

'I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Dad. I'm so, so, so sorry' She blurts. 'For not listening. For disappointing you'

'You've never. Never disappointed me' He sternly berates.

'I have...Running off. Not telling you anything and then when you turned up that day-'

'I said horrible things. I relay that day over and over and I, I wish I could go back and take it back'

'You were angry. You were entitled to be angry' She dismisses. 'You saw what I didn't and, and then I...it was too late and you were right...you were so right and then, then you came back here and you...you...you're in that chair because of me, you're in here because of me!'

'No. I drank and drove Peyton. I got myself into that crash. I could have killed someone. You were in a different state, it's in no way your fault that I'm like this'

'I put that bottle in your hand the day I left here!'

'This isn't on you. I'm just, I'm so thankful you're here right now baby...I...hang on' Larry watches her, his expression becoming stoney. 'What did you mean...you said I was right?'

'What?' she runs her hands beneath her eyes and sniffles.

'You said I was right. You said I saw what you didn't...'

She closes her eyes.

'Peyton' He probes.

'Nothing'

'I told you he was controlling. I told you...' His words taper out. There's too many things he'd said. Too many cruel words he'd fired at her that he doesn't want to relay. Too many words he'd spat at her as he'd desperately tried to succeed in bringing her home.

'He..he's not good' She whispers, her head hung. 'He...He...I wanted to come and see you so many times...after I got the call about your crash I...he wouldn't let me'

'What do you mean he wouldn't let you?' He can feel an intense pulsing at his temple.

'He...I can't explain...he...I tried to leave Daddy. I, I...I'm so sorry'

'Did. He. Hurt. You?' The realisation is ground out. 'He. Laid. His. Hands. On. You?'

She swallows thickly and then she's shaking her head and scrambling to her feet to try and get some space between them. But it's too late. He's her parent. He knows her. He's one of few that knows her and suddenly she can't hide for a moment more. 'I tried to leave so many times when Adele was little and then when, when she was four he, he broke my arm and he, he made it impossible. He-he- he has so-so much power he-he made these reports that I-I'd been drink driving! He-he knows everyone. He, he had Doctor's make statements regarding my mental health he-he...I was so scared he'd manage to take Addie away from me' She clasps her hand over her mouth. 'I'm so sorry'

'I thought you were happy. I thought...I should have known. I thought you wanted me to stay away. I thought you'd not forgiven me and then when you started writing I was so happy. I thought...I should have known'

'He read my letters...I had to stop writing. I told him I got a phone call. I told him you'd died'

'What?'

'I had to so he, he doesn't look for you...'

He's struggling to keep up. 'Peyton what..if he didn't let you leave how, how did you get away?'

'I...I...He thinks I was down at the river with the girls. I...I'm hoping we...I know it's absurd but I, I tried to make it look like...I think, I hope, I hope they assume we drowned'

Her croaked admission rings in his ears. She's right. It is absurd. And the severity of her situation weighs down on him and despite all the pain and trials he's been through in her absence, this, this without a doubt is by far the most pain he's ever experienced. Faking her death. Faking her children's death. He knows no one is pushed to such depraved lengths unless they feel it's the only way.

'Did...did he hurt the children too?'

She grimaces. 'No. No. Not physically but they...I'm such an awful Mother Dad. I, they've seen so much! I've tried to hide it, I've tried to protect them!'

'I know you have' Larry gruffly murmurs. 'You're a wonderful Mum baby. I know that without a doubt'

'No' She disagrees. 'I've not been able to give them what you and Mum gave me! I've...They're...Lexie is still so little so I don't think, I hope she hasn't taken it all in but Adele, she's, she's seen things she can't unsee and that kills me'

'She'll be okay. Kids are tougher than you think. She'll be okay because there's not a doubt in my mind that you're not a good Mother. You've got them away. You've crossed a country. You've risked everything...you need to go to the police and file-'

'No' She wants to take it all back. Wants to go back just a few moments and contain this secret. Wants to spare him this. She can see his despair and she's already caused him so much pain. This was never her intention but seeing him. Seeing her protector, because that's what he'd been, he'd always been there to look after her and she suddenly couldn't not let him be that, even if he can't be that anymore. 'You don't understand. He is the police. I..I would if I could Dad, I, I've tried before but he, he has all these filed documents about me, if I report him they'll take the girls away. They, they make me out like I'm unstable and...' She trails off. 'We're safe here. No one knows. Everything will be okay now. We'll use Mum's maiden name or something and, and everything will be okay' She rambles.

He's silent for a moment. He's so still. So unmoving. But on the inside he's writhing in anger and pain.

'Have you seen Lucas?...' He wonders. 'He still talks about you. He comes every Sunday without fail. He plays chess with me...at least he pretends to, I know he lets me win' He blurts suddenly. It's avoidance. Because he can't linger on her confessions. Not whilst she's here otherwise he's going to cry and he can't do that right now.

'Briefly'

'Have you told him?'

'Told him what?'

'What you just-'

'No!" Her eyes widen. 'God no. And you can't-'

'Peyton if he knows he can keep an eye on you, I'd feel better if he knew, if he was looking out for you-'

'No Dad. Please. It's all I'll ask. Don't tell him that. You don't understand it...I just can't have him...' She shakes her head futilely as she struggles to verbalise what she's thinking. 'I can't have him knowing... that'

Larry's brow furrows. She knows that look. She's strangely missed that berating look that he'd mastered over her childhood. 'What did he do?'

'What?'

'You two were inseparable and then...' He stops most abruptly because this conversation had been the catalyst to the unjust words they'd fired at each other the last time they were in a room alone together and he's scared. Scared she's going to storm out and he can't even run after her this time.

She turns away.

'Peyton I'm sorry, please don't go'

She stares out the window and shakes her head. 'He didn't do anything' She whispers. 'I...please don't ask me about that. Not yet. I just can't' She swivels back around. 'Please don't hate me'

'Hate you? Peyton' He swallows the emotion stuck in the back of his throat. 'I'm not capable of hating you. Not ever. I love you. So much'

She nods tearfully.

'Come here'

She does. She goes to him. She hunches over and awkwardly embraces him.

She doesn't know how to do this. She doesn't know how to navigate the wheelchair that's in her way, that's now a part of his everyday life. He's skinnier, smaller. She remembers strong arms lifting her onto his shoulders. This man isn't that man.

'I wish I could hold you' He can seemingly read her thoughts.

'Me too' She wants his arms to go tight around her like the bear hugs she remembers so fondly.

'My baby girl' His voice is choked and she pulls away. She sees the tear race down his cheek.

'Don't cry Dad'

'I can't bear the thought of, of...him laying his hands on you...I...'

'Don't think about that. I'm okay. I promise I am' Her hand tentatively reaches out, touches his face and he can feel her now. He can feel her gentle finger tips. Finger tips that he'd watched his wife press against paper when she'd been just three weeks old. He still has that little hand print somewhere. He'd vowed to keep her safe. He's failed. 'I'm, I'm going to be okay now and I swear I'm going to do right by you. I-I'll make up for-'

'Shh' He cuts her off because she's got nothing to make up for. 'I just need to know you and the girls are safe'

'We are now. I...I promise'

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'Is that Peyton's kids out there?' Lucas wonders as he joins his mother on the veranda, an excitable golden retriever racing over to where Karen is perched.

'Yeah' she fondly strokes the dog's silky ears. 'Hi you. Did you miss me Raven?' She laughs as the dog seemingly licks her in agreement. Lucas rolls his eyes because his best friend had a habit of wining over all the girls, his mother included. In fact he'd taken to snuggling up on his kid sister's bed at night. He'd thought it was impossibly cute and like he was protecting her at first. Now he thinks perhaps he just prefers the ten year old's company to his own. Traitor.

'Where's Peyton? I just went and let the electrician in and she wasn't there'

'No?' Karen smiles. 'I'm hoping she went to see Larry then'

'She said she would?' His brow rises, his eyes fixated on the three playing children.

'No, I left her my car keys though'

'She didn't seem like she was keen on seeing him yet'

'No. But she needs too'

'Yeah. It's good. I hope she has' Lucas smiles, his attention on the three children running through the sprinkler.

Karen watches him for a few moments, her mouth opening and closing. 'Luke?'

'Mm?'

'Do you know how old Adele is?'

'I dunno she's not that much shorter than Lil- what do you think? Seven?'

Karen says nothing.

'It's kind of unbelievable how much she looks like Peyton right? I mean they're both like her but Adele, she's the spit of her. It's like going back in time'

Still Karen says nothing.

Lucas tilts his head to seek out his Mother. His eyes squint because he knows the expression that faces him. She's had that face many a time in his lifetime. It's always what answers him when he's done something wrong. When he's perhaps not been a hundred percent truthful. It's disappointment and concern. The difference is he's usually pretty adept at knowing the reasoning for his mother's expression. Not now. Right now he's clueless.

'What's that look for?'

She hesitates. She's scared to say it out loud. She doesn't want to deal with the ramifications if the gut feeling in the pit of her belly is actually right.

'Mum' He encourages.

'Adele says she's eight...nearly nine. I've spent the last couple of hours with those two and when I look at that little girl I don't just see Peyton' She quietly announces. 'I see you. I see that pensive look you always had on your face as a child. I see the way you squint your eyes. I see it in the way she walks. In her mannerisms. I see my son'

His mouth opens but no words come out because her suggestion is ridiculous. 'That. That's absurd' He finally murmurs.

'Is it?' Karen stands up and joins him. 'You last saw Peyton nearly ten years ago. Do the maths'

'It...that...there's no way'

'So you two never slept together? Is that what you're saying?'

His cheeks begin to flush. 'Mum' He shakes his head. 'That, god don't ask me that. That's none of your business'

'Actually it is. If that's my granddaughter over there I'd like to know' She vents. 'You two were inseparable from the age of six. If you expect me to believe you two weren't fooling around you must think I'm really thick. Larry and I had many a conversation about you two. Don't you think it was our biggest concern? You two. We just thought we'd both bought you up to be careful and safe-'

'Once' Lucas cuts off because he feels like he's suddenly fourteen all over again and his mother is suddenly lecturing him about keeping the bedroom door open when Peyton's over and this new rule seems ridiculous after years of having his best friend round. 'If you really must know we had sex once okay?' He snaps. 'Once. And the next morning she was gone'

His confession silences the probing mother.

'It only takes once Lucas' She eventually murmurs. Her thoughts and feelings are conflicting because she'd been more than fond of Peyton Sawyer. She'd been more or less family. She'd doted upon her like a daughter. She'd been torn when the youngster upped and left. She'd been beside herself with worry. Had joined the crusade in hunting her down to bring her home to no avail. And it had been difficult. She'd already had so much upset in her life and she was dealing with so much at that time. A toddler and a murdered husband. And she'd been angry. Angry that the blonde would even dare pull such a thing whilst they were all left behind trying to pick up the pieces. And Lucas. Her boy. Her son. She was angry for him because she'd known even when they were merely children that he idolised the ground she walked upon. He'd been heart broken. Still was to this day. And a child...well if that was her granddaughter she didn't no what to think or feel anymore. 'You need to talk to her'

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

He walks past the house like always, his loyal companion at his side. But there's a difference; he no longer snoops around the place cutting back overgrown weeds and dusting off thick cobwebs. Instead he lingers, listening for the soft hum of voices. Raven sniffs around and barks inquisitively when he picks up scents that weren't there before. The golden retriever's greeting brings two small faces to the window. Lucas smiles and waves but their blonde heads duck out of view as soon as they catch his eye.

His heart is in his mouth because his mother's words are plaguing him. Have been plaguing him consistently for the last two weeks.

He's stayed away. Not because he wants to but because he's scared, he's scared of finding out the truth, scared that his mother could be right but most of all he's scared at being angry with Peyton. He's already been angry at her for so long. But the anger didn't contend with his love for her. It just made everything more painful and he'd learnt to control that pain. He'd moved on with his life. He'd told himself he'd let go of his childhood sweetheart. He's not sure he can go back to that dark place he'd been stuck in after she'd left.

A daughter. A life he'd missed out on. He's not sure he can handle knowing that there's been this little girl that should have been at the centre of his universe.

His stare finds Peyton.

She's standing precariously on the step of a ladder in one of the top rooms.

The window is open wide and her sweet voice sings quietly, drifting down to his listening ears. And he knows he's kidding himself if he thinks he's over her. It's just always going to be there for him. And he thinks he should probably be livid, should be storming into the house and demanding answers to the tormenting seed his mother had planted. But he just can't. He's not ready for that conversation.

The duck egg blue paint she's coating the walls with causes him to holler up.

'No red?!'

Her head jerks toward the sound and she hops off of the step and dips her head through the open window.

'Lucas. Hi'

'Hey! No red paint?'

'This is Addie's room. She requested blue'

'So your rooms going to be red?'

'I think I overdid it on red as a kid- I have a slight aversion to it these days' She confides. Her dislike for the colour a natural reaction to many a bust lip.

'That's good. I wasn't a fan myself' He teases. 'Do you need any help?'

'Oh no' She shakes her head reverently.

'It's not a problem'

'Thanks but I...you've got a dog?' She notes the four legged friend that's sniffing at the front door, eagerly waiting for somebody to greet.

'Oh yeah. That's Raven. Come here boy' He pats his thigh and the excitable dog bounds back to him.

'Raven' She repeats.

He watches her blink down at him and despite being so horribly disconnected from her and her life, he knows, he knows exactly what she's thinking about.

 _'Higher' She chants. She's sitting on top of the wheel whilst he's standing in the inside base of the tyre, carefully controlling the swing much to her irritation._

 _His eyes skitter down like always before reluctantly pushing off the ground harder to gain more height. 'Why do you think you're a god damn bird?'_

 _She laughs that laugh that has him smiling despite his unease._

 _'Don't do that' He groans as she leans her body back and one of his hands shifts from the rope to her hip, gripping tight to try and prevent her from tumbling._

 _'I like it. It's like I'm flying'_

 _'I can't save you if you fall from here Peyton'_

 _She sits herself upright. 'You don't need to save me. I'm your Raven remember?'_

 _'You're terrifying is what you are' His stomach lurches as her movements rock the tyre. 'Peyton'_

 _She unhooks her legs from the wheel and latches them around him instead and he tenses for a whole other reason. 'You're such a baby. I've got you' Her hands let go of the rope and lock around his neck. 'Better?'_

 _'Much'_

 _His smirk has her rolling her eyes. 'You're such a guy sometimes'_

 _'Mm. You're such a girl' His remaining hand bravely lets go of the rope in favour of joining his other that has snuck down to the strip of skin at her back._

 _'Am I?' She wonders. She doesn't feel like a girl half the time. Not like the other girls on the cheer leading squad. The only reason she'd agreed to it was so she could be there cheering him on right on the court. Not that she's ever told him that._

 _'Total girl' He wishes the rope wasn't in the middle of them right now because he wants to be pressed against her completely. The tyre isn't going as high now and she's thankfully lost interest in flying._

 _A blush creeps up her cheeks. Something he sees as a huge feat. Getting Peyton Sawyer to blush wasn't an easy task but somehow he'd been seeing those rosy cheeks a lot recently. 'I think I'd feel more comfortable as the mascot'_

 _'No way. I get to see these legs once a week. You can't take that away from me'_

 _Her eyes become wide and his stare leaves her face because he's just heard his own words and he's not meant to say things like that. He waits for her to gleefully torment him but she says nothing._

 _The rope squeaks._

 _'Jake asked me to go to that party with him on Friday' She murmurs._

 _His gaze darts up. He can't disguise his panicked expression._

 _'What did you say?'_

 _'I said I was going with you...'_

 _His head bobs enthusiastically. 'That's good'_

 _'It is?'_

 _'I don't want you to go with anyone else Peyt' He confesses._

 _'You don't?'_

 _'No way'_

 _'Why?'_

 _'Because you're, you, you're...me-we're-I-'_

 _'Luke' She cuts him off and pulls herself closer. 'Are you ever going to kiss me?' She wonders. She's been wondering it for a long time. The first time it flitted into her mind was when she'd been twelve and at some girls only sleepover. They were all talking about boys they liked. She'd not hesitated in saying Lucas when it came to divulging her favourite boy but she hadn't meant it like that. He was her favourite person. He was her best friend. Then at thirteen she'd decided if she ever had to be with a boy it would have to be him. All the other girls were gushing over their crushes but she didn't have one. She was happy being a kid and she wasn't in any hurry to grow. Her favourite thing to do was to go down to the river with her best friend. He played a big part in her favourite days. At fourteen she started to appreciate features that her childhood self hadn't noticed. She loved those blue eyes. Loved the way he had a smile reserved just for her. Butterflies started to flap in her stomach when he was near._

 _He swallows. 'You want me to?'_

 _'Don't you want to?'_

 _'Hell yes' He blurts. 'I just, I can't loose you Peyt. You're my best friend'_

 _'Nothing will ever change that'_

 _'You swear?'_

 _'I swear'_

 _His hand shifts to her face then, his thumb coasting over her cheekbone and she smiles and he knows that smile. Knows she's on the brink of laughing._

 _'What?!'_

 _'Nothing you just, you're looking at me weird!'_

 _'I am not' He disagrees._

 _'Is that your come hither look?' She teases. 'Is that how you looked at Brooke Davis before you kissed her'_

 _'Can we not talk about Brooke Davis'_

 _'Why?' Her smile dwindles._

 _'Because that night it... I was thinking about you every freaking second of that night okay?' He's a breath away now and his hand on her face coaxes her head to tilt. 'I was thinking about what you were doing with Jake and she knew it'_

 _'...I didn't kiss Jake'_

 _'You said-'_

 _'No. You said. I didn't correct you. I...it was stupid. I guess I didn't want you to think I was stupid or something'_

 _'Why would I think you're stupid?' His brow is furrowed._

 _'Because I've never...I've never kissed anyone and you have. Everyone has.'_

 _He smiles. 'Peyton Sawyer since when do you care what other people think?' His nose brushes against hers. 'You should only care what I think' Her confession makes him feel experienced and instantly gives him confidence._

 _'What do you think?' She wonders._

 _He doesn't answer. He's giddy with the thought of being her first kiss. He's giddy with the thought of getting to show her how to do this, not that he's got tons of experience in this field._

 _'Close your eyes' His words whisper across her lips and she does as she's told and he can't help but smirk because she's not one for ever doing what he says and it's kind of invigorating._

 _She's frozen. She doesn't move and he slowly leans closer, his mouth covering hers._

 _And she's half anticipating him disappearing. For that to be it for today because this is Lucas and if there's one thing she knows Lucas Scott is, is he's considerate and sweet. But she doesn't want this to a sweet press of lips to lips._

 _She needn't worry though. Because he doesn't either and his tongue is soon there. Sweeping over her bottom lip._

 _She makes a noise. A murmur that has his hand slipping beneath the bottom of her cheer top._

 _His tongue slips into her warm mouth then and her legs squeeze around him._

 _This is different to the other two times he's done this. He's not thinking. He's not wondering if it's okay. He's not analysing it. He doesn't need to. And it all feels so different. It feels like he's sure it's meant to. Because he wants more. He never wants to come up for air._

 _A groan sounds in the back of his throat as her tongue meets his touch with more confidence. He'd dreamt about doing this more times than he can count but none of his blissful imaginings about how Peyton Sawyer would taste compare to this because she's perfect. Her lips are soft. Warm._

 _Lust shivers through him. It's no enough. He wants all of her. But they've got all the time in the world for that. And they have to take this slow. He pulls back. His forehead pressed to hers. Their eyes lock. ._

 _She smiles. It's nervous. Sweet. Coy. 'Was that...okay?'_

 _He smirks. 'Better than okay...for me at least...was it okay for you?!'_

 _She averts her eyes and that delightful blush is creeping up her cheeks again. She nods._

 _'Guess what?' He grins 'I changed my mind. I kind of like this swing now'_

 _'Yeah?'_

 _'Uhuh. We can play this game anytime you want'_

'Can I see Raven? Please Mummy. We saw him the other day he's so cute' He hears the chirpy voice of her youngest sounding. It snaps her from her reminiscing daze.

'Er I...I-'

'He's fine- he loves kids'

'I suppose we could have a break' She reluctantly agrees, setting down her paint brush and wiping her hands on the old pair of jeans.

He hears a triumphant sound of glee erupt from the three year old and not sixty seconds later Peyton is pulling the front door open.

He stares at Adele.

She's more wary than her little sister. She loiters at her Mother's side. Her small hand clinging to the back of Peyton's t-shirt.

He remembers her outfit. She was always in those jeans. Her father was non understanding to why she liked the holes at the knees so god damn much. He said she looked like she was homeless and she'd stick her tongue out in answer. Suddenly she looks out of place. She's holding herself differently. She looks uncomfortable. He supposes that could be about him though. Because he's gotten the impression that his presence isn't exactly appreciated.

'You didn't hang around the other night when you picked the kids up' He notes bluntly.

'No, I'm sorry. It was a long...hard day. Your Mum told me you were out back working on your car or something. I didn't want to bother you. Did she tell you how grateful I was for you sorting out the electric? It's kind of nice not having to light candles'

He wavers his hand dismissively. 'Not a problem. It was a pleasure. You saw your Dad'

'Yeah...it was...good...I think'

Lucas stuffs his hands in his back pockets and rocks back and forth on his feet for a moment. Alexa is chatting away to Raven but Adele is still firmly at Peyton's side.

'You don't need to be scared Adele. He's a big softy. He won't bite'

'She's not scared, are you sweet girl?' Peyton speaks for her. 'She's been bugging me for a dog for years'

'Well, Raven here is always looking for a new buddy to visit'

'Ravens are black. He's golden' Adele bravely speaks.

'It wasn't really named after that kind of Raven' Lucas admits.

'Lucas use to play for a basket ball team called the Ravens baby'

'I also use to know someone that liked to think of herself as a bird from time to time. She might have been a bit of a goldie locks...' His eyes drift back to Peyton. She hastily crouches down to fuss over the golden retriever and avoid his stare. 'Are you sure you don't need help painting up there?'

'I'm sure' She's feeling flustered.

'Mumma I wanna show Raven my room' Alexa announces. Peyton visibly stiffens.

'I know I'm not exactly as skilled as you with a paintbrush but I'm sure I could be trusted with a couple of walls and it'll mean half the work load for you' He tempts her.

She slowly rises back to her feet, a reluctant smile on her face. 'Okay' She relents. 'If you're really sure it's no trouble?'

'No trouble at all'.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N** Sorry it's taken a little longer for me to get this out- I've been away on holiday for a few weeks :) x

She watches him. He's talking to Adele. He's telling her she's doing a great job. He's telling her that she must take after her Mother because her Mother is quite the artist.

'Mummy doesn't draw'

'No?' Lucas's stare averts to Peyton. 'Since when?'

She swallows. She rolls the roller into the paint tray. 'Since I grew up and had to run around after two little girls'

He watches her for a moment. This is the girl that always had a pencil pinning her hair on top of her head. The girl that always had a sketchbook in her bag.

She returns to her section of wall. Her eyes focused on covering the surface with paint. She can feel his intense eyes burning into the back of her head.

'Well, when I use to know your Mum she was an amazing artist. Still is. If you have that skill you can't ever loose it...look here Adele' He rubs his hands on his t-shirt and Peyton's anxious eyes flit to him. She catches a glimpse of his torso as he uses his top as a rag. He's not the young boy she remembers. He's broader. His filled out. He'd been fit at seventeen but the farm work has done him nothing but good.

He catches her looking and her eyes dart to the floor.

'Your Mum did this a long time ago'

Peyton's gaze bravely finds him again. She watches worriedly as he fumbles for his wallet.

'Lucas' His name is an anxious exhale. She doesn't know what he's doing.

He produces a crumpled piece of paper and hands it over to Adele.

She unfolds it with intrigue and Peyton catches sight of the corner and knows in an instant what it is and she wants to snatch it away. Why does he still have that?

'It's you' Adele looks at Lucas. 'It looks just like you but...younger'

'Hey. I don't look that different' Lucas pouts at the child's honesty as she stares at the drawing.

Adele's smile is small but it's there and he wants to make her smile again and again. A shiver runs down his spine.

'And that's you Mummy' Adele points excitedly to the figure that's drawn with her arms around the depiction of Lucas. Peyton can't find her words 'What's L & P?'

'Lucas and Peyton' Lucas deciphers the inscription that's drawn in a heart on a tree that sits to the side of them. He smiles at Adele's awestruck expression at her Mother's skilled work. He smiles because he's just shared a part of her mother that the youngster didn't know. 'You believe me now? She's kind of good huh?'

'Real good. Mummy you _are_ an artist'

Lucas joins her in looking at Peyton, his eyes squinting as he regards her frowning face. She's not pleased.

'Honey give the picture back to Lucas'

'You can keep it if you like' He declines.

Adele's little smile widens. 'Really?'

'Sure. I've got a whole collection. You'll have to come and see-'

'Addie why don't you, can you, please go check that Lexie is being good with Raven will you?'

Adele's eyes flutter between them both. There's a brave "but" on the tip of her tongue but she looses her nerve under Peyton's expectant stare.

She scarpers.

Lucas waits until the small footsteps fade. '...is everything okay?' She nods. 'I just thought she might like to see how amazing you are at drawing...'

'I'm not and she doesn't know that we were...' She crosses her arms. Uncrosses her arms. 'Together'

'I didn't realise our relationship was a dirty little secret' He tries to gage her reaction. She turns away from him, her head shaking.

'It...wasn't I just, I'm, she...In her world she has a Mum and she has a Dad and that's the way it's always been. There's nothing before that. She's just been uprooted from everything she knows...I just...I...I don't feel like being asked a million questions right now'

He feels like a dick then. Because she's right. He doesn't want to add anymore confusion to what the two youngsters are already going through. He really doesn't. But he's confused too. He's confused about a lot of things '...Right...I...I'm sorry' And as soon as the apology escapes he's suddenly not sorry at all. He wants to ask the question. Demand the truth. But his lips won't move.

She picks up the roller and resumes painting.

He follows suit.

They don't speak.

The floorboards squeak every now and then as they squat to reload their brushes with paint.

'Are you ever going to feel like answering any questions?' He murmurs eventually. 'Because I have a fair few'

She nods. Her back to him. 'I know' She whispers. And then he watches her shoulders begin to shake and he hurries over to her. Sees the tears trailing down her face. He swaddles her in his arms. Hugs her tight and in all of a second she's clinging to him. And it's been too long. Far too long since he's held her in his arms like this. Far too long since she's been held like this. By him.

'I'm sorry. It's okay Peyt. It's going to be okay' He promises. He always was good at assuring her of that fact whenever she was upset. Whenever it felt like the world was ending he made it go away. He always was good at making everything ok. She's not sure he can fix this. Not this time. It's not his job. Not anymore. It's hers.

 _'Is this okay?' He checks his wandering hands aren't crossing the line._

 _She bites her lip. 'I like it..your hands on me'_

 _He smirks. 'I like my hands on you too'_

 _She smiles back._ _'It's weird isn't it? How it..it's suddenly different'_

 _'What do you mean?'_

 _'Us...You're my best friend. You've seen me run around your garden naked. You know everything about me. You know that I wet myself at that stupid camping trip. You held my hand when the other girls laughed at me'_

 _'They were bitches'_

 _'We were nine Luke. You can't call nine year old's bitches!'_

 _'I can'_

 _She shakes her head but she's smiling. '...What I'm trying to say is I don't get how you're, how you want me in this way when you know everything about me. Good. Bad. Gross'_

 _'You know everything about me too' He answers. 'I assure you there's nothing gross Peyt' He disregards with a snort. 'I love that I know everything. I want to know everything...and actually I don't know everything...I might have seen you run around my garden naked as a little kid but I don't know what's under here anymore' His hands find her backside and squeeze, enticing a gasp from her lips. He smirks. She bites her lip. 'I love it when you do that'_

 _'What?' She latches her hands around his neck._

 _'Bite your lip...you do it when you're concentrating but you do it when you're shy too...I've never made you shy before'_

 _'I'm not shy Luke I'm...I don't know what I am...maybe I am shy' She resolves. 'Look' She reaches for one of his hands and he reluctantly lets her drag it away from her bottom. She presses his palm to her chest. 'You make my heart do that' She enlightens him. He feels her racing heart beneath his fingertips. 'God I'm so hot right now. It's hot right?'_

 _'You're hot' He agrees._

 _She shakes her head with a little bashful laugh. 'That's not what I meant'_

 _'Nope but you are..and I love that I'm making you all hot and flustered because that's exactly what you do to me...Maybe we should take this off. It might make you feel better' He trails his hand down the top of her cheer top, making sure to cop a feel of her heaving chest as he seeks out the zip fastening at her side._

 _She bites her lip again._

 _'Fuck Peyton' He groans and his hips jerk against her._

 _She smiles that smile that he's only privy too. 'What baby?' Baby. She's not said that before. He's not heard her voice sound so sultry before either. Suddenly everything about her is completely enticing._

 _'You know what' His lower half has her trapped against the barn wall and he daringly hoists her leg up around his waist. She gasps. She can feel him then, hard, straining against his kit shorts, probing against her underwear._

 _Her confidence lapses because she's not felt him before, not like this and it's scary and thrilling and she wants more._

 _It's all new. This intense feeling. Desire. Need. Love. It makes her want to cry. Cry for the childhood she's saying goodbye to. Cry because she doesn't feel in control. Cry because it's terrifying. Cry because nothing has ever felt so wonderful as him wanting her._

 _'Sorry...I, I can't help it' He notes her nervous expression. 'Maybe I should go'_

 _'No' She pouts. 'You don't need to be sorry.. Are you just going to play with that?' She's referring to the restless hand that's still toying with the zip of her top._

 _He tugs it up, his eyes following his hands action as a slither of creamy skin appears._

 _She's trying to remember what underwear she's got on and she's not sure how she feels about him seeing her like this. She's not exactly confident with her body shape and that insecurity has her lips seeking out his._

 _He's about to coax the material up and over her head but a clearing of someone's throat garners both their attention._

 _He drops her leg and springs back from her like he's been scolded and she nearly falls to the floor. He's made her feel boneless and suddenly she feels a rush of cold air in his absence and she wants him back._

 _The last person either one of them wants to see right now glares at them._

 _Larry._

 _'Son I love you but I suggest you run right now'_

 _'Dad' Peyton interjects, her face screwed up in a mixture of humiliation and concern because she's never seen that look before._

 _'I'll talk to you-' Lucas begins to address her but Larry interrupts his goodbyes._

 _'Now Luke'_

 _'Right. Sorry' He retreats and hurries backward out of the barn._

 _'Dad' Peyton wrings her hands together._

 _Larry says nothing._

 _'Dad I, I swear nothing would have happened'_

 _'You said you were going to a party after the game'_

 _'We were, we did for a bit but I, I wanted to come home. Luke walked me back and we were just-'_

 _'I got a wonderful visual of what you were doing sweetheart'_

 _'I, I'm not a little girl Dad!'_

 _'Yes. Yes you are. You're my little girl'_

 _'I'm nearly seventeen! And I love him! Surely you should be pleased it's him- you love Luke'_

 _'Yes I love that kid Peyton but you're my daughter and it's my job to protect you. And I know how much you love him and that means he has the ability to break your heart'_

 _'You can't protect me from that'_

 _'I know' He relents. 'But whilst you're living under my roof you can abide by my rules'_

 _'What so I can't see him anymore?! It's Luke!' She indignantly shouts._

 _'I didn't say that.' He takes a breath and stops himself from yelling back. It's his job to stay calm. He's job to be her protector. 'Just...You're Mum isn't here sweetheart and I...she'd know what to say right now...I-I'm meant to tell you something poignant about how sex it-'_

 _'Oh god. Please stop'_

 _'No. If, if you're going to be thinking about this then you've got to be grown up enough to listen to what I have to say...it's a big deal. Okay? You might think it's just sex but when you're intimate with someone that way it, it is a big deal. It means something and if...it can be damaging, if you're not ready and you, you're just doing it because you think you're meant to or you feel pressured-'_

 _'Luke isn't, hasn't, wouldn't pressure me-'_

 _'I'm not just talking about Luke. You're just as capable of putting pressure on yourself. It changes everything. Just, just please, promise me you'll, you'll go slow. And...and I want, I want you to be able to talk to someone about this, I...I know it, it might be awkward with me but you can come to me with anything sweetheart and if not me talk to Karen she, she's there for you'_

 _'Because that wouldn't be at all awkward. Luke's her son Dad' She smirks. 'I promise I'm fine and I promise we'll take things slow'_

 _He's sure she's just feeding him what he wants to hear. 'And promise when, when that time comes you'll, you'll be hell bent on hiding it from your father- he doesn't want to see Lucas Scott groping his little girl'_

 _'Noted...sorry'_

 _'I wish you'd stop growing up'_

 _'I'll always be your kid'_

 _'Mm...'_

 _'So you, you're okay with it? Me and Luke?'_

 _He sighs. She wants his approval. 'If it's got to be anyone I'm relieved it's Lucas Scott. Just don't ever tell him that'_

 _She grins. 'It's our secret. He's it Daddy. I know it. I'm going to marry him and we're going to have kids and grow old together and it'll be perfect. We'll live around here somewhere and we'll help you on the farm and-'_

 _'Did you not hear me when I said quit growing up?'_

She wishes she'd taken his advice and stopped growing up. She sniffles. She gets a hold of her emotions and as she does she realises she's in his arms. A place she thinks she most definitely shouldn't be. But it feels safe. She doesn't know why she's surprised by that, she always did feel safe here. He feels different. He's still the same height though. Her head still comes to rest in the same spot.

'You feel different' He notes aloud. A shiver shudders through her because he always was thinking the same thing. It use to make her giddy. Now she's scared. Scared he's going to see inside her head. 'Smaller'

'I think you just got bigger' She drags her finger beneath her eye and pulls back. Her stare is a mixture of embarrassment and unease.

'Manual labour does work wonders' He flashes his teeth and she answers with a brief, amused smile.

'Sorry. I'm ridiculous. I don't know why I'm crying'

'No. I was out of line. You've just lost your husband I, I wasn't thinking' He disregards. 'I shouldn't have given her the picture. I just wanted her to see that her Mumma is an artist'

'I'm not' Her voice is small. 'I've not drawn in years'

'Well maybe now is the time to start again' He reaches for one of their abandoned brushes. 'You kind of already have with this room' She accepts the roller being held out to her.

'It's hardly a work of art' She bemusedly announces.

'Baby steps' He shrugs. 'And I actually would have to disagree. You make it look easy' His nose wrinkles as he compares their patches of wall. The paint on her surfaces is evenly spread, his on the other hand is somewhat patchy.

'It's fine. We'll just put a bookshelf on your wall' She teases and he sees a little smile. His smile. The one she always reserved just for him. And butterflies flap inside his stomach because she's here. His Peyton Sawyer is here. She might be different but she's still here and he's just seen a flash of it. A brief moment when she's letting her guard down and he wants to ask her so many questions but he won't. Not now. Because she's just been crying. She's just lost her husband. She's grieving. He needs to focus on just being here for her in whatever way she needs. Baby steps.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

The last time she was here was with Lucas. She can't escape him. He's everywhere in this town. She has a memory for every little place but this always was his favourite hide away. She liked to draw. He liked to read. She never could stand the silence of the library though. He'd forever be telling her to shush. She still doesn't like it. She's jittery enough as it is and the quiet only seems to emphasise every slight noise.

She's set the girls up in the kids section with a pile of books. Her stare keeps flittering over to them. Alexa is more interested in using them as building blocks much to her older sister's horror and Peyton can hear her hushed voice stoically trying to deter her little sister and encourage her in listening to a story instead.

The computer before her dings as the desktop finally loads and she tears her stare away. She opens the internet browser and hurriedly types. Her eyes warily glancing around to check she's not got any bystanders.

Peyton Banks. Her name flashes on the screen and she hastily clicks search.

It takes a moment to load. The internet is slow. The computer is old. It hums as it struggles to process her request.

She twiddles the ring that still sits on her wedding finger as she waits impatiently. She knows it's silly but she's yet to take it off. She doesn't feel free. Not yet. She knows the ramifications if he finds her without the silver band encasing her finger.

Their picture appears as news of her disappearance finally loads at the top of her search. She clicks on the first news site. There's a photo of him too. He's dressed in his officers outfit. There's sadness in his eyes but it's still there. That look. That anger. The look that has her unable to remove the ring on her finger.

She scans the article. _Presumed Dead. Memorial Service. Beloved Wife. Doting Husband. A whole community devastated by such an untimely death. Sweet daughters. Gone._

Her eyes soon trail back to the picture of her mourning husband. She's meant to feel relief. She's semi aware of that. This is what she wanted, this was the best possible outcome. This was proof that everything had gone according to plan.

But she doesn't feel relief. Because he's there, staring out of the computer screen at her.

Something has been taken from him. He's been robbed of his prize possession. The crease on his forehead is anger.

And she's sure if he ever realises of her sins, realises she's alive he'll hunt her down and make sure she's buried ten feet underground because she's the one that's robbed him of everything. She's his. In life. In death. And he won't forgive this.

And it doesn't matter that he's in a different country. It doesn't matter that he's not here, gripping her hand. She's still as much his here as she ever had been.

She closes the window hurriedly. Ending his reign of power.

Breathe in. Breathe out. She begins her daily mantra. _You're okay. You're okay. You're okay._

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

Lily inspects the drawing her new friend has shown her as Adele sits on the swing. She's enjoying have a friend, a friend that's nearer her age than her baby sister. It's nice having a friend so close by. It's nice that Lily is older. It's only fourteen months but at eight and ten it seems like more.

'They weren't best friends. She was his girlfriend!' Lily excitedly announces, a hand poised by her mouth as she loudly shares her secret.

'Mum said they were best friends' Adele refutes.

'Look' Lily rolls her eyes at Adele's naivety and prods at the paper. 'It's a heart Addie! Plus their names are carved on the oak tree down at the river. I can show you if you like' She wriggles her eyebrows temptingly.

'Do...is...do you think he still... loves her?' Adele wonders cautiously.

'Of course he does!' Lily wavers her hands exasperatedly. 'The whole town knows it! He's barely gone out with anyone ever and Mum says it's cause he gave his heart away a long time ago! Oooo if they get back together we'll be like...' She looks up, her brow furrowed in thought. '...I'd be your Aunty!' She giggles gleefully at the prospect.

Adele isn't so amused. Unlike Lily her concept of love is somewhat skewed. Mutated. Love isn't good. Not the kind between a man and a woman. Not between her Mum and Dad.

'Well my Mum doesn't love him anymore so that's never going to happen' She crosses her arms. 'My Mum hates him and I do too'

Lily's eyes become glassy in all of a second at the harsh words. She's sensitive and despite her year and a half on the smaller child she's not good at conflict. She's been bought up in a household where arguments don't exist. Where tears are met with hugs and kisses. Where discipline is issued with words and guidance and love. Above all love and she doesn't understand.

'Luke hasn't done anything to you' She diplomatically declares. 'I don't have a Dad either. My Dad died when I was just a baby. I know it's not fair but Luke would never try and take your Dad's place. He's good. He always looks after me and Mum. He's always here'

'I'm going now' Adele abruptly jumps up from the swing, snatching her drawing back.

'Addie wait! What's wrong?! Come back'

Adele turns into a run.

'I didn't mean to make you mad!' Lily desperately hollers. 'Adele please come back!'

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

She stares at her mother.

Everything was meant to be better here but suddenly it's not. Because there are too many uncertainties. Too many lies.

Alive. Her Grandad is alive.

Mother. Mother means love. Mother means trust. Mother means truth.

Peyton's words aren't any of those things.

'You lied' Adele's stunned open mouth eventually moves.

'No. Well yes, sort of' Peyton sighs and sits down on the bed. 'Honey please try and understand I, this wasn't something I could trust you with'

'Why not? I'm nearly nine. I'm not a baby'

'No you're not' Peyton agrees. Her child's pouting lips and angry stare are that of someone beyond her eight years. 'But you're also not a grown up and you shouldn't have to carry any of my problems on your shoulders. I'm sorry I lied. But it was best this way and when you're older I'll explain everything better. You've never met your Grandad but now, now you can have a relationship with him Addie, you can get to know him. He's going to love you so very much. He already does and you can go see him whenever you want'

Adele chews on the inside of her cheek.

Lies. Lies. Lies. Lies.

Grandad Larry is alive. Lucas & Peyton Forever carved on a tree. Not just friends. Boyfriend and girlfriend. Too many lies.

She narrows her eyes.

'Is there anything else?'

'What?' Peyton is a little taken aback by her daughter's delivery.

'Are you done? I want to be by myself' She curls onto her side.

'Addie' Peyton shuffles further up the bed, a tentative hand reaching out and resting on Adele's back.

She's shrugged off.

'Hey, don't be like that'

'You always said no one can tell you how to feel. Was that a lie too?'

'Of course not-'

'Well I feel like I want to be alone. I don't want to meet him. I wish he was dead. I wish you'd left me and Lexie with Dad. He never did anything to us. You're the one that made him mad. Everything is your fault'

A lump forms in the back of Peyton's throat. She knows these words are that of a child. They're untrue. They're naivety. They're hurt. But it doesn't stop them from making her heart ache and she can't speak. It's her job to reprimand. Her job to correct the warped illusion that her daughter's words cast. But she just can't. She can't because she's sure there is some truth in her last sentence. Everything is her fault.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

It feels like only yesterday that she was hauling her children through the vast stretch of woodland, navigating them to a new life. It feels like only yesterday but days half past. Twenty one days. Three weeks. Nearly a month.

She focuses the days on keeping busy. Keeping busy is key to her keeping her sanity. Because a busy mind means she can't think about anything else. Can't think about the husband that haunts her every move. Can't think about how her eldest daughter seems to hate her. So she cleans. Decorates. Cooks. Focuses on showering the girls with love. Visiting her father. Eating cake with Karen. Avoiding crossing paths with Lucas.

The last isn't so easy. He seems to always be there. Trying to offer a helping hand.

As he is now.

'Lucas!' She lets go of the bat and it clatters loudly against the hard wood floor. Her hand goes to her mouth, her eyes bugged out in shock. 'I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!'

'Urgh' He rubs his arm and shakes his head. 'My fault, serves me right' His eyes water.

'Are you okay?'

'I'll live' He blinks.

'I-I thought you were like a burglar or something' Something being her psycho husband. She can't help it. The initial relief of getting here unscathed has worn off and since her little investigation work at the library she's more uneasy than ever. She knows it's silly, the news had been the best she could have hoped for. It should have put her mind at rest but seeing his face...his steely expression- he was angry, not just sad and that put the fear deep in her bones.

'Understandable. Especially after I creeped up on you in the same fashion after you just got here... I shouldn't have come in- I tried knocking but there was no answer so I assumed you were out back. I just thought maybe I could fix that fence down near the stream for you' He points out the window and does well to ignore the ache in his upper arm- there's going to be a huge bruise there tomorrow but he won't make a fuss- certainly not in front of her. 'I heard you screaming at Lexie to be careful down there and I thought it might put your mind at ease if I fix it up so there's no unwanted accidents'

Her brow furrows as she scans his attire; Overalls. Boots. Tool box at his feet.

'Er...that...that's really sweet but really not necessary'

'It's no trouble' He smiles.

She doesn't. Because he keeps helping her out and his help means she'll owe him something, that's how she perceives it anyway. It's a lesson she learnt long ago. And she doesn't want to owe anyone anything. Ian helped her with her car that day when it broke down. He'd said she owed him a date for his efforts. She'd been blindsided then and there. She'd been so young and naive. The signs had been there all along. The way he chose her dinner. The way he spoke for her. It had been on the cards from the very beginning but she refused to be dealt the same hand twice. Never again.

'I think you should go now'

His smile falters because there's no jest in her voice. She's serious and he doesn't understand. He's only trying to help and he doesn't expect anything in return but right now her husband is in her head. He doesn't know that. All he knows is she hits him with a bat and suddenly he's the bad guy for wanting to help her out.

'You...you want me to go?'

'It's a kind gesture it is' She avoids his stare. The hurt in his eyes reminds her that this isn't her husband but she can't backtrack now 'But I didn't ask for your help and I'd rather you didn't keep dropping by'

Bewildered by her coldness he stands dumbfounded for a long moment.

He's at a loss for words and is half expecting her to start laughing before announcing she's just joking.

But it doesn't come.

'Fine. I'm sorry for trying to be of help' He finally mutters and then he's backing out the door and it clatters in his wake and the breath she hadn't known she was holding finally escapes her nostrils in a heavy exhale. But she doesn't feel better in his absence. Only worse.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'Luke mentioned that he dropped by to see you the other day'

Her eyes dart to him. '...Does he do that a lot?... Visit you I mean?' She wonders.

'Every couple of days or so' Larry admits.

She swallows. Her brow furrows. 'Why?'

He smiles. 'Jealous?'

'Dad' She berates and his smile widens because she sounds like a parent. Is a parent. And he couldn't be prouder of that.

'In all honesty I think it's because visiting me all these years makes him feel closer to you somehow'

'Dad'

'What honey? Whenever he's visited me I've felt closer to you so I can only imagine it's the same for him. I'm only being honest.'

'Well quit it. That's not why. He was always fond of you I guess'

Larry holds back the comment on the tip of his tongue. _Not as fond as he is of you._

'You could be a little nicer to him' He settles on instead.

She scrapes her hand through her hair.

'What is this? You were never keen on us being together and-'

'That's not true' His expression is sombre. All jest is gone. 'I know you know that's not true. You were my little girl. I just didn't want you growing up too fast. I love Luke. Please tell me you didn't run off because you thought I didn't approve-'

'No, no' She wearily interrupts. She's defensive that's all. Defensive because she doesn't want to talk about Lucas. Defensive because talking about Lucas means dealing with feelings that she's never dealt with. 'I know I was a bitch okay? I just, he- he caught me at a bad time and he made me jump and I went psycho on him and I just...I need him to stay away from me Dad. I'm all over the place and I can't handle all the questions that he's no doubt got'

'He kind of deserves answers sweetie' He softly reasons.

'I know...I just can't right now'

'He'd be a good friend honey. It doesn't have to be more than that. You were always friends first. You don't have to tell him anything you don't want but don't shut him out completely'

'I was never able to shut him out Dad- that's the problem. I...I don't, I can't- I can't be with anyone. Not now. Maybe not ever. All I want is for the girls to feel safe and like they can trust me and that, that means just the three of us' She reasons. 'Addie hates me enough right now because I made her think you were dead. What kind of mother does that? But I couldn't trust her with this, I- I couldn't. Ian had to think you were gone otherwise he would have sought you out when I supposedly died, and I- I know it's selfish. I should have taken them somewhere else completely. Somewhere that has no links to me what so ever but I just- I couldn't be away from you anymore Daddy so I- I-'

'Hey' Larry cuts in as her voice begins to waver. 'You did what you had to. Adele will come round. I'm good at waiting. When they're ready to come here you'll know. She'll get over it honey. I promise'

'You can't promise me that'

'I can. She's your child which means she's a whole lot of stubborn. I know her mother so there's no way she's not that. But see I also know that she'll come round. You always did'

'Not always' She corrects.

'You're standing here aren't you?'

'Nine years too late'

'It's never too late until it's the end'

She kneels before him. It's become her favourite spot. Crouched before him. Her hands resting on his knees. She feels safe here. Feels like she use to at six when he'd seemed so big and strong. When she'd thought he could protect her from the world. He couldn't protect her from herself though, he couldn't protect her from her choices. He could only guide her as best he knew.

'Don't push Luke away baby. Let him help you. You need support more than ever. I'm useless in this chair-'

'You're not useless. Once I've sorted the house out you can come home again and-'

'No. I don't want that. Okay? I'm happy here. And you visiting is all I need okay?'

She nods okay. But it's not. Nothing is okay and she doesn't know how to fix any of it.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

 _Adele Delaney_ The name looks strange to the eight year old. It's not her own. She's only ever been Adele Banks. It looks funny and she doesn't like how it sounds.

'That's great Addie. Can you do it again?' Peyton enquires. Her voice is calm. Soothing. Mothering.

Adele scrawls her name again. _Adele B-_ She stops. 'Sorry I-'

'No baby don't be sorry. That's why we're practicing. You've only ever written Banks so your hand needs to practice. Try again D-E-L-A-N-E-Y' She dictates.

 _Adele Delaney. Adele_ _Delaney_ _. Adele_ _Delaney_ _. Adele_ _Delaney_ _. Adele_ _Delaney_ _._

'That's it baby. Beautiful'

'I don't like it' Adele disagrees. 'That's not my name'

'No. No it's not. But your name isn't Adele Banks either sweetie. Not anymore, Okay? So we just have to pretend. And, well Delaney is special. It was my Mother's maiden name'

'What's maiden name mean again?'

'It's the name you have when you're born and sometimes if someone decides to get married they want to take their partners surname, remember?'

'You took _Dad's_ name?'

'Yes'

'But you said your maiden name is Sawyer not Delaney?'

'It is Sawyer. Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer. Delaney is my Mum's maiden name. She married my Dad. Larry Sawyer. So I'm Peyton Sawyer'

'Why can't I use that one, I like that one' Adele decides. She likes how it sounds. Or mostly she likes that it's her mother's.

'Because you're, he, he knows that's my maiden name honey. And I don't want you being put on record as that because it will make you easy to find'

'But he thinks we're dead right?'

'Yes. Yes. I just want to be on the safe side. So can we use my Mother's name? She was beautiful Addie - She was the best mother. She's watching over us here. You should be proud to use that name'

There's a lengthy pause as the child ponders her Mother's words '...Okay. I. I don't mind...' She resolves. '...Mummy I...I'm sorry. I don't wish we were back home. I don't. I don't wish you left us. I don't wish Grandad was dead. I don't think everything is your fault' She blurts suddenly. It's been playing on her mind. That look on her mother's face, so similar to anytime her father had sent a swift kick into Peyton's gut. Only it had been the eight year old's words. Not her father's hands.

Peyton squats before her and grasps her little girls hands. 'You don't need to be sorry. I know'

A tear escapes Adele's worried eyes. 'I really didn't mean it'

'I know. It's okay. I know all of this change is hard baby and you'll never know how sorry I am. I know you're feeling all sorts of things. I am too. It's going to take us a little while but I..we have to stick together. Okay?'

'Okay'

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She loiters.

Her daughter's apology is what's bought her here. The children have found Raven and are making a fuss of the soppy golden retriever and she's tempted to join in and forget her motive for being here.

But she doesn't. Because if her eight year old can say sorry she can too and this is just one of many apologies that Lucas Scott is owed. She's got to start somewhere.

She finds him in the garage.

He's hunched over the bonnet of a rather run down truck. He's shirtless and her eyes trail down the contours of his back. In her ogling she fails to notice the tools on the floor.

The clattering noise makes her presence known.

'Peyton' He smiles. He forgets he's upset with her. Forgets the last words spoken to him from those lips because those lips are undeniably perfect and she can say as many horrible things to him as she likes. He'll forgive her. Always has. Always will.

'Sorry you're working I should come back-'

'No, no' He wipes his oily hands on the back of his jeans. 'Is everything okay?'

She nods. He's being nice. He's being nice and she doesn't deserve it.

'What're you working on?'

'Mr CarMichael's truck broke down this morning. I'm just doing him a favour'

She nods. 'Is your Mum around?'

'She's still at the cafe. She should be home about six if you wanted to talk to her'

She nods again. Pauses. '...She must be so thankful that you're still here'

'Sometimes. I think she doesn't like that I left my life in New York to return here. What she doesn't get is that my life here is ten times what it was back there and I want to be here for her'

'You were living in New York?'

'For a few years but, she was struggling with Lily by herself and you Dad needed help...' He trails off. He sees the guilt invade her eyes. That wasn't his intention.

'She's lucky to have you'

'I'm lucky to have her'

Peyton nods once and then she's shaking her head because her father has just entered her mind and thoughts of him here by himself needing her send her to a dark place that she doesn't want to get trapped in. 'Look I just, I came to apologise for the other day'

'No need-'

'No, there is. I was rude' She bravely locks eyes with him.

'A little'

'I didn't mean to be' She expels hastily. 'It...it's just...my...the girls have been through a lot and I just, I want them to feel safe here and I want them to be settled and that doesn't involve introducing a new guy into their lives so soon after...not that...I don't mean that you, that we...I just, I know they're...Addie especially, she's anxious and...'

'I was just trying to be your friend Peyton. I know we were kids but we use to be the best of friends- I'm still that person. We can be friends again'

'I know. Which is why I'm here... I know it's no excuse but I, moving here, it's knocked me off kilter and I-I'm just a little messed up right now and I really am sorry. Can we...it would mean a lot to me if we could start over?'

'Of course we can' He smiles. His calm nature makes her uneasy. She's become accustomed to anticipating anger but he's thrown no insults in her direction, nothing but kindness and it's different. Good different. Refreshing. 'Where're the kids?'

Peyton's eyes shift through the open garage doors, at ease to find the two youngsters in question as she'd left them playing in the field. 'They love being outside. Where we use to live we were surrounded by woodland and I hated letting them play where I couldn't see them but here it's better...would be perfect if there were a fence near the stream...'

'I'll get on it after we've had a coffee' He's itching to get out there and help her in anyway possible.

'You sure you don't mind?'

'I'd never have offered if I did' He grabs a shirt that's been abandoned on top of the truck and pulls it on and as he does so she sees a dark bruising on the side of his arm, caused by her her own hand and her stomach clenches with guilt.

'Your arm. God I'm so sorry.'

He laughs. 'No, no. It's fine. honestly. It's just a bit bruised, I'll live. Come on I've got a fence to make'

'It doesn't have to be right now, you're busy'

'I'm doing a favour. The truck can wait. Stopping Lexie from wandering off and having any unwanted accidents isn't something that can wait'

Her stare averts back to her children once more, her heart fluttering with his sincerity.

'So coffee?' He's already leading her out of his workspace toward the house. 'We can drink it on the veranda so you can keep an eye on them'

A small smile graces her lips. 'You must think I'm stupidly overprotective'

'Not at all. They're your children'

'I just, I, I'll be better at giving them a bit of freedom when we've settled in' She wrings her hands together as she shadows his steps.

'Naturally. So Coffee or something cold?' They're in the kitchen now and he's poised before the cupboard that's held mugs ever since she can remember.

'Coffee would be...nice...thank you'

He smiles at her sudden politeness. This, them like this is entertaining in a way. They were never like this. There was never formalities or politeness. They were open books to one another. But he'll take her politeness over whatever she threw at him the other night.

'I really am sorry about the other day Luke'

Luke. He's missed her saying the shortened version of his name. He shakes his head with a small smile. 'Already forgotten' He's not sure what fuelled her cold reception the other day but he gets it, he gets that his presence must make her feel uneasy. He's sure it must be strange having another man in her house, a man that isn't her husband. He's sure she's eager to make sure her children know that their father can't be replaced.

'Let me help you' She feels lost hovering near the door and walks further into the quaint room, heading for the fridge in search of milk. In her haste she knocks one of the mugs to the floor. It crashes. Cracks. Splinters into pieces. 'I'm so sorry' Panic swells in her chest. Her feet carry her backward until she's got her back pressed to the wall 'God I'm such a klutz' She's use to ramifications to such accidents. Name calling. A hand colliding with her cheek. Or none of those things. None of those things at all but sweet words like _Darling what's wrong? It's just a mug? Why do you look so worried?_ Words that make her feel insane for her body's reaction. 'I'll replace it I swear'

Lucas shakes his head, his expression half confused half intrigued at her reaction to the accident. 'Peyton it's no big deal. I break one of these things every week'

His tone jars her stare to him. She notes the way he's looking at her like she's lost the plot and all her apologies die.

'Right' She nods and then laughs and he watches her cheeks blush with embarrassment. Only it's not the bashful embarrassment he'd spent his teenage years endeavouring to achieve. It's not shyness. It's humiliation.

She ducks her head, hair falling over her face.

'Are you okay?'

She nods vigorously. There's a stinging sensation in her nose and a lump in the back of her throat.

'You sure?'

'Uhuh' She swallows. Blinks. Reigns in the onslaught of emotion. 'Sorry I'm just, I guess I'm a little jittery today'

'I noticed'

Her head snaps up at his statement. She wonders what else he's noticed. Has he noted all her neurotic tendencies already. Does he think she's completely crazy. Does he see how nervous he makes her. Can he tell that she sleeps with a knife under her pillow. Can he tell that she checks the locks at least six times before going to bed. Can he tell that she gets up at least three times in the night to check on her children.

'Peyton are you sure you're okay?'

She blinks, realising she's just stood staring at him. She shakes her head silently thinking that of course he thinks she's mental. Why wouldn't he? She is mental. 'I'm fine. I'm sorry. Bad nights sleep'

'You're not sleeping?'

Now he looks even more concerned and that's the last thing she wants.

'I think it's just the stress of moving you know? It's been making me act crazy' She brushes off. 'Seriously I'm fine'

He doesn't look convinced. He's not but he nods in agreement. 'You've been through a lot and it's been a long time since you were here. It's going to feel strange but I think you'll soon be settled, it'll take a little while that's all. Once the kids are in a bit of a routine it'll feel just like home again' He assures her.

She nods and forces a tight smile. 'You're right'

'Have you looked or thought about starting Adele at school yet?'

'Actually the last couple of days I've been thinking I should try and sort that out. I don't want her to fall behind I just...it's mid term and I'm nervous for her...kids can be mean'

'Are you thinking of sending her to our school? Lily's there. She'll look out for her'

Peyton nods. 'Yeah. I want to look around and check it out though. I was wondering maybe, if you're not super busy on Thursday if, well I could ask Karen but she'll be at the cafe won't she? And she's been helping with the girls so much by looking after them whenever I visit Dad and well-'

'Peyton' He smiles and shakes his head. 'Just spit it out'

'Right. Would you mind looking after them both? Just for a few hours while I go look around a few of the schools just so I can be sure before I make a decision'

'No problem' He agrees easily 'I'd love to'

'Yeah?'

'Of course'

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The first half hour of having them is awkward. They've been spending a lot of evenings here whilst Peyton visits Larry, they've been at the dinner table when he's gotten in from tending to all his jobs on a handful of occasions and it was never awkward then. It's awkward because his Mother isn't here. It's awkward because being alone with them means he's got no one watching him, no one wondering why he's staring so hard at the eight year old girl. It's awkward because he's caught up in wondering all sorts of things. _What's your favourite colour? How old were you when you took your first step? First word? First tooth? What makes you scared? What makes you smile? Laugh? Cry? Are you mine? Are you mine? Are you mine?_

'What are you looking at?' Adele enquires.

He's set them up at the table with paints. Something he figures is safe. Something he figures they must love doing, Peyton Sawyer is their mother after all.

He blinks and shakes his head. 'Sorry. Nothing, nothing at all. You just look so much like your Mum when she was your age'

'Well I'm not her' She folds her arms. She doesn't want to paint. She doesn't want to be here. Especially not here with him. She doesn't get why she doesn't get to go with her Mum anyway. It's her that's going to school, her that should get to pick which one it is.

'No. You're not her' Lucas nods in agreement. 'To look at you're very similar, that's nothing to be upset about- your Mum is beautiful' Her scowl intensifies. 'But you're definitely not her- Peyton Sawyer would have loved this kind of thing- you don't want to paint?'

She doesn't but she doesn't want him to be right either so she picks up a brush and begins prodding it at the blank bit of paper disinterestedly.

'You don't have to if you don't want to, you don't have to do anything you don't want to'

She says nothing and he's about to be brave and ask her if somethings the matter because there's obviously a big something bothering her and it's making him nervous because she's never been unhappy in his mother's presence and he's not sure what he's doing wrong but Alexa's hold on her paint palette garners his attention as it wobbles precariously in her grasp.

'Lexie careful you're going to-'

He's too late in his warning, the paint palette slides onto her lap.

The next few moments has him stunned in silence. He watches the interaction between siblings. Is frozen by the oldest child's quick movements. He can't move. Doesn't assist them. Instead he watches Adele slip from her seat and fetch a dishcloth.

'Don't cry. It's alright' She lifts the palette back onto the table and mops at her little sister's top.

'I didn't...I'm sor-'

'Shush' Adele reprimands. 'I'm fixing it. It was my fault. Not yours'

Lucas snaps out of his trance at her harsh whisper because it was no ones fault. 'It was an accident' He interrupts their hushed exchange. 'Don't worry kido' He addresses Alexa's screwed up face. 'It's just paint.'

'She doesn't like mess' Adele tells him coldly.

'Well, it'll come out in the wash. Good as new' He assures. 'Sometimes it's fun to be messy' He smiles and dips his hand into the paint.

Alexa's eyes bug out and her quivering lip ceases, instead her little mouth opens in wonder.

'See' He drags his finger across the page before wiggling it in the air at them. 'Want a go?'

Lexie sucks her bottom lip into her mouth and cautiously imitates him, stretching her arm up and dipping her finger into the paint. A small smile finds its way onto her face as she slides her finger across the page.

'See' Lucas smiles. 'It's alright'

She looks back up at him and grins when she notes a blob of blue paint on the tip of his nose.

'What?' Lucas feigns ignorance.

She giggles. 'You've got paint on, on your nose!' She chants.

'No?'

'Uhuh!' She nods her head vigorously. 'Tell him Addie!' Her jubilant expression wanes somewhat when she looks around for her sister but she's skulked off.

'Don't worry' Lucas shakes his head, focusing his attention on her. 'You stay here and carry on painting. I'll go check on your sister'

'Okay' She agrees, eagerly returning to wriggling her fingers in the paint.

His eyes linger on her for a moment longer, confusion furrowing his brow.

He doesn't understand. Not at all.

Because in this moment he doesn't think these children can belong to Peyton Sawyer.

It doesn't matter that they're dead ringers for their mother. Because the Peyton Sawyer he knew, well there was no way her children couldn't like getting messy. There's no way that a simple game of painting would be foreign to them. Because even if she'd not picked up a pencil and drawn for years he's sure Peyton Sawyer would still be all about being creative, especially with her kids.

He finds Adele loitering on the stairs and holds back for a second, taking in the child's slumped shoulders and perfected scowl.

'What's up kiddo?'

Adele doesn't look up or acknowledge his presence in anyway, urging Lucas to approach.

'Addie?' He crouches at the bottom step to the child's level. 'What was that? Back there?'

Adele's green eyes slowly trail up, her expression fierce.

'Why did you take the blame?' He wonders. 'Not to mention, over something that was an accident?'

'Some people don't like mess'

Lucas tilts his head to the side. 'Maybe, but you can't help accidents from happening. And mess...well it's very welcome in this house'

'Why?'

'Because, well...it's fun isn't it?' Lucas tries a smile but isn't surprised when it's not returned. 'Have I upset you somehow Addie?'

'Stop calling me that. Only my Mum calls me that'

He swallows. 'Okay. Sorry I thought...well I thought that's what you liked. What's wrong?'

'Nothing'

'Nothing' He repeats. But he's starting to think there's a whole lot more than nothing bothering this little girl and he wants nothing more than to free her from whatever is eating her up. 'Okay. Well if you want to ever talk about...nothing...I'm right here. Anytime..okay?'

She doesn't answer.

He doesn't press her to.

He'll find out somehow.

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'How was it?'

'Long' She's exhausted. 'And pointless because I can't see her being anywhere but our old school' She admits.

'Yeah but it was still good to make sure and now you won't ever wonder if you made the right choice'

'I guess. Were they okay?'

'Yeah' Lucas nods. 'Actually no' He pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. 'I'm sorry I know you've had a long day...'

'What happened?' Peyton looks confused and as his eyes meet hers he sees indignation there, he sees fight. He knows she's ready to defend her children and he loves her for it.

'It's just Adele. Lexie's been good as gold' He shifts his weight. He's not eager about throwing the eight year old under the bus.

Peyton looks down the drive to where Adele is slouched against the wall.

'It really doesn't matter. I'm not mad but I think it's probably important that you know'

'Know what?'

'Well she, she didn't seem that happy from the moment she got here and well, well after lunch she keyed my car'

'She what?' Peyton's eyes bug out.

'Well she claims she didn't do it but I watched her do it'

'I can't believe she'd do that'

'Well I'm afraid she doesn't like me very much today' Lucas exhaled. 'I'm not sure if I've done something to upset her, she's barely said a word the whole time she's been here apart from when Lexie got upset'

'Lexie got upset?'

'She got paint down her. Doesn't like mess that one huh?'

Peyton swallows thickly. 'Er no...we need to work on that' She mutters, running her hand through her hair.

'Well I got her finger painting' Lucas smiles.

'You did?' Peyton's surprise is evident but she's soon shaking her head and looking towards her brooding daughter.

'Addie' She calls.

The eight year old looks up, a glower on her face and Lucas thinks she looks like a doppleganger of her Mother in that moment and also beyond her years.

'Here. Now'

She pushes herself off of the brick wall reluctantly and stomps up the path.

'Peyton you don't need to say anything-'

She ignores him. 'Why on earth would you key Lucas's car?'

'I already told him- I didn't do it. You're taking his side!' Adele exclaims. Her mother always took her side. Always and Adele had watched her father slap her for it on more than one occasion.

'He saw you'

'You believe him? I didn't do it'

'Adele'

'I. Didn't. Do. It. I hate you!' She exclaims vehemently before racing down the drive.

'Adele get back here'

The child's locks bounce as she enters the adjacent field in the direction of their house.

'I'm sorry Luke. I don't know what's gotten into her'

'It's seriously not a problem. I just thought I should tell you'

'Yeah, of course. I'm glad you did. I'm so, so sorry. I'll pay for-'

'No, no. Not necessary. She's just a kid and she's been through a lot of changes recently right? She's bound to act up a bit and I'm in her line of fire'

'I better go after her. I'll see you later?'

'Sure'

'Thanks for today. And really. I'm sorry'

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'Why did you do that today baby?'

'I didn't'

Peyton sighs. 'Honey I know things have been difficult but things are different here-'

'He likes you'

'What?'

'You were his girlfriend'

'What?'

'Lily said so. He still likes you. Lucas likes you like _He_ liked you. You promised it would just be the three of us. The three musketeers. You said so'

'It is just the three of us-'

'You like Lucas.'

'I've known Lucas a long time Addie, he's my friend and sweetheart he would never hurt me, you or your sister. He's not like your father. He'd never do that. I promise you. You can trust him'

'I don't like him'

Peyton smiles sadly. 'Okay. But I do honey. And I think you would too if you gave him a chance'

'I don't want you to see him Mummy. Please' Adele pleads desperately. 'You can't. I won't let you'

'You won't let me?' Peyton's brow rises as she looks down at her.

'No. You have to do as I say' She snaps aggressively and it summons a dread in Peyton that makes her stomach turn. She sees Ian. Sees it in her eyes and prays she's not too late in getting her out of that environment. Prays she's not seen too much.

'I think you're forgetting who's the parent here'

And then she's crying and Peyton isn't scared, she's heartbroken. 'I don't want anyone to hurt you again Mum. Please. I can't...I can't protect you-'

'Oh baby. You never have to protect me' She cups her face and forces her to look at her. 'Its my job to protect you, not the other way around' She feels like she's a failure because her daughter is saying things that she shouldn't be. 'Darling I'm safe. And so are you and Lexie and I'm so sorry that I couldn't get you away from your father sooner, I tried-'

'I-I know M-mum. He. He wouldn't, wouldn't have let us go'

She rocks her in her arms like she did when she was just a baby, a frown on her face.

'H-he l-loved you t-too m-much'

Peyton stops her soothing swaying, her hands instead coming up to grasp her face firmly. 'Addie' She shakes her head. 'He didn't love me' She feels the need to correct her obscured vision of love. 'Not like someone should. Love is selfless baby. Do you know what that means?'

She shakes her head beneath her mother's hands.

'It means that you put that person before yourself. That you'd do anything for that person, to make sure they're safe and all you want is for them to be happy' She explains. 'And if you're in love with someone you should be equals. Your Dad didn't see me as his equal Addie. He told me what I could and couldn't do. And if I didn't act as he thought I should he thought it was okay to hurt me. He only ever thought about what he wanted.' She strokes her thumbs over Adele's flushed cheeks. 'I love you selflessly. I would do anything for you. And I need you to be happy. And I don't want you worrying about me because I promise you sweetie, I will not make the same mistake twice. I was stupid and young when I met your Dad. I'm none of those things now and I will never let anyone near you unless I'm sure I can trust them.' She vows. 'I trust Lucas. Please try and believe me'

She sniffles loudly.

'We're just friends. And I..I could do with a friend. I've not had one of those for a long time. But that's all it is'

Adele says nothing.

'If that ever, ever changes you'd be the first to know. If you're not happy, I'm not happy. Nothing will ever happen with me without your approval Okay?'

'Promise?'

'Promise. You and Lexie are number one'

'Always?'

'Always'

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	9. Chapter 9

**A/N** Thanks to those of you still reading and thank you to those of you who left me some sweet words! x

Adele starts school. Lexie goes to a nursery for a couple of mornings a week. She's left to her own devices. And there's no preparing, no counting down the hours until all hell breaks loose. No it's just her time. And she spends it idly working her way around the house. Adding splashes of paint. Dusting off forgotten photographs.

And every now and then Lucas will appear, tool box in hand and he'll help her. Help her put shelves up, help her fix the tap that keeps dripping. And he'll ask her where she wants things and she'll say I don't know, what do you think? And he'll smile and tell her it's her house, her choice.

And it is her choice and she's slowly remembering how to make her own choices. Albeit it feels foreign but the good kind. The best kind.

And she looks forward to when both her children are home now. She doesn't fear what the evenings will bring. She basks in the afternoons of spontaneity. Lives for sunsets outside on the veranda, picnics in the field, long walks, tree climbing and laughter. Most of all laughter.

And Lucas.

Lucas. She can't help it. She wants to hold him at arms length. She wants to hide from him. But it's him. And he makes her feel like her. Makes her feel like the girl she use to be.

'Hi Raven' She brushes her hand over the golden retrievers head and a rumbling howl of approval leaves him and she smiles. 'Hello, hello' She giggles as he licks her hand.

'Leave her alone' Lucas shakes his head at the dogs antics.

'Aww. Poor Raven. Your Daddy's just jealous' She talks fondly to the dog and Lucas knows she's teasing but she's right. He is. He wants her full attention.

'So what do you think?'

'I was thinking actually, maybe we could wait till the weekend. Then you can do it with her. What do you think? If you're busy it's fine but, well is that okay?'

He smiles at her rambling uncertainty but most of all the evident flicker of excitement in her eyes. 'I'm not busy, this weekend is fine...although I'm not sure she's going to be thrilled at the prospect of spending time with me'

She cringes. 'I'm sorry. I know she's been...difficult with you...she just, she's struggled with me rerooting her, you know? Please don't take it personally. She'll come round. She will'

'I know. I always won you round when you were mad at me, didn't I? I'm sure my skills in that field might come in handy'

She smiles nostalgically. 'Thanks Luke. You've been so...amazing since we got here'

'Pleasure'

'God it's so hot' She hastily changes the subject and flaps her hand in front of her face. 'Too hot'

'Mm. Almost unbearable' Lucas agrees.

She wordlessly walks across the kitchen and fills a bowl with water, setting it before the dog. 'You must be hot under that thick coat' She pats his head as he laps up the water.

'I bought the sprinkler over. I thought the kids would appreciate it when they get home'

'That's really sweet Luke' She smiles. 'I think I'll definitely appreciate it too'

He swallows and wills himself not to think about her prancing around outside in nothing but a swimsuit.

'Do you want some water too?'

'Yeah, that sounds good' He watches her as she goes about pouring two glasses with ice and water and then she returns and their fingers brush against each other as she passes him his drink.

He notes her hand. He looks to the finger that his eyes have a habit of finding, or more precisely the glistening band he has a habit of finding. Only it's not there.

'Your wedding ring is gone' He speaks without thinking and is quick to backtrack. 'Sorry- that, it's...I just...'

'It's alright. It just felt like the right time' She admits, running the tip of her finger round the space where the band once sat. Her finger still feels naked without it. It was only last night that she bravely slid the ring from her finger.

Like every other time she's ever removed it anger is what fuelled her actions. Only fear didn't have her hastily putting it back on as all those other times. She'd determinedly walked away. He didn't have any control over her anymore, well that was her new mantra at least.

Lucas's brow furrows. He finds the disappearance of the wedding ring strange. After all, his mother still religiously wore the ring that Keith had slid onto her hand and he was convinced that even if she met someone else that the band still wouldn't be going anywhere. It meant too much to her. It made her feel close to her husband in someway, something she'd never be willing to sacrifice.

She reads the look on his face. Knows what he's thinking, always did. 'It's just a reminder, you know? Every time I look down. And right now I, I don't want that'

He supposes her blurted explanation is good enough reason. He supposes it is a constant reminder of the man that is now missing from her life. A hard thing to face when you're trying to move on and get through day to day.

'Right' He nods dumbly. 'If...you do know you can talk about it with me...if you want to? I, I'd be happy to listen if you want to talk about him, talk about how he-'

'Thanks but I, I'd rather not' She's never been more thankful to hear the pattering feet of Alexa.

'Luke!' Unlike her older sister, the three year old is besotted with Lucas Scott. And he's kind of fond of her too.

'Hi pixie!' He lifts her up and swings her around, much to her delight.

'I'm not a pixie! I'm Lexie!'

'You are?!'

'Uhuh!' She giggles.

And Peyton watches on.

Guilt. Adoration. It's a cruel combination and flowers in her stomach every time she sees him interact with her children.

It's what has her craving his presence. It's what has her frightened every time he's near. But right now she wants him to keep drawing the shrill laughter from her youngest daughter. Because that sound makes everything better and eases her constant turmoil and for a moment she can forget everything; the past is gone, there's just the now and in this moment, now doesn't seem so bad.

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He douses the dish in the hot water for the umpteenth time because his mother's words are distracting and he can't focus on the task of washing up.

'I've not badgered you about this-'

'Then don't start' Lucas suggests, giving up on the chore and abandoning the sink.

'Luke it's been four months. Four months. I've not said a word-'

'And I really appreciate that Mum' He dries his hands on a dish towel. 'It's my decision and you clearly respect that-'

'I respect that' Karen confirms. 'I respect that but honey, come on, you can't run away from this forever'

'I'm well aware of that'

'Well when then? Do you think it's going to be easier the longer you leave it? Because you're wrong. You're doing what you always do Luke. You're fantasising about you and Peyton-'

'Mum-'

'No listen. I get to give you a berating lecture once in a while it's my right as your mother. I know you still have feelings for her. Anyone would have to be blind not to see that. I also know that you're scared of the truth because of your feelings for her. You don't want to be mad at her. You don't want her to be capable of this. Hell I don't either. But the thing is, it doesn't matter what she's done. It's understanding why. I watched you grow up together, she idolised you and you idolised her right back. I don't see her doing something like this without reason...'

'You're talking like you know Adele's mine. We don't know that'

'...I don't know...I just feel...'

He feels too. He feels it in the way his lips curls into a smile whenever he sees her little face, despite the scowl he frequently gets in return. He feels it in the way he wants to know every little thing about the child.

'If you don't talk to her soon I'm not going to be able to stop myself from doing it myself-'

'Mum-'

'I'm serious Lucas. I need to know. I need to know for you, for Adele, for Peyton, not just me'

'Fine. Okay?! Fine. I'll ask her okay! I'll ask her this weekend' He huffs before storming off.

She doesn't believe him for a second. He doesn't believe his riled words either. But she's right. Everything she said is right and he's disgruntled that she knows him so well.

He doesn't want to be mad at Peyton Sawyer...the only thing is, he kind of already is, has been for the last nine and a half years.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'What're you doing?' Adele huffs.

'Oh I just thought I'd try and make a tree house' Lucas shrugs, not bothering to glance up at the eight year old.

She skulks around the tree, keeping her distance. 'This is _our_ garden'

'Oh I know. Your Mum said it was okay though. In fact she suggested I wait till today so you can help'

Adele's scowl intensifies. 'I want you to stay away from _my_ Mum'

Lucas continues to rifle through his toolbox.

'You know when me and your Mum were little we always talked about building a treehouse here. We thought we could have a zip wire running from her window and mine to meet here so we could sneak out of bed and visit each other' He indulges the youngster.

Adele kicks at the dirt, her eyes inadvertently following Lucas's gesturing hand.

'Would've been cool huh?'

She doesn't answer.

'The thought gave our Mums grey hairs though and your Grandad Larry said we'd have to make do with walkie talkies'

Adele slouches against the tree.

She's quiet for a long minute. She watches with curiosity as Lucas lays out the wood on the ground and for a moment she forgets he's the enemy because, well a tree house does seem exciting.

'Mum says you...you were best friends when you were my age?'

Lucas averts his eyes to the little girl for the first time. 'Oh yes, we did everything together'

'Like what?'

'Mm...well making dens, looking for treasure, all the normal stuff...'

'Treasure?'

'Uhuh' Lucas smirks, he holds out a hammer to Adele. 'Here, can you take this a sec' The youngster obliges, her mind elsewhere.

'Mum said you were best friends but that was a lie. I'm not stupid. You were boyfriend and girlfriend'

He balances the required screws he's just located on a plank of wood and regards her. 'Well your Mum wasn't lying. We were best friends. But you're also right; as we got older we became more than friends...' He answers truthfully and hopes his honesty won't get him in Peyton's bad books later. 'Addie?'

'Mm'

'Listen, I, I know you're protective of your Mum. And that's good. I'm exactly the same with my Mum but I just want you to know- I know you don't like me very much right now. I know you've just lost your Dad and I'm so sorry but I'd never try...' His words lapse as he struggles to find the right words. 'I'm not trying to take your Dad's place and I'd never do anything to hurt your Mum. She's my friend and I just want to be your friend too'

She ponders his words.

He doesn't wait for a response.

'And when we're done with this tree house I thought Lily and you could turn it into your very own clubhouse' He eagerly steers the conversation back to the task at hand.

She can't stop the small smile that creeps onto her face because her very own clubhouse does sound sort of cool.

'I might even have our old walkie talkies knocking about somewhere- I'll have a dig around and see if I can find them for you and Lil...How does that sound?'

She keeps him waiting for a bit longer and his anxiety heightens because she's not said anything in what feels like forever.

'You think we can build the zip wires too?' She finally murmurs.

The unease in his stomach evaporates in all of a second with her question. 'Keep dreaming kido. I think your Mum wouldn't approve of that idea'

'But you just said you both wanted that!'

'Yeah, but see when you get bigger all you can focus on is the possible broken limbs that come with that idea' She doesn't argue. She won't push her luck. A tree house is still beyond cool. 'Hey, how has school been?'

'...Okay. I like my teacher. I made some friends' She answers and he grins, not that he lets her see. He keeps his stare focused on the bits of wood. He grins because she's talking to him and it's progress.

'Oh? That's great news...do these friends have names?'

'Lucy. Jack. Audrey...and Lily...Lily's always nice to me'

'I'm glad to hear it. I'd be having words if not' Lucas winks at her. 'Right. We need to bash this nail in here. You wanna have a go?'

He positions the nail and urges her to hit it.

'What about your fingers?' She worriedly inquires.

'I trust you. You can do it'

She hits his finger a bit the first time but he doesn't bat an eye lid. She does it just fine the second try and she soon has the nail in place and her grin couldn't be wider nor anymore similar to the one that he's sporting himself.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'What? No...No, She...I thought her husband died...' Karen murmurs. She sinks back into the chair that she'd jumped out of minutes ago. She drops her head into her hands.

She's not stopped moving for the last five minutes. She's been the complete contrast to Larry's unmoving body.

'I think she's, I don't know, I think she desperately doesn't want Luke knowing any of-'

'Larry' Karen's face is contorted as it springs up from her hands. 'No, don't ask me that' She pleads. 'He's my boy. I can't lie-'

'I'm not asking you to lie I'm asking you not to divulge this, there's a difference'

'There's not' She disagrees.

'Please Karen, you can't talk about this with him-'

'Why tell me then? Why tell me at all if I can't even-'

'You know what she's been though and-'

'Don't make out that I went through something similar. This isn't the same Larry. Not even a little. Dan hit me once. I sent him packing after, you know that'

'I know. I know it's not the same but I'm worried. I'm stuck in here and she's out there and I can't protect her-'

'I don't know how many times I've told you, you don't need to be in here. The house can be adapted and I can come over every day and Peyton's there now she-'

'And like always I will tell you how grateful I am for your kindness but it's unnecessary and I'm not about to burden my daughter with having to care for me'

'She'd want-'

'Well this is what I want.' His eyes are glassy. 'I want her to be happy. I want her to live the life she deserves, that she was always meant to have... I just needed you to know this so you're aware, so you can keep an eye out for her and maybe, maybe you'll be able to talk to her about this...how, how do you think she's been?'

Karen swallows. 'Well now that you, now that you've told me I can...it explains a lot...' She determinedly blinks away her tears. 'So her husband thinks she's dead?' She's still trying to get her head around everything he's just confided.

'I don't know. I really don't. She just said she tried to make it look like they'd been down at the river and...drowned'

'Nobody does that, not unless they have no other choice. Nobody would do that unless they'd been put through hell' The words spout from her lips and she instantly regrets her thoughtless rambling because Larry only looks more distressed.

'She must have been so frightened and for so long' He hoarsely agrees.

'She's safe here Larry'

'Is she? How do I know he's not going to figure out she's alive? How do I know that?'

'You don't. But I know now. You know. All we can do is keep an eye on her. All we can do is what you just said yourself- give her the life she was meant to have...' She wrings her hands together. Opens and closes her mouth. The question burns in the back of her throat. 'Can... Can I ask you one thing? Is, do...is...'

'Karen what is it?'

'I have so many questions Larry and I know it's unfair to put you on the spot, especially right now after everything you've just... but I just...it's...'

'What?'

'I...I need to know...Is...is...'

'Is?'

'Is Adele Luke's?' Her stare is unblinking as she tries to read his expression. 'I need to know Larry. It's killing me'

'I...I don't know the answer' He confesses. He can't say Karen's suspicions are dissimilar to his own however, he too has wondered that same question. 'You know we weren't on good terms back then'

'I know' Karen nods, her disappointment unmasked. 'I just thought perhaps after all these years she might, you might, you might've gotten to the bottom of her running away and...'

'Believe me, I still have many questions but I, I don't want to risk loosing her- I'd rather never have answers than loose her again and everything, everything she's been through...'

Karen's head bobs again. 'I won't say anything, not now...God why didn't she call Larry? We could have got her away from him! We could have helped'

'It's a little more complicated than that and there's so much that I don't even know. All I know is she felt like it was impossible to leave' A tear races down his cheek. 'You think she's like Luke then? Adele?' He sways the conversation back to his granddaughter.

'I think so...so much. I, I don't know maybe I'm reading too much into it but she...she's him and her. She looks just like Peyton but her mannerisms they're... I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong... Don't you know what I mean?'

'I've still not seen them' Karen's mouth opens in surprise. 'I think she'd given them both the impression that I'd passed away'

'What?' Karen's horror heightens.

'She didn't want to give her husband any reason to seek me out and well, if I'm dead why would he?' Larry explains. 'Adele wasn't so understanding when Peyton came clean with them. She didn't understand why Peyton couldn't risk trusting them with such information. Of course Lexie doesn't even understand but it's taken Adele a while to accept but she...well apparently she's finally agreed to come see me. Peyton's going to bring them next time she comes...'

'Larry I'm so sorry...I know she's left them with me a lot so she can see you but I thought she'd still bought them over here'

He shakes his head. 'In all honesty I was kind of relieved, I'm nervous they'll be scared of me...seeing me, here, like this'

'They'll love you. How couldn't they?' His expression conveys doubt. 'They will' Karen sternly announces.

'I know' He agrees, his uncertainty still as present as ever. 'Thank you...for everything Karen, really. You've done so much for Peyton. I know that. And I know it can't be easy- especially with all the questions you have. Lucas is your son and not many people would be able to dismiss all those questions you have and be so caring'

She swallows the lump in her throat. She's as conflicted as ever. Because he's right. Lucas is her son. But at the end of the day Peyton has always been family too. Especially since her mother's untimely death. Karen had taken it upon herself to be the maternal guidance in the young girl's life and like Larry, she too feels like she's failed the young woman that's seemingly been through hell and back and she just wants to make it right. Make it right for Lucas, Peyton and those dear children that she's already found a special place in her heart for.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'I bring you lemonade' Peyton's voice startles him.

'Oh, hi' He smiles up at her.

'Sorry-'

'No. Don't ever be sorry' He accepts the ice cold beverage and takes a slurp. 'Mm thank you. That's good. Just what I needed. I've been working up a sweat out here'

'I can see' She instantly blushes as he kinks his brow at her. 'I mean...not like...I just...you're...'

'Look at you getting all flustered' He laughs. 'Relax. Come sit. I'm watching the sun set'

She hesitantly sinks onto the grass beside him. 'This is...amazing- Adele's been having so much fun out here Luke. I can't believe you just whipped this up without instructions or anything' She looks up at the nearly finished tree house.

'Is it like you imagined when we were kids?'

'Better than what I imagined' She grins. 'I only wish we'd actually got to play in it'

'I hear you're pretty tight with the owner- I think she might allow you to go up and check it out' Lucas teases.

She smiles. 'That's very true'

'...I've not sat over here for a long time. I forgot how pretty it was watching the sun go down from your house' He states, his stare on the burning sun that's sinking in the distance. Peyton watches the glowing light on his face. 'Can you remember sitting here?' He wonders, averting his gaze to look at her.

'I remember' She bashfully recalls. How could she forget? 'We spent a lot of time here'

'Mm. Not a whole lot of time watching the sun setting though huh?' She bites her lip and he's certain she couldn't look any more adorable as she glances down. 'Those are some of my fondest memories' He admits.

'Sure they are' She shakes her head.

'They are!' He exclaims. 'You letting me kiss you was a dream for me'

'Luke' She shakes her head as a blush continues to creep up her cheeks. 'That's not how I remember it'

'No?'

'You always acted like I was unattainable...but you lured me in from the day I moved in. It was me chasing you with your dazzling blue eyes not the other way round'

He chuckles. 'Oh really? I'm so sorry. Are my dazzling blue eyes luring you in now?'

Her heart races and she avoids looking at him because she's scared that's just what they're doing. Because she feels like she's fifteen again only he's not the sweet, inexperienced young boy she once knew. He's a man. And that scares her a whole lot.

'I'm just teasing'

'I know' She murmurs softly. 'You always did like to tease me'

'I seem to remember you being the one that did the teasing. I followed you everywhere, did everything you wanted to do'

'I was awfully bossy'

'No. Stubborn. Fearless. Not bossy. You just knew what you wanted'

She snorts. 'No. I didn't. I just wanted you. That's all' She blurts and her hand nearly flies out to cover her mouth in precaution because words she doesn't want to say out loud keep slipping free.

'I've always thought of you Peyton, even after all this time' He confides seriously. She shakes her head. She finds that hard to believe. She didn't deserve to be a part of his thoughts. Not after what she put him through. 'I did! I was completely in love with you...That night was...still is the best night of my life'

'Lucas'

'It was!'

'We were kids'

'I know but that doesn't mean it didn't mean anything'

She feels a lump forming in the back of her throat because he's reminding her of the devastation she'd felt the last time she'd been here. Because she'd been so happy. So, so happy. And then it was like a domino affect...

'I'm sorry' He hastily apologises. 'I've upset you'

'No...no. I like that you thought about me. I thought about you too. I just, I guess I thought you'd have forgot about me... I know I hurt you' Her voice has become quieter and he strains his ears to listen.

'You don't forget your first love Peyton. Especially when it was never officially over' He bluntly exhales.

'...Sometimes I wonder...how things would have been different if I'd never gone...' That's an understatement. Sometimes had become more like daily in recent years.

'It would have been different. If I could go back there's no way I would have let you get away. I would have stayed up all night to make sure you didn't run' He nudges her and she smiles sadly because his words are tilted with jest but she knows he's not joking.

'But then I wouldn't have Lexie' She murmurs. '...and Addie' She spouts suddenly.

His heart thrums in his chest. Her words say so much. He clears his throat '...It's funny how things have a way of working out though. Maybe then wasn't our time. Maybe this was always on the cards; for us to meet again, to be bought back together'

Butterflies flutter in her stomach because she likes how he thinks, because he has such faith, still after all this time. And her faith has faltered. Significantly.

She blinks, shaking herself from her trance and he seems a lot closer than he was a few moments ago.

He is closer and he's leaning in and she jerks back abruptly.

His advancing halts instantly and his crestfallen face makes her heart twinge.

'I'm sorry I just-'

'No, I'm sorry' He apologises. 'I shouldn't of...'

'I'm not...I'm not ready' She looks down at the grass. 'I'm not sure I'll...I'm not sure I'll ever...'

He nods. 'That's okay. It's okay'

'Is it?' She wonders. She's not a child anymore. She's not naive. She sees the way he still looks at her. Knows friendship alone isn't his sole motivation for every time his offered to help, every time he's been there at her doorstep.

'Of course it is. Peyton I can be whatever you need me to be' He bravely declares. He wants more. He wants so much more but he'll take whatever she offers.

She bites her lip. 'I like you being my friend again'

'I'll always be your friend' He holds his hand out and she hesitantly places her smaller fingers in his palm. 'It's gone'

She joins him in looking back at where the setting sun had been just seconds ago.

She squeezes his hand.

The sun might be gone but the undeniable connection they share isn't. It's still as magnetic as it was at fifteen.

She can feel it tingling through her fingers where they're touching, like an electric forcefield.

And suddenly saying it is easy for him. It's the right moment.

'...Adele...She's mine isn't she?' Her stare jerks to him. '...It's okay... I know.' He stays focused on the horizon's pink skies. 'I think I knew from the moment I saw her'

She swallows thickly. She can feel a heat rising in her cheeks. A knot forms in her stomach. This isn't meant to be happening, not now, not here, not like this. She's not ready. 'What, What're you talking about?' She slips her hand free from his.

His nostrils flare and he pauses before answering 'Don't do that. Don't try and make out that I'm being ridiculous. It's the first thing Mum said to me after seeing Addie the first time'

'Karen' Her mouth is dry and his mother's name is all she seems capable of muttering.

'I didn't want to believe it. Not at first. I didn't think it was possible but I...it's been nearly four months. I've seen her practically every day and Mum is right. She is like me. She might be all you in looks but... I'm not stupid. I can do the maths'

She pushes her tongue to the roof of her mouth. She says nothing. Words are lost. She has rehearsed lines floating around in her head because this day had been something she'd once dreamed of, despite being inconceivable. And then, since being back, the notion of confiding the truth was suddenly unbearable.

'Well are you going to say anything?' He turns to face her then and her eyes are wide.

'...Why...I don't...I don't know what to say... Why...if you...why haven't you said anything before now?'

'I don't know I guess I didn't want to be mad at you'

'You hate me' She decides. It's a meek whisper. A quiet confirmation without physically saying the words and he takes in a sharp breath.

A daughter. He has a daughter.

'...No' He exhales. 'I could never hate you' It's the god honest truth. 'I am angry' He discloses.

She nods and looks down at her hands. 'You have every right to be angry. You should hate me'

'I don't understand...I just don't understand. I know we were kids but I have no idea why you left. Not a word. I would have been there every step of the way. I would have been a great Dad. I would have looked after her. I would have looked after you. Didn't you think I could do it?'

Tears have arisen and he almost reaches out to stroke them away but he doesn't.

She frowns. 'That's not it...that's so not it. It wasn't about you-'

'Don't give me the it's not you it's me line. Just don't. Did I hurt you?'

'What?' Her eyes are wide.

'I replay that night over and over and it was the best night, it was but you were gone when I woke up and I can't help but think I did something wro-'

'You didn't do anything wrong' She cuts in. 'God please don't think that. You didn't hurt me'

 _'Luke'_

 _'Mm' His kisses are assertive and his hands are fumbling at the waistband of her jeans._

 _'There...something...I...'_

 _'Do you want to?' He withdraws from her neck. His breathing is laboured and she briefly wonders how and why they ever waited. Because she wants him. She wants him all the time. Everyday. She'd thought they had so much time. And now that it's all slipping through her fingers she wants to go back and she'd let him have her that very first time he kissed her because one night seems so cruel and it's never going to be enough and she thinks maybe it would be best if they don't. Because it's just going to make everything harder._

 _'The last couple of fays...' She wants to tell him. She should tell him. She always tells him everything. Only telling him will be loosing him and despite the inevitable she can't help but prolong the agony because he wants her. Right now he still wants her. His cheeks are blotchy with the tears he's shed. She's responsible for those tears, not that he knows it and it breaks her heart and she wants to take it away._

 _'Have been the worst days of my life' He finishes her sentence for her with a nod only that's not what she was going to say. She's the reason for the worst day of his life. 'But as usual you're here Peyt. You make everything better. You're always saving me' His lower half presses against her. 'I know we decided we'd wait till-'_

 _'No' She shakes her head. 'No I don't want to wait. I want you. I'll always want you Luke' She arches her back. 'I love you' Her fingers scrape through his hair. 'I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry' Her voice is hoarse. 'I wish I...I wish..' She wishes she could go back and redo the last two days. She still can't get her head around what happened._

 _'Shh. I know'_ _He unfastens her jeans and_ _eagerly goes about tugging them down and she tries to get ahold of the torrent of emotions raging inside her. 'Fuck you're beautiful Peyt. How are you so beautiful?' His hands smooth up and down her long legs. He's consumed by her._ _Right now he doesn't know how he's going to get through this but he knows she'll be here._ _He's concentrating on her. He doesn't want to think about anything else. Nothing but her. She's his distraction. She's what will get him through this. She's his angel._ _'You're beautiful. You're so fucking beautiful'_

 _She wishes he'd stop. She doesn't deserve his complements. Not for a second._

 _His hands grapple her legs around him and she tries to stop thinking because right now she knows she's completely detached from this, from him._

 _Whenever they've done...stuff she's been right there with him, completely consumed by the unavoidable heat between them but right now she's not where Lucas is at. And if this weekend hadn't been as awful as it was he'd know. Because he's so in tune with her but as it is, grief governs him and he's oblivious. And she's glad. She doesn't want him to see. Needs him to just think about himself right now._

 _'Do you know how many times I've imagined this' His voice husks lowly in her ear and suddenly he doesn't sound like a boy at all. 'About all the things you'd let me do to you, about how you'll feel. About how I'd make you feel'_

 _His words thrum through her, hypnotise her and she wills him to take her. Take her away from the god awful thoughts that have taken residence in her head. She just wants him. And she wants to be present. She doesn't want to be detached. This is their first time but that's the last thing on her mind. She just wants to remember everything. If this is the only time they get to do this she wants him to have her completely, just this once and she wants to remember everything. Everything._

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

She's sitting at the top of the tree house.

Lucas told her to go back up to the house because it was getting late but he doesn't get to tell her what to do. She did go for her Mum's sake, not his but when she'd peered out her bedroom window to look at her new pride and joy and caught sight of her Mother walking across the grass she'd become envious. She wanted to be back in her tree house. So she'd tiptoed from her room and down the sloping lawn to scurry up the ladder unseen whilst Lucas was busied by her mother's sudden presence.

A gleeful smile had played on her lips as she'd reached the platform undetected and gained herself more time up in her new beloved tree house.

He might not be able to tell her what to do but he was right; This was a good idea. She likes it up here and she thinks maybe she likes him too. Not that she's about to admit that. He's different to her father. He told her to be careful multiple times when he watched her climb the ladder for the first time. Her legs had wobbled on the sixth rung and his hand had been there behind her to stop her from slipping. _I've got you._ He'd reassured her. He'd grinned and cheered when she'd reached the top and the eight year old had giggled at his celebratory dance.

Up here it felt like she was up in the sky. Up here she was safe. Up here she was like a bird. Up here really was Wonderland.

She lays down and presses her face against the base of the treehouse. She trails her finger along the grains of wood. Lucas said that things are much better when you make them yourselves. Lucas said that her Mother would be insanely jealous of this hideaway. He said this was all she'd wanted when she was little. He said all it needs now is a tyre swing and then she can fly just like her Raven Mumma. She didn't understand. He'd explained. He'd told her how her Mother had always wanted to fly. How she'd broke her leg trying when she'd jumped off the hay bales at seven.

She wants to be brave like her Mother. She wants to be a Raven too.

'I'm sorry. I'm so sorry'

Her mother's voice drifts into her consciousness. She's not been listening but her mother's choked words garner her attention and a knot is quick to form in her stomach. She shuffles forward on her front and nervously peers over the edge.

'If I could go back I would Luke. I'd go back in a heartbeat'

'I've not been there for her. I've...I've missed it all. I've missed every moment. Her first tooth. First smile. First time she walked. Laughed. I've not been there to dry her tears or kiss her good night. I've not been there to love her Peyton'

Adele stares at Lucas. He's not smiling. Not like all the other times she's seen him. He looks sad. Even from all the way up here she thinks he looks sad. But so does her Mother.

'And that's not all that kills me. I've missed doing it all with you. Some other man has been bringing up _my_ daughter with you. You've been sleeping in another man's bed. I know it's horrible for me to say that, I know it's awful because you've lost your husband but I thought we were going to be together forever'

Adele grips the boards beneath her. She's holding her breath. She definitely doesn't want to be caught spying, not now. More importantly she doesn't understand or maybe it's not that she doesn't understand and more that she doesn't want to.

'I nearly put her on a bus so many times. She would have been better off with you. I know you think she hates you but she doesn't- You might not have seen it but behind closed doors I've never seen her smile so much in the last couple of weeks and that's you, it is. She deserved you. She's needed you. But I...I couldn't do it. I love her so much. I was...I was selfish...I've always been selfish'

'No. Stubborn. You've always been stubborn. You're not selfish. You've always been selfless. You wrote my name on your homework when we were ten because you didn't want me to get told off because I hadn't done it and then you got in trouble for not doing the work when you had done it. You told Mum you took those cookies off the work surface. You yelled at those girls when they were teasing me because I didn't want to jump off that cliff. You saw Dan hit my Mum. She told me. She told me a few years ago that you saw and you stopped me from coming out of my room because you wanted to protect me from that! You told me to go to Brooke Davis's party even though you didn't want me to. Because you thought I wanted to date her. Because you wanted me to be happy. You were always trying to protect me. You were always trying to save my feelings and make things better for me even if it meant you suffered for it...I've rehashed that day over and over and over. Something had to have happened. You leaving..it was about me. You were always protecting me...was it about protecting me? What...what was it? We're grown ups now Peyton. I'm a man. I can handle whatever it is that made you leave me. Please. Just tell me the truth'

Adele edges back on the platform. Her little heart is pounding in her chest. She wishes she wasn't up here in this little wonderland because she's trapped. She wants to run, run, run. Her hands creep up over her ears to block the words reaching her from below so they're now a distant hum.

'What are you doing?' Lucas demands in alarm as he watches Peyton push herself off the ground. Unlike Adele she can run. At least try for a moment.

'I..I just...I can't do this right now'

'Peyton!' He exclaims. He jumps up in pursuit. 'You can't do this right now?' Her pace quickens and he jogs beside her to keep up. 'Well when would be a good time?! I'm damn well entitled to know why I've been denied the right to be a father to my own daughter!' He grows tired of this ridiculous chase and grabs at her retreating form as they reach the barn.

She instantly halts in her tracks. It's best not to try and escape the attack. It only makes it worse.

'I'm sorry...'

The slap she's anticipating of course doesn't come. His hands release her. Smooth over her cheeks. 'Peyt...please' His beg is a whimper. 'It's me. What are you so scared of?' He's close. His forehead suddenly presses into hers. She can feel his breath on her lips and she's remembering. Remembering every single touch they ever shared. Every moment that was just theres. How his lips felt. She's sixteen again and she's his. Nobody else's. It's just them. Them against the world. Forever. 'You told me you wanted everything with me. You told me you loved me and then I wake up and...' He trails off. 'Isn't that meant to be some jackass guy move? To leave the morning after?' He abruptly takes a little step back and rakes his hand through his hair and her bottom lip wobbles because the gap he's just created between them is suddenly unbearable. 'It was the worse weekend of my life. You cried with me you held me...'

'I'm sorry' She whispers.

'I don't want to hear that you're sorry Peyt I just, I want to know why. I...I knew you. I knew you completely and there, there has to be a reason'

She shakes her head in disagreement. She doesn't want to share her reasoning. She's been enjoying having him in her life again and she knows the second she's honest he'll have no desire to be sat within a metre of her. Why did he have to do this? Why now? They'd just been watching the sun set. She wants to go back and sit on the hill. She doesn't want this conversation. 'There wasn't a reason'

'I don't believe you. Do you know that I searched non stop. That we all searched. I thought you'd been kidnapped or something. I thought someone had fucking taken you and then you made contact with your Dad and you wouldn't tell him where you were and...' He trails off. His cheeks are getting hot. His anger is starting to simmer dangerously beneath the surface. 'Keith had just been taken from me. I needed you'

'I know'

'You know?' He laughs but it's not in amusement. 'Did you never love me?'

Her face crumples. 'Don't think that. Never think that. Of course. Of course I did. You were my world. You were everything Luke. Everything'

'Clearly not...I did hurt you didn't I?' Her eyes widen because she's seeing the ramifications of her actions. He's not moved on. He's not gotten over this. Not that she has either but she'd hoped his anger would have made him let go of her. She'd believed that but he's still torturing himself and what's worse is he's blamed himself all this time. 'I hurt you didn't I? You wanted to wait and I-I just...after everything that happened I wanted an escape and that shouldn't have been you. I pressured you-'

'You didn't pressure me. God you never hurt me. I wanted to just as much as you. That night meant so much to me Lucas. So much' She backs up as he approaches her again.

'It did?' He takes her trembling hands.

'Yes' She exhales.

'Then why?' He begs.

She swallows.

He's close again. Too close. She wants him close. She wants him as far away as possible. She tugs her hands out of his hold and tries to walk by him but his fingers halt her escape. Fingers curl around her upper arms.

Her body stiffens in preparation. She anticipates being slammed back into the wall behind her.

But this isn't her husband. The hands on her aren't controlling. They don't seek dominance. They hold her in place but his thumbs rub soothing circles on her goose pimple covered arms. 'Don't run away from me. Please Peyt. You owe me this conversation.'

Her heart is racing. She's in self defence mode. Her eyes are flittering around the barn, seeking out a weapon in case she needs it. But it's Lucas and his kind humming voice reminds her that he'd never do what her husband always found necessary.

'Why're you scared of me?' He can see the fear in her eyes.

A tear races down her cheek.

'I'm not' She disagrees.

'No? You're shaking' His hands drift up and down her arms, a finger coasts across her cheek and wipes that tear away.

'I don't..I don't want to talk about this'

'No' He can see that much. 'But you've avoided this talk for too long. Aren't I entitled to-'

'I didn't love you...okay?' She cuts in, her voice wavering. 'Is that what you want to hear?'

His stare is icy. It's the last thing he wants to hear. It contradicts everything she just declared. That possibility had broken his heart all that time ago and it breaks his heart now but the thing is, hearing her, seeing her say those words out loud...he doesn't believe her. Not for a single second. Her words contradict what her glassy eyes say so effortlessly.

'I'd like to hear the truth' His answer is gruff. He's loosing patience.

He steps closer. His tense body invades her personal space. His forehead is suddenly pressed against hers once more.

She pushes herself back into the wall but doesn't make another bid for escape.

He expects a shove to his chest. Because if it's one thing she's always been it's stubborn and if she doesn't want to talk...well he'd never been successful in making her do a single thing she hadn't wanted to. He wants to see the wrath of her glowering green eyes but that bright, fierce light was distinguished long ago. She's submissive.

'I've never moved on' He cups her face. 'Never. I've been heart broken and livid with you but never have I stopped loving-'

'Don't. Please don't say that'

'Why? It's the truth'

'No. Stick with the anger Luke. Be mad at me. Hate me. That's what I deserve'

His nose brushes hers as he nods. 'You deserve that. But you also deserve not to be judged because I don't know the motivation behind what you did and I deserve to know that motivation Peyt. I deserve the truth' His hand seeks out hers. Her nostrils flare and she bites her lip as he presses her palm to his beating heart. 'This still belongs to you...Don't you remember? Don't you remember us? What it was like?'

Everything he'd declared only half an hour ago in concern to not needing anything asides from friendship is forgotten.

An amalgamation of emotions floods his senses and the only thing he does know is that he still and always will love her.

And it's that thought that has his lips boldly seeking out hers. Because he so badly wants to go back to that time that seems so long ago. That time when he got to kiss her everyday. That time when she was his. And she so badly wants to go back too. And for a moment she delights in his tongue sweeping across her lip.

He kisses her and for a brief moment she kisses him right back.

But it's not the same. He tastes the same and she relishes in that but he's not sixteen. He's not unsure of how any of this works. He's a man with desires and needs. He knows what he wants and right now he wants her. But she's not that girl. And she doesn't know how to be what he's searching for.

His hands find her hips and panic begins to swell in her chest as his body presses intimately against her. He's a man. Not a boy. And the boy she'd known would have been cautious, would have taken his time because he always wanted to make sure she was okay but she doesn't know this man. Doesn't know if he's still that. She knows her husband, she knows he lacked patience, knows he'd fuck her against this wall right here, right now and it's that thought that has her little hands pressing against his chest.

He withdraws instantly, his breath laboured.

'Sorry' His fingers pinch the bridge of his nose. 'Fuck. Sorry. I'm sorry..I didn't mean to do that...I'

And he's still that boy and it makes the tears that have gathered in her eyes overflow.

'I just, you're...fuck...I missed you Peyt. I miss you' She nods. His thumbs wipe her tears away. 'I'm sorry...I know, I know you're not ready I-I did mean what I said earlier, I don't need...I want to be friends I just...fuck...please just...just tell me why' She says nothing. 'Please baby' She's quiet for a long, long time and he's seconds from hitting the wall beside her because frustration ebbs through him.

'Dan' She exhales shakily. 'Dan is why I left...well partly'

His brow furrows, her voice is a mere whisper but he hears.

'He convinced me...it was for the best. He convinced me that you wouldn't want me...he said he wouldn't tell if I went...but I, I couldn't leave without saying goodbye. That's what that night was. I never meant for that to happen but it...you wanted me so badly and I couldn't say no, I couldn't help it'

His hands are gone from her and he clenches his fists. 'What? I don't understand' He grinds out.

'I ran because, because I was scared of telling the truth. Scared of you hating me. So I made it easy-'

'Easy? You think I found you disappearing easy?! You think I found it easy when your Dad said you were happy. That you had a boyfriend! I was your boyfriend Peyton. Me. You didn't even end it!' He blurts angrily and he spins away from her.

'I didn't want to end it. I wanted to be with you!'

'Yeah? You did a grand job of getting as far away from me as possible!'

'It was my fault' She looks up at his pacing form then. 'Keith...' He freezes. 'Keith was my fault. I killed him'

She's been terrified a million times in the last ten years but she's never been as scared as she is in this very moment.

His face tilts back to look at her.

'I did it' Her voice breaks. 'That's why! Because I couldn't bear you hating me! I couldn't bear telling you that!' She blurts.

And there it is. Her biggest secret. Nearly ten years of not telling. Of pretending.

'What?'

'Dan saw me running...He put it all together...He saw me running back to your house...' Her hand wipes under her running nose. 'He said if I stayed he'd tell the police! He said he'd tell you. I didn't mean to do it. It was an accident- I don't know what happened- Keith, he was showing me how to aim and I- I don't know what happened, I was holding the gun and one moment everything was fine and then he was on the ground... I ran to get help and then everyone was talking like it was murder and I got scared and then Dan interrogated me-'

'Dan shot Keith Peyton' Lucas cuts her off suddenly.

Everything stops.

'Wh-what? No...I- I did. I was the only one there'

'You didn't do it. And Dan did it. Not you. He's in prison for it'

Her knees wobble.

She's hot. She's cold. She remembers. She sees flashes of it. It feels so real.

 _'Aim'_

 _She points the gun at the can that's balanced on the branch._

 _'Take your time'_

 _She breathes. In. Out. In. Out._

 _'When you're ready squeeze the trigger'_

 _She shoots._

 _The can topples._

 _'I did it! I did it!' She jumps up and down. 'Did you see Keith?! Did you?!' She spins around and another shot sounds._

 _She jumps._

 _She looks down at the gun in her hand. Her fingers are squeezing the trigger._

 _Her ears are pounding._

 _Keith falling._

 _Blood._

 _What did she do? She didn't mean to._

 _Run. Run for help. Run._

 _Dead.  
_

 _Murdered._

 _Killer. She's a killer._

Lucas is there as her legs give way, arms catching her before her knees hit the ground.

'It was me!' She splutters. 'I...'

'No, no it wasn't. That's why you left? He made you think you did that? He...' 'He shakes his head.

'I was the only one there! We were down at the river! I ran the whole way back to the house for help and by the time I got there you...the police were already there! And you said he'd been murdered! And I-I'

'Baby I don't know what happened when you were there but the person that killed Keith knew how to use a fucking gun. You didn't...the fired bullets matched Dan's gun. There were three shots. One to the leg. One to his head. One to his heart'

Her head shakes. 'I was there...it was just his leg'

'Don't you see, don't you see that perhaps what you thought happened didn't? Three shots were fired Peyton. You just described two- one to the can and then another? He could have survived a shot to his leg...how do you think the police and ambulances turned up so quickly? Because of Dan- because he'd notified them- he was the anonymous call'

She shakes her head because she refuses to see. Because believing this truth means knowing that she ran away from everything she ever wanted when she needn't have. She'd thought he'd not want her. She'd thought in her naivety that she'd go to prison. Albeit as the years went by she was sure her punishment wouldn't have been as severe as life behind bars because it was an accident after all. But she'd not even played a part in an accident. She'd had nothing to do with any of it.

A strangled sob reverberates from the back of her throat. A cry for the life she was meant to have.

'It's okay' He sits completely on the floor and pulls her shaking body onto his lap.

But it's not. It's not okay.

'I th-thought y-you'd h-hate m-me. K-Karen w-would h-hate me and-and L-Lily- I- h-her D-Dad...I-I'm s-so sorry-'

'You have zero reason to be sorry' Anger is raging through him but it's not for her, not anymore, no it's reserved to for someone else. For the man that gave him life. For the man that took away the life of his uncle. For the man that made his girlfriend think she was responsible for such horrors. For making her leave. For burdening her with this heartache. For keeping his daughter from him. It was all his fault. Dan Scott. He wishes his father wasn't in jail. He wishes for the first time since that satisfying day that he'd heard the judge declare him guilty and sentence him to a sentence that would never be enough, he wishes his father wasn't imprisoned. Because he wants to wring his neck for taking this angel away from him.

'I'm so-sorry! I'm so, so sorry!' She shakes her head and her hands latch around him. 'Don't hate me'

'God I don't hate you. You're so stupid. How could I ever hate you? Even if what you thought had happened Peyton, even then I'd not have blamed you! It would have been an accident. I could never have hated you. Never'

Adele takes a gasping breath. Adrenaline is pumping through her little body. It's a familiar feeling. A feeling that no eight year old should be familiar with because it's not excitement that fuels her racing heart, it's fear. Her fingers latch onto the wood of the barn entrance as she peers around the corner. A splinter pokes into her skin but she's too distracted to care.

She takes in her Mother. She's on the floor. She's crying. This is a scene Adele has witnessed one too many times. Only it's different. Because this man isn't kicking her Mother. She's not scrambling across the ground in a bid to escape. There's no blood. She's clinging to Lucas. She's saying sorry but Adele's not sure what for.

All she can think. All she can focus on is...is Lucas Scott my Dad?


	10. Chapter 10

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'Addie!'

Peyton claws at her head in exasperation. She doesn't understand her daughter's sudden outburst and she doesn't know if to go scream at the eight year old or to cry herself. She's been crying a lot since her breakdown with Lucas. It's all she can focus on and it's taking a toll; she's exhausted and Adele's antics are about to push her over the edge and she doesn't want to go there, not right now, not whilst she's trying so hard to keep it together for her Dad.

'Don't worry sweetheart' Larry's voice hums.

'I thought she was ready to come visit, I'm so sorry Dad. I don't have a clue what that was about. She was fine five seconds ago'

'Don't be sorry'

Adele is skulking near a tree not too far away and Peyton's brow furrows because she's finding it hard to keep up with her daughter's mood swings. She's not use to it. She's not use to the little girl's behaviour at all because she'd always been a rule follower. Always wanted to please her beloved Mum.

'You think I should go talk to her?' Peyton seeks her father's advice because she's at a loss as to what had sparked Adele's screeched demand that she wanted to go home, not when she was smiling a mere fifteen minutes ago. She knows she's been through a hell of a lot. More than the average child ever should but she can't fathom the anger that those little eyes have fired at her in the last forty eight hours.

'Maybe give her some space- I don't want her to feel like she has to be near me right now if she doesn't want to be' Larry smiles down at the three year old that is walking a plastic lion figure across his thigh. Unlike her big sister, Alexa is inquisitive and enthralled by this new person in her life and he has her undivided attention. 'Who have we got here then Lexie?' He asks of her toy.

'Tiger'

'It's a lion Lex' Peyton corrects.

'I know' Alexa chants with a comical roll of her eyes. 'His name is Tiger Mummy'

Larry chuckles.

'Oh I see, sorry that makes perfect sense' Peyton smirks in amusement, Alexa's words distracting her from her fretting over Adele.

'Uhuh' Alexa hops around over the patio paving slabs, carefully avoiding the cracks as she makes a roaring sound.

'Wow he's a fierce lion' Larry watches on with a bemused glint in his eyes.

'Nope. He's just attending'

Peyton bites her lip to stop the laugh that's brewing at the three year olds cute vocabulary.

'Oh pretending huh?' Larry smiles.

'He's a scardy cat but, but he, he attends and all the others aminals hide and he just wants to be friends' Alexa rambles.

'Oh dear that's no good'

'S'alright I look after him. I'm his friend' She proudly puts his worries at ease.

'Thank goodness, he'd be awfully lonely otherwise'

Peyton's temporary distraction is over in all of an instant because her father's words have her thinking of him here, all alone.

And it was all for nothing. She'd not been protecting herself. Not been protecting Lucas. She'd sacrificed everything and for...nothing. Because of Dan.

And those tears that she's been determinedly containing begin to gather in her eyes.

But she won't cry here. Not in front of her Dad.

She blinks furiously and tries to zone in on the animated conversation that both her father and daughter are having. But it's hard because as much as she wants to enjoy this moment it's tainted by so many things. Her life has been wrapped up in one truth for so long, only it's not a truth, not at all, it's a lie and it's that one little lie that had resulted in the life she's been leading all this time. And it was never the path she would have taken. Not for a second. She can see the life she was meant to have so clearly and she doesn't know how to process that. It's dangling tauntingly before her and she wants to grab it with both hands and never let go but she's pretty sure it's too late for that because she can't go back. She doesn't get a do over. What's done is done.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'Are you going to avoid me forever?'

'Hm?' Peyton moves around the kitchen with purpose. Glasses clatter as she puts them away. She's not in the mood for this conversation. Today has been long and she wants to curl up in a ball and just hide from the world...and Lucas.

But he's just showed up and apparently he's not getting the hint that she doesn't want to do this right now.

'You've been avoiding me for the last two days Peyton' He is getting the hint but it's taken a lot of courage to come over here and breach this subject...he's not giving up at the first hurdle.

'I've not'

'Okay...' He eyes her dubiously. 'Well can we talk?'

'I'm a little busy'

'No you're not. You're just stalling. Peyton come on!'

'I'm not. Your Mum took the girls to the park with Lily- they should be back soon, I need to go get them and get dinner ready-'

'I know. I spoke to her- I asked Mum to have them a bit longer and feed them'

She stops clearing away the cutlery and looks at him. 'What?'

'I asked Mum if she'd keep them for a bit longer so we can talk' Her jaw clenches. 'Don't be pissed I just want to talk and I know you don't want to so-'

'So you just go ahead and decide what I do for me do you?' Her voice is meek, a complete contrast to her irritated question.

'No' He's befuddled by her accusation. 'Christ Peyt I just want to talk about the other night. I want to make sure you're okay and I can't do that with the girls here'

'I'm fine'

'Yeah? Because you weren't. We need to talk about this'

'What is there to talk about?'

'Oh I don't know. Perhaps the fact that we share a daughter? Or maybe the fact that you've spent the last ten years believing you were responsible for Keith's death. Maybe the fact that we kissed. Maybe how we move forward from all this' He reels off what his own mind has been consumed with for the last couple of days.

'You know everything now. You wanted the truth, I gave it to you. What more is there to talk about?' She shakes her head in frustration.

'I don't know- like what we tell Addie?-'

'We tell her nothing' It's not a demand, more a desperate plea. 'She's been through so much recently Luke, please I don't think she could handle it. I don't mean not ever. Of course we'll tell her just, just not yet...please?'

'Okay' He nods. Her request is in the best interest of his daughter, he can see that. 'But we will tell her?'

She nods and her hands shakily scrape through her hair. 'I'm sorry...I know that's not fair. I know I shouldn't ask you that it-'

'No. I get it. I'm not a monster. The man she's thought of as her Dad has died and moving here has been a huge adjustment. I'm not about to contribute to any more pain. We won't tell her for now'

'Thank you' All colour has drained from her face and she takes a shaky breath.

'Peyt' His brow contorts as he studies her. 'Come here' He guides her to the nearest chair. 'Sit down. Are you okay? You don't look so good'

'I'm fine. I'm just...it's a lot...you know?'

'I know' He more than knows. 'And you've been dealing with all of this for far too long. Did...did _he_ know? Did you at least talk to _him_ about all this?'

She knows who _he_ is and the mention of _him_ doesn't settle her churning stomach. 'He knew Addie wasn't his if that's what you're asking. That's all. I've not told anybody anything else' In retrospect she's glad she'd kept her secrets to herself because it would've been just another misdemeanour that her husband could've cruelly used against her.

'You've been dealing with this all by yourself. All this time' Lucas's hands bawl into fists and the emotions that he's stoically kept under wraps becomes harder to disguise.

'Why're you crying?' She becomes panicked at his glassy stare.

He shakes his head, a sudden weary smile at his lips, but it's not amusement. 'Because! It breaks my heart Peyton. I know you loved Keith too. If I'd felt like I was responsible for his death, it would have killed me!'

'It has killed me' Her voice is stony. 'It's affected every aspect of my life and now, now I just feel...I don't know what I feel asides from ridiculously stupid'

'No. Don't say that. You're not stupid. That's the last thing you are.'

She shakes her head. 'God...Why're you being so nice?'

He snorts. 'Why would I have any reason to be horrible to you right now?'

'I've kept her from you Luke! Your own little girl-'

'And I get why...I get it. I don't like it but I get it. I don't hold you responsible for that. Okay? This is all on Dan. All of it' His arms snake around her and bring her into a warm, comforting hug and he relishes in the way her small hands lock around him like she's never going to let go. 'What's important is I get to be in her life, your life, Lexie's life. What's important is the future Peyt'

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'What's wrong?' Lily ponders Adele's fierce expression.

'Nothing'

Lily shuffles across the wooden platform and swings her legs over the edge. 'Luke gave me these. They're old but they still work' She extends a walkie talkie out to Adele. 'He said we could have them'

Adele's finger trails over the two names scrawled untidily on the back. _Lucas & Peyton. Best Friends Forever. _

'Are you sure you're okay? You seem...sad'

'Do you miss your Dad?'

Lily's brow raises. 'I guess... It's weird, I guess I can't miss someone I don't even remember but I guess I miss not getting to know him, miss not knowing what it feels like to have him here' She sounds beyond her ten years. 'I miss being normal because all the kids at school know that my Dad was murdered'

'Murdered?'

'Uhuh. My Uncle Dan. He shot him.'

'I..I didn't know that'

Lily shrugs and laughs. 'You're like the only person in town that didn't'

Adele doesn't think it's funny. 'Why did he do that?'

'I don't know. Mum says he was jealous because he use to be with her and then she married my Dad...I know my Mum misses him. Sometimes I feel bad because she says I have his eyes and I feel like I'm just reminding her that he's not here'

'That's stupid. Your Mum loves you'

'I know' Lily shrugs. 'But that's just how I feel...is that what's wrong? You miss your Dad' She assumes.

'No' Adele disagrees.

'You have to miss him. You did know him. It's not the same as me. I was just a baby'

'I don't want to talk about this'

'Why? Mum says it's good to talk about things if they're upsetting you. Best friends tell each other everything'

'We're best friends?'

Lily grins. 'Of course we are!'

'What about Lydia? She's the same age as you and she's in your class'

'I'm not that much older Addie. Besides, Luke says age is just a number. Lydie's one of my best friends but I don't live next door to her. I don't have a clubhouse with her. I don't have walkie talkies with her and I'd never have told her what I just told you...about my Dad' The ten year old rifles in her star covered back pack and produces a pen. 'Because I know you won't tell anyone. Best friends don't tell' She tugs the lid off with her teeth and grasps her walkie talkie, scrawling beneath Lucas's inscription (in a much neater fashion) _Lily & Addie BFF. _

'I won't tell' Adele agrees. She's good at keeping secrets. She's always been good at keeping secrets.

'Good. Nor will I. So your turn, tell me a secret'

Adele bites her bottom lip. 'It's a secret that you can't tell anyone. Not even Raven'

'I won't tell. I promise' Lily watches her curiously. 'I won't Addie' She assures her uncertain friend'

'My...my Dad isn't dead'

'What?' Lily's brow furrows. She stops her artwork on the walkie talkies and brings her legs up to her chest. She's angry in all of a second because people shouldn't joke about something so horrible. She doesn't let the bubbling anger show though because her Mum has taught her to listen, her Mum has taught her to try and be understanding. 'Why would your Mum tell people that if it's not true?'

'I don't think she did...she just didn't put them right. We can't trust anyone cause...well...He...he hurt my Mum...'

'Hurt her?' Lily's eyes bug out.

'We ran away because he...he hit her. All the time...he thinks we're dead. He thinks we drowned in the river and we don't tell anyone because if he ever found out' She shakes her head back and forth. 'I think he might kill us all'

Lily's anger is gone. Sadness creeps over her features.

'Did he hurt you and Lexie too?'

'No, just Mum'

'Why?'

'I don't know. She did things wrong all the time'

'What sort of things?'

'Talking to people she shouldn't. Wearing inappro-pri-ate clothes' She struggles with the word she's heard screamed a thousand times.

'None of those things are doing something wrong Addie. You're allowed to talk to whoever you want. You're allowed to wear what you want'

'I know. Mum knew that too. She tried to leave so many times. She thinks I was too little to remember. But I do. The last time she tried to properly leave was before Lexie was even alive. He broke her arm and...' She shudders. 'I had to go and stay with my grandparents for a while. They told me Mum had sinned and that she had to spend some time asking god for forgiveness and that if he didn't forgive her she'd go to hell and I'd have to live with them' She pushes her tongue to the roof of her mouth for a moment to stop the tears that have welled in her eyes from overflowing because for a little while she'd believed those sordid words. Believed her mother was bad. 'I know that's not true now'

'I'm so sorry Addie...I...I'm so sorry'

She shrugs her little shoulders. 'I thought Mum would be happy here but I think she's scared he's gonna find us...I'm kinda scared he's gonna find us'

'We should tell-'

'You promised' Lily startles at Adele's fierce delivery. 'Best friends don't tell. Remember?'

She nods. 'Best friends don't tell...Okay. Whatever you want' Lily agrees. 'But Luke's always real good at protecting me and Mum. I'm sure he'd protect all of you too if you told him'

'We don't need him' Adele dismisses. Her tummy hurts. She's too little to recognise it as jealousy. Jealousy over Lily's relationship with her brother.

'Here' Lily presses Adele's abandoned walkie talkie back into her hands. 'Keep this with you always, that way if your Dad turns up you can talk to me and I'll get help'

Adele looks down at the item. Studies Lucas's name above her own newly scrawled name. Father and daughter. That's a big secret she's definitely not ready to share. A secret she's not entirely sure she believes. 'How do you do it?'

'I think you just squeeze that button there and speak'

Adele follows Lily's instructions and holds it to her lips.

'Hello?' Her voice muffles from the other walkie talkie and Lily excitedly retrieves it.

'Hi best friend'

And despite the turmoil of emotion that the eight year old is battling, the crackling voice of her friend brings a smile to her lips and for a moment she's just a normal kid.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

Peyton stares at herself.

Her reflection had once been something that whilst wasn't exactly appealing to her, hadn't been unappealing either. She'd been okay with how she'd looked. Now? Now she's not okay with her appearance. Her confidence hasn't grown. It's been eradicated.

She hates herself.

She hates her hair. He'd loved it. Maybe that's why. Or maybe it's because she can frequently feel his hands tangling in her long tresses. Yanking, feet struggling to find purchase on the floor to stop the searing pain.

She holds the scissors, poised just below her shoulders, her hair gathered between the blades.

'There you are...' Karen startles her.

The scissors clatter to the floor.

'Oh honey, sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you. The door was open downstairs and I was shouting.'

'You were? Sorry, I-I must have been day dreaming. I didn't hear' Day dreaming was an understatement. She'd been in a trance. Her husband had a way of doing that. Controlling her. Even now, even when he was so far away.

'Are you cutting your hair?' Karen notes the fallen weapon.

'Oh...yeah. Time for change'

'It's so beautiful though'

 _Beauty._ She despises it. He'd repeatedly told her how beautiful she was. Repeatedly told her how he couldn't help but be protective because she attracted attention. How couldn't she? Her muscles would contract under his lustful gaze as she'd tense in disgust because he made her feel like a possession. Made her feel weak. The way she looked...it didn't mean anything...of course she wanted to feel attractive but since marrying her husband she'd well and truly learnt that essential lesson that beauty really was within.

Lucas had loved her. He'd loved how she looked. He had. But he'd loved her personality. He'd loved her heart a whole lot more than any of that. She'd known that every time he'd laughed at the sarcastic words she'd fired at him. She'd known that because he'd seen her. Seen all of her. Known all of her.

'Are you sure you want to cut it honey? There's a lovely girl I use to cut my hair- you might remember her from school, Brooke Davis? She has her own salon and she'd give you a trim and-'

'No. I it's fine' She shakes her head. 'I, I can do it myself. I'm ready for change you know? The upkeep is a bit of a hassle. And I miss the curls'

'...Okay well, do you want some help? It might have been a long time ago now but I did use to dabble in a bit of hairdressing when I was a teenager you know'

'Really?'

'Mm. Much to Lily's horror- she runs a mile when I come at her with the scissors'

Peyton smiles. 'I cut Adele's once. It was a disaster. She was too little to complain though'

Karen's bravery falters at the mention of her grandaughter. The emotion that has been lodged in the back of her throat since both Larry and her son's confiding words becomes suddenly almost to bear. And Peyton sees. She watches as Karen's smile dwindles and her eyes become glassy.

'What's wrong?' Karen says nothing. '...He told you didn't he?' She murmurs softly. 'Luke told you'

'Oh honey of course he told me...he was beside himself when he came in the other night'

Peyton nods once, her stare suddenly on the ground. 'I...I know you've probably come here to scream and shout at me but there's nothing you can say that I've not already said to myself. I know no amount of sorry's will ever be enough but I...I really am, you'll never know how very sorry I am' She rambles.

'Oh sweetheart' Karen's head shakes vigorously and she pounces on Peyton's floundering hands. 'Look at me' Green eyes hesitantly drift up. 'You don't owe me a single sorry okay? Not back then, not now. I'm not mad at you. Not for a second I'm just...I just wish you'd told me'

Peyton blinks furiously as her own tears build at the older woman's sincere words. 'Me too...I just...I don't know, I was stupid'

'No. You absolutely weren't. Dan, he's...' Karen grinds her teeth together. 'I know exactly what he's capable of and you were just a kid'

'I wasn't. I was so gullible, I should have known'

'I don't know what he said to you but I do know that he has a way with words, a way of making you feel guilty and responsible for things. He did it to me throughout our marriage and when _he_ had an affair. He did it to me when Keith and I finally got together. And you know what? It was only when I was stood in court and finally heard him plead guilty that I realised the depravity he really was capable of and I despised him, in that moment I've never hated anyone more because he took everything from me, us, all of us. But yet he gave me Lucas so despite that hatred I've had to come to peace with what he did because wishing I'd never walked into Dan Scott's life is like wishing my son and...grandaughter didn't exist' Karen smiles.

Peyton sniffles. 'I didn't want to keep her from him Karen...I swear I...I want her to know...did Luke tell you? I swear I won't hide this from her forever. We'll tell her, we will...just right now with everything that's gone on I...' She trails off.

'I understand. Lucas understands' Karen strokes Peyton's hand.

They're both silent for a long moment. Karen's reeling. She thinks now perhaps isn't the time. But if they're here having this overdue talk they should perhaps put everything on the table.

'Peyton I...I want to talk to you about something else too. Something that I think you perhaps might not want to talk about but I can't not say anything...'

Peyton jerks her head up as she comprehends Karen's questioning stare. She knows in all of an instant. She feels sick. Her trembling hands pull free from the fingers holding them in favour of rising to shield her face. She wants to hide from this conversation. Karen knowing about Adele and reasoning behind her abrupt departure all those years ago are one thing but this...

'Your Dad, he talked to me the other day about...' Karen begins but teeters off. Not that she's required to finish.

'I told him not to tell anyone.' Peyton's blood boils with anger. But it's not anger, not really, it's more humiliation.

'He's worried about you honey. For good reason'

Peyton's face crumples. 'Whatever he's said he's exaggerating okay?'

Karen says nothing for a moment. She determinedly swallows the persistent lump in the back of her throat. 'I don't think you'd be reacting like this if it weren't true sweetie and well, what he confided in me, it...it explains a lot' She carefully words.

'He sh-shouldn't have told y-you. I tr-trusted him n-not to'

Karen nods. 'I know. But he wouldn't have told me if he felt like he had another choice. You know that deep down- you think he'd risk loosing you after everything? He's just beside himself with worry. He wanted me to know so I can look out for you. He's not living with you. I'm closer by...'

'I'm fine. I'm not a child that needs babysitting' She twists away from Karen and sinks onto the edge of the bath tub. She wants to run, is half tempted to scarper through the open door but she's suddenly queasy and doubts she'll get that far.

'No. No one's saying that but if _he_ turned up here me knowing is a good thing isn't it? I can get help'

 _If he turns up here that's it._ Peyton despairingly thinks. _If he finds out I'm a-alive he... he'll kill me himself._

Karen squats down before her, her hand settling on Peyton's quivering knee.

'I shouldn't have come here...I shouldn't..' Peyton splutters.

'You should have. This is the only place you should be right now honey...Have you been to the police about this? You shouldn't have to feel like you're in hiding. We should get him put behind bars so you can truly feel safe and move on from this-'

'You don't understand he...it's not as easy as that'

'You might have felt like you didn't have enough support to fight this battle but you do now. You've got a whole support system-'

'You think that's what stopped me from leaving?' Peyton winces. 'That I didn't have someone to come and hold my hand? If I could've left I would' She bleats. This is what riddles her with anxiety. People judging her. People thinking they know what it was like when they don't.

'I'm sorry I...I just meant...'

'He made it impossible' Peyton exhales. She doesn't want to have this conversation but she sure as hell doesn't want Karen to make her own judgements. 'He's a police inspector'

'What?'

'And he...there's all these files about me'

'Files' Karen repeats.

'On all of the misdemeanours that highlight my inability to be a good Mum' Peyton hoarsely confides. 'But it's not true...none of it's true but it, it doesn't matter I- I tried everything. I swear. No one believed me or even if they did it didn't matter'

Karen presses her hand to her temple as the dull ache in her head begins to intensify.

Peyton watches her. Tries to comprehend what the older woman is thinking.

'He wasn't like it, not in the beginning- I'd never have...Adele was nearly one and a half the first time he...' She trails off. She's not spoken about this to anyone in so long. There wasn't any point. She's never spoken to anyone about this that believed her. She so badly wants Karen to believe her.

Karen swallows because her words don't put her at ease. Not in the slightest. Because this is years of abuse.

'He made me feel like it was my fault...I know that's stupid...Adele saw one day and that was the final straw... I didn't want to let her see that ever again so I told him we were done. That I was leaving and...he, he took her away from me. He told me he'd make sure I never saw her again if I carried on. He locked me in our basement and had her living with his parents. That was just a week but the next time I tried to leave with her he...he broke my arm but there's a report that says I did it drink driving with Addie in the backseat. I didn't see her for nearly 3 months after that night. He said if I didn't agree to get help then he'd get custody of her and make sure I'd never see her again...'

'Help?'

'He made out that I had all these mental health problems and that I was a danger to Addie and needed to be sectioned and...' She scrapes her hand through her hair. 'I had to do it...I wasn't about to let him take her from me. I had to'

'He had you sectioned?'

'I signed myself into this facility... I had to- he'd have got custody of her and...' She shakes her head. 'I couldn't risk that... I was a mess at the end of the six weeks...they made me take medication and it broke me and all I knew was I wouldn't survive going back to that place or ever being away from Addie for that length of time again...so I-I let him win. I gave up' She nods. 'I didn't try to leave again when I came out'

'That's not giving up, that's surviving' Karen blurts. 'God Peyton, does your Dad know all this?'

'I've not told him every single detail, he's devastated enough as it is and it's all my fault, everything that's happened to him, he doesn't need to be put through anything else and I...I'm sorry I shouldn't be telling you this either, you shouldn't have to listen-'

'You absolutely should be talking to me' Karen disagrees. 'You can talk to me honey. Anytime. None of this is on you. None of it at all. What happened to your Dad, what your husband did to you...what Dan did...none of it. I'm so sorry' A tear races down Karen's cheek.

'Don't cry'

'I'm sorry I just...baby girl' She lurches toward the girl that's no longer a child. But she'll forever be that little girl with a blonde mop of hair and great big green eyes in Karen's mind and she wants nothing more than to protect that little girl.

Peyton stiffens in the tight embrace.

'I'm just so angry...you shouldn't have had to go through any of this. I wish I'd known'

'You believe me?'

'Believe you? Of course I believe you! I just wish you'd called me'

Peyton sniffles. 'I thought...I couldn't. I felt like I'd taken Keith from you all. I...I don't know. I picked up the phone so many times...it would've just made it worse though, he'd stop at nothing to keep me there and I didn't want to put any of you in danger but that's exactly what I've done by coming here'

'No honey...he thinks you're gone. You've not put us in danger. We'll all protect you here-'

'You won't tell him' Peyton's eyes widen frantically. 'Will you? Luke, I mean. You won't tell him' She bites her lip. 'I know that's not fair for me to ask...'

'Peyton' Karen takes her hands. 'You should talk to him about this. Don't you know how desperately he wants to be there for you right now?'

'And he is, he has been. He's been amazing but I, I've already put him through so much. I've already taken so much away from him-'

'You're not responsible for that'

'Aren't I? I chose to leave instead of facing up to what I did'

'What Dan did' Karen corrects.

'Even so' Peyton shrugs. 'I was a coward. I should have stayed and faced up to what I thought I'd done. I couldn't bear the thought of Luke hating me but that was selfish. I know what I put him, you all through was never maliciously intended but I'm still responsible. It's still on me. I won't be the cause of anymore pain'

'You're kidding yourself if you think not telling him isn't hurting him honey. He's not blind. He'll realise all isn't as it seems soon enough'

'Is it really obvious that I'm that screwed up?'

'Of course not. I didn't say that. Not at all-'

'You don't need to say it...'

'What?'

'You're looking at me with-'

'Don't you dare finish that sentence with pity because this is not pity' Karen's hand wavers animatedly before her. 'This is awe because you're so brave and strong. This is sadness because you shouldn't have to have suffered through any of this. Not ever and not alone. This is heartbreak. Heartbreak for you. For your children and for my Son...he's my baby. You know how that feels now. How desperately you want to protect your children from the world, how you don't want anyone to hurt them and well...he's not had it easy, he's been heartbroken over you since the day you left...you not being honest isn't going to be easier on him. I know what you're doing. I know you think you're protecting him- I wouldn't have wanted Keith to know. I would have wanted to avoid hurting him just like you are but you know what? I would have told him eventually because he's the only person in the world that could have made it better, that would have been able to help me through it. He's not moved on Peyton. There's been a couple of girls. But after the odd date it fizzles out and it's because of you. It's always been you for him-'

'Karen'

'I'm sorry. I know. I know it's not my place and you're not in the right place right now but he's trying so hard to get his head round all of this and he so badly wants to do right by you and Lexie as well as Adele'

'I'm no good for him. Not anymore-'

'That's ridiculous. You still care about him. You can't argue with me about that-'

'And it's because I care that I want him to be happy...I'm not what he remembers.' Her voice rises. 'I'm not who you remember. I'm not that girl anymore I...I'm broken. _He_ controlled everything! Even my fucking hair' she yanks at her long tresses and then she's apologising. 'Sorry. Sorry-'

'Don't you say you're sorry. You yell and scream all you like' Karen disregards her outburst. 'Here' She hurriedly retrieves the scissors from the floor. 'He doesn't control anything anymore. First step is cutting this off' The older woman doesn't pause, determination fuels her as she moves erratically and starts to snip at Peyton's hair with a fire in her eyes because she wants to severe the chains that ensnare the girl that has been lost for far too many years.

The long blonde tresses whisper to the floor. She doesn't flinch and as they fall the unbearable weight of Peyton's worries somehow don't feel quite so heavy on her heart.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'Hey you' He wonders if his voice sounds the same. He wonders if his face looks the same as it has any other time he's greeted her. It doesn't feel the same. Nothing feels the same. Because this is his daughter. This child is his. His little girl. And that thought has had his eyes welling relentlessly over the last few days. 'You alright?'

She's staring at him. That glower that is so reminiscent of her Mother's, those pouting lips that he's become very familiar with in recent weeks is still there. He'd hoped he'd made progress with her the other day. He'd thought their evening building her tree house had been a good bonding exercise. He'd seen her crack a smile more than just the once.

He tosses the tool in hand back into it's box and runs an old rag over his hands as he approaches her.

She averts her scowling eyes to the floor and scuffs her shoe against the edge of the garage door.

'What's up kido?' Lucas squats down. He smiles and she says nothing.

This man is her Daddy. Her real Daddy. She wonders if they're ever going to sit down and tell her. She's angry. Angry that they're seemingly wanting to keep her in the dark. Does he still not want her? Even now that he knows. Did he really never know?

'You know, I was thinking. Maybe we could make a pully system so you and Lil can hoist things up to your tree house. What do you say?' He's getting nowhere and tries to urge words from her lips by tempting her with what had him winning her over just the other evening.

She still says nothing.

'Adele is everything alright? You know you can talk to me right? About anything at all.'

'Do you like me?' She wonders abruptly.

'Like you?' His brow raises. 'Of course I like you. Darling of course I like you. Why are you asking that?' He takes her small hands.

Her shoulders shrug.

Her further questions get lost in the back of her throat. _Why don't you want me? Why did you leave me with him? Why did you let him hurt my Mum?_

'I went and saw my Grandad the other day' She instead informs him.

He's befuddled by her swift announcement and hasty change of subject. 'That's great. I know your Grandad has been looking forward to meeting you. How did it go?'

'Ok...' She glances up at him and then her stare skitters away. 'Not that good...I was mean'

'Mean?'

'I don't know why' Lucas kneels on the ground as he listens to her small voice. 'I ruined it. I ruin everything'

'That's absolutely not true' He disagrees emphatically. 'It was a tough day, it's always hard meeting new people. It was always going to be hard but next time will be better'

'They were all laughing but I...he's not come to see us. If he loves Mum so much why didn't they see each other? Why didn't he see me? Why didn't he want us?'

Lucas feels a pang of sadness in his chest. He feels like her words are being directed at him, not Larry and guilt envelopes him.

'I don't think it's as simple as that honey'

'Why not?'

'There's a lot of grown up stuff that made it difficult for your Grandad and your Mum but the important thing is that you're all back together again and that you focus on the future. It definitely was never about not wanting you- who wouldn't want you?'

 _You_.

She wants to hit her little hands against his chest. Her mind is addled with confusing feelings. She wants to hate him. She wants him to love her.

'I see Larry every week and your Mum has always been his reason for breathing. He's the best man. I know without a doubt that he's spent his time imagining her, you and Lexie. Wondering how you're all getting on, wondering how school is and what fun things you've been doing. But now he doesn't have to imagine because you're all back and he can start making real memories with you...life's too short to hold grudges, especially when you don't know the whole story'

'Do you hate her?'

'Huh? Who?'

'Mum'

He scratches the back of his head. The last time they'd been together those same little lips had fiercely told him he had to keep away from her darling Mother.

'I could never hate your Mum Adele. Ever. Nobody could'

She thinks she does. Just a little bit. Just right now in this moment because she's so confused. She doesn't know who she is or what the truth is anymore. And she wants the truth. She doesn't want grown up lies. Everybody seems to lie.

'I've got to go' She spins around and runs outside and he slowly rises back to his full height, scratching his head at her sudden hasty departure. She pauses by the gate and looks back over her shoulder.

He's still watching. He wants to follow this little girl to the end of the earth and he'll watch until she's safely back at her house across the field.

'Maybe we can make the pully thing for the tree house at the weekend' She hollers. She doesn't wait for an answer. Her little feet carry her off into the long grass back toward her house. She can't handle a no. Can't handle rejection.

She's not going to get it though. Not ever from him.

A smile sweeps over his face. It's minute. But it's a step in the right direction of winning the heart of his little girl.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

The sun is starting to disappear beyond the horizon when she notices him and Raven. He changes his course and turns down the lane.

She wants to slip inside but knows the only reason he's taken a detour is because he's spotted her.

She stands as he approaches the veranda, hands awkwardly locking and unlocking before her. She's nervous. She hates this. Hates that there's this uneasiness when it comes to the prospect of being on her own with him.

The furry hound reaches her first, tail wagging and a howling growl of excitement sounding when she makes a point of rubbing behind his ears.

Lucas soon catches up. 'Hey...' He greets.

'Hey' Her smile is small. Anxious and he instantly wants to ask what's wrong.

'I'm just on my way back from dropping Mr CarMichael's truck back..I saw you and...Is this alright?'

'What?' She's stopped fussing over Raven, too distracted by Lucas's question and the dog skulks away in favour of prowling the front garden. Peyton finds herself wishing he wouldn't leave them alone even if he's just a dog.

'Is it okay me...being here?' Lucas clarifies because her shifting feet are making him uncomfortable.

'Of course' She looks down as he steps onto the wooden deck and joins her.

There's silence.

She can feel his intense blue eyes peering at her.

'Your hair' He's mesmerised by the new shorter locks and soft curls that are framing her face.

Her gaze jerks up. 'I cut it' She dumbly states. 'Well your Mum did actually'

'It's curlier'

'It's cause it's shorter'

He steps forward and without little thought reaches out and twirls a curl around his finger. He can't help it. 'You look like you...not that you...I just mean you look...I like it' He finishes lamely.

She bites her lip. 'Me too' She takes a little step back away from him and he instantly withdraws his hand.

'Sorry' He shakes his head.

'It's fine'

Her hands run down her jean clad thighs and she artlessly twirls before him as she indecisively chooses between sitting back down and standing.

She eventually settles on sitting.

He keeps his distance.

He's certain he knows why she's a jittery mess. 'Mum's spoken to you hasn't she? God I'm so sorry. I couldn't keep my mouth shut Peyt I just, she's been badgering me about Adele since she set eyes on her and I just, she knew something was wrong and-'

'Luke it's fine' She interrupts his rambling.

'She didn't say anything' He determines.

'She did but it's fine. It was...it was actually nice to be able to speak to her about everything'

His head bobs up and down and he's glad she's fixated on the horizon rather than him because he can't disguise the envy that's invaded his eyes because he wants her to talk to him. Not his Mum.

'I know it's silly, it's been so long but I still miss my Mum' She confides. 'I know it's not the same but...' She shrugs her shoulders and flashes an embarrassed smile at him.

'Mum's always thought of you like that...she's over the moon that you're back Peyt'

'I know'

The uneasy silence finds them again and Lucas refuses to let it take hold. 'Addie paid me a visit earlier'

'She did?' Peyton anxiously looks up at him. 'When? I thought she was in the tree house' His revelation leaves her concerned because she doesn't want to have to worry about the eight year old running off, she's already on edge enough as it is.

'Don't worry. I watched her across the field until she got back here. It's not like she went far. We roamed all over the place when we were her age'

'I don't want her doing that. I want to know where she is all the time. Anything could happen and...I just worry'

'You're right...I think she was just upset' Peyton waits nervously for him to elaborate. 'She said the visit with Larry the other day didn't go that well'

'Oh...that' She relaxes. 'No. She acted out...It's so not like her but she's not been very happy this week... I guess I shouldn't be surprised, I just thought she seemed like she was doing better last week.'

'She's been through a lot'

Peyton swallows. She can feel a lump lodging itself in the back of her throat because when she thinks what her children, Adele in particular has been through and seen it kills her.

'She'll get there though Peyt, we'll make sure she does'

 _We._ She nods and her lips curl into a small, sad smile. She really hopes so.

'I promise' He tries his best to rid her eyes of angst. 'You know what I was wondering, do you...are there any pictures that I can look at? Of Adele when she was little...not just Adele, Lexie too. I'd like to see everything'

'I, I don't have any albums. Not here'

His brow furrows because she doesn't seem to have anything. Asides from her and the children there are no artefacts that have appeared with them. Nothing that symbolises the time gone and he finds it strange. But then he supposes it's not that strange. She's probably got everything in storage.

'It's all in storage?'

She nods and avoids his eyes. He always could tell when she was lying. 'I do have a USB stick but I don't, I don't have a computer at the minute'

'We've got several laptops back at the house'

She can feel a knot forming in her stomach. She's not about to hand over the USB she's just informed him of. She'd not had time to rifle through the contents of every folder. She'd just dragged every album onto the memory stick. She's sure there's things on there that she doesn't want him to see.

He senses her sudden discomfort and despite his desire to not only see his child's life in images but also Peyton's and Lexie's too, he gets it. He supposes it would feel awkward. She's shared her life with another man. Of course she's not sure how she feels about him seeing that.

'Maybe you could borrow one of the laptops and sift through them all and sort me out my own personal folder?'

She looks up at him then. 'I can do that'

'Thank you'

His excited and beyond grateful expression has her wanting to give him more. 'Her birthday is July 12th'

'July 12th' He echos.

'She was two weeks late. And she looked just like you' She blurts.

He can't keep his distance any longer. He walks over to the wooden bench and sits too, hanging on her every word. 'I don't think she looks like me'

'I do...when she smiles it's all you Luke. And when they put her in my arms...' She swallows. 'Her little lips were all you. Her little nose...she was perfect'

His eyes begin to fill, he can't stop it. This is his child she's talking about. He should have been there.

'Were you alone?'

She shakes her head, no. 'But I wanted you...I was so scared. I was so scared I wouldn't love her or be a good Mum or-'

'You're an amazing Mum' He grabs her hands and squeezes.

She bites her quivering lip. 'I was so wrong. I loved her from the second she was put in my arms Luke. It-it felt like my heart might burst. She was ours. You and me. She didn't have a name for nearly three weeks. I-I wanted it to mean something...I wanted you to like it. I wanted it to be us...'

'Adele Creek... the Creek where we use to play when we were little. Is that why?'

She nods. 'And where you made me dance that night under the moon with no music'

'That was a good night'

'One of my favourite' She agrees. 'So I settled on Adele. Adele Luca'

'Luca?' She nods and his welling eyes loose the battle he's been fighting and a tear races free. 'It's perfect. I more than like it'

'You do?'

'Yes. Thank you for...for incorporating me...even though I wasn't there you included me'

'Stop it Luke'

'What?'

'Stop acting like I deserve your thanks. I don't. Especially not for that'

'I disagree' He disputes. 'She's not a brat Peyt' He smiles. 'And that's you. You've raised her. And Lexie too. When's Lexie's birthday?'

'December 5th. Unlike Addie she was nearly seven weeks early. She was in such a hurry to see the world' She divulges. 'She was so little, but she pulled through'

'That must've been scary'

She doesn't answer. Her youngest daughter's birth isn't shrouded in those happy feelings that she recalls from her eldest daughter because she'd not wanted to bring another child into the toxic environment that was her life. She still feels guilty about the dark thoughts that had consumed her throughout her pregnancy. Still feels as though it were those dark thoughts that had somehow made her daughter early.

'It was but she's a fighter and she's been on the go since she could sit up'

'Takes after her Mumma then. You never could sit still' He points to her jiggling leg.

She smiles sadly because he keeps referring to her back then. The girl he use to know. The girl she knows he's searching for. She wishes she was that girl.

'I was always trying to keep up with you'

'Please, you always let me win. You never fooled me Lucas Scott'

He smiles. Because she's right...sort of. She'd been faster but as they grew older and he'd started playing basket ball he'd soon overtaken her in speed but he'd still let her win, anything to see her gleeful grin and her sparkling eyes.

'You're wrong' He disagrees softly. 'I lost track of you that night. I didn't even see you go and I never caught up' He's referring to her disappearing act.

Her ease dwindles. Her hair falls over her face as she drops her head. 'I know'

'I loved you so much Peyt. It hurt so much'

'I know'

'Do you?'

Her head jerks upright. 'What's that suppose to mean?'

'I just...I've never moved on. I get you leaving, I get what happened now and I- I've been relieved the last couple of days because you were doing what you always did, you were protecting me because you loved me but...'

'But what?'

'You got married Peyton...you married someone else' He exhales shakily. 'I could never...I've never...'

She pushes her tongue to the roof of her mouth.

'I know I said I can just be your friend...I know, I know this is unfair, you, you've lost your husband but I lost you...I know it's not the same but you were gone, just like that. I lost you- I've been heartbroken-'

'You don't think I was too? Don't talk like you felt more for me Luke. Just don't. You've always been in my heart...yes I got married but I...I never thought you'd want me after that...I was so alone and he...it doesn't mean I loved you any less. It doesn't'

'And how do you feel now?'

She doesn't answer.

'I know I said I can be whatever you want...'

She holds her breath.

'..And of course I will be...I know it's too soon... but...you kissed me back Peyt. You did...Talk to me' He urges. She says nothing. 'I'm sorry... I know after everything with your husband this can't be easy. I know you're going to need time'

She's wide eyed as she stares at him. He knows? Karen broke her promise?

'I know you're feeling guilty'

Her stomach clenches. 'What?'

'For...I dunno, I just assume that might be something you'd maybe feel but surely he'd want you to be happy, surely he'd-'

'I don't feel guilty' She cuts him off. He thinks she's bereaved and she wants to correct his assumption. She feels guilty. For so many things. But not that. 'Not for that...You deserve someone better than me Luke I...I have so much baggage-'

'I want your baggage...Don't you...I thought...didn't you still feel it?... I get it I do, Loosing your husband. I can't imagine what you've been through. What you're feeling and I-I'm sorry- I know this isn't the right time. I know it was too soon for me to kiss you, I'm sorry...Well I am and I'm not' He rambles. 'I just...being in the barn...seeing that swing I was remembering all those times we mucked about on that tyre. I was remembering our first kiss and I-I got caught up in that memory and you'd just told me Addie is mine and'

'Lucas it's fine' She snaps.

'You calling me Lucas means everything isn't fine' He argues.

'What?'

'You only ever called me Lucas when I pissed you off or upset you'

'I'm not her' Peyton expels in frustration. 'You think I'm this girl that you use to know. I'm not her. I'm not her at all. And I-I'm sorry. I am. I'm not trying to be mean I just, you're clinging onto these memories but that's all they are!'

'You kissed me back' He repeats.

'I...' her hands tangle through her hair and she's angry at him. Angry at herself for letting the kiss that he's seemingly fixated on happen because she had. 'I know' But she shouldn't have. It wasn't fair to him or her children and she still can't determine if her reciprocation was because she wanted to or because that's what she's meant to do. She's meant to be a good girl. She gives you what you want. 'The children' She shakes her head. 'I can't do this. I'm not ready for a...I'm...They need me. They come first and I...'

'It's alright' He nods. 'I understand that'

'No. No you don't' She shakes her head. 'I don't want you getting it in your head that I just need time and then I'm going to...I don't know that we can go back to what we were Luke. You're mad at me. You are, whether you want to admit it or not, whether you should be or not, you're angry and rightly so in my eyes. You're allowed to be. But that's not a good foundation for us to build a relationship on' She sees his Anger. Resentment. Jealousy. 'We need to focus on being friends and...and most importantly Addie and Lexie...that's what I want'

'...So not...ever?'

Above all she sees his Pain.

'Don't look at me like that' She grimaces. 'Please don't look at me like that'

His nostrils flare and he shakes his head. 'I'm not looking at you like anything it's fine. It's good. We're good' His smile is strained. 'I should go'

'Luke' Her face imitates his pained expression from seconds ago as he rises to his feet.

'Don't worry we're okay' He drops a kiss on the top of her head and turns quickly and her stomach clenches.

She doesn't feel better. Why doesn't she feel better?

Her mouth opens and closes but no words come out.

His faithful companion bounds over to him as he heads in the direction of his house, the golden retriever seemingly a little distressed that they're leaving; His face twists from his master to her in confusion.

'Come on boy' Lucas's gentle holler has him running obediently.

'Mum?'

'Addie' Peyton's glassy stare jerks away from the dog and man to the messy haired eight year old 'How long have you been there?' She can't disguise the panic in her voice.

'About five seconds' She honestly relays. Her head peeking further round the door.

'You're meant to be in bed'

'I heard voices' She tip toes out onto the wooden decking and crawls onto the bench beside her Mum.

'It was just Lucas. He's gone now'

'Oh' Adele follows her Mother's stare across the field to see the silhouette of a man and his dog. 'Are you upset Mum?'

Peyton shakes her head far too enthusiastically and returns her gaze to her child.

'You look like you're going to cry' Adele disagrees.

'I'm just tired, that's all' Peyton pulls her closer, inviting her into the warmth of her cardigan.

'Okay...are you mad at Lucas?'

'Why do you say that?' Peyton's brow furrows as she looks down at Adele. 'Addie?'

Adele's shoulders shrug.

'I'm not mad at Lucas. Lucas has done nothing wrong...he mentioned that you'd been to visit him'

'Is that why you're mad?'

'I'm not mad...well a little with you. You can't just run off without telling me where you're going Addie. You know that'

'I hadn't gone far. You didn't even notice'

'It doesn't matter. It's not hard to ask. If I had realised I would have been beside myself with worry I would have thought...just ask'

'I'm sorry'

'Just ask' the tears that she's been battling for the most part of the day become to much to bear at the worst possible moment because this is her child and she doesn't want to loose it in front of her.

'It's okay Mummy' Adele scrambles onto her knees and crawls onto Peyton's lap, her arms latching round her mother's neck. 'I'm sorry'

'No, I'm sorry. I'm just tired baby. I just n-need to know you're safe'

The child's hand flutters soothingly through Peyton's hair and she's a complete contrast to the angry little girl that she's been faced with of late. Peyton hates it. Hates that her daughter is playing Mum. She'd take the anger over this any day because she hates the way her little fingers touch her with the maternal instinct of a thirty year old, not a eight year old child.

'We are safe here Mum, right?'

'Right' Peyton affirms but neither one of them are completely convinced.

The sun has completely vanished now and Lucas's silhouette is no longer visible but he's still lurking in the distance. Their guardian angel. Watching over his daughter and the mother of his child from afar until Peyton carries Adele safely inside.

He's berating himself because he couldn't hold his tongue and it was too soon to be talking about a relationship asides from friendship but he couldn't help himself and sure he feels that unpleasant sting of rejection, he feels that heartache but that's not what he's focused on. He can't dispel that feeling in his gut. The feeling that everything isn't as it seems. The feeling that Peyton isn't being a hundred percent honest. With him and herself. She'd ran once before and he's terrified she's going to do it again. He knows now, he knows it's always going to be her, he knows it's always been her. There'd been a period when he'd tried to convince himself that he could move on, settle down with someone new but it had never happened. It had never happened because he'd never been looking, never wanted anyone else. And the only thing he's certain of is he's going to commit himself to not letting her disappear again because he'd not be loosing just her and he doesn't know if he'd survive the pain of loosing all of them...not for a second time.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N** Ok so this chapter has taken forever and is relatively short- my issue was I was at 20,000 words and it was getting ridiculous! SO..I've split it in the best way I can. Good news is this means the next chapter is longer and basically written so will be up soon!

•x•

'Please don't hate me honey. I told her because she's right there with you. She can look out for you in a way that I can't trapped in this godforsaken chair'

'I don't hate you Dad' Peyton sinks into the seat beside him. 'I wasn't thrilled that you told her but it's fine. We talked and it was...it was actually nice to be able to talk to someone'

'Yeah?' Larry's racing heart eases.

'Yes but that doesn't mean I give you permission to tell Lucas. He's out of bounds Dad'

Larry sighs. 'I know. I don't know why though, that boy is still besotted with you. Haven't there been enough secrets...'

'You've been told why I left then' She presumes. He always was useless at keeping things hidden. She's known from the second she entered the room 'You and Karen really like to gossip don't you'

'Well you clearly weren't going to put me in the loop about anything'

'I've hurt you so much already Dad' She tries to explain. 'I was stupid. Clearly. I'm still so stupid. You'll never know how sorry I am-'

'You're not stupid..If Dan Scott wasn't behind bars right now...' Larry grits his teeth and a small smile graces her lips.

'You'd what? Kill him with a glower?' She wonders with jest.

'Very funny' Larry smiles at her because for a moment she looks like his daring daughter.

Her amusement wanes. '...I hurt him so much Dad. I ran away because I thought he'd hate me, to protect my heart but I broke both of us and I had his baby. I've kept his child from him. He's handled all of that like nobody else would. He's not blamed me for anything when it's all my fault...He will blame me for keeping our child in the environment she was in-'

'Who would ever blame you for that? And certainly not Lucas. If anything he's going to be devastated'

'And that's better? I can't hurt him. I can't keep hurting him. I won't.'

'Because you still love him' Larry concludes.

'Of course I love him'

'Then it's pretty simple honey. You put all this shit in the past and move on with Luke because god knows you deserve to be happy and so does he'

She puts her head in her hands and Larry despairs over the fact that his limbs won't allow him to reach out and touch her.

'You make it sound so simple'

'It is'

'No it's not'

'Why?'

'Because I'm not the same Dad! He's in love with me at eighteen and I've not been her in a long time...I don't think I could handle being with him and then him, him ending it when he realises I'm not the same'

'You are the same'

'No I'm really not' She laughs but it's not amusement.

'Everybody changes as they get older sweetie but what's in your heart, what's real, that doesn't go. My love for you and your mother could never, ever change. No amount of time could alter that'

'It's not the same' She dismisses sharply. 'You were never pleased about our relationship back then- why're you on board now?!'

'I was never not pleased- I was only worried baby- worried because you were both so young, I was worried about all the things that parents worry about. But mostly I was worried because even back then I could see that it wasn't some teenage fling and I wanted you to see the world before you settled down...You're still as stubborn as ever and unwilling to listen to your Dad's wonderful advice. That hasn't changed' He muses.

'...If _he_ ever finds me and finds me with Lucas' She sullenly justifies another reason that fuels her desire for secrecy. 'He'll kill him!' Her voice becomes shrill. 'I'm not going to sign his death sentence'

'You said _he_ thinks your dead'

'He does, he does' She claws her hand through her hair because her mouth has run away. 'Sorry...I just, it doesn't matter that _he_ thinks that I'm gone, I'm still...I'm just...frightened' She admits softly.

'I know baby. I know but you can't live the rest of your life like that. You owe it to yourself and to those two beautiful girls to show them what a real, loving relationship is. You don't want them growing up basing their love life around what they've seen so far do you?'

She stiffens with his reasoning because despite knowing rationally that his words come from his longing to see her happy, all she can hear is that she's failed at giving her daughter's everything they should have had. She's failed as a mother.

'Can we stop talking about this now' She's trembling as she battles the distress that's creeping up around her limbs.

'Ok. Please just think about it. I know you think you're protecting him but you being honest with him, you being with him- that's not weakness. It's you looking to the future. It's you showing that sick bastard that he doesn't have a hold on you anymore...all I want is for you to be happy...just think about it'

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

Days pass and become weeks. He doesn't try talking to her about them. He's hell bent on following her wishes. He'll be what she wants. He'll be her friend even if it kills him.

And it is killing him. He feels like he's grieving over losing her all over again. It's suffocating. It's consuming. It's an agony that can only be soothed by one thing and that's seeing her. Being with them. It's a double edged sword. He sees her and Adele and Lexie. He's learning more about his daughter, is enthralled by the two girls, they're a distraction from the heartache he pretends he's not suffering. They get him through the days but after it's maddening because she's said no and at some point he's going to have to come to peace with that and stop hoping she'll change her mind.

Right now he's holding Alexa. He's managed to convince Peyton that they should all go and spend the day down at the creek. She was hesitant at first and a part of him hopes it's because she's going to be forced into remembering past happenings at their destination. Something that may have been the fundamental reasoning behind the chosen location. She'd agreed nonetheless, perhaps Adele jumping up and down begging beside her had been the cause of her resolve, regardless he felt like getting to spend the day, just the four of them was an achievement.

Alexa is jabbering away to him as he walks slightly ahead through the trees. She's at that stage where every question and answer is responded to with why and Peyton smiles as she walks a few paces behind because he's being awfully patient.

'Why do birdies fly?'

'Because if they didn't fly they wouldn't be able to get to their nests' He decides.

'Why don'ts they just have nests on the ground like us?'

'Probably because then other animals might come and eat them for their dinner. They're much safer up in the tree'

'Why?'

'Because it's high up and lots of animals won't realise they're even up there or maybe some animal's that would eat them can't climb'

'Why?'

'Not everyone is good at climbing'

'I am'

'I'm sure you are. Here, look your big sister's run ahead and is climbing that log, why don't you go see if you can' He sets her down as they approach an opening in the trees and the creek comes into view.

She delightedly takes on the challenge and gallops off to catch up Adele.

'Encouraging my kid to climb trees. Thanks' Peyton murmurs. He glances at her sheepishly. 'I'm kidding' She smiles. 'Sorry, she doesn't shut up at the minute'

'I like it, she's like a sponge you can literally see her sucking up everything'

'Mm. The why's loose their cuteness when it's bedtime though' Peyton enlightens him. 'She's too smart for her own good that one'

'Mm I'm sure, if her Mother is anything to go by' He winks at her and her stomach flutters but then he's looking away and turning his attention to Adele. 'Adele, meet Adele' He wavers his hand dramatically between the creek and the eight year old. 'What do you think?'

She hops down from the fallen tree trunk and scans her surroundings.

'It's called Adele?'

'Uhuh- nice huh?'

'It's pretty'

He grins. 'Come on. I'll race you down to the water'

Peyton helps Lexie clamber down from her perch and watches her hurriedly follow in her sister's path.

Her eyes don't linger on them though. Her stare falls on the tree standing tall beside her. On the heart with their initials still carved inside. Their tree. And in all of a second she's caught up in moments they'd shared here.

 _'Does' He kisses her lips 'Your' Her face. 'Dad' Down her throat. 'know' the crook of her neck. 'We're down here?'_

 _'Mm. Can we stop talking about my Dad right now' her hand is tangled in his hair and she urges his mouth to press to that same spot he just found._

 _'I just don't want to be hunted down with a shotgun Peyt'_

 _She opens her eyes and looks at him in both exasperation and amusement._ _'He loves you'_

 _'I'm not feeling the love. I'm feeling the- I'll kill you if you steal my daughter's virtue vibe'_

 _She smirks. 'I'll give my virtue to whoever I please thank you very much'_

 _'Oh?'_

 _'And I choose you'_

 _'Yeah?'_

 _'Uhuh'_

 _'Here? Right now?' He kinks his brow as he presses her into the tree._

 _'Maybe not right now or here' She looses her confidence._

 _'I'm kidding'_

 _'I know but I won't make you wait forever Luke, I promise' Her fingers draw patterns over his chest._

 _'You think it's worrying me? I don't feel like I'm waiting Peyt. When it happens it'll happen. We shouldn't fucking plan it.'_

 _'Liar'_

 _'I do not lie'_

 _'Okay' She nods. 'You don't think about it then?'_

 _'Well that's something else entirely' He grins. 'Of course I think about it. How could I not, have you looked in the mirror? God you're, like right now...you're perfect' He swallows thickly. 'Fuck your legs they're just...'_

 _She glances down at her legs and notes the mud on her shins from where she'd fallen flat on her face just twenty minutes ago in her haste to beat him to the bank. 'I'm a mess right now'_

 _He snorts. 'I don't think you've ever been the definition of a mess. You know how hot it is that you're completely oblivious to how beautiful you are?'_ _She shakes her head and their noses rub together._ _'Uhuh' He tickles her sides and she shrieks. He laughs._

 _'Stop!' He does after a moment and she catches her breath. 'Ass. I hate it when you do that'_

 _'I know. But you look so cute'_

 _She slaps his arm lightly but her irritation lasts all of a second and her fingers are soon returning to playing with the fabric that covers his torso. 'Okay would you still love me if I were in a different body?' She proposes breathlessly._

 _'What?!'_

 _'If I were me but not in this body would you still want me?'_

 _'Yes'_

 _She laughs. 'You're an utter liar'_

 _'What?'_

 _'You can't possibly say that! Here you are pawing at my legs and you reckon you'd love me if I looked different'_

 _'I love this the most Peyt' His palm settles over her chest. 'Your heart. You're so selfless. Kind. Sarcastic. Fierce. Humble. I would really miss these though' his digits drift back to her legs and rub up and down her thighs, his thumb slipping beneath the fabric where her little shorts end. 'And your eyes'_

 _She presses her mouth to his then, his words triggering a sudden need inside her. She arches her back off the tree, pressing their bodies intimately against each other. 'Hang on' Lucas pants, reluctantly avoiding her mouth. 'So you wouldn't want me if I was in someone else's body?' He fires her with her own question, trying his hardest to ignore the way she feels pressed against him._

 _'I dunno. It's hypothetical. Like you I wanna say of course but right now if you suddenly morphed into someone else it would freak me the fuck out. I only want your hands on me' She rambles._

 _'Forever?'_

 _'Forever'_

 _'Good answer' He's about to reconnect their mouthes when she dodges him this time._

 _'Are you nervous?' She wonders._

 _'About what?'_

 _'About if, if doing it might change_ _how we feel about each other?' She babbles._

 _'In what way?'_

 _'I dunno. I'm not scared of doing..it. I'm scared of...I already feel like I can't breathe if I'm away from you too long Luke. What if it's so overwhelming that I can't ever leave your side again?'_ _His mouth opens a little and she watches him push his tongue to the roof of his mouth and try to contain a laugh. 'What's so funny Lucas Scott?'_

 _He shakes his head._ _'Nothing, nothing, it's just you, you're worried that when we have sex it's going to be so good we're not going to be able to stop?!' He spouts. 'God don't put that much pressure on me Peyt' He smirks._

 _Her cheeks redden. 'Sorry'_

 _She feels silly and he's quick to put an end to that._ _'No, I do know what you mean' He nuzzles his nose against hers. 'But I think it'll be, it'll be relief. Like we can finally just be...one...you know?'_

 _'Mm' She dazedly hums. 'God I love you Luke'_

 _'I love you too. Now can you shut up for more than five seconds and let me kiss you?'_

 _She smiles. 'Sorry I know I'm weird-'_

 _He cuts off what he's sure is going to be another ramble of words and kisses her._

 _Every time they do this it's becoming more._

 _She thinks he's right. It will be relief because she's not sure how much of more of this she can take. It's not enough._

 _She hooks her leg up around his waist in an effort to get him closer and he grunts into her mouth in approval._

 _Her back digs into the bark of the tree as he grinds against her but that's the last thing on her mind right now because his fingers are between them and blindly unfastening her shorts._

 _He daringly lets his hand slip beneath the denim and a gasp hits his mouth as his touch finds her underwear. 'Is this okay?' The last few times they've been making out his hands have danced around going here, so much so that it's left her feeling like she might actually combust._

 _'Yes_ _'_

 _'I don't know what I'm doing' He confesses suddenly and her little bleary smile is reassurance._

 _'You think I do?'_

 _His fingers venture lower. She bites her lip._ _Her hips rock instinctively and he's suddenly not worried about shifting his fingers beneath the damp fabric covering her._

 _Her hands clutch onto him then. A noise he's never heard her make passes her lips and he wants to hear it again and again._

 _He watches her face in awe. Watches her head tilt back. Her eyes close. Her lips parted._

 _'Look at me' He eventually pleas. Her eyes flutter. 'Does it feel ok?'_

 _'...it feels...don't stop. Just don't stop' She incoherently breathes._

 _He smirks. He wants to be where his fingers are, wants to feel this with her but that's the last thing on his mind right now because seeing her like this is perhaps his new favourite thing._

'Peyt?'

'Huh?' She blinks. She's been wrapped up in memories and her cheeks are flushed as her head swivels to the sound of his voice.

'Wow. I'm that boring huh?' He chortles because apparently nothing he's said since he dropped onto the picnic blanket next to her has gone in.

'Sorry' Her eyes skitter to find her girls.

'They're just there' Lucas helps her out, pointing to the two children paddling. 'Really away in dream land over there huh?'

'Yeah I, I don't know where my head was at'

'I do' He boldly answers. 'This place always has me thinking about all the times we spent here too'

'I wasn't, I'm not...' She sighs. 'Maybe a little' She concedes.

'Yeah? What were you thinking about? You swimming topless?'

Her cheeks are quick to go redder and she shakes her head. 'That wasn't by choice' She keeps her stare fixated on her playing children. 'Someone threw my bikini top in the water and lost it'

'I didn't throw it, I dropped it while under your spell' He corrects. 'You're the one that took the thing off' She looks at him then 'Fine I might have helped' He grins. 'So that wasn't what you were thinking about?' He deduces. 'Carving our heart in the tree?' He tries again.

She doesn't answer.

'Oh I know what it is' He chants mischievously. 'It was before we carved our heart huh?'

'What're you doing?' She's flustered and he's clearly enjoying this little trip down memory lane.

'Enjoying how your cheeks are so red right now' He laughs. 'Well _Friend_ , while you were imagining all those times you let me kiss you among other...things.. here I was talking to you about our daughter' Our daughter. It feels nice to say that. Not his or hers. Theirs. She likes hearing it. But she's not keen on Adele hearing it. Not yet. 'She can't hear' He answers her worried eyes that have darted back to the girls.

'Sorry I'm just not ready to spill the beans on that yet'

'I know. I just wanted to see how you thought she was doing? She seems better don't you think?'

'I think you might have a big something to do with that' He's not sure that's true. There's still moments when he thinks she might hate him but those moments have become considerably less. 'She's still a little bit touchy. With me mostly' She confides. 'I guess I'm always going to be the first in her line of fire...I guess that's why I'm scared about being honest with her. I know that's selfish. I just don't want her to hate me'

'She won't Peyt. There's no hurry. I've been seeing her practically every day and that's what's most important to me right now...I think it's a good idea for me to build trust with her first anyway...when we do tell her, we'll get her through it...together ok? As a team'

She tilts her head and he misreads her expression.

'As friends of course' He adds.

'That's not what...I...' She tries to formulate what she's thinking but as always it's a struggle because her feelings and thoughts never seem to coincide these days.

'What're you talking about?' Adele and Alexa have appeared side by side.

'Oh just about how your Mum use to always push me in the water' Lucas effortlessly fabricates, smiling at the girls and pulling a funny face at Alexa. 'Watch out for that' He whispers loudly. 'She might look all sweet but if you turn your back you might end up in there' He points to the creek. Alexa looks at her mother suspiciously.

'I will not!' Peyton laughs at her youngest daughter's worrisome expression.

'Yeah that's what she use to say to me- don't buy it'

Peyton hits him lightly. 'I think you dunked me more actually' She begs to differ.

'You've been here before?' Adele sits herself in her mother's lap, her head tilting back to look up into Peyton's face.

'A few times' Peyton smiles and presses a kiss to Adele's nose. 'It might not be a coincidence that you have the same name'

'I'm named after this place?'

'Maybe. Is that alright?'

Adele holds onto Peyton's arms and pulls them round her and her head bobs. 'I like it here'

'Mm me too, it's my favourite place in the whole world'

Lucas's stare drifts to her then, her admission makes butterflies flap in his stomach because why would she say that if she didn't treasure every second they'd spent together here? He knows she spent time down here with her parents too but for the most part he was her companion.

'Mine too!' Alexa sings, feeling left out in this conversation. She successfully garners all of their attention and they laugh at her beaming face.

'Yeah?' Lucas holds his hands out to her. 'Mine too' He lifts her into the air and lays back so she's flying.

And Peyton watches on adoringly. _Please let everyday be this. Nothing but this._

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

After that day at the creek her mind is focused on one thing only. Lucas.

There had been brief moments of what she considered flirtation. He'd eagerly roped her into revisiting past moments shared there. Well not roped her in really, she'd got there all by herself but he'd known it and she'd done a poor job of convincing him otherwise. But those moments had been fleeting and he's since been on his best behaviour. She's meant to be relieved that he's ceased trying to talk to her about them romantically. Her head is but there's this unpleasant feeling in her stomach, a longing. He's not giving her the cold shoulder, nothing of the sort, he's being what she wanted. He's being her friend. Only him being a friend and only a friend is him not being him with her.

Her dad's words play over in her head. She can't outrun her thoughts. Being honest with Lucas is something that doesn't seem like a feasible option under any circumstances.

Humiliation. Failure. Fear. Disappointment. It's a debilitating combination that bubbles in the back of her throat. Being with Lucas equals potential heartache for her and her girls. Being with Lucas puts him in danger.

She's protecting him. She's hurting him. It makes her head pound.

She comes to a grinding halt. It's late morning. She thought maybe seeing him alone might help ease the constant state of anxiety that she's been in for the last few days but the car parked on the dirt track has her not breathing.

She can't keep up with the sudden explosion of thoughts that implode in her mind in all of a second.

Lucas is talking to the officer and she doesn't know if to run. She wants to run. But her legs aren't receiving what her brain is screaming at them to do.

'Peyt' Lucas is looking at her now and both her and the visitor begin to walk towards her. 'I was just going to come over to yours. I want you to meet Nate'

Her eyes are wide. Her heart is palpitating unpleasantly as they get closer. She's sure it must be blatantly apparent to the two men looking at her.

'Peyt' Her beating heart might not be noticeable but her dramatic unease is more than apparent. 'Hey you okay?' He hurries the last couple of steps over to her.

The officer holds back but it doesn't make any difference. His uniform. The glint of his badge. The weapon fixed to his waist.

She's waiting for him to close in. Waiting for him to spin her around and pull her arms tight behind her before hauling her to his awaiting car. Waiting for him to take her back.

'What's wrong?' Lucas's coarse hand runs up and down her arm.

'I..' She blinks. 'Nothing'

'It's just Nate...don't you recognise him?' Lucas coos, his eyes darting between them both. 'I suppose you probably don't all that well. It's not like we were on friendly terms back then but we, well we patched things up. It was Dan dividing us but now that he's gone we've been able to maintain a normal relationship' Lucas flashes his brother a smile.

Peyton scans the man in question, her panicked eyes narrowing as she notes Nathan's familiar features.

'Nathan' She murmurs quietly.

'That's right' Nathan nods. 'The arrogant guy that use to like to give Luke here hell when he was attempting to play ball'

'Attempting' Lucas snorts. 'I could take you on any day little brother' He taunts.

Nathan grins with a shake of his head. 'Who's the trained officer here?'

'Please we both know the reason you sought that uniform out was to lure in Brooke Davis'

'It worked didn't it?' Nathan childishly wavers his hand in the air to emphasise the glinting wedding band.

'You're married to Brooke Davis' Peyton dazedly echos.

'That's right. She put me in my place. I'm sorry if I ever did anything to upset you in school and I just want you to know I'm not Dan. Sadly I might have inherited some of his features but that's as far as the similarity goes. I assure you. I'm nothing and will never be anything like my father. I'm sorry for everything he did to you Peyton'

She opens and closes her mouth before hesitantly replying. '...That's not your fault'

'Maybe not but I'm still sorry. Luke filled me in'

Peyton averts her stare. She's feeling uncomfortable and she's still in a state of panic despite the knowledge that this is merely a local officer. This is Lucas's brother. She's not being arrested. He's not here about her.

'I thought I better come up here and see what's had my big brother M.I.A' Nathan teases. 'I think I've found my answer though'

'Nate' Lucas warns.

'What?' Nathan feigns ignorance to his brother's berating. 'Anyway, I just wanted to remind you that it's the Annual Fundraiser party this Saturday'

'The boat thing?'

'Yup. You are coming right? Brooke wants as many people there that we know as possible so she can avoid having to associate with her parents'

'Which reminds me, why do you two go?'

'It's a fundraiser Luke. For our town. Her parents pay for it. We've got to show our faces, you are coming?'

'Mm' He grumpily agrees. 'I said I would'

'Peyton you should come too'

'Oh I don't I..I'm not, I should- the girls' She settles on. 'I can't I have two little girls-'

'Mum will have them' Lucas throws her in at the deep end.

'I know I've not been selling it but there'll be a bar and we usually have a laugh- last year Luke ended up overboard' Nathan grins.

'We don't need to rehash that story' Lucas grumbles.

'I'll fill you in later' Nathan whispers loudly to Peyton with a wink.

'I can hear you you know'

Nathan is seemingly deaf to his brother's complaints, already walking back toward his car. 'I have to dash. Duty calls- I'll catch you both later. It was great seeing you Peyton'

She smiles. Holds her breath until he's back in the vehicle and it's pulling out of the drive.

Lucas on the other hand is fixated on her, a crease running across his forehead as he comprehends her expression. 'What was that?'

'What was what?' Her head twists to him, terror unfurling in her green eyes.

'You just now?'

'What do you mean?'

'You froze up' Clearly she'd not done a grand job of disguising her panic. 'You seemed I dunno...scared'

'I wasn't' She shakes her head. Avoids his beady stare. Feels like he can see right through her. 'I was just surprised, that's all. I thought you hated him'

'Mm I guess I did back then but I didn't really know Nate, it was just Dan's doing really...nothing like happened between you and Nate back at school did it?' He wonders abruptly.

'What? God no!' She exclaims. 'Lucas!'

'What?' He winces at her loud outrage and can't help smiling because she sounds like the sassy girl he'd once known.

'I find it a little offensive that you're basically accusing me of cheating'

'I am not! I was just enquiring'

'Well it was always you! It was only ever you!' She blurts.

'Good' He smirks and she knows in all of an instant that he just wanted to hear her declare just that. 'What?' He answers her rolling eyes.

'You just wanted to hear me say that'

'Yep. So this thing on Saturday' Nathan has given him a reason to break the code of conduct he's been keeping to and he's testing the waters. Seeing how far he can push her.

'Oh I can't-'

'You have to- he thinks you're coming now. Mum will have the girls for the night, you know she'd love to and Lily will love a sleepover'

That feeling in her stomach that she's been battling abates, because he's trying again. He still wants her.

She knows she should say no but she wants to distract him from lingering on her jittery behaviour toward his brother, at leasts that's what she tells herself.

'...okay'

'Okay?' He's surprised by her one word answer. Expected an outright no.

'Okay'


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N** So despite having this chapter nearly there it still took me forever. Sorry guys work is crazy this time of year!

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

She's nervous and on edge as Saturday approaches, something that isn't surprising for her but it's a different nervous. These nerves don't derive from fear of a person, these nerves stem from her worrying of what people will think of her. These nerves are wrapped up in Lucas and what he thinks this night is.

'So I thought you might want a few things to try on'

Karen is here. She's taken the afternoon off at the cafe and she's dropped by unannounced.

'Huh?' Peyton eyes the dresses hanging over Karen's arm suspiciously.

'For the fundraiser you're going to with Luke this weekend'

'Oh that...I-'

'You can't tell me you've changed your mind I promised Lily a sleepover with Addie and Lexie' Karen wags her finger at her. 'And you madam deserve a night off of Mum duty'

'You didn't need to do this Karen' She's referring to the selection of dresses that the older lady has gone out of her way to get.

'I know you've bought essentials for you and the children but I don't think you've had an excuse to buy anything dressy yet. I can take what you don't want back and if you want to go shopping anytime please tell me- I'll happily tag along. I love Luke but god he's useless at shopping'

'Have you forgotten who you're talking to? I wore overalls until I was about fourteen'

'Right. I guess I've got to hold out on Lil and my granddaughters for that then huh?'

Peyton smiles at that. 'Uhuh, I'm afraid so...I know it's silly but I just...I guess I kind of don't know how to buy clothes for me...I don't even know what I like anymore, I've just always chosen things to please someone else'

Karen freezes for a moment because her admission says so much.

'Sorry you didn't need to know that' Peyton hastily adds.

'No don't be sorry, I'm sorry. Honey you don't have to do this' She's suddenly concerned that what was meant to be fun is in actual fact isn't at all. Her clothes being dictated. Her choice being taken away. 'I just thought that you might like it but I didn't mean to be controlling, I wasn't-'

'Karen' Peyton interrupts her babbled words. 'It's fine. It's...nice. Really. This isn't the same in anyway, I really appreciate, I would have been stressing all day if you'd not done this'

The older woman eyes her dubiously. 'You're sure?'

'More than'

'Ok...Here then, number one to try' Karen paints on a bright smile and extends the nearest garment out to her and Peyton skittishly disappears out of the room with it.

Both their awkwardness soon begins to fade as they work their way through the garments. By dress number five Karen is helping her with a stiff zip when she bravely brings up the subject of her son.

'So I was surprised when Luke said he was taking you to this...well not surprised, just surprised you said yes'

'I don't know what I was thinking' Peyton blurts. 'Nathan was at your house and I didn't know he was an officer, I guess I was freaking about that and then I was saying yes'

'Luke mentioned that you were a little anxious around Nate'

Peyton puts her hand up to her temple with a sigh. 'I was hoping he'd forget about that'

'I told you before honey, when it comes to you, nothing gets past Luke'

'I thought...I thought...'

'You thought your husband had found you' Karen knowingly finishes for her.

'Something like that'

'I'm sorry sweetie. I should have thought to tell you about Nate. He's a good boy. I've become very fond of him over the years. He's a sweetheart with Lil and he's been a good brother to Luke'

Peyton nods. 'I'm sure he is, it was nothing to do with him personally it's just that, well just that uniform I guess' Karen rubs her arm and Peyton shakes her head, suddenly embarrassed by her admission and the fact that she can't seem to stop confiding in Karen. 'Does, what...has Luke said what this is?' She changes the subject.

'You mean has he said this is a date?' Karen deciphers her mumbled question. 'I don't think he's put a label on it, not to me anyway...have you?'

'I...god you must think I'm a bitch' She fretfully expels after a beat.

'What? No' Karen shakes her head in befuddlement.

'How can't you? I know you and Dad have it in your head that it's easy. That I'm just being ridiculous when Luke wants to be with me...'

'Luke has spoken to you then, about you two making a go of things?'

Peyton's rounded eyes find Karen's in the mirror before her. 'I...this is weird isn't it? You're his Mum and...'

'Nonsense. I just want you both to be ok'

'You should want the best girl in the world for him, You should want him to stay away from me'

'And why would I want that when you're the one person that's made him happier than anything'

Peyton takes a shaky breath and wills herself not to cry. 'I don't deserve him'

'Shouldn't he get to decide that? Just like you should decide what you want. Don't think about the past...You know how I knew with Keith? You know that feeling you get when you're little and you've been on holiday and unlike your parents you're just as excited as you were leaving for the holiday as you are coming home because it's familiar and you feel safe. That's how I felt being with Keith. He was like coming home' Peyton doesn't respond. 'Whatever you both decide I'll be here supporting you both..I know it isn't my place to interfere so I'm going to shut up' Karen looks at her adoringly. 'You know what seeing you try all of these on reminds me of? When I took you prom dress shopping' She changes the subject.

Peyton smiles wearily as she remembers that day. 'You made me try on every bloody dress under the sun'

'We found the perfect one didn't we though? We both knew as soon as you put it on'

'I did love that dress' She admits as she recalls the garment that had had her all giddy and excited about a prom she'd claimed she'd had no interest in going to.

'I know you did...If none of these aren't feeling right I do have one more option' Karen presents the last dress and Peyton's brow furrows.

'Is that...?'

'Yes'

'How do you even...?'

'I was altering it remember? And then well, you never did get to wear it did you?'

'You've kept that all these years?'

'Of course. Honey I think I was more excited about seeing you and Lucas going off to prom together than you and Lucas were' She smiles. 'Why don't you wear it. You already know you like it'

'I do like it' Peyton smiles as her hand slides over the familiar green fabric. 'Is it, is it not too dressy?'

'Please, this is hosted by the Davis's, everyone will be dressed up to the nines. They'll look like overdressed barbies. You however will look like pure sophistication' Karen excitedly declares.

Peyton bites her lip. 'I doubt it even still fits me'

'Nonsense, if anything I might have to take it in a notch. I need to fatten you up' Her eyes sweep down the blonde's petite figure, her stare soon lingering on her arm, or more specifically a mark there that isn't familiar, that only in the blonde's state of dress has her eyes been drawn to the scar that's usually concealed beneath sleeves. 'Is this where he broke your arm?' Karen runs her hand over the white line that's caught her attention.

'Mm, they had to put a pin in. Although it's ice skating. That's my preferred story' Peyton remarks flippantly.

Karen stiffens. 'Is that what you'll tell Lucas when he asks?'

'Yes or maybe I'll tell him something really crazy like a shark attack' Her smile isn't returned. 'Not funny?'

Peyton's nonchalance doesn't ease her churning stomach 'I can't joke when it comes to you being hurt'

'No' Peyton nods. 'I know, but joking is easier than getting upset about it, please don't get upset, that was a long time ago now'

'That doesn't make it better honey, the fact you've been suffering all this time kills me. I promised your Mother I'd always watch out for-'

'You did. You are. I'm the one that ran away. I'm the one that made that choice'

'You didn't choose this' Her finger tip trails over the white line.

'No. But I do get to choose now. He can't control me anymore'

Karen nods, her eyes sparkling with awe because as much as Peyton declares she's not the same girl they'd known, Karen knows differently because she sees the fight and determination simmering beneath the surface. Her feisty nature had always been undeniable. Maybe it had been whittled down over time but it wasn't gone. Not at all. She wouldn't be stood here right now if she'd completely lost her fight. 'Right...so what are you choosing?'

'The green' Peyton grasps the shimmery fabric with finality and Karen smiles fondly because she's taking her life back and she really hopes that means she chooses Lucas too because she wants him to be happy and she's known for a long time that the only person that can give him that is the beautiful girl standing before her.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'Lily says Lucas is taking you to a ball'

Peyton looks at her daughter over the kitchen island. 'A ball?'

'Uhuh'

'He's not taking me to a ball baby. It's some fundraiser thing that his brother invited us both too. We live next door and are friends so it would be kinda silly not to go together huh?'

'What's a fundraiser?'

'It's where people make money for a good cause, in this case for the town'

'What do you do there?'

'Talk. There might be music. Maybe dancing'

'Like...like when you went out with... _him_ to his work parties?'

'No. Not like that' Nothing about this will be similar to when her husband had dragged her to events, of that she's sure. Peyton stops buttering the bread before her, her hand resting on her hip as she looks at her oldest daughter, half in amusement, half in concern.

'It sounds like that. We only use to have to go stay at Grandma and Grandpa's house when you were going to a party or that time when...' She trails off because they don't speak about that.

'You're not going to Grandma and Grandpa's house are you? You're going to Karen's. You like Karen right?'

'I like Karen!' Alexa's little voice chimes, suddenly tuning into the conversation. 'She plays with me!'

Peyton moves around the island and approaches the table, her hand ruffling through her youngest daughter's hair as she stands behind her. 'I know- she's fun huh?'

'Uhuh' Alexa agrees and then she's pointing at her drawing. 'That's Raven Mumma' She announces.

Peyton squints down at the scribble, trying to identify the Golden retriever in the sea of yellow and green lines. 'That's amazing baby. Here, why don't you go stick it to the fridge' She instructs, knowing that the task will keep her occupied with the array of fridge magnets and give her a few moments alone with her oldest daughter.

'Kay' Alexa eagerly slips from her seat and Peyton takes her spot.

'You do like Karen right?'

'Yeah...she's nice' Adele avoids her eyes.

'And Lily?'

'Lily's my best friend'

'So tomorrow will be pretty fun right?'

'Whenever we came back from Grandma and Grandpa's you were always sad' The eight year old recalls.

'I was?' Peyton's brow arches as she contemplates Adele's words. She supposes she's right, it had been common for her to be more down if they'd been away from her for any length of time because when they were there 24/7 it was simple; no matter what went on she'd put a brave face on but in their absence that mask would slip and she'd have to scramble to put it back in place on their return.

'Yes'

'This won't be like that. I won't be sad when you come home the next day ok?' She holds Adele's hands. 'And you're literally a five minute walk away aren't you?'

'Is it like a date?'

'A date?' Peyton echos.

'Yes. Is it a date?'

'No...I don't know' She sighs. She feels like she's got a parent breathing down her neck.

'How don't you know?' The eight year old scowls. 'You promised it was just us three'

'It is! It is...but baby you like Luke right?'

'I like Luke!' Alexa's little voice sings, she's become disinterested with moving the magnets around on the fridge and is back.

'I know Lex' Peyton smiles and pulls her onto her lap, shifting a fresh sheet of paper in front of her and pulling the crayons closer 'Do you Addie?'

The little girl doesn't answer. She crosses her arms and pauses for a long moment. 'Can't I come?' She eventually asks.

'What?'

'Can I come to the fundraiser?'

'No. It's not really a children thing, besides it'll be boring. You're going to have loads of fun with Lily'

'I don't think you should go'

Peyton tilts her head and regards her carefully. Her daughter's unease about this is only fuelling her own apprehension about the approaching evening. 'No?'

'No. It's not appropriate'

Peyton smiles sadly because those words are repeated words that little ears have heard. 'Why not?'

'Because you're meant to be looking after your children'

'Just because I'm going to go out for the evening doesn't mean I'm not looking after you. Not looking after you would be me leaving you here all alone. I'm leaving you in safe hands and you'll have fun' Peyton softly answers. 'Isn't Mummy allowed to have a fun evening too?'

Adele blows out a heavy breath and grumpily regards her mother's sad expression. 'I want you to have fun' She grumbles. 'I don't want you to be sad after though' She sceptically adds.

'Well how about this. If I'm sad after I won't go to the fundraiser next year, deal?'

'We're going to be here till next year?'

Peyton reaches across the table and tucks one of her daughter's locks behind her ear. 'I want to stay here forever honey...how would you feel about that?'

'I like it here! I like it here!' Alexa sings and Adele's serious expression lapses, her lips curling up in a smile at her little sister's not so tuneful song.

'You're crazy Lex' Adele giggles and Peyton thinks there isn't a more heavenly sound than that giggle. 'I guess I like it here too'

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

The whole day has felt like a waiting game. Karen had insisted on coming to take the children off her hands in the afternoon and Peyton had agreed knowing that Adele being distracted with Lily would be better than her seeing Lucas and her go off together. But without the children the day had dragged and by the time he comes knocking she thinks she's on the brink of throwing up.

He doesn't say anything for six whole seconds...she counts. It feels like an eternity.

'That...it's...green' Is his initial gibberish muttering. 'That's your prom dress'

'Mm. Your Mum still had it'

'I know I...you look beautiful'

'You don't think I look like I'm someone who has forgotten they're not eighteen anymore' She's already self conscious. She knows her husband wouldn't approve, not when he's not there to hold her hand and flaunt her around. It finishes just above her knees and accentuates her legs. The neckline is off the shoulder.

'Not in the slightest' Her eyes have never looked greener and he's transfixed. 'You ready?'

She nods and he leads her down the porch.

The walk is awkwardly quiet. They're both nervous and their conversation is kept safe. He tells her how Lily is in big trouble for using Karen's credit card online to order a trampoline. He laughs and tells her his Mum is suddenly terrified of the daring child. Peyton is more amused when he goes on to tell her that Lily had announced it was a necessity because she's going to be an astronaut and needs to practice her space moves. They both agree she's smart. They both agree it would be wise to keep their bank details away from Adele and Alexa incase they get any wise ideas.

By the time they reach the river where the boat is docked she'd thought she was more at ease but her nerves are quickly back, nerves that only heighten when Lucas abandons her. He'd said he was just getting drinks but she's lost sight of him.

'Peyton?'

She swivels round, her answering smile to the girl that's just garnered her attention is shy.

'I'm Brooke?'

'Yes' Peyton nods. She knows who the brunette before her is.

'Oh thank god- I was worried you didn't recognise me for a second. I was about to feel real old. Here, Lucas sent me with wine, I'm afraid my delightful parents have cornered him, they love that boy'

Peyton accepts the wine and licks her lips self consciously. 'Thank you...of course I recognise you, you look exactly the same, your dress is lovely'

Brooke's brow raises. 'Wow'

'What?' Peyton's worriedly observes the girl before her.

'Oh I just never thought I'd see the day that Peyton Sawyer gave me a complement'

Peyton wrings her hands together and shakes her head bashfully. 'I'm sorry...I know I wasn't exactly warm to you at school was I?'

'I'm kidding! Jesus I deserved that; I know I was a pain in the ass and I definitely got in the way of you and Luke so I'm the one that should be saying sorry' She extends a flute of champagne to the uneasy blonde.

'Thanks...You didn't. Not really.'

'I still ended up as Mrs Scott- I was just going for the wrong one' She dangles her hand up in the air to show off her glinting gold band.

'I heard. Congratulations'

Brooke wavers her arm dismissively then. 'That's old news...your return however, well that's new news. Lovely news and explains a whole lot why my kids haven't seen their Uncle Lucas in a while'

'You've got kids?'

'Two. Jack is 4 and Gracie is just 2'

Peyton smiles as she tries to envision the two children.

'Nate said you've got two yourself?'

'Yeah' Peyton nods. 'Two girls. 8 and 3'

'We'll have to get together with the kids one day'

'That would be nice' Peyton graciously answers. She takes a hasty sip of her drink and averts her stare. Her mind whirling as she tries desperately to think of something to say. Brooke doesn't allow the silence to ensue. She's quick to feel the void and it quickly turns out that Peyton needn't worry about speaking because the brunette has plenty to say. She doesn't come up for air and three glasses of champagne later Brooke's a little tipsy.

'Look at you. You always were so mysterious to me. You were never like the other girls...you're still so mysterious' Brooke observes.

Peyton ducks her head and a curl falls over her face. She doesn't want to be mysterious. She doesn't want to talk. She wants Lucas to come back and rescue her. She's never been left unsupervised for this long at an event of this scale before and she's unconsciously panicking about the freedom she now has. She can go anywhere. Say anything. Speak to anyone here. Male. Female.

'And so fucking gorgeous still' The wine is freeing words from Brooke's mouth that she'd perhaps have kept to herself otherwise. 'No wonder Luke is acting like a teenage boy'

Peyton's cheeks burn and her green eyes jolt up to look at Brooke then.

'Oh please tell me you're not as oblivious to how head over heals he is for you as you were at fourteen'

She feels so painfully stupid. Feels like she's been walking around with blinkers on for the most part of her life, because she'd thought so many things that weren't true and Brooke's words aren't helping her feel any better.

'Fuck. I'm sorry. This is why I don't drink. I revert to being the interfering bitch I was as a teenager'

'You weren't a bitch' Peyton disagrees.

'I was' She scrapes her hand through her hair. 'I'm not now though I swear. I know I'm not giving you the impression of that I'm just, I've not been out the house without Gracie latched to my hip in what feels like forever' She lets her guard down for a moment and Peyton sees a Brooke Davis she's never seen before. 'I'm sorry, I'm making you uncomfortable'

Peyton opens and closes her mouth and is quiet for a moment '...I'm...I'm not oblivious' She admits quietly and Brooke eagerly shuffles her chair closer.

'You're not?' She smiles and it's excitement and glee. 'He's never gotten over you Peyton. I know that much- that boy has barely held hands with another girl since you' She rambles.

'That doesn't make me feel better'

'It should! Jesus Nate slept his way round the whole cheer squad before he set his eyes on me and I never for a second thought I'd actually marry him one day'

'I never slept with Nathan...' Peyton's eyes are panicked.

Brooke giggles. 'Okay let me rephrase that, he slept with everyone on the cheer squad but you... Everyone has a different story. Me and Nate we, well we had to grow up, we both had to go off to college and find ourselves before we could find each other. You and Luke' She shakes her head. 'You two were two parts of a whole from the get go...I was so stunned when you upped and left...Nate told me why' She blurts and her hands abandon her near empty champagne flute to cover her heart. 'I was crying like a baby the other night when he told me...I...It's so fucking sad, all this time you've lost together because of my sick father-in-law'

Peyton's hand instinctively reaches out and touches the brunette's leg to try and thwart the water works that are welling in her brown eyes. 'Don't cry'

'Fuck this is so embarrassing. This is what having kids does to you. I was never an emotional wreck like this' She laughs and runs her finger under her eyes. 'Sorry. You must think I'm a right psycho right now. You barely know me and I'm crying over you' She shakes her head at her own ridiculousness.

'No' Peyton coos, her stare fully focused on the emotional girl before her. She's long given up on glancing around in the hopes that Lucas will save her. 'It's sweet. You're sweet, but I'm fine. Really'

Brooke nods. 'So...you and Luke?'

'We're friends' Peyton expels.

'For real?' Brooke pouts. 'Way to ruin my night P Sawyer' She chants unhappily. 'I was hopping we'd be planning a wedding' She sighs dramatically and slumps forward onto the table with a huff.

Peyton doesn't know if to be amused or horrified by Brooke's words. She's both. 'I think it's best we're friends right now. I...I have to concentrate on my children'

'Doesn't it scare the shit out of you though? Doing it by yourself?' Brooke brazenly wonders, failing to keep her outspoken self in check. 'Nate's job in the police scares the fuck out of me. I'm terrified I'm going to get a call one day that he's been killed or something' She confesses her worst fear. 'I don't know how I'd do it by myself'

'You would' Peyton shrugs. 'You just do what you have to. They're everything. It's not easy but it's not about you, it's about protecting them and making sure they're okay'

'Fuck I'm sorry. I'm so thoughtless- you've lost your husband and-'

'It's fine' Peyton dismisses hastily.

'No, it's not. Here I am rabbiting on about how I couldn't cope if I lost Nate and how you should be with Luke and you've lost your husband. Of course you don't want to rush into anything with Luke' She speaks so quickly that Peyton struggles to keep up. 'You're so strong...you always were that though'

'I don't think I'm that at all' Peyton's suddenly aware that her hands are still on the brunette and moves her fingers back into her own lap.

'Oh god, how many of those have you had?' Nathan's voice startles her. Unlike their last meeting, she's more than relieved by his sudden arrival and more importantly, relieved that Lucas is beside him.

'A few' Brooke pouts. 'I'm not a child husband'

'No, you're definitely not that' Nathan chortles. 'But you can't handle your drink babe' He looks at Peyton. 'I'm sorry- I can only imagine what you've been dealing with for the last hour'

Peyton's head rocks back and forth.

'Don't make out that I'm a nightmare Nathan Scott I'm trying to make friends!' Brooke moans, her arm flailing out to hit him but she misses and her hand slaps down against the table top a second later. Her head soon follows suit in an effort to stop the spinning people around her.

Peyton holds her breath. Waits for Brooke to be yanked up and escorted away for her behaviour. But she's not at home. She's not in a world where women aren't equal to men.

'She's not a nightmare' Nathan smirks as he addresses Peyton. 'Her parents are though' He confesses and affectionately strokes a hand over his wife's head. 'Which explains why someone is a little worse for wear right now. She's going to be mortified tomorrow- she's been looking forward to seeing you again after all this time'

'She's got nothing to be mortified about'

'No' Nathan agrees. 'Thanks for sitting with her'

'Babe I think home' Brooke's husky voice requests.

'Yeah. Me too' He helps her up. 'Come on you'

Brooke latches onto him, her hand wavering in an attempt at goodbye.

'See you guys later' Nathan smiles. 'Sorry to abandon ship so early, I'll talk to you tomorrow'

'Yeah, hope she's alright' Lucas pats his brothers back and as they go his eyes skitter back to Peyton. '...So I'm real sorry I left you alone with Brooke so long. Nate cornered me and had me help keep her parents preoccupied and away from her' He softly apologises.

'It's alright' She shakes her head.

'You want to stay a while or get back?'

He knows she didn't even really want to come in the first place.

'Maybe go? If you don't mind'

'Na, this so isn't my scene' She nods and he boldly takes her hand as they make their way off the crowded boat. It takes them a while; he bumps into several familiar faces on route and introduces her and by the time they finally make it back onto solid ground she's more than relieved.

'Sorry, that wasn't very quick was it?'

'You know a lot of people'

'Nosy people that only want to have a chat so they can get a look at you' He snorts.

'Do...do they all know?'

'Know what?'

'About me, about Keith and Dan'

'No of course not, I only told Mum Peyt'

'And Nate. Who told Brooke'

'Right eurgh, yeah I shouldn't have-'

'It's fine' She smiles. 'I don't mind, I just...' She shakes her head. It's humiliating but she doesn't bother with saying so because she knows he'll only try and convince her otherwise. 'Why don't they get on? Brooke and her parents'

'A lot of reasons really. When Jack was 2 he was really ill. He had meningitis and it was very touch and go. Nate and Brooke were skint at the time and couldn't pay for his health care so her parents pitched in. Thank god he pulled through but now they kind of hold the fact that they paid for his treatment over Nate and Brooke's head. At every hurdle they try to dictate how Jack and Grace should be bought up. The latest saga being the school the kids are going to attend. Brooke finds it harder and harder to tolerate I think, especially as she feels like they were completely absent in bringing her up.'

'Oh that doesn't sound fun'

'Mm. Brooke's not had it easy. Things finally seemed on the up but after Gracie was born she struggled with postpartum depression. It's only recently she's really been feeling better'

'I hated her at school'

'I know' Lucas smirks.

'Not hated. I hated that I thought you liked her' She corrects.

'I know. I never liked her. Not like that'

'I know' She smiles down at the ground.

It takes them twice as long to walk back. They dawdle. They quite literally walk down memory lane. Lucas reminisces about things they use to do. Places they use to go. She listens. Remembers. Laughs. Remembers how happy they'd been.

They reach the lane that leads up to her house far too soon and he slows his pace even more. He's not ready for the night to end. He feels like he hasn't got to spend any time with her at all. 'Did I tell you you look beautiful tonight? So beautiful' She shakes her head and looks up at the stars. 'You always were shit at taking a complement' He smirks and reaches for her hand, her fingers tangle with his compliantly. 'What're you thinking?'

She bites her lip. '...I'm thinking you're suddenly hellbent on ignoring that conversation we had about us' She's referring to his hand holding, something she's yet to put any effort into stopping.

'The nothings ever going to happen between us thing and we should just be friends?'

'Yeah that thing...It's starry tonight'

'Yes' He follows her gaze. 'On both counts'

'Luke' His name is an exhale. He doesn't need to look at her face to see that she's grimacing.

'I love you Peyton. Time hasn't changed that. Nothings going to change that' He shifts closer, their legs now touching. 'And I get your reservations a hundred percent. I get that this isn't going to be easy, that it's going to take time but I don't believe for a second that you don't still have feelings for me. I can still read you you know'

She looks down at their entangled fingers and gently eases her hand free. They've reached the house and he follows her up the steps.

'You don't know the first thing about me-' She concentrates on opening the door.

'You seem to like saying that but you're wrong' He follows her inside. 'I know that you were horrified at being abandoned with Brooke tonight but by the time I came and rescued you, you'd decided she's not so bad at all'

She shakes her head with the smallest of smiles and sets her purse down. 'I wish you wouldn't do that'

'What?'

'Your witchy mind reading' She ventures into the living room and sits down to take her shoes off.

He laughs and drops onto the seat beside her. 'I also know you think this is too short cause you've been tugging at it all night' His free hand fiddles with the fabric that finishes just above her knee. 'It's not by the way. Not at all'

She doesn't know it but she holds her breath because his finger is soon touching her skin, touching her in a spot that he's probably touched her a million times before, both innocently and maybe not so innocently. But all she's thinking is her husband would wring her neck right now.

'And not nearly as short as that little red number' He teases. His words draw her back in. She breathes. Remembers what he's referring to. 'I'd never seen your Dad move so quickly'

'I was so pissed at him that night. He marched me straight back up those stairs to change'

'I think my gawping mouth played a huge part in that'

She smiles. She'd loved his gawping face. 'You weren't use to seeing me in anything but denim'

'Hey, I was a fan of the denim get up too...remember when you fell on that rock and did this?' His hand is still on her knee and he's inspecting a scar there that she got at thirteen.

'Mm. You were so worried' She recalls.

'There was blood everywhere'

'Uhuh. And then you fainted on me'

'Not my finest hour'

'I had to carry you and my war wound back to the house'

'You didn't carry me' He disagrees. She kinks her brow. 'You held me up' He corrects.

'If that's what you want to call it' She jibes.

'I was only being so pathetic cause I knew it would be a distraction for you' He's joking but she kind of doesn't doubt that there's an element of truth in his claim.

She tugs the material down on her dress suddenly to conceal the mark in question because if he goes any higher he'll see a scar that's more prominent than the little white line he's currently reminiscing over. A scar obtained when her body was thrown into a glass table that shattered beneath her, leaving a rain storm of splintered shards in her side.

'Sorry' He misreads her small action and retracts his hand.

'No' She can't bear his puppy dog eyes and leans toward him, arms abruptly curling round his torso and her head hiding in the crook of his neck.

He hugs her back, his brow furrowed at her sudden awkward affection.

'What's this for?'

'Nothing. Everything' She hums into his shoulder. 'I've missed the way you use to know me'

He smiles and gently coaxes her head up.

She knows what's coming and a thousand things go through her mind in the space of just a second. Because she doesn't know what to do. More importantly she doesn't know what she wants anymore. Her thoughts have been yo-yoing all night on her feelings regarding this, them. Logic and desire battle.

He strokes her cheek. 'I still know you Peyt' He leans closer. Slowly. 'Just like I know you still know me'

She bobs her head in agreement. She does still know him. Can still read him.

He reads her nod as consent. He kisses her and it's almost painfully slow. He's so sweet and delicate that she finds herself tensing and not quite knowing what to do. And she hates that. Hates that _he_ did this to her. That she doesn't know how to respond to Lucas's gentle touch, doesn't know how to initiate or reciprocate independently. Because everything about her relationship with the man she married was dictated; from what she wore, who she saw, right down to the morbid details of their sex life. He took. His kisses were always so forceful and domineering that she didn't have to do anything. She learnt that pretty quickly. He liked her weak and submissive. But _this_ , now, here with Lucas, he doesn't want her like that, there's nothing dominating about the way he's touching her and his tongue doesn't roughly force past her lips and devour her mouth. Instead it trails over the seam of her lips and they part willingly and she finds herself leaning into him, her tongue caressing and swirling with his in a dance that feels familiar. It's hazy summer days. It's her teenage years. It's butterflies of being in love for the very first time...only time.

But then it's not just kissing. He gives in to the raging desire inside him. It's been a long time since he's been with anyone. It's been a long time since he's been with her. He's got nearly ten years of fantasising over Peyton Sawyer under his belt. But she's not a fantasy anymore. She's back. She's here. He moves closer, wants to be as close as possible, needs to show her the unwavering love he still has for her. His hands coax her compliant form back until she's laying on the sofa and in all of a second her body shuts down.

It doesn't matter that his hands are barely touching her hips, doesn't matter that when they start to ghost up her slight form it's with nothing but love.

She's suffocating because he's suddenly not Lucas. He's not the man she's just been talking to, not the person who has just had excited butterflies flapping in her belly. Not the man that's made her smile more in the past months than she has in forever. He's not the man that has that ability to make her feel safe.

He's none of those things.

He's the enemy.

She's not had to play the obedient part for a significant amount of time though and she's started to forget how to be submissive. Instead her fight or flight response has her hands most suddenly lurching forward, shoving roughly against his chest.

He grunts, startled. 'Peyton?'

'Get off!'

His eyes are wide as he hastily releases her and shuffles back. She gulps in a breath. 'What's wrong?' He pants and shifts his straining pants.

Her panicked stare follows his fingers, anticipates them unfastening his pants.

'Peyton?'

She blinks. _Lucas. It's Lucas._ She reminds herself but it's no good, she knows it's a lost cause. She's not had a panic attack in a long time but she's had them enough in the past to know it's in full flow and he needs to go.

'Go' She shrivels back.

'What? I-I'm sorry, I just-'

'God Lucas. Please, I want you to go' She blurts and hastily scrambles to her feet.

He licks his lips.

She's breathing heavily and he wants nothing more than to swaddle her in his arms and comfort her.

He wants to wipe away the tear that's settled on her cheek.

Worried doesn't even begin to cover what he's feeling.

'What's wrong?' He shadows her steps. 'I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I thought, I thought you...'

She's trembling, her back flush against the wall now. Flashes of memories hit her hard and fast. It makes her dizzy. Makes her flinch. Makes her feel nauseous. Her eyes dart around the room. She feels like _he's_ here.

'Pey-'

'Leave. Now.' _He_ is in a sense. _He_ 's in her head, she's escaped but _he's_ still there in her head, especially in this moment.

She clenches her eyes shut. Breathes in and out. In and out.

He watches in terror. He wants to do as he's told. But her palm is hovering over her chest in an effort to try and control her racing heart and his concern stops him from going because it's like she can't breathe.

When her sticky lashes eventually open again he's not there and she's relieved for all of a second until he's reappearing with a glass of water in hand.

'Here, come sit down, you need to drink this' She ignores his gesturing hands. The sofa is too far away, she doesn't trust her legs and slowly lowers herself to the floor instead. He squats beside her and she tries to take the cup from him but his helping hands hold the glass steady as she sips 'That's it. Breathe. It's alright. You're alright' He coaches and his sweet, calming words have her wanting to cry because she's not alright and she so, so badly wants to be alright for him.

'I told you, you should go' She mumbles. Her breathing is slowly evening out and her panicked face begins to morph into humiliation. She wishes he'd listened. She doesn't want him seeing her like this. She wants the floor to swallow her up.

'I'm not leaving you like this Peyt. I think maybe I should call a Doct-' His words cease, the unavoidable slam of the front door interrupting him.

Peyton's heart leaps into her mouth. She thinks this is it. Thinks she's not crazy after all, he's found her. Of course he's found her.

But the person that rounds the corner isn't her husband.

She's a lot shorter.

'Mummy?' Adele's lilted voice chimes. She's in her pyjama's and wellie boots and Lucas blinks in confusion, his stare looking behind her, looking for his mother who's surely with her but the adult she's meant to be with isn't to be seen.

'Addie what, where have you come from?!' He exclaims, rising to his full height.

'I wanted to come home'

'Does Karen know you left?'

'No'

'Adele!' He scorns. 'You can't just walk out of the house without telling an adult! Especially not at nearly midnight!' His voice isn't what she's use to hearing. It's reprimanding. It's concern and fear that fuels his harsh tone. He's already confused and anxious by the situation with her mother and now he's dealing with the thought that his child could have been seriously harmed by her fearless expedition.

The eight year old glares at him for a moment but his fretful words are soon forgotten because she's wrapped up in Peyton and in an instant Lucas is the protective parent he's become in just weeks. 'Mummy is okay Addie. She's just a little out of breath-' He begins to explain but the little girl is soon talking over him.

'I told you you shouldn't go!' Lucas's eyes widen at the beseeching words fired at Peyton. 'You should've listened to me' She huffs and then sympathy ebbs into her eyes and she stomps nearer to them both and takes the water Lucas is holding.

'Here-''

'I'm okay Addie' Peyton shakes her head and firmly confiscates the glass; this is her child and she doesn't allow her to help her as Lucas just had. There's many words she wants to say to her young daughter. She wants to scream at her, because like Lucas she's more than concerned about her disregard for rules, is terrified that she's fearlessly navigated her way through the dark. But she's painfully aware of the man watching them, not that she's in any shape to be giving a lecture right now.

In her mother's silence Lucas becomes choked. He watches Adele's small hand drift over her mother's head. She looks beyond her years and her little action implies that this isn't the first time she's seen Peyton in such a state.

'I'm ok baby' Peyton consciously brings the little hand down and presses a kiss to her palm. 'Luke. I'm ok now. You should go-'

'But-'

'Your Mum will freak if she realises Addie's gone'

'I'll ring-'

'I'll talk to you tomorrow' She murmurs with finality.

'Well at least let me take Adele back with-'

'I'm staying with Mum' Adele's scathing look makes the knot in his belly tighten.

'She's fine staying with me' Peyton softly agrees.

'You're sure you're ok?' Lucas exhales indecisively. He doesn't want to leave.

'I promise'

But he does leave because he feels like this, whatever the hell this is, he feels like he's just caused it and the last thing he ever wants to be responsible for is causing her a single ounce of pain.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'Everything okay honey?'

He's not surprised to see his mother up and lurking when he gets home.

'Yeah...no...Addie's back with Peyton by the way'

'What?' Karen's eyes are wide, her stare flitting up the hallway toward the bedroom where the little girl in question is meant to be.

'Don't worry, she's alright'

'But I- how? She was- I checked on them a while ago'

'She's fine Mum, it's not your fault'

'Let me just check on Lily and Lexie' She hurries off and he sighs heavily as he walks further into the kitchen, leaning on the nearest work surface. His mother's frantic voice as she returns startles him. 'They're fast asleep. God Lucas I had no clue, was Peyton mad, I feel awful I-'

'Don't feel bad. I mean I definitely don't like the idea of her doing that but then again we snuck out to each others all the time and nothing ever happened to us right?'

'Yes but...'

'But what?' He kinks his brow. 'You love your grandaughter more than me Mum?' He teases.

'I just can imagine Peyton was beside herself'

'Well yeah' He snorts. 'But not so much about that' He finds a needed seat.

'What does that mean honey?' Karen shadows his movement, locating the opposite seat.

'I don't...she, I think she would've been freaking out but when Addie came in... it was like she was having a panic attack or something. I don't know what happened. One minute I think I'm making progress and she's on the same page and then...I dunno, I don't know what happened' He drops his head into his hands.

'Want a coco?' Karen doesn't wait for his answer and goes about filling the kettle. It's more a distraction for herself than about aiding her son. She wants to pry further. Wants a detailed report on what has transpired. She also doesn't want to break her trust with Peyton. Also doesn't want to put her foot in it. Also wants to make things easier on her son. It's all making her feel physically sick.

'I know I can't expect...I shouldn't...I just thought, I thought that she'd left me all those years ago- that she didn't love me but she did, it's because she loved me, that was her motivation for running away because she thought I wouldn't want her and I thought...I don't know'

'You thought she'd want to make a go of things now that she knows the truth, now that she's back' Karen deduces.

'Is that stupid? She's the mother of my child she's...she's the only one, the only one I've ever loved. I know that sounds stupid! I know we were kids but I've never been in a relationship that was as serious, I've never been with anyone as long, I've never felt...'

'It's not stupid honey. It's just real love'

'I don't know that she thinks that' He sadly discloses with a shrug. 'Maybe she's right, maybe I'm just clinging on to those memories'

'No. She does feel the same' Karen declares. The kettle clicks, signalling the boiling water and she carefully fills two mugs. 'I know she feels the same'

'She's spoken to you?' Lucas's brow furrows because he's not use to his mother's jitteriness. She shifts her weight as she stirs their drinks

'Not really but I know that girl looks at you like she always has. You just need to give her time. She's been through so much with those kids'

'I know but she's been here five months now Mum. She never talks about her husband. I've never even heard the kids mention him. There's no pictures of him. She's taken her ring off. It's like...I dunno, it's weird, it's like she's erased this guy'

'People deal with things in different ways honey' Karen treads carefully, returning to the table and issuing him with hot beverage. 'You need to be patient'

'I don't care if she needs time, I'm good at waiting. There's no pressure I just, I want to know that I'm not chasing something that's never going to be on the table'

'Yes it's been several months but you have to remember that you've not seen her in a long time Luke. You're use to the girl that acted on her heart, that was always five steps ahead of you. She gave you confidence, if you were scared she tried to fight your battles even when she was just as frightened...she was fierce...but having children it, it changes you. She's being guarded but don't misread that as her not reciprocating your feelings. She's being guarded because it's not just about you and her anymore. It's about your little girl, it's about Adele and Lexie.'

'I would never hurt them'

'No, I know that, she knows that but your relationship will effect them no matter what you think honey'

'You think she doubts that we'll stay together? You think if we get together we'll end up splitting up?' His nose is crinkled with indignation.

'No. I don't think so but I...people grow over time, their experiences stay with them, alter them. It doesn't mean they're not the same person you knew they just have more... branches' She settles on. 'I don't think it will be easy but like you Lucas Scott I believe in fate. I believe it's written in the stars and if it any two people are written in the stars it's you and Peyton Sawyer.' She takes a sip of her drink. She hopes she's reassured him in regards to his feelings but it's now Peyton she's focused on. 'When you say she had a panic attack what...was she actually having a panic attack?'

'It was like she couldn't breathe and then, then Addie came in and she wasn't fazed. I means she was fazed' He corrects. 'Just not...I just got the impression she'd seen it before' He pinches the bridge of his nose because it had been an uncomfortable scene. 'She's a kid...it was weird, it was like she suddenly became this little person that was beyond her years'

'Children are more perceptive than we give them credit for sometimes...they quite often know far more than they ever let on...those kids have been through a lot' She licks her lips, averts her eyes to her warm coco, avoids his eyes as the truths in the back of her throat become hard to contain. 'Peyton has been through a lot'

'I'm not a jerk Mum'

'You're definitely not a jerk' Karen agrees. 'Just...just don't loose hope. Be extra patient Luke. With all of them...if you let them do it at their pace, they'll come to you. I promise honey'

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

The rain is pounding against the windows. The freak storm conveying his sombre mood. He readjusts the cushion behind his head before rereading the last paragraph of his chapter again and like the previous six times he fails to take in a single word.

He's about to try again when she all but catapults through the door.

'Peyton!' Lucas shoots upright in surprise, his book tumbling to the floor as he swings his legs off the bed.

She's dripping wet and breathing heavily.

'What's happen-'

She lurches at him. There's no time for explanations. Her smaller hands curl into his t-shirt as her mouth cuts off his concerned question.

His body takes a moment to process her impulsive advances; his blue eyes wide in bewilderment. She's exhilarating. She smells of rain and roses and he knows in a all of a second that she was outside gathering flowers before the down pour started. Flowers that she's no doubt going to issue to his mother. He's barely had a chance to comprehend her attack and his eager fingers are about to delve into her hair and reciprocate when she abruptly withdraws.

'Fuck' The curse word is a shaky exhale, her nervous green eyes skittering away from his stunned face as she stumbles back. 'Fuck. Sorry'

He doesn't move. Doesn't speak. Not for a painful minute. But his fear that she's soon going to run forces his lips to form words. 'Has, has something happened?' He avoids spotlighting her ardent kiss in case he'll only be pushing her out the door.

'No-nothing' She shudders. 'Your Mum came to bring Lexie back and she offered to take all the girls for a milkshake so I had some time to myself and thought I'd sort through some of my old stuff''

'Right' He nods, squinting at her in puzzlement because he's not sure how her babbled words are any explanation as to why she's just legged it over here through the rain to pounce on him. He'd not anticipated he'd be seeing her anytime soon, not after the previous night. 'Are you feeling better after last night?'

'I, about that' She swallows thickly. '..I, I was just tired'

'Peyt you were having a panic attack' She shakes her head no. 'No?...What was that then?'

'I was just tired'

'One minute we were kissing and the next you're screaming at me to go and now you come waltzing in here and kiss me...I...I'm a little confused over here'

Her nostrils flare and her head bobs. She knows he must be confused. Hell she's just as confused.

'I've never caused anyone to have such an adverse reaction to me kissing them' He notes discontentedly, his hand clawing through his hair. 'Especially not you...'

'I know' Her voice is a whisper.

'I know this...I know it must be hard. I'm sure you must be feeling all sorts of things but talk to me about it. I'm not a dick. You can tell me what you're thinking. I need you to tell me what you're thinking' His hand wavers between them. '...What I said last night about us, that wasn't me trying to guilt you into this. All that matters to me is that you're happy, if you really don't want us to be anything other than friends then I'll deal with that'

His sweet words don't make her feel better. He's not changed. He's impossibly good. He's understanding. Sensitive. And as always his kindness pushes her to tears.

'Hey' He warily reaches for her, his touch hesitant.

'I'm sorry' She murmurs. 'I'm so, so sorry'

'You've got nothing to be sorry for. Just talk to me' He urges.

'I...I'm trying' She really is. She wrings her hands together and then scrapes her fingers through her sodden locks. 'I've just been looking through these' She reaches into the pocket of her cardigan and pushes a wad of photos into his hands.

He scans them. They're a collection of himself and her, throughout their teenage years.

When he looks up again she's moved away and is standing near his desk holding a framed photo of the both of them kissing.

'That was only a few days before you left'

'Yeah' She nods and hastily puts it back down, shivering.

He notices. 'Let me find you something dry to put on you're freezing'

'I can't bear that you think... ' Her meek words halt his mission and he slowly turns back to face her. She's biting her lip.

'Yes?' He gently urges.

'I know I must be driving you mad and I know I'm giving you mixed signals I'm just...I'm' She crosses her arms before her and then unfolds them a second later. 'I'm frightened Luke' she relays honestly.

His face crumples and he tentatively closes the gap between them, grasping her hands. 'Of what?'

'That...' She takes a deep breath. 'That if...if we...that you're going...you talk about us, you keep talking about all the things we did and you think I'm still the same as all those photos but I'm not her, I wish I was! If we...if we, I know you'll wake up and realise I'm not what you want anymore. You're fantasising about me back then and I, I'm not her and I-I don't think I could bear it when you realise that...And I-I know the girls, they're starting to love you too Luke, how could they not? I-I don't want to give them this illusion that we're...not if I'm going to take it away...but I...please don't think that means I don't, I don't still...please don't think that I don't...care...I'm so sorry' Her nostrils flare and her hand suddenly flits to her face to shield her eyes. 'I'm a mess' Despite her damp form his arms envelope her without hesitance and she sinks into his warm body, hands clutching at him tight. 'I'm making you all wet' Her voice muffles.

'I don't care about that...here, let me show you something' He reluctantly releases her, rubbing her arm before he ventures over to the bookshelf. When she'd last been here in this room the shelves had held trophies and treasures from his youth, now it holds books of classic literature and vinyls that she's longing to touch. He pulls out Gatsby and produces a small wooden box hidden behind, an affectionate, sheepish smile on his face as he returns to her. 'You think what I'm feeling is just based on what I felt for you when we were teenagers but you're wrong...I know you've changed because I have too. You don't know me anymore than I know you but our hearts don't change Peyton. One thing has always been constant, the only thing that's ever been constant is me loving you. This, this is a whole lifetimes worth of loving you' He pulls the lid off and produces sheets of crumpled paper from the mysterious box.

He hands them to her and she stares down at the scrawled lists.

'What is this?' She tries to make sense of the writing but it's inconsistent and changes significantly, becoming neater as her eyes filter over the contents.

'Don't you remember?'

'Your wishes'

'Uhuh'

'They're meant to be in the tin in the tree down at the river' She looks at him accusingly and he nearly laughs because she looks like she's just been cheated. 'You never put your wishes in the tin?!'

They'd had a ritual that was performed at the beginning of every year. A wish for things they wanted to achieve. A wish sealed in a box and hidden in a hollow tree for nobody to see. Their secret.

'Well no'

'I put mine in there!'

'Oh I know. I just never trusted you not to sneakily read mine and well...' He gestures to the paper and her eyes trail back to the words. 'As you can see they weren't really romantic declarations that I wanted you seeing'

She digests his sweet innocent wishes; _Learn to ride my bike. Make a clubhouse with Peyton._ They soon become more crude as the years pass and she pretty much becomes the extent of all his lists.

'Make out with Peyton Sawyer or more?' She reads out, her cheeks blushing as she looks at him.

He shrugs his shoulders. 'A thirteen year old boy could dream couldn't he?'

'You waited long enough to try'

'Mmm well you gave me no indication what so ever that you'd let me and I'm a gentleman-'

'You clearly never did what you thought I would then- if you'd just sneakily read mine you'd have saved yourself a lot of wishes' She smiles.

'What does that mean?' He kinks his brow.

'Nothing' She mutters. 'You can go find out for yourself'

He wants to race down to the river right now and locate what's surely to be a rusty tin by now. He's never broken his promise. He's never looked but she's just given him permission.

'It might have taken me a while but I did get enough courage to try eventually right?'

'Mhm only because I got you to kiss me' She teases.

'You only had to ask once didn't you? I didn't stop trying after that night. Tried and succeeded' He recollects fondly.

She shakes her head but a small smile graces her lips. 'Now you're making me sound easy'

He snorts. 'You were never easy' He disagrees. 'I remember coming home on several occasions and Mum asking me what was wrong because I apparently looked like I was about to combust' He remembers humiliatingly.

She looks guilty then. 'Hey I let you go all the way eventually'

'Yes' He grins wolfishly. 'I definitely remember. That was the best and cruelest night of my life'

'I wanted to leave a bit of me with you, I wanted to take a bit of you'

'Well you succeeded' He pushes her damp hair back away from her face. 'I've had an awful habit of comparing every woman to you. And no one could compare' He sighs and then he's looking back at the papers she's still clutching. 'Anyway, see...even after you left as silly as it is I still always make a wish and all of these, they're about finding you.' Her eyes trail over his scripted handwriting. _Find Peyton. Search for Peyton and tell her you still love her. '_ Every year my wish is the same, it's about being with you again. And I know you're scared but you see, this isn't something I've just decided since you got back. It's not a recent thing for me. This has been going on since you moved into that house at six. I think from that moment I knew that I loved you and from the moment you left to the time you came back I have been lost. I was fucking pissed at you for a long time, don't get me wrong. I thought maybe, I thought maybe if I ever did see you again, I thought maybe my teenage self could have exaggerated everything about you and I'd be disappointed, that you'd made me completely love sick and crazy. But my memory did not do you justice Peyt and seeing you, I'm not pissed, not at you. I know we were only kids but my feelings for you are the only romantic feelings I've ever been certain of and since you've been back everything suddenly snapped back into focus because it was never over for me. You're perfect. So very perfect'

'No, that's the last thing I am Luke' Her face crumples. 'I think you _think_ you still love me'

He shakes his head but says nothing because he's not about to get into an argument with her over this. He knows there's nothing he can say to make her believe his words. But he hopes he can show her that he does truly think that. If she'll let him he'll worship the ground she walks on and would gladly do anything she asked of him for the rest of his life.

He gently pulls her to him. 'Stop bullshitting Peyt' His voice is soft and a complete contrast to his irritated words. 'I've had nearly nine years of thinking. I don't think. I know.' He murmurs. 'You've just run through the rain to try and tell me in you're inept way that you do still love me, don't tell me how I feel. You promised you'd be my Raven till the end of the time. I'm still holding you to that you know'

She smiles. It's small. Shy. Nervous. His.

His hand reaches up. His fingers brush over her rose tinted cheek and she freezes.

'I've missed that smile' Her said smile dwindles as he leans nearer. 'I've missed you'

The space between them is harder to maintain but he's not going to attempt kissing her again. She has to be the one to close the gap. He's silently begging her to. She sees his hesitance. Knows he's cautious. Knows he doesn't want to cause a repeat of the previous night.

'I've missed you too' Her hands loosely cup his elbows as she looks up at him. 'So much Luke' He nods and their noses bump against each other. 'I always liked to imagine you married...with kids and a dog...coaching a basket ball team on weekends. Writing. Happy'

'You got the dog bit right' His breath hits hers. 'I had dreams back then of basket ball. Writing, but none of that meant anything without you. My dreams have changed. I'm content here. I thought I'd want to live somewhere busy, like we always talked about but I tried New York and I don't want that anymore. I want to be here. I want a family. And I want you'

She nods, her eyes glassy because she feels like she's robbed him of everything because all his dreams had been wrapped up in her as hers were him. 'I'm so sorry' She bravely rolls onto her toes. Her lips graze his, their eyes still locked.

It's different to in the barn. That had been governed by a tornado of emotions. It had been hasty, hands fumbling and holding tight.

And it's different to last night because she's in control. He's following her lead.

It's different to just moments ago when she'd been fuelled with desperation to make sure he knew how she felt.

It's different to how she remembers. It's different because he's not the eighteen year old she fondly remembers. He's not baby faced. His skin is more sun kissed and he's got a slight stubble that was never there before.

These kisses are slow and wandering, exploring, reacquainting.

She licks his bottom lip and he opens his mouth to her in all of an instant. He's trying to be disciplined but his self control is wilting because he's been needing, wanting, longing for her and just a mere hour ago he'd been convinced she wanted differently.

She's surrendering. But not in the same way that she long ago surrendered to her husband. That was submission. Submission to his rules and desires. This isn't that. This is her abandoning the little voices in her head that tell her she's not good enough for this man. This is her ignoring the words that her husband worked so hard in putting in her head. Words that she knows are untrue but can't help but listen to anyway.

Butterflies that she'd long thought were forever extinct flutter in her stomach. The air feels so humid that it's making her dizzy.

He walks backward, his palm on her lower back beaconing her forward with him.

His legs hit his bed and he sucks on her lip hard before pulling back. 'I thought I'd lost you forever' He pants, his hand coasting over her cheek.

She doesn't know how to answer. Doesn't know that there is an answer. Because she does feel lost. So very lost.

He sinks onto the bed and his hands smooth over the cotton that covers her stomach. He's imagining her pregnant. He's sure she's smaller now than she ever was. He can't visualise her with a swollen belly. He presses his lips to her stomach, to the home that had grown and nurtured his child 'I can't believe we made a baby. I can't believe she's ours' His love for the daughter he's barely known is nothing but endearing to her. It makes her tingle. And it's not just Adele. It's the way he's been with Alexa too. She runs her hand over his hair and then he's looking up at her. His eyes a few shades darker. 'Come here' She bites her lip unconsciously and follows his command, lowering herself onto him to straddle his lap. He feels different beneath her. He's broader, bigger, stronger. His stature is similar to that of her husband only there's one big difference, his strength is irrelevant, he doesn't think it gives him superiority, he's her equal.

She knows her husband had taken pride in how petite she was, how easily he could pin her down and put her in her place. Had even laughed at her efforts to break free on more than one occasion. Had drawled in her ear about how he provided for her, protected her and it was her one duty to please him, to be a good girl.

She curls herself around him. Hugs him tight and hides in his neck because she's frightened of this. More frightened of being intimate with him than she was with her husband. Because her husband had her well versed in what was expected of her. She's scared she's forgotten how to do this naturally, freely.

'Where've you gone?' He laughs, his coarse hands threading through the hair at the nape of her neck. Her action is similar to that of the previous night. She always was a hugger but these hugs are different. They're nervous and hiding.

'Nowhere...Thank you' She murmurs.

'Thank you?'

'For giving me Addie. For not hating me'

He laughs then and she feels it vibrate against her neck. His lips press to her shoulder and then her racing heart misses a beat because he moves abruptly, shifts until her back is suddenly on the bed and his weight presses her down. She can feel his belt buckle, the roughness of his jean clad thighs on her smooth skin.

It feels like a fist is suddenly clenched around her insides. Trepidation fills her eyes. But his drawling voice keeps the panic she'd got lost to just the previous night, at bay.

'How could I hate you...' His hands smooth down her side and despite her damp clothes she suddenly feels like she's burning. 'God you're even more beautiful...how is that possible?' His hand sweeps under her thigh and squeezes.

'I'm not' She outright disagrees. 'Especially right now'

'Remember what I use to do when you'd say that?'

'Don't you dare tickle me right now Luke'

'Okay. Only cause I've got to do this instead' The pressure of his lips is welcomed. She's been awakened, she feels like he's slowly bringing her back to life.

He moans deep in the back of his throat.

But despite the exhilarating feelings his wandering hands and mouth are summoning her jittery nerves are soon back. 'Luke' Her insecurities halt all enjoyment. She shudders irrepressibly as he drops his head into her neck.

'Mm?' She doesn't answer and his eyes are quick to seek out her face. He reads her in all of a second. 'Sorry too fast?' She bites her lip. 'Too fast' He deduces. 'I'm sorry'

'No' She shakes her head with a grimace. 'I'm sorry'

'You don't need to be sorry'

He rolls off of her, lays at her side, his hands keeping her close and guilt consumes her because she can feel his arousal, knows he wants more.

'We can' She abruptly mumbles. 'I'm being stupid' She feels like she's leading him on. She feels like she's acting like a cautious teenager. She's an adult. She should be okay with this.

'No you're not' He disagrees, his hand linking with hers. 'Not in the slightest' Lucas doesn't see it like that at all. 'I want to take it slow too Peyt- we need to. I know I wasn't exactly demonstrating that just now but I do. I want it to be special and definitely not rushed' He's playing with her fingers and she feels calmer with his ministrations. 'Ok?' She nods and her nose stings and she blinks repeatedly because when her husband wanted her, her husband had her. Her desires played little part but Lucas is concerned by her desires, in fact it's all he's concerned with. 'Peyt...what happened last night...with Adele' It's a statement. Not a question.

She swallows before speaking softly in an attempt to disguise her wavering voice. 'I've had another talk with her again about wandering off anywhere without telling anyone'

'Not that' She looks up at him nervously. 'When, when she came in she...she seemed so angry at me and..and she...has that happened to you before? The...the panic attack thing?'

'I've...a couple of times. I..always get myself as far away from her as I can so she doesn't see but there, there's been the odd time that I can't help it-'

'I'm not having a go at you..I just, I was, I was worried. About you both and I just felt so, so helpless and like it..it was my fault'

'It wasn't' She shakes her head. 'It had nothing to do with you, nothing at all'

He's not so sure. 'Have you seen a Doctor about it?'

'I'm ok'

'Are you? Everything Addie started saying...' He shakes his head. 'I just, she was saying she knew you shouldn't have gone last night. That she'd told you it was a bad idea and you didn't listen. What eight year old says that? Why didn't she want you to come out with me?'

'Because she's a little girl that's world has been turned upside down Luke and she's not stupid. She knows there's this thing between us. She's nervous and frightened and I'm trying my god damn hardest to make sure she starts feeling safe but it, it's hard. And you, you'll never know how sorry I am, I'll hate myself forever for how I've let them down but I can't, I can't change it' The tears she's been heroically containing race free.

'You've not let them down'

'I have'

'Peyton you're wonderful with them. I'm in awe of how wonderful you are with them' His thumbs brush her tears away.

She shakes her head in disagreement. 'No child should have seen what they've seen' She expels.

He misinterprets her confiding words. 'No they shouldn't, it's not fair. But you were practically Adele's age when you lost your Mum. You got through it. And we'll get them through this. We will..' He licks his lips. '...so you don't think she's going to be happy about this?'

'Huh?'

'Us being together?'

'We...together, you still want to be together?'

He doesn't know if to laugh or shake her at this point because he knows he's made that abundantly clear. 'Isn't that what this is?'

'Right but I've been a bit of a psycho since I burst through your door uninvited and lurched myself at you Luke' Her voice is small.

'You've always and will always be welcome in my room Peyton Sawyer and I quite enjoyed you lurching yourself at me thanks'

'You've always been terribly polite'

'What, so you think I'm just trying not to hurt your feelings?'

'No...' She tilts her head into the pillow because she knows this isn't that...but then again if it was... 'Maybe'

'I'm not being polite...' He shuffles further down the bed so he can see her face better. 'I think I've made my feelings pretty clear' He taps her nose. '..you've still not answered me about Addie. You're deflecting' He decides.

She smiles because he does still know her. 'I...I don't know...she won't like this. She won't be onboard but I...I know she's falling for you deep down. It's just going to take a bit more time for her to trust you. Just, just try not to be offended'

'Maybe we shouldn't tell her right away then' He settles his hand on her cheek. 'If you'd not noticed I don't enjoy it when a Sawyer doesn't want anything to do with me'

Peyton smiles. 'She already keeps giving me the Spanish inquisition when it comes to you...I don't think we should lie to her, it'll only make it harder and worse in the long run'

'We can tell them together then' She grimaces. 'Or not'

'I, I just...I think I know what she's going to be like and I think it would be better if I do it by myself and save you from her line of fire'

'You reckon it's going to be that bad?'

'You promised!' The shriek of the child in question takes them both off guard.

Peyton shoots upright from their intimate haven and Lucas isn't far behind.

'Addie-'

Adele finds the nearest object, one of Lucas's abandoned shoes and lobs it at it's owner. Much to her irritation he catches it but he's not quick enough to stop it's pair from hitting him.

'Adele' Peyton's on her feet now. 'Don't throw things' She reprimands. 'Especially not at people!'

'You promised it was just the three of us!'

'Baby just come sit down so I can talk to you-'

'Lie to me you mean! You're a liar!' She makes a beeline for the exit.

'Adele wait a second' Lucas calmly tries.

'You don't get to tell me what to do!' She blurts and then she's out the door and slamming it as hard as she can.

They both grimace. 'Well that wasn't ideal...I guess that answered my question then huh?' Lucas scratches the back of his head.

'Probably not the way I would've chosen for her to find out' Peyton sighs as she makes to pursue her angry daughter.

'Wait-' Lucas halts her and hurries over to his cupboard, producing a large umbrella. 'Here, take this...You sure you don't want me to come too?'

'Not unless you fancy more shoes being lobbed at you. Stay and help your Mum with Lex?'

'Of course. She'll come round Peyton. I promise'

She's not believed in anything for a long time but in that moment she believes him because he's the father of said daughter and if she can just convince Adele to give him a chance then he'll be her saviour as well as Peyton's, she believes that with all her heart.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N Happy belated New Year all! Hope you all had a good Christmas. Many thanks to all of you still reading and an extra special thanks to those of you that have left me feedback and kind words :) Take care!**

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

The rain has gotten heavier again and Peyton is more than grateful for the umbrella Lucas had insistently placed in her hands before she'd left the house.

Raven had predictably shadowed the missing eight year old's footstep and is waiting concernedly at the bottom of the tree, a giveaway to her daughter's hiding place.

She pats his head, thanking him for being the untrained bodyguard he's silently declared himself to be. She considers hollering up rather than climbing the ladder but she knows her child. Knows there's no way in hell she's going to be willingly returning to ground level anytime soon. So Peyton sacrifices her umbrella and takes on the wooden frame before her, her legs shakier than she thinks they should be considering all the trees she'd climbed in her youth. She ignores her wobbling limbs though. Pushes away any anxiety because as always Adele comes first and she'll go to the ends of the earth to make sure her daughter is ok.

Peyton's appearance through the hatch of the tree house is not met with the nicest of welcomes.

'Go away' Adele realises her mistake in all of a second because what she'd thought was the best hiding place was in fact not so great; she's cornered.

Peyton ignores her request, clambering onto the wooden platform to shelter from the storm.

There's a pause. The sound of rain hitting the little roof. A bark. Raven's announcement that he's going to guard his beloved people above until they reappear.

Adele is keen to go and run away forever with her loyal furry friend and makes to go down the ladder that her mother has just climbed but Peyton grabs a hold of her before she gets far.

'Get off!'

She does but is quick to push the hatch down to block the exit. 'I want to talk to you. I know you're upset baby but running never solves anything.'

'You run. You ran from here. You made us run from our home!'

Peyton blinks. 'Right and I've done it enough times to know it doesn't resolve anything. I won't let you make my mistakes'

'He's going to hurt you too Mummy and-and then we'll-we'll have to r-run a-again' Adele's anger morphs into little sobs and when Peyton reaches for her this time her distressed daughter clings onto her fiercely.

The mother in her wants to rid her daughter of her wet clothes, wants to take her back to the house and run her hot bath, get her warmed up and snuggled in bed. But this conversation is happening here and now whether she likes it or not.

'Luke isn't going to hurt me. Ever'

'He did last night!'

'No. I told you this morning what happened last night-'

'You, you couldn't breathe like that when you came back from that, that hospital! Because _he_ hurt you-'

'No' Peyton corrects. 'I started having panic attacks because I'd been away from you so long Addie' She informs her gently. 'I was scared I wasn't going to see you again and once I was back with you I'd worry that I'd be made to go back to that place' She honestly confides. A confession she'd never have relayed just mere months ago because mere months ago said worries were very much in place. It was always a threat. A step out of line and the possibility of being forced to reenter a facility to get help with her mental health would be on the cards. Something her children that depended on her, that needed her so fiercely couldn't be told, least of all by her because she wouldn't have them worrying. Such scenarios were no longer a foreseeable possibility though, a fact that has her being semi honest with her daughter. 'I don't know why I got in such a state last night baby' She knows. 'But I do know it had zero to do with Luke. He was so kind and sweet to me all evening...honey I love Luke.'

'You promised!' Adele abruptly pulls out of her mother's comforting hold.

'Yes and I also promised if things changed you'd be the first person I told and I'm telling you now...Lucas still wants to be with me baby...he doesn't just want to be with me...he wants to be with you and Lex too and I want that too. More than anything. I love him'

'Well I don't and I don't want him to be with-with us! You have to do what I say!' She scowls.

Peyton swallows. 'Actually no, no I don't have to do what you say. I'm the adult. I'm your Mum. I get to make the decisions'

'Your decisions effect me and Lexie a whole lot too you know' She blurts angrily and she suddenly sounds beyond her years.

'I more than know that baby' Peyton breathes. 'You and your sister are at the heart of every single choice I make. Don't ever forget that...I know you like Luke really and I know if you just give it a bit more time you'll love him'

'I don't want to love him. I won't. I don't. I h-hate him. And I ha-hate Dad. I ha-hate Grand-Grandpa an-and Uncle An-Andrew-'

Peyton gulps because her hatred for the people in question all have a common thread; They're all men. They're the only male figures she's had in her life and they're not the kind of people she wants her children to interact with ever again 'Those people aren't Luke. Just because he's a man doesn't mean he's not very nice sweetheart. Same goes for your Grandad Larry, if you'd just give them a chance you'd see how lovely they are. My Dad isn't like them, he never, ever raised his hand to my mother, not once Addie. And Luke wouldn't do that either...he loves you'

'Why didn't he come get us then?! Why didn't he want me?!' Her shrill question echos.

Peyton blinks. 'What?' Her mouth is suddenly dry.

'I heard you! I know he's my real Dad! Luke is my Dad! If he cares so much why didn't he ever come?!'

Peyton can't disguise her surprise at her daughter's blurted question. She feels like she's been kicked in the gut. Her nose stings. She swallows the lump in the back of her throat. Blinks again. This is all wrong. She's not meant to know that. Can't. Not yet. Not like this. 'What do you mean you heard us? When did you hear us?' Peyton whispers. She's remembering every word she's exchanged with Lucas. Many a conversation she'd rather her child hadn't been witness to.

Adele doesn't answer.

'Addie?'

'The day we built the tree house'

Peyton's eyes widen. 'That was a couple of months ago now...' She's blindsided by Adele's confession because this brave little girl has been carrying this secret on her shoulders for far too long. 'Why, why haven't you said anything?'

'Because he doesn't want to be my Dad! He doesn't want me!'

Peyton opens and closes her mouth a little stunned by her daughter's words and expression. 'He does want you! He does want to be your Dad Addie. More than anything. We..we just wanted you to be settled. I wanted you to get to know him a bit more before we...we shared that with you'

'I don't want to get to know him!'

'I know you're upset and you have every right to be. This is big and scary and-'

'Why didn't he come get us?!' Her little brain is ticking furiously. The many questions she needs answered, has needed answered since she eavesdropped on the two adults below in this very same spot can no longer be kept under lock and key.

'He didn't know baby. I promise you had he'd known you existed he'd have been there for you in a heartbeat, he would' Peyton comes to Lucas's defence.

Adele says nothing.

In coming to Lucas's defence she's throwing herself under the bus. 'I didn't tell him' Her voice dips, her confidence lapsing because she's at the root of her daughter's upset. A fact that she's more than painfully aware of.

Adele's anger wilts into confusion and Peyton knows in all of a heartbeat that whatever the eight year old had heard it was only snippets because she most definitely doesn't have the facts straight in her head.

'I left here because...because I thought, I thought I...' She's not had time to decide on the ins and outs of what she wants to share with her daughter. Her words are a jumbled mess. 'I thought I'd done something that would, that would upset Luke, upset your...Dad' Peyton murmurs. She won't go into detail. Not about that. Adele doesn't need to know about any of that. Not right now. 'I ran' She smiles sadly. 'And I was wrong. I was so very wrong Addie. But I, I was so young and silly and frightened I didn't want Luke to be mad at me. So I went away...'

'To Canada?'

'No, not at first I...I met Ian while he, he was working in Michigan'

Adele's hands scrunch up in the fabric of her damp dress in distress. Hearing her mother call the man she's known as her father by his first name to her feels wrong. This all feels wrong. A part of her childish mind had had her convinced that when this moment came her mother would deny it. Her mother would correct her, would tell her she'd completely misunderstood. But Peyton isn't telling her that, not at all.

'I found out you were coming and I...I don't know. I should've come home but I didn't, I was scared and I'd had a big row with my Dad so I stayed and Ian looked after me and he looked after you...'

'He didn't look after you' Adele vehemently corrects. 'He didn't look after us'

Peyton hesitates. 'No. You're right. But it felt like he was at first. I'd never have, have stayed otherwise, things, things only changed, maybe not changed, just became apparent to me when he took us back to his hometown'

Adele's fury escalates because everything could've been so different if her Mother had just made different choices. 'I hate you!'

Peyton gulps. Those three words sting worse than any slap or kick. 'What?'

'I. Hate. You. You should've come home!'

'Addie-'

'Lucas would've looked after me! Karen would have loved me!' Her words are conflicting with her supposed dislike for Lucas. She's confused. She likes Lucas, she really does despite her claims otherwise. He's been nothing but kind but there's a part of her that's concerned he'll turn out to be just like her father...not her father. Ian Banks isn't her father. But he's the only role model she's had for comparison. All she is certain of right now is that she's angry. Angry because since she's got to this new place it's like a whole new world. Here is safety and love. It's everything her young life has lacked. And she could have had this. This was the life she was meant to have. The life she hasn't had because her mother made the choice to leave.

'They do love you. Baby I've tried to get you here so many times! I know it's not fair, I know none of it makes sense but you, you don't know everything ok? Ian had so much power, he-I...when you're older I'll explain I'll-'

'You should have called MY Dad!'

Peyton's lip trembles with Adele's hysterical exclaim. 'I know but Ian would've followed me to the ends of the earth. He wouldn't have let me go Adele he, he would've rather have killed us than let us go!' She looses her calm, spouts words that normally she'd never choose to say, not to her child.

'I don't care! Luke could've had me and you could've stayed there with him! I hate you!'

The tears Peyton has stoically kept under control can't be held back. They race free. 'I'm so sorry baby. You'll never know how sorry I am. You're, you're my whole world. I love, I love you so, so much' She doesn't know what else to say. Doesn't know how to make this better. How to make the pain go away. She closes her eyes shut tight. Scrapes her hand through her hair. Pushes her tongue to the roof of her mouth. She's suddenly deaf to the rain. Deaf to everything but her own racing heart and when her sticky lashes eventually flutter open once more she's alone.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

He's not been able to stand still. His mother had grown tired of his pacing and had ushered Lily and Alexa into the living room long ago after softly telling her son to relax and that everything would be fine.

He couldn't relax though. He'd busied himself in the kitchen. Had done the washing up. Put the dishes away. His stare forever skittering outside to see if he could spot the woman and girl on his mind.

Despite his vigilant watching he's still taken off guard when the door springs open.

He spins around. Expects both Mother and daughter.

'Addie' His eyes flicker behind her.

She's frozen.

'Where's your Mum?'

She says nothing and after a beat he pulls her fully inside.

Her dress is wet through. She's got mud on her shins. Her cheeks rosy and tear stained. His stomach clenches.

Her eyes are wary. Nervous. Fierce. She looks every bit like her mother.

That look issued from Peyton would have once had him spinning round and running for the hills because quite frankly she could be scary when she was in a strop. But this isn't Peyton. This is his child and he's not a kid anymore. He's a parent.

'Where's your Mum?' He repeats.

Her shoulders shrug this time and her silent answer doesn't bode well with him. He's desperate to go seek out the missing blonde. But Adele's shivering limbs have him guiding her further into the house.

'Come on we need to get you dry, you're going to catch a cold otherwise' He ushers her down the hall to the bathroom. 'Have you been with your Mum?' He pries, desperately trying to coax words from her mute form. 'She went after you, didn't she find you?'

They're in the bathroom now and he sits her down on the toilet seat before grabbing a towel and draping it around her, rubbing her arms to try and get her a little warmer.

'Addie?'

'I was with her' She surrenders an answer to his awaiting ears.

He's about to continue with his line of enquiry but she speaks again.

'It was me.' Her mumbled words halt his endeavours, his hands coming to a stand still.

'What?' He's confused and she's avoiding looking at him so he squats down before her.

'I did key your car. And I...I broke that frame of, of you and Mummy on your shelf and I, I took that wrench you were looking for in your toolbox it- it's in the t-tree house and-and I was the one the one that let the chickens out the other week' She blurts.

He looks at her with stern eyes. He'd known she were responsible for the car but not the other things. There's a twinge of disappointment but this isn't her fault. He's not about to reprimand her for these choices. These choices are fuelled by anger. Anger she's entitled to.

'It's okay' He takes her little hands and her eyes warily find his because she knows what she's done is wrong. Knows it's not okay.

Her bottom lip wobbles. 'I'm sorry'

'You've been angry' He murmurs. 'You're allowed to feel angry'

'Are you angry?' She wonders.

He tilts his head. Her question catches him off guard. 'Well...yes' He admits. Anger is one of the many emotions he's been dealing with recently.

'At me' She croaks.

'No. Not at you' He kneels on the floor completely to save his aching legs. 'Never at you...Angry because I've missed out on getting to see your Mum all these years. Getting to..see you' his stare skitters away from her because he thinks perhaps he's overstepping the mark with his words. 'I...I've missed her you see...I know you're cross kiddo but I...me and your Mum...we were, we are...I've loved her for such a long time...I know it must be confusing because you've lost your Dad and-'

'No I haven't' She cuts him off and his nervous blue eyes seek out her little face. She stares back resolutely as he tries to make sense of her words. 'I found him' She mutters. He squints at her long and hard. 'I hate her' She vehemently announces.

It doesn't take a genius for him to work out who "her" is.

'Don't say that-'

'I do. And you should too. She kept me from you. She kept me from my Dad'

His stomach clenches.

She knows.

She most definitely knows. And he doesn't know what to do or say. He's spent so very much time comprehending this moment only he'd not thought it would be happening anytime soon and he's not prepared. 'You...you know' Is all he can seem to come up with.

'I heard you' She whispers. 'I was in, in the tree house and I - I heard you' Lucas is flabbergasted. 'I hate her'

'No you don't. Don't say that'

'Why aren't you angry at her?' Her voice is so quiet it barely travels but he hears. 'She kept me from you'

'She didn't mean to. She was scared. People do things that they perhaps wouldn't when they're frightened...I'm not angry at her. I'm agry because I've not got to see you grow, I missed your first laugh, first step' He shuffles closer, lifting her feet off the ground to rest on his knees, his hands stroking over her ankles. 'I'm so sorry... I didn't know. I didn't know you even existed. Had I known I would have been there for you. Every moment of every day Addie but I-I'll make it up to you. I'm going to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I promise' He pauses. She doesn't speak. 'Adele me and your mother haven't spoken to you about this just because we, we decided you and your sister might need a bit more time to settle in before we threw anymore bombshells at you' He emphasises 'Your Mum loves you so very much'

'She says she loves you. I don't love you'

He opens and closes his mouth. She's eight but her words still have the ability to hurt. His gut clenches.

'Her loving me doesn't mean she loves you any less Addie...just like me loving her doesn't mean I love you any less'

'You love me?' She looks at him in confusion and it breaks his heart. 'You want me?'

'How could I not? You're my little girl' She picks at a loose thread on her dress. 'You're your Mother's child that's all I need to know Addie. I love her. I've loved her since she moved into that house when she was six and we made you and you're the most special, special gift anyone could ever ask for... I know you're confused, I know you've grown up calling someone else Daddy and I'm not trying to take his place. You're allowed to feel angry' He expels. 'You feel angry huh?'

Her head bobs. She is angry. Angry because she sees Lily's life here. Sees her giggle with her big brother and mother. They're happy. And this could have been her. Should have been her.

'I'm so sorry that you lost someone that you loved. It's not fair. And I know your Mum must have loved him very much but...he, he's not here anymore and well...' He scrapes his hand through his hair, certain that this is all coming out wrong. 'He'll be in yours, your Mum's and Lexie's heart always. But your Mum, she, she's allowed to be happy with someone else. That doesn't mean she doesn't love him anymore...just like you being my friend wouldn't mean you don't love him anymore'

'You don't know anything about him...'

'No, I don't. But if you ever want to talk about him I'm here to listen'

'He's not my Dad. You're my Dad'

He can't stop his lips from curling upward into a small smile. 'Yes, biologically I'm your Dad but that doesn't take away what he was to you either'

'You don't want to be my Dad'

'I didn't say that. That's all I want. I'd like to be your Dad in every way you'll let me. But I understand if you're not ready for that. You don't have to call me Dad, not if you don't want to...now or ever' He adds. 'Just as long as you know I'll always be here for you, no matter what'

'We're not going to live with you' A frown has appeared on her face. She's yo-yoing between being accepting and intolerant of him.

'No' Lucas shakes his head. 'Although I'd really, really like it if we all lived together one day'

'That's not up to you. That's up to Mum' She's trying to push his buttons. Trying to summon the monster that's surely lurking beneath the surface. Ian wouldn't condone being spoken to in such a manner. She'd have been sent to her room by now and a hand would've been raised to her mother for her daughter's disregard for his authority.

'Yes. It is' The monster she fears isn't hiding in Lucas though. 'Not just her, that's up to you and Lexie too. That's a decision you'll all make together but for now you don't need to worry about that. Me and Mummy just want to go slow. It's been a long time and we've got a lot of catching up to do...What do you say? I've really loved being your friend recently. Do you think we can try working on being friends still?'

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'Peyton' Karen jumps. She's been hovering in the hallway. Or more precisely eavesdropping on the conversation her son and granddaughter are having behind closed doors. 'I was just about to come looking for you-'

'Is she here? She was running back this way and I-'

'She's here' Karen's head bobs up and down, hurriedly trying to ease the panic in the blonde's eyes. 'Luke's having a talk with her, come on, come into my room and lets get you cleaned up' Karen wraps an arm around her. 'You're freezing' Peyton's head cranes back to the closed door where she can hear the soft gentle hum of Lucas's voice. 'He can handle it. You need a breather.'

'What, what about Lex?-'

'She's fine. She's playing with Lily in the living room. Here sit down'

Peyton's eyes drift around the bedroom as she hesitantly perches on the edge of the bed. She's not been in here since she was a girl. It's changed since then. The absence of Keith is apparent. His work boots aren't kicked off in the corner. His clothes aren't strewn messily on the chair. His photo is everywhere though, his image desperately trying to fill the void that his absence has left.

Karen sets a fresh pair of pyjama's down beside her. 'These will be too big for you but they'll do for one night'

Peyton blinks. 'Oh I don't, I should probably-'

'Stay here' Karen cuts her off dismissively. 'You need to be here tonight. You all do' Peyton's too weary to argue. 'Why don't I run you a bath?-'

'She's known since I told Luke' Peyton's whizzing mind has her mouth blurting out the tornado of thoughts that are consuming her. 'Addie' She clarifies. 'She's known all this time and I...I didn't know. She wasn't meant to find out like that. I wanted...I was going to have planned what I was going to say'

Karen swallows. She'd gathered from her eavesdropping that Adele was clearly aware that Lucas was her real father. 'We can't always plan these things honey. It's best everything's all out in the open huh?' She sits down beside a teary Peyton. '..I'm so proud of you' She murmurs, with a smile 'You surprised me today'

'I surprised me' Peyton mutters.

'I know you're upset right now but this is good honey. Really it is. You being honest with Luke...'

'I didn't tell him...everything'

'No' Karen nods. 'I didn't think so...but you've clearly told him how you feel and that's a big start. I've been desperately hoping that you'd be brave and follow your heart but I wasn't convinced you actually would'

'I...I just...I suddenly couldn't hide it anymore...I couldn't but...Addie doesn't want us together'

'That's understandable. She's had a kind of stability in her life over the last few months that she's not had before. She's felt safe and you and Luke being together is just a threat to her. It's scary, the thought of changing what you've been creating here-'

'It's too soon isn't it? We shouldn't, I shouldn't-'

'I'm not saying that' Karen urgently cuts her off. 'Don't let her fear make you doubt this honey. She's worried about you that's all-'

'She hates me'

'No-'

'She screamed that at me...I, I know kids say that. She's said it to me before but I- before I knew she didn't mean it. Just, just now it-'

'Take no notice. She's scared. That's all that is. She'll come round. It's going to take time for her to get her head around everything. To realise that Luke isn't like _him_...'

Peyton nods. 'I've told her he's not-'

'I know...but fear doesn't always listen to logic does it? It's irrational. You tell yourself everyday you're safe and he's gone but yet your eyes still dart up anytime someone enters a room' Karen squeezes her hand. '...it'll take time for her, just like it's going to take time for you'

'What if she never forgives me? I've hurt her in every way possible. Your Mum isn't meant to hurt her'

'None of us are perfect. We all hurt our kids from time to time as much as we try not to. It's usually in us merely trying to protect them that we manage to do the opposite...I hurt Luke when I tried to disguise what kind of a man his father really was. If I could go back I'd do that differently. I'd do a lot of things differently. But the best kind of Mum, they hold up their hands when they're wrong. They face the music when things get tough and they're always there for their kids. Through the big stuff and the small. You're doing just fine and Addie, she loves you- why do you think she's so angry? She wouldn't be angry if she didn't care. Everything will be better in the morning. You'll see.'

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'Addie?' Lily whispers into the darkness. 'Are you awake?' The older child shuffles upright, carefully avoiding Alexa's curled up body beside her. She's been silently waiting for the eight year old to join them. It feels like forever since Peyton had read both her and Alexa a story. The younger child had promptly fallen asleep and the ten year old had then been permitted to read to herself for a while. But Karen had popped her head round the door some time ago insisting it was time for the lights to go out, much to Lily's irritation. She wasn't enjoying the sudden segregation in the household, nor all the secretive behaviour. But she knew there was one person that would fill her in on what was going on. So she'd waited and eventually Lucas had carried what seemed to be a sleeping Adele into her room. He'd proceeded to kiss each of their foreheads and tucked them in before leaving Raven at the foot of the bed to guard them. 'Addie?'

'Yeah'

'You're awake?'

'Yeah'

'Are you ok?'

'Mm'

'What happened? Your Mum has been crying. My Mum said that she'd talk to me about it tomorrow'

Adele affectionately plays with a sleeping Alexa's hair. 'Was Lexie okay?'

'Uhuh. I looked after her'

'Thank you'

'Addie...why were you with Luke?'

'He...he...was talking to me'

'About?' Adele doesn't answer. 'You've been with him ages and Mum said we weren't allowed to interrupt...Addie?'

'He's...he's my...'

'Your?' Lily questions impatiently. 'Your?'

'Dad' The ten year old blinks into the darkness. Opens and closes her mouth. 'Aren't you going to say anything?'

'Are...are you sure?' She sceptically wonders.

'I heard Mum and Luke talking about it and then, then they told me it's true...Mum lied to me...all this time...I could've been here with you Lil. All this time' Adele's voice wobbles.

Lily scuffles further up the bed clasping at Adele's hands above the three year old between them. 'I'm sure if your Mum could've got you here she would...you told me she tried to leave before'

'I know. I know. I just don't get why she ever left in the first place. Then we'd all be here...'

'Not all of you' Lily corrects. 'Luke can't be Lexie's Dad too. Your Mum and Luke haven't seen each other in so long' Adele's eyes strain to look at her sleeping sister in the darkness. 'Lexie wouldn't exist if your Mum hadn't left' Lily knowledgeably tells her. 'So wishing your Mum never left here is like wishing Lexie doesn't exist'

'I don't wish that' Adele quickly corrects.

'Me either. She's cute and kinda funny' Lily declares.

It's late and they're both tired and are struggling to maintain their conversation.

Adele is nearly nodding off when Lily makes her jump 'Hey Addie!' She suddenly whispers excitedly. 'Know what this means?'

'What?'

'We're not just best friends anymore. We're family. I'm your Aunty!' She chimes a little too loudly because Alexa murmurs wriggling to find a comfier spot.

'Shh!' Adele coos with a sleepy giggle.

Lily quietens, but squeezes her niece's hand. 'Night Addie'

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

He's tired.

More than tired. He's exhausted. He's drained. Emotionally and physically.

He's just bumped into his mother in the hallway. She'd kissed him on the cheek. Hugged him. Lingered for a moment longer than usual. Cooed in his ear that everything would be okay. He'd nodded because that maternal hum had a way of instilling confidence in him. Still after all these years her reassuring voice could make everything better. She'd softly told him goodnight then. Told him Peyton needed him. Told him that she'd set her up in his room. She'd not lingered after that, had not hung around to see the flush work it's way up her son's cheeks.

The thought of Peyton awaiting him in his room summoned all sorts of explicit imaginings that his traitor brain should not be thinking about right now because right now wasn't about _that._ Right now was about consoling the broken girl that awaited him.

'Peyt' He knocks his knuckles gently against the door to signal his intrusion.

Despite his warning she still jumps. The book she'd just pulled free from it's spot on his shelf tumbles to the floor.

'Sorry' He smiles.

'No, no' She shakes her head and crouches down to retrieve the fallen article. She's changed out of her soiled attire. She's wearing one of his t-shirts and as she rises to her full height again her free hand tugs it down to conceal her lengthy limbs. 'Sorry I wasn't rifling through your stuff I just...' She fumbles to put the book back in it's rightful place.

He bats his hand dismissively. 'You can rifle as much as you like, and you can help yourself to any books' He smiles and his blue eyes can't help but drift down her.

She catches his not so subtle survey of her attire. 'Your Mum gave me some pyjama's but the pants kept falling...' her hand flails in the direction of the flannel sleep set his mother had kindly issued her with. She frowns. She doesn't want to sound rude.

'Down?' He supplies with a smirk. His mother wasn't big, not by any means but Peyton wasn't your average size either.

She nods.

'I prefer this' He indicates to his old basket ball shirt that she's donning and approaches her and she silently thinks her dress choice wasn't the best call because she knows that look and she doesn't want him to think this was her trying to be seductive because it so isn't.

He knows she's been crying. Can tell by her blotchy cheeks and glassy eyes together with her rusty voice as she eagerly alters the subject of their conversation. 'Lexie fell asleep a while ago so me and your Mum put her to bed with Lily...you'd gone in the living room with Addie and I didn't want to interrupt you and...'

'I just put her in with Lil and Lexie' He fumbles in his pocket a moment. Produces his phone and after a beat holds it out to show her an image he'd snapped mere moments ago of the three sleeping children huddled in a single bed together.

'She's asleep?' There's a tug in her stomach because her daughter always wants a kiss goodnight. A kiss from her. No one else.

'Yeah. I think she exhausted herself. We had some sandwiches and she attempted to watch tv but only made it through the opening credits of the Simpsons' He runs his hand up and down her arm. 'So you're staying the night?'

'Your Mum suggested we do...it's just late. I don't want to disturb the girls...is that okay?'

'Of course. We've had a rough day. We should be together right now'

She nods quietly. She's exhausted.

'Here, come and get in bed' There he goes reading her mind again. He walks her to the bed and pulls the covers back. 'Do you want anything? Water? Something hot? Food? Are you hungry?'

She shakes her head with a little entertained smile. 'I'm fine. Your Mum force fed us a while ago'

'Mmm. She's working on making sure you fit in her clothes' He teases as she scoots further beneath the covers while he drapes them over her diligently. 'Warm?'

She nods. 'Luke what're you doing?'

He pauses in the efficient job he's doing in arranging the bedsheets, realising that he's treating her much like the three girls he's just made sure are comfortably asleep down the hall.

'You don't want to be tucked in?' It's a rhetorical question. 'Sorry I guess I'm still in kid mode' He sheepishly mumbles.

Her arms slowly break free from the covers. 'If you tucked Lexie in this good she might be restrained till actual morning for once'

'She gets up in the night?'

'Recently she keeps ending up in bed with me' She confides. Alexa isn't who she wants to talk about right now though and the idle chit chat they've been maintaing for the last few minutes dwindles. They can't tip toe around the subject forever. 'Is _she_ ok?'

'She's fine' He clutches her hands. 'She'll be fine'

'She was...okay with you? I...I didn't know Luke...I swear I didn't know that she knew that you're...she just blurted it out-I had no idea-'

'I know' He shakes his head because that hadn't even crossed his mind. 'She obviously didn't hear the whole of our conversation that day' He murmurs. Having talked to his child, her ever changing feelings toward him have slowly become crystal clear. 'It's like she thought I abandoned her. That I didn't want her'

'I put her right' She hastily blurts. 'I told her you didn't know about her. I told her it was my fault' Peyton tearfully expels.

'Peyt' He coos, his heart aching at her distress. 'It's alright. I'm not having a go at you. She's confused and hurting but we'll get her through it. We will'

Peyton nods blankly. 'She's...never...' She looks up at the ceiling. 'She's never looked at me like that. She hates me'

'She doesn't hate you...the reason she got in such a state is because she loves you...Don't let the way she's reacted to this dictate what happens in terms of us will you?' He husks after a beat because it's something that's been concerning him since their child's not so excited reception to the news of their relationship. He'd been ecstatic. Relieved. All of the above just hours ago but he knows Adele's upset is going to have thrown her down a road of doubt and he doesn't think he can bear her changing her mind.

Her eyes dart to him, hears the self doubt, the concern seeping loudly through his words.

'She'll come round. Of course her opinion matters but please don't tell me you're second guessing us?'

She doesn't answer.

He squints at her. Swallows thickly. Her eyes avert to the bed sheets and he sighs. Her stare always use to stay locked fiercely with his. Not anymore. Those green eyes keep skittering away.

'Peyton' He reaches for her hands. 'I know it's horrible seeing her like that but we knew it would be tough. It's why we hadn't told her yet. Right? It's not even been a day...don't tell me it's over before it's begun' He shakes his head.

'I'm not. I...know, I know she'll come round' her head moves vigorously to emphasise her agreement. 'I just want her to be ok...I can't bear her hurting and I just don't want her to hate me'

'She's just angry but she loves you. She's clearly concerned that me loving you is going to somehow effect you and her' He scrapes his hand through his hair. 'I told her it won't. I told her that us loving each other doesn't effect how we love her'

The knots in her stomach tighten because she's suddenly rendered frozen with concern over all the words Lucas and their daughter have just shared, or more precisely what truths her daughter could've potentially revealed 'I already told her that...what did she say?'

'Not a lot. She seemed like she was listening and taking in what I had to say one moment and the next not so much. It's like she's undecided on whether she's not liking or liking me' He smiles wearily.

'She likes you Luke' Peyton blurts. Her daughter's words can't fool her. She know's the child's confusion in regards to Lucas stems solely upon her previous male guardian and everything he was.

'Do you like me?' He tilts his head, his words husked. He has every ounce of confidence that now Adele knows the truth he'll be able to work on building their relationship. It's his relationship with Peyton that has him nervous because he knows her. Knows Adele's reaction could put a set back on them and he doesn't want that. Not after it felt like they'd made a huge leap forward earlier today.

Her cheeks blush.

'You know the answer to that'

He smiles at her answer. Smoothes his hand over her face. 'I know it hasn't been the greatest end of the day. But you've made me the happiest man in the whole world today Peyt. Addie knowing is a good thing. We can start fixing all this, okay?'

Her eyes glaze over at his declaration.

'I love you' She blurts. She thinks he should hate her. Doesn't understand how he's being so amazingly kind, patient and understanding.

'I could get use to hearing that' He nuzzles his nose against hers then and gazes into her green eyes. 'Do you want me to sleep on the sofa?' He wonders after a beat.

'Don't be ridiculous' She shakes her head.

'I was going more for gentlemanly' He smiles and drops a kiss to her nose before rising to his feet. 'Are you feeling okay?'

'I'm fine' The tight coil in her belly eases as he edges back away from her.

'You'll tell me if you're not though right?' He pulls his t-shirt over his head and walks toward the chest of drawers to locate some sweat pants and a fresh t-shirt, her eyes following him. She doesn't answer. She's too busy scanning his suddenly very naked torso. 'Peyton?' Her silence has him seeking her out and she's quick to feel hot because she's been caught ogling.

'Mm?' Her stare swivels away.

He smirks. He can't help it. 'You'll tell me' He repeats. He once would've teased her but something stops him from taunting her. 'You'll tell me won't you? If you're feeling like you did last night'

'I'm not' She hears this time. 'You can stop worrying'

'Right but you'll tell me' She nods into her pillow. 'I wanted to come and find you as soon as Addie came flying through that door. I thought you were still outside in the rain' He resumes changing his clothes and this time she refrains from watching.

'I'm a big girl Luke. I can survive a bit of rain'

'It wasn't the rain I was worried about. More this panic attack thing'

'I'm fine. I promise'

He's made quick work of his sleepwear and flicks the bedside lamp off. The mattress dips as he joins her, crawling beneath the covers and her stare skitters back to his silhouette as her eyes adjust to the sudden dim light.

He smiles, their legs bump together. 'Hi'

'Hi' She answers awkwardly. 'I'm on your side aren't I?' She's referring to the bed.

'You can have my side. Can't have any scarecrows coming to take you' He teases because it was one of her many arguments when it came to her getting his side of the bed, further away from the backdoor.

'I'm not so scared of scarecrows anymore' She admits with a shake of her head.

'No?'

'No. I've been taken to Oz one too many times and the Scarecrow is awfully sweet'

'Wizard of Oz' He murmurs.

'Uhuh. The girls are fans...'

He likes that, imagines the three of them singing along, cuddled up on the sofa as they watch the film in question.

'Luke?' She whispers.

'Yes?'

'... everything is going to be alright, right?' She wonders. She's not had anyone to lean on in so long that she's forgotten what this feels like. Safety and warmth. Depending on someone else, someone that you trust. All she knows is that it feels...nice.

'Everything is going to be alright' He affirms. She can hear the smile in his voice as his hand latches around her waist, a noise of contentment passing his lips. 'Everything will be better in the morning. I promise...Wanna know why?' She kinks her brow and waits for his hummed explanation. 'There's no place like home. There's no place like home' She smiles at his reference back to The Wizard of Oz, her hand entwining with the fingers settled on her stomach. 'And it finally feels like home again Peyt, home is where you are.' He kisses the back of her head and she finds his contentment is catching because right now, for the first time since she'd arrived with her daughter's, she feels like she's well and truly home. Because he's right. Home is where they're together, home is being in his arms, home is right here and she never wants to leave home again.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

She wakes with a start. Forever in tune with her children, seemingly sensing Adele's presence even in sleep. It takes her a moment to realise where she is. She takes in the child before her. She's in a pair of Lily's pyjama's. The bottoms are a little too long and are rucked up at the ankles.

'Hi you. You okay baby?'

Adele nods once. Peyton becomes aware of what her daughter is fixated on and gently removes Lucas's hand from around her.

'Is Lexie still asleep?' She whispers, glancing at the clock on the bedside table. It's nearing eight and Peyton silently thinks it's something of a miracle that A) the three year old isn't awake and B) the three year old hasn't ended up in bed with them.

Again Adele nods.

'Come here' Peyton shifts carefully as not to disturb Lucas, slowly pulling the covers toward the ceiling to allow Adele into the warmth of the bed. Adele hesitates but then hurries over and clambers into the cocoon of blankets and her mother's arms. 'Mm, that's better' Peyton kisses her head. Relieved to have her little girl in her arms. Karen was right. Everything always did seem better in the morning.

'Why're you in here?' Are the child's first words.

'Well you were all asleep so I just thought we'd have a sleepover. There wasn't room for me in Lily's bed too huh? Is that ok?' Adele doesn't answer. 'Did you sleep ok?'

'Mm...kind of'

'Kind of?'

'Lexie and Lily are wrigglers'

'Mm I'm aware of Lexie's sleeping habits' Peyton smiles. 'She can kick huh?'

Adele smiles reluctantly, quickly working on curbing her amusement because she's not meant to be happy, not with her Mum.

'How do you feel this morning? You had a good talk with Luke last night?'

She shrugs her shoulders. 'We're... going to be friends'

'Yeah? That's good baby. What about you and me? Do you still hate me this morning?' She pouts and nuzzles her nose against the eight year old's playfully.

'I don't hate you' Adele resolves. 'I am mad at you'

'That's good. I much prefer you being mad at me than hating me' Peyton drawls. She strokes Adele's cheek. 'I love you so much Addie'

'I know...Mum I don't like lies'

'No. I know. Me either. No more lies. I promise honey'

'Mmm' Lucas hums and both Peyton and Adele freeze. Their muffled voices have stirred him from his slumber. 'Do you know how good it is?' His hand blindly flails out to rest where it has been for the most part of the night. Peyton gasps as she's pulled back into his chest. He kisses her t-shirt covered shoulder. 'To wake up with you in my bed Peyton Sawyer?' The comfort and giddy feeling that being in his arms all night had summoned is gone because they're not alone and their audience is the one person that has a problem with this, with them being together and she's anxious that his words are going to instigate the little spitfire in her arms.

'That's not her name' Lucas's eyes snap open to find Adele peering at him, his face is quick to retract from it's hiding place in Peyton's neck but his hand stays put around her.

'Ad-' Peyton begins to try and halt whatever the eight year old is about to say but is unsuccessful.

'Her name is Peyton Delaney'

Lucas's brow furrows. He blinks, rubs the sleep away from his eyes. Yawns. 'Wasn't that your Mum's maiden name?' He's confused by Adele's announcement.

Peyton's glad her back is to him so he can't see her sudden unease. She's sure in that moment that he's got memorised every word she's ever said in his presence because it's beyond her how he remembers such a brief conversation from their youth 'Did you listen to everything I've ever said' She grumbles and he smirks. He doesn't need to remind her that she'd accused him on many occasion that he never listened.

'Every last word' He grins at Adele. 'Which sometimes was a lot' He whispers. 'Don't ever tell your Mum you don't like The Cure Addie. I swear that debate lasted a week'

Her hand lightly hits him. 'It wasn't a debate. You do like The Cure' She's thankful she's somehow managed to steer his mind away from the topic of names.

'What's...the Cure?'

Lucas's wide smirk lapses into a befuddled expression. 'You don't know what The Cure is?'

Adele glances from him to her Mother and Lucas joins her, shifting back so he can roll Peyton onto her back. 'What?' Peyton complains, at the expression he gives her.

'You argued with me for week for saying I didn't like them and you've not even educated Adele in who they are?' He's teasing and gleeful.

'We don't listen to music much' Adele informs him then.

Lucas's glee wanes because he doesn't believe that. Not for a second because Peyton was more than just into music. And he's reminded that most things she'd been into at eighteen she's seemingly not now. First drawing, now this.

'Well that changes now kiddo. See over there' He points to the shelves lined with records. 'Why don't you see if you can find The Cure' Adele eagerly accepts the challenge, scrambling from the bed. 'No music? Really?' Lucas tuts.

Peyton doesn't know if to laugh or cry at his confusion. 'I'm not as cool as I use to be' She shrugs her shoulders.

He disagrees whole heartedly. 'Well you know what's going to be interesting? You arguing with me over all the new unapproved by Peyton music I've got on that shelf over there'

'I found it!' Adele's jubilant chant interrupts them. 'Why's it so big? This is never going to fit in a cd player'

Lucas laughs. 'Because it's a record and the only way you should ever listen to music. See that thing on the drawers? That's the record player' He clambers out of bed then and Peyton instantly misses his warmth. She curls into a ball as she watches him help their daughter with the task, her heart melting at the sight of them together like this. He's not dwelling on the previous day. He's being just what she needs him to be. He's distracting and upbeat.

'That's right, and then see this? This is the needle, you put it down like this and then...'

There's a pause and then a familiar song filters into the room.

It's different to the songs the choirs had sung in the church they'd once attended. Of course Adele and Alexa hadn't been completely deprived of music but Ian had been very particular about what they could and couldn't watch, listen to, do. So much so that the thrum of music that has her Mother smiling widely has butterflies of excitement flapping in her stomach.

'Do you know your Mumma use to play this so loud in her bedroom that I could hear it from here?!' Lucas tells her as he abruptly reaches for her and swings her around and up onto the bed, summoning a both nervous and happy squeal from the eight year old. Peyton laughs and catches her.

'You could not!' Peyton exclaims.

'Yup' Lucas bickers. 'However far away, I will always love you!' He joins in with the playing track and Peyton can't contain her giggle at his not so tuneful rendition and Adele's not sure she's ever seen her Mother look as happy as she does in that moment.

'How can someone that doesn't like The Cure sing along so enthusiastically?' Peyton jibes.

'Well of course I love them now. They remind me of you. Especially this one' He lays down on the other side of Adele. 'So what do you think missy? Yay or Nay?'

Adele chews on the inside of her cheek for a moment. 'I like it' She finally murmurs.

'Good answer' Peyton jubilantly squeezes her. 'I will always love you' She too sings along and Lucas instantly ceases because she's always been able to carry a tune and he'd rather listen to her sweet sound than massacre it with his accompaniment.

Adele smiles. Peyton's voice suddenly draws her back to a time past. A memory. She's little. She's really little. She's being sung this same song only without the track playing in the background it's sort of like a lullaby. She blinks.

'You use to sing this to me' Adele announces as the track fades out.

'I did' Peyton smiles. 'I'm surprised you remember that, you were only little, I use to sing it to you when I was trying to get you to have a nap'

'I didn't like naps'

'No' Peyton taps her nose. 'You really didn't'

Lucas smiles sadly because he's not apart of this memory but he's also touched because he knows this song means the same to Peyton as it does him. Knows she thinks of him when she hears it. Knows that her singing it to their daughter was just away of sharing a part of him with the toddler.

'What's it called?'

'Lovesong' Peyton answers.

'Why'd you stop singing it to me?'

'I don't know. It made me...miss here, miss home I guess...but we're here now huh? We can play it as much as you like and as loud as you like' Peyton wriggles her eyebrows temptingly.

'So loud that Luke can hear it here?'

'Uhuh'

Adele smiles up at the ceiling but said smile soon looses it's sparkle, her expression pondering. 'What's the face for?' Peyton enquires.

'I was just thinking...Lily said if...Luke is my...then...then she's my Aunty?'

Both Peyton and Lucas's own faces screw up in thought as they digest her abrupt change of subject. 'Well...yeah' Peyton nods. 'That is right'

'Weird but right' Lucas affirms with a chuckle. 'That doesn't mean she gets to boss you around mind!'

'What about Lexie?' Adele wonders then.

'What about her?'

'What're we going to tell her?'

'The truth' Peyton murmurs, threading her fingers through Adele's tangled locks. She wants to stay here all day. She's blindsided by the last half hour. Her little girl is the polar opposite to the little girl she'd encountered yesterday. She's not fooled; She knows they've got a hundred and one more battles to face, knows this path isn't going to be easy but she'd never expected Adele's current desire to give this a go. She's not stupid, she's quite aware that the eight year old is likely to change her mind at any given moment but it's more than she could ever have hoped for, it's a start, a pretty wonderful start. 'But she's little Addie... you know she doesn't understand a lot of things in the same way you can. I'm going to try and explain me and Luke to her but I don't think she'll be able to fully understand Luke being your Dad'

'She's still my little sister'

Peyton's not sure if Adele's statement is a question. 'Of course she is. She'll always be your little sister baby. Nothing can ever change that'

Right on cue Alexa appears. 'Mumma, Mumma, Mumma'

'Speaking of the devil' Peyton grunts as a plastic horse whacks her in the face in the three year old's haste to join the party that she's being left out of.

'I'm here!'

'Yes you're here' Peyton laughs. 'Good morning Lexie'

'Did you sleep well?' Lucas enquires.

'Yup. I got to sleep in Lily's bed Addie' She whispers to her sister, oblivious that her older sibling had the joy of sharing a bed with them too. Adele bites her lip to hide her amusement.

'You're lucky Lex' She indulges the three year old.

'Yeah. I'm staaaaaaarving though cause we've not ate allll night Mumma' She rubs her stomach dramatically.

'No?' Peyton kinks her brow. 'Poor you. Sleeping does get in the way of eating huh?'

Lucas laughs. 'I know why don't me and Addie make you and your Mummy a special breakfast in bed?' He proposes, keen to leave Peyton to have that chat with Alexa.

'In bed?' Alexa looks half thrilled and nervous by his suggestion. 'But we'll get mucky'

Lucas waves his hand dismissively as he gets up holding his hand out to Adele. 'That's what Raven's for. He's a great hoover you know!'

Adele hesitates for a moment before cautiously hopping down from the bed with Lucas's assistance.

'We'll be right back so no going back to sleep' Lucas wags his finger at them and sends Peyton a wink before ushering Adele out of the bedroom.

'We're going to have breakfast in bed Mumma' Alexa bounces up and down before slipping from the bed in favour of further exploring her surroundings.

'I know, we're lucky huh? Hey Lex can I talk to you about something?'

'Uhuh' She walks her horse along the edge of the desk through the air to the bedside table, rearing up the toy and naying distractedly as she makes him jump to the mattress to complete her circuit.

'I wanted to talk to you about Luke' Alexa heaves herself back up onto the bed with Peyton's assistance before resuming her play and walking Mr Hooves up her mother's hidden body. 'I like Luke a lot'

'Lexie likes Luke too' The three year old grins as she presses the horses nose to her mother's lips. 'Mr Hooves likes you lots too Mumma!' She giggles.

'Mm' Peyton plays along with her daughter's antics. 'That's enough kisses thanks Mr hooves' She shies away from the toy that's being shoved in her face, gently confiscating him and setting him on a cushion to the side. 'You sit there a minute whilst I talk to Lexie' She wags her finger at the inanimate object before pulling Alexa down to lay with her. 'Now what was I saying?'

'That you like Luke' The three year old sighs.

'Right, Luke and I are really good friends. We have been since I was just a little girl'

'Like me?'

'Yeah like you, well a bit older, I was six when we met...and then as we got older we became even better friends' She tries to find words that will be relatable to the little girl before her. 'Like in Tangled, Flynn and Rupunzel are really good friends huh?'

'Mumma she hits him with a frying pan' Alexa wavers her hands exasperatedly and Peyton bites her lip.

'Well yes. But they soon become good friends like me and Luke right?'

'Did you hit Luke with a frying pan?'

'No honey' Peyton shakes her head, her stomach clenching because she thinks perhaps she has. Not in a literal sense of course.

'Hitting people with frying pans isn't nice Mumma'

'No' Peyton agrees. 'Hitting anyone in anyway isn't nice honey. Full stop' They're getting off track. 'Can you remember what happens at the end of the film?'

'Max-mus gets lots of apples' She smiles gleefully. 'He likes apples!' Peyton smirks because of course her daughter is wrapped up in the horse's storyline over the main characters.

'Right, Maximus does get lots of apples, but what else happens?' Alexa's attention strays and she's done being still. She sits upright and grabs for Mr Hooves but Peyton gently holds her reaching hands, stopping her from scrambling away.

'Mr hooves is hungry Mumma'

'Well Mr greedy guts will have to wait a minute' She cups her little girls face and nuzzles their noses together, enticing a giggle from the youngster.

'Mumma!'

'Lexie!' Peyton imitates, laying her back down. 'Do you remember what else happens at the end of the film?'

'They live happily ever after' She chants. 'Even though she looses all her blonde hairs. He still loves her'

'That's right. Because he doesn't care about her hair, he loves her heart'

'You chopped off all your hairs' Alexa twirls her finger into one of her mother's blonde curls that are considerably shorter than they'd once been.

'Uhuh. And guess what? Luke still loves me'

Alexa's brow furrows then, her confusion peaking. 'Mumma?'

'Yes?'

'What about Daddy?'

'What about him?' Peyton treads carefully.

'Don't you love him?'

'I'll always love him for giving me you' She answers softly. It's a lie. A lie she'll tell till the end of time. Because she can love her daughter, be thankful for her daughter but she doesn't, can't love the man in question. 'But I'm not in love with him anymore. Not like Flynn and Rupunzel love each other' She affectionately strokes her hand over Alexa's cherub cheek. 'Do you miss your Daddy?' She wonders nervously.

'Addie says we shouldn't'

'You're allowed to miss him honey'

'I like it when he flies me' She's too little to comprehend the feelings of missing someone but she can relate to things she'd experienced and no longer does. 'I wish I coulda bought all Mr Hooves's friends to our new house' She also decides.

'Me too' Peyton smiles. 'We'll have to find Mr Hooves some new friends huh?'

'Uhuh. He's got Raven but he slobbers on his head sometimes'

'Yuck' Peyton sticks her tongue out. 'That's not what you want from a friend huh?'

Alexa grins. 'He doesn't mind cause he gets to ride on Raven's back sometimes'

'Well that's fun...Lex you know how I've known Luke a real long time?'

'Uhuh'

'Long before I had you or met your Daddy'

'A long time' Alexa echos.

Peyton laughs at her dramatic delivery. 'Right. Well, you see Luke helped me make Addie'

Alexa's nose crinkles. 'How?'

'Er' Peyton chews on the inside of her cheek indecisively.

'With potions and magic?' Alexa supplies her with a theory.

'Yeah, sure. Lots of potions and magic...and see, because he's the one that helped me, that, that means that he's Adele's Daddy'.

Alexa's face creases in confusion. 'Daddy is Addie's Daddy Mummy' She corrects.

'No' Peyton gently disagrees. 'Daddy is your Dad. Addie has a different Dad.'

'Uh uh'

'I know it's confusing Lex but sometimes sisters get to have different Daddy's' Alexa reaches for her horse again and this time Peyton doesn't halt her attempts. 'Luke loves you so, so much'

'Cause I'm his Pixie' She fiddles with Mr Hoove's mane.

'Yeah' Peyton smiles, and tucks a wayward lock behind Alexa's ear.

'Mumma?'

'Yes?'

'I like Luke cause I, I don't think he's gonna hit you with no frying pans'

Peyton's breath catches because her daughter's innocent words speak volumes. Her words say that she's been very much aware of the abuse that her mother has been subjected to and even if she's not of an age where she can really vocalise her feelings on the matter, her announcement implies she's caught on that not everyone uses their fists in having a conversation. 'No' Peyton whispers with a sad smile. She's not sure what her youngest daughter has just taken away from this little talk, is pretty sure she's unable to comprehend the confusing paternity of her sister, nor if she can really fathom what role Lucas will hopefully be playing in their future but she agrees whole heartedly about one thing 'Lucas definitely won't hit me with any frying pans'.

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	14. Chapter 14

**A/N** So despite having this chapter nearly there it took me forever... Sorry to those of you waiting- only consolation is it's consequently become very lengthy...perhaps way too long..sorry!

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'Luke?' Peyton walks into the garage. 'Are you in here?'

It's been two weeks. A strange two weeks. She'd anticipated it being harder. She'd anticipated Adele finding the transition harder. But it's been relatively easy. Perhaps because there's not been much of transition at all. Everything is much the same. They're making a conscious effort to make sure of that.

Her footsteps have woken Raven from his slumber. The golden retriever stretches as he gets up and happily greets his visitor. 'Oh hi you' Peyton smiles as he makes a howling greeting noise. 'Did you miss me that much?' She laughs as she makes a fuss of him.

'Raven you seriously don't know the meaning of loyalty!' Lucas's jesting voice garners her attention and she edges further into his den.

'He's been sulking because he's not seen you yet today'

Peyton shakes her head. 'Liar. What're you...' She trails off as she rounds the corner. Stops in her tracks as she stares at the car he's working on. 'Where did you...?'

He grins, rubbing his grubby hands on an old rag. 'Did you think your Dad would've got rid of this?' Raven bounds over and Lucas glowers at him as his furry friend dodges the hand that was about to ruffle his fur in favour of sneakily leaping through the open door into the backseat of the car, something Lucas knows darn well he's been trying to achieve for the most part of the morning. 'I told you to stay out of there, it's not your bed' Lucas wags his finger at the jubilant dog but makes no move to make him get back out. He'd much rather return his attention to Peyton.

She blinks. It's more shiny than she remembers. More beautiful. More everything. Her mind didn't do it justice. And she feels ridiculous because she wants to cry. Can feel the emotion bubbling in the back of her throat. It's just a car. Only it's not. It's her youth.

'It's been hiding away in here for a while. Your Dad told me to keep it but I, I felt weird about driving it. But now that you're back, well I've been working on her, getting her all ship shape and ready for her real owner to use again' Lucas pats her old car. Her first car. Her mother's car. Her pride and joy. She'd been so excited when her Dad had handed her the keys all those years ago. It resembled a kind of freedom she'd not had until then. A kind of freedom she's not had since.

She's speechless.

'Peyt?' His brow is arched as he comprehends her frozen form.

'I know I've driven your Mum's car a few times but I really shouldn't be driving' She blurts.

He frowns. 'Why? You love driving...'

Her stare darts to him. 'I...we...we only had one car...I just...didn't' She finishes lamely. _Couldn't. Wasn't allowed._ 'I don't have my license'

'You lost it?' _It was cut up._ 'We can sort that out' Her eyes are wide. She thinks that might be unlikely when on paper she's been banned from driving. 'You're not going to be stopped round here anyway. And if you are' He smirks. 'It'll be Nate who'll let you off with a slapped wrist I'm sure' He grins. 'Perks of going out with the local sergeant's brother' he winks. 'Come on. Lets take her for a spin'

He throws the keys and she catches them clumsily. 'Now?'

'Yep- Mum's with the kids at the park right?' He jumps into the passenger side.

'I don't know'

''It's about time I got five minutes alone with you. She should go like a dream'

Peyton bites her lip and smiles as she slowly walks over to the black Mercury Comet, her hand fluttering over the bonnet. 'Luke she's beautiful'

'Mm, she polishes up well huh?' He pats the red leather seats.

'You didn't have to do this'

'Nope but I wanted to'

She cautiously opens the door and hesitantly gets in. She's both nervous and excited. She's driven ten minutes down the road to visit her Dad in Karen's car but the last time she'd properly driven was perhaps the worst night of her life. She doesn't want to be reminded of that. But at the same time this is freedom. This is her taking her life back. 'What if I've forgotten how?' She eyes the old style gear stick.

'It's just like riding a bike' He waves his hand dismissively. 'You'll remember. I don't know how my little speed racer has forgone driving mind' He shakes his head bewilderedly. 'You are a little mystery Peyton Sawyer'

'I'm not' She mutters as she slides the key into the ignition. 'Boring you mean' She corrects.

'With a car like this?' He kinks his brow. 'Never' He disagrees.

She turns the key and the engine hums. She grins giddily. 'She sounds just the same!'

'Uhuh. God I could live off that smile Peyt' He drawls.

She blushes then and he laughs. 'Stop it'

'What?!'

'I'm trying to concentrate on how to drive over here. I don't need you saying sappy things to me'

'Your cheeks are enjoying me being sappy' He bickers. 'Here's a clue. Put her in first gear and put your foot on the gas'

'Alright, alright' She pouts. 'No need to be patronising Lucas Scott'

'Sorry' He chortles. 'The anticipation is killing me'

He rolls his eyes as she purposefully drags out the task at hand to the point where here's seconds away from taking matters into his own hand.

He's right. It is like riding a bike. She's not forgotten. Of course she hasn't. Her feet and hands know exactly what to do.

'I'm doing it' She chants as she drives out of the garage.

'Told you' He talks a little louder over the engine, laughing when Raven barks his own cheer from his perch in the back.

He watches her golden locks flap gently in the summer breeze. He watches her nerves ebb away before his very eyes and as they pull out of the lane onto the tarmac road she starts to speed up.

She's driving. Really, truly driving. To nowhere in particular. Just because she wants to. And Lucas has facilitated that and she can't stop smiling at this simple trivial act.

And it's infectious, he can't stop smiling either, nor can he tear his gaze away from her face. He's remembering all the times she'd sped him to basket ball practice. All the summer evenings they'd just gone for long drives to nowhere, pretending they were adventurous but never venturing too far. She'd always drive and then surrender the wheel to him when her eyes grew heavy.

It's only fitting that they end up here though. Because they always did have a favourite place to pull up to for a pit stop.

'This is our spot' He states as she pulls up onto the grassy verge next to the lake.

'Uhuh' She turns off the engine. 'God I've not been here in forever'

'Mm. Me either. I use to come here all the time. I had a weird fantasy that one day I'd drive up and you'd just be standing here and we'd...' He trails off. Her brow is kinked expectantly.

'We'd what?'

'Oh I dunno' He shrugs sheepishly. 'Maybe you'd tell me you still love me, that you've always loved me'

'I still love you' She twists to face him. 'I have always loved you'

His mouth goes dry, he wants to drown in those green eyes of hers. 'And then maybe you'd lean into me'

'Oh?' She realises exactly what he imagined would happen and it makes her feel even hotter than she already is. She shifts closer across the leather bench seat. 'Like this?'

'Mm' He nods enthusiastically. 'And then maybe we'd-'

She gets the message. She kisses him. It's the place. It's the heat. It's him. It's him and everything he's done for her. But her tongue has barely slid over his bottom lip and she's pulling away.

'Thank you' She exhales, her breath whispering over his parted lips 'For this' She burrows her face into his neck and rests her head on his shoulder and he wonders if she knows how much of a tease she's being. She doesn't. Her fleeting forwardness isn't a game of seduction. It's nerves, it's uncertainty because the moment her mind has a second to think, she wonders a million thoughts all at once that render her motionless and incapable of of making any decision.

'Thank you for the drive' He answers. 'I've missed our drives' He strokes her face as he looks down at her pensively. 'Did I ever tell you how beautiful you are?'

'Mhm. Quite a lot in the last couple of weeks actually...you need to stop. I'm going to get a big head' She fiddles with one of the buttons on his shirt. He also needs to stop because she doesn't like being told that. It doesn't matter that Lucas's _You're beautiful's_ are different to _his._ She can't help it. She can only think of _him._ Hear the pride seeping into his voice, the _and all mine_ that frequently followed.

'That's not possible because you don't seem to believe me' He nuzzles his nose against hers. 'Why don't you believe me?' He wonders.

A crease forms along her forehead. 'I..'

'Yes?'

'I just would...rather not be...that' She awkwardly confesses. She avoids his confused stare. 'I don't want the girls to grow up thinking that looks define you. I want them to base their judgements on hearts and minds not...that'

His confused expression morphs into a smile. 'And that, right there is why you're so god damn beautiful' He chimes. 'But if you'd rather I tell you you're oh so smart I can do that too' He presses a chaste kiss to her mouth. 'Because you are...so smart'

He draws her back into a kiss, his palm resting against her cheek, gently assuming control in a plea to avoid her pulling away again. He remembers being a hot mess at eighteen. Frequently feeling like he'd combust in her presence. Remembers delighting in the way her legs would lock around him. He's a man now. He thinks he shouldn't feel as out of control as he had then but if anything the time that's past seems to have made it more unbearable.

His tongue dips into her mouth and he groans.

Maybe it's more unbearable because there seems to be two children in the background and he can't seem to get two seconds alone with her. Or maybe she's just making it her goal to not be alone with him. He's not sure. He's not oblivious to her wavering longing- one moment she's at his side, her hand sneakily seeking out his beneath a table, her fingers coasting over his arm in what would seem like an innocent touch to their two mini bystanders but he knows differently. Those touches are her saying she wishes they were alone. Those touches are silent promises that she's in this for the long haul. But he forgets those touches when the next moment she's as far away as possible, hiding from him and it's unnerving because he's forced to think of the reasons as to why she's so hot and cold. Only he doesn't have to think. He's pretty sure it has everything to do with her husband. He's right. Only not in the way he's assumed. He'd known her so very completely at one time and he's sure that even if her husband's gone she's going to be feeling like she's committing adultery. He's trying his hardest not to linger on that, not to overthink it, not to be offended. But it's hard because his desire is unfaltering.

He maps out her body. Hands coast down her side, pull and push until she's laying across the red leather seat beneath him.

She feels dizzy. A combination of the sun beating down on them and the way Lucas's weight is suddenly resting against her. But it's not suffocating...it's comforting.

She's not sure when but his hand has crept beneath her dress and is settled on her backside, his fingers pressing her closer and she's suddenly wondering what she's wearing beneath this dress, is trying to remember the underwear she'd slipped on with little thought this morning because she's sure he's going to be taking off said dress any second. And then her brain goes into overdrive. She contemplates letting this go further because she just wants to get it over with in a sense. Then she's thinking she doesn't want that at all. Then she's thinking she's not sure she'll ever be able to give him what he needs. Then she's hell bent on trying. Then her temple is starting to ache and she thinks she needs to just stop this, whatever this is because she's clearly not thinking straight at all and she doesn't know what she wants.

'We, we better get going' She breathily pants, abruptly pressing against his hard chest.

His lips cease kissing the spot he's found on her neck and he blinks dazedly, trying to catch his breath.

He has no desire to stop but he's wary of pushing her, is terrified after the night she'd seemingly had a panic attack because of his touch.

'The girls' She answers his pained face.

He nods. 'Mum won't care' He mutters, he wants to kiss her until he can't breathe anymore and this feels like the first time he's successfully gotten them five minutes alone. He's not sure he's ready for that to end.

'Right. I need to... get back though' She finishes lamely.

He licks his lips, a weary smile finding it's way onto his face because he's sure he looks like a little kid who has just had their favourite toy confiscated. 'Yeah, sorry. Okay' He agrees and despite every limb in his body protesting he inches back off of her.

Guilty is a common battle for her. She does her utmost to ignore it on daily basis otherwise getting through each day would be impossible. She can't ignore it as she watches him though; She instantly regrets her decision to push him away. The loss doesn't give her a reprieve to the anxiety that had just consumed her. She's anxious for a whole different reason. Anxious she's upset him. Anxious that he thinks she doesn't feel the same. Anxious that he thinks maybe she wasn't enjoying it when she most definitely had been, was...until her mind started it's incessant thinking.

She adjusts her creased dress and stiffly shifts herself upright. Her mouth opens and closes. An apology that she doesn't need to make is on the tip of her tongue. She screws her face up. 'Are you mad?' She settles on.

'Mad?' He stares at her.

'I just...'

'I'm not mad' He declares emphatically. 'Why would I be mad?'

'I dunno' She shakes her head in a fluster and scrapes her hand through her hair. 'You didn't want to stop'

He laughs. 'Well no' He agrees truthfully. 'But that doesn't matter...I don't want you doing anything you don't want to...I just got over excited' He grins 'It's a lot harder getting you on your own than it use to be' He rambles on. 'I got carried away, it must be the heat... I'm sorry if I was being too...handsy'

'You weren't' She shakes her head with a sigh. 'I...I liked it...'

'Well that's good' He amusedly watches her.

'Sorry I'm being weird'

'No you're not. We agreed to take this slow. You're not being weird at all. Sensible' He corrects. 'Which is a little weird come to think of it' He teases. 'That's usually my job'

Her lips curl into a smile then and she rests her hand back on the steering wheel.

'Hey' Her movement has garnered his attention and his hand encases her wrist. 'I've been meaning to ask you what this is from?' He motions to the mark on the inside of her arm. 'I noticed it the night you had that panic attack'

The heat today has made wearing sleeves unbearable but she's prepared for this inquisition.

'Oh. I broke my arm' She tries to take her arm back but his fingers hold tight as he inspects the scar running up her inner arm again.

'How'd it happen?'

'Ice skating' She shortly explains. The lie comes easily. She's relayed the false version so many times that sometimes it feels like that's what actually happened.

Lucas use to easily catch her in a lie because she'd been terrible at it. She's not so terrible anymore. Her husband has forced her to learn to be more convincing. She'd always failed at keeping secrets from Lucas. He'd known in all of a second, known in her avoidance of keeping eye contact, known by the rosy tint in her cheeks and naughty school girl gaze. But she doesn't do any of those things, not anymore. He doesn't pick up on the way her eyes flutter and her hand flippantly moves before her. Doesn't pick up on it all being a well rehearsed act.

'No more ice skating' he frowns. 'It must have been a bad break. Lil broke her arm a few Summer's ago and hasn't got a scar like this'

'Kids heal better than adults. It was messier than your average break, I fell on it in a weird way and needed surgery and metal pins put in' She shares.

'The whole works. Does it hurt now?'

She shakes her head. 'No, I notice it aching a bit if I've been using it a lot but apart from that it's fine' He frowns. 'What?' She nervously questions his pouting face.

'I just don't like the thought of you getting hurt' He brings her arm up to his lips and leaves a sweet kiss there. 'Did it hurt when you did it?'

'Luke' She needs him to stop. Now. 'I love that you care but seriously, I'm fine. It's fine'

'Mm...You always did like to think you were invincible'

'I am' She's pretty sure she is at this point. 'The thing that's come closest to finishing me is leaving you Luke'

He sighs. 'That's not fair. I'm reprimanding you over here and you just make me want to kiss you some more'

'It's just the truth'

'Well you don't have to ever leave me again. Ok?' He starts to lean in toward her but she's quick to dodge him, turning the key in the ignition. She can't let him engage her in another make out session right now because she's not sure she'll find the willpower to stop him for a second time.

'Ok' She doesn't feel the same unease at dodging his touch as she had mere moments ago because he's put her nerves at ease. She tries to disguise her smile of amusement at the look that's quick to form on his face.

'Oh you think you're funny?' He grumbles.

'A little'

'You owe me a kiss'

'Ok, that's alright with me' His hand settles on her thigh and he smirks as he feels her legs squeeze together and his insecurities in regards to her desire for him are gone in a heartbeat. There's no doubt in his mind. She wants him just as much as he wants her.

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Her birthday comes a week later. Emotions are running high for everyone. Peyton has been overwhelmed by the approaching celebration. It's a day where they can make knew traditions. A day that she can truly celebrate her child without worrying about her husband's presence. Lucas has been overwhelmed too. It's his first birthday with his daughter. Her birthday emphasises the time lost but also the beautiful gift he's gained in having them all in his life.

He waltzes into the kitchen early. A parcel under his arm and 3 roses in his hand. 'For you' He extends one to Peyton and her smile only widens as she watches him hand another to a gleeful Alexa. 'For you and for you' Adele seriously accepts the last rose. 'Happy Birthday Adele'

Adele looks to her mother, silently wondering how he knows. Peyton offers her a mysterious smile.

'How does it feel to be nine?' Lucas's question reels her back in.

She shrugs her shoulders. 'Same as being eight'

He grins. 'Yeah? You definitely look taller this morning I think'

'I don't' A small smile touches her lips.

'Yeah, you do. You know as soon as your Mumma hit nine she was taller than me up until I turned fourteen. It was rather annoying. She was forever teasing me about it'

Peyton smirks. 'You got your growth spurt' She calls from the birthday cake she's icing. 'And Addie isn't allowed to keep growing. I forbid it' She contributes to their conversation. 'You can stay nine forever thank you very much'

'Mumma that's mean' Alexa pipes up. 'Lily and Addie want to be astro...astro-'

'Astronauts' Adele supplies with a roll of her eye.

'Yeah, that' Alexa nods. 'And she can'ts go in no rocket if you don't let her grow big'

'Space?' Peyton's looking at Adele now. 'Could you try to get any further away from me?'

Adele smiles. 'Maybe I'll start with planes Mum'

Lucas can't contain his amusement because Peyton looks like she might have kittens and he thinks his daughter definitely takes after her because she was just as fearless at nine.

'Can you fly me Addie?' Alexa wonders.

'Uhuh. To the moon and back'

'Hooray!'

'You can fly right on upstairs and go get dressed Alexa. For the hundredth time, I laid you out some clothes on your bed. See if you can be a real big girl and do it all by yourself while I finish this up' Peyton instructs.

Alexa pouts because the kitchen seems to be far more exciting and she doesn't want to miss out on anything but she goes nonetheless.

'I think you've upset the little co-pilot' Lucas murmurs quietly on her departure.

'The little co-pilot has not done a single thing her Mumma has asked her all morning' Peyton retorts.

'Can I see the cake yet?' Adele interrupts, approaching the sideboard.

'Uh, uh!' Peyton wavers her hands dramatically. 'Back up you. This is so not ready for your nine year old eyes thank you very much!'

'Here' Lucas intercepts Adele's path. 'Look at this instead. Bet you can't guess what it is' He jokes as he hands her the very round parcel.

'It's for me?'

'Yes silly head' He drones.

She returns to the table and takes her time peeling away the polka dot paper to reveal the orange basket ball.

'Come, the rests outside' Lucas eagerly makes for the back door and Peyton mouthes "Go on" to her unmoving child, with a nod in Lucas's direction.

Adele's legs slowly comply, a both nervous and excited glint in her eye as she follows her father.

He'd spent the most part of the previous evening fixing up her birthday present with Peyton being surprisingly fussy over where it was put; he'd had to move it three times until he'd distracted her by silencing her with his mouth with a sly grin.

The basket ball hoop is fixed to the side of the barn and as Peyton watches from the window she thinks it definitely is in the perfect place because she has a perfect view from the kitchen window. She blows at the lock of hair that's fallen over her face. It flies upward and then lands right back across her right eye. She sweeps it out the way instead, using the back of her hand to avoid her sticky icing sugar fingers from leaving a trail on her flushed cheeks too. She bites her lip nervously. She's realised she's a strange mixture of nerves and excitement whenever it comes to her daughter being alone with her father and she has to stop herself from following them outside. Instead she nearly presses her nose up against the window as she watches them.

'What do you think? You like it?'

Adele gazes up at the hoop and then back to the ball in her hands. 'I like it'

He squints at her. Her response isn't that convincing and he becomes nervous. 'If you don't I can take it back Addie. It's not a big deal. You can pick out whatever you want I just, I've always had it in my head that I'd do this with my kid. That we'd do this together' He rambles.

'I don't want to take it back' She shakes her head. 'I like it, I do'

He beams then because he believes that shy little smile. 'Cool' He grimaces and thinks he perhaps couldn't sound lamer.

'I don't...I've never. I don't know how to though'

'I can teach you' He steals the ball from her. 'You'll be a pro in no time'

She sucks her bottom lip into her mouth as she watches him effortlessly toss the ball through the hoop without looking.

'Did your Mum tell you I use to play ball at school?'

She nods. 'She said you could have been famous'

He snorts. 'Well, that might be a slight exaggeration!' He throws the ball to her and she catches it. Her fingers trail over the textured surface. 'Here, come stand over here and I'll show you the best way to shoot the ball'

She looks at him. Her feet unmoving. 'Mum said if I'm still not okay with you two being together by the end of the year then you'll split up' She tells him suddenly. She doesn't know why she's just spilled the beans on that.

Her blurted announcement has caught him off guard.

'You're not okay with us being together?' His brow furrows. He knew she'd not initially been pleased but the past few weeks had been better with Adele. There'd been no melt downs. Not to Lucas's knowledge anyhow and he'd been under the illusion that she'd come to terms with the prospects of him being in a relationship with Peyton.

Adele doesn't answer.

'Your Mum said that?'

'Yes' She feels regret at her confession. Not that she can comprehend that. No, it's just an unpleasant feeling in her belly because he looks upset. She's good at making hurt form in his eyes. But the initial pride she'd had in her skill when they'd first moved here isn't pride anymore. She doesn't feel any satisfaction in making him sad. But when things are going good she has a habit of trying to sabotage it. Or maybe it's not that. Maybe she's testing him. Seeing how far she can push him because she doesn't believe in fairy tales. Won't. And she won't be fooled. She'll be ready when the rug is pulled from beneath their feet. Unlike her Mum.

'I thought things were going good with you and me?' She averts her eyes back to the ground.

'They are'

'Yeah? I don't think they can be going that great. I thought you were okay with me and your Mum being together?' He scratches his chin. He's trying to hide his surprise. He's doing a poor job. He is surprised because despite knowing that the two children's feelings in regards to him and their mother would most definitely be observed carefully he didn't expect Adele to actually get a verbal say in this. Of course her opinion matters but he doesn't think she should know that she has that power over her parent's love life. He wishes Peyton hadn't given her that, doesn't think she should have, or at least wishes the proposition had been run by him.

She kicks the dirt and shrugs her shoulders.

'I'm not trying to take your Dad's place Addie. I thought we were trying to be friends?'

'Us being friends has got nothing to do with you and Mum'

He ponders her statement and nods. 'I guess you're right...what makes you upset about me and your Mum?'

She shrugs her shoulders again.

'Change is hard...I get it.' He leans against the barn. 'Don't you want your Mum to be happy though?'

'She is happy. We love her. She has plenty of love already. Me and Lexie make her happy.'

'Yes. Yes you do' He nods. 'You know the cool thing about hearts though?' He queries.

Her eyes slowly trail back to him.

'There's not a limit on how much they can love' He squats down.

'The more you love, the more you get hurt'

His brow creases. He tilts his head to the side. 'Getting hurt is a risk. But to live your life being scared of loving, well that's not living at all' He sees he's not convincing her. 'I guess I have a few months to impress you huh?' He rises back to his feet as Adele chews on the inside of her cheek.

'When Mum tells you that it's over you'll listen won't you?'

He frowns. 'Of course I'll listen. I just hope she doesn't have to do that if it's not what she really wants' His hand skilfully slaps the ball from her hands and he dribbles it back toward the basket. 'Why don't we stop talking about this now. I really want to teach the birthday girl how to play ball' He throws the ball. It sores through the hoop again. 'Your go' He catches it and tosses it back toward her. 'Eyes on the back of the net, relax your shoulders. Aim, jump and shoot'

Adele hesitates before following his instructions.

'And when you jump straighten your knees'

Her mind feels a little frazzled as she tries to concentrate on what he's saying now and not on what they've just been talking about.

She jumps.

Lucas excitedly watches the ball sore and go directly through the hoop but the sound of her slamming into the gravelly ground with a loud thump not a second later has him cringing.

'Adele!'

'I'm okay. I'm okay' She scrambles to her feet before Lucas reaches her, ignoring the burning feeling in her knees. Her eyes water.

'Woah, slow down crazy cat' He cries as he gets to her, hands sweeping around her to support her light weight.

'I'm alright'

'Yeah your bloody knees are telling me you're completely fine' He drawls sarcastically and decides against letting her hobble back toward the house, scooping her up in his arms.

'Luke!' She complains as he carries her.

'Just humour me' He ignores her. 'God you're a right tough little cookie aren't you? I'd have been crying right now'

'It's just a scratch' She says as she pokes at her wounds.

'Gees don't do that!'

Peyton isn't deaf to the commotion coming from outside and is in the doorway as they make it to the house.

'What happened?'

'I got it in the hoop first time Mum!'

'Yeah? That's amazing baby' Her proud words are a contradiction to the concerned expression on her face. 'What happened though?'

'Nothing. I just got distracted watching the ball I think. I somehow tripped over my own feet. Luke is acting like I'm dying' Adele tells her. 'I can walk you know?'

Peyton tries to disguise her smile as she watches Lucas sit her down on the side board and pander over her.

'Shall we take her to A & E?' He asks Peyton seriously. She regards her daughter's war wounds.

'I'm not sure grazed knees really require a trip to the hospital Luke'

'What if she's broken something?'

'Can you move your legs Addie?' Peyton coaxes. Adele gently moves both stiff legs. 'I think we've avoided any breaks'

'You're sure you're ok?' Lucas enquires.

'You're weird' Adele answers. She's both perplexed and amused by her father's reaction to her little tumble. Perplexed because she's seen her mother bleeding and battered a hell of a lot more than her insignificant wound and Ian had only ever reluctantly taken her to A and E on a couple of occasions.

'You're the weird one' He fires back. 'How is she so nonchalant right now?' He twists his head to address Peyton.

'She's my brave girl'

'Lily is a sobbing mess at the sight of blood'

'She must take after you then huh?' Peyton teases. 'Why don't you go grab the first aid kit from the bathroom?'

He grumbles but hurriedly follows his orders.

'Are you sure you're alright honey?' Peyton wonders as she runs a clean dishtowel under the tap.

'Yeah' Adele hisses slightly as Peyton presses the wet rag to her bloody knees.

'Sorry, sorry' Peyton murmurs. 'It'll just sting for a sec. My poor baby' She presses a kiss to the spot just above her knee, pouting as she then regards the grazes. 'You must've slammed into the ground pretty hard Addie'

'I'll live Mum'

'I know.' Peyton looks at her with narrowed eyes. 'But you don't have to be strong all the time'

'You've been hurt a lot worse. This is nothing'

Peyton stills at her daughter's comment. She swallows. 'Addie' She breathes and shakes her head. 'It's not nothing' She puts the rag on the sideboard. 'That...that-'

'Here got it!'

Peyton blinks, composing herself at Lucas's dramatic reentrance.

'Thanks' She takes the box.

'How's the wounded soldier?' He squints down at the grazes.

'Good. Mum's cleaned it up'

'Gees Luke go somewhere else, you're looking pasty, I can't have you fainting on me' Peyton gives him a gentle shove out the way coaxing a giggle from Adele.

'It's just blood Luke!'

'Mm. Which works a whole lot better inside your body kido' He complains while busying himself with inspecting the artwork on the fridge door as a distraction.

He studies the drawings. Studies the names scrawled beneath. Adele Delaney. Alexa Delaney.

Delaney.

A field trip permission form is pinned nearby. His eyes fall to the bottom where a Parents name and signature is required. Peyton Delaney.

Delaney.

'There all done' Peyton chirps as she finishes fixing two plasters to Adele's knees. 'You're good to go'

'Thanks Mum. Can I go try get shoot another hoop?'

Lucas frowns and his head is quick to swivel back toward the nurse and patient. 'You just fell over. Don't you want to sit down for a bit?'

'Nah, I'm fine. This time I'll remember to land on my feet' She smiles.

'I don't think so honey. Luke is right. Give it half an hour at least before you go back out there'

'Half an hour?' Lucas looks at her incredulously.

Peyton shrugs her shoulders with an amused smile that he doesn't return.

He feels agitated all of a sudden. He's queasy. Adele's confession has left him on edge. He thinks Peyton should have confided in him about the little agreement she's made with their nine year old daughter. He's agitated because he feels responsible for his daughter's grazed knees. He's agitated because the names scrawled on their artwork have him pondering.

'Luke? Did you hear me?' Peyton's voice breaks through his trance. They're alone now, Adele has seemingly ventured off to find some other form of entertainment. 'She's ok. Don't worry so much. Kids fall over' She rubs his arm.

'What's your married name?'

Her mouth opens and closes. '...What?'

He snatches one of the drawings off the fridge. 'Adele Delaney' He prods his finger to the bit of paper. 'Delaney was your Mum's maiden name'

His eyes narrow as she backs away from him and returns to Adele's birthday cake.

She'd thought she'd avoided this subject. 'I thought we talked about this'

'I don't think we did actually talk about it though'

'There's not really anything to talk about' She licks her lips. 'It...it was a weird coincidence to, to meet someone with that name' She smiles and his unease grows because he sees through her. Sees the lie. 'Your Mum will be here in a bit. Are you still able to go get Dad with the girls while your Mum helps me set up the barn? I'm sure Addie will be on to us soon enough but it would be nice to keep it a surprise as long as possible don't you think?' She babbles. 'And I've not checked on Lexie, she's been quiet for too long, god knows what she's up to' He doesn't answer. 'Luke?'

'You're lying to me'

'Wha...' She shakes her head. 'No I-'

'Sorry we're late! I got held up' Karen and Lily's entrance saves her from answering. The older mother's bright smile is quick to dwindle as she clocks the tension hanging in the room. 'Everything ok?'

'Yeah' Lucas's overly cheerful answer does little to convince Karen. 'I'll go get your Dad with the girls then. Lil why don't you come too' Half an hour ago he would have been insisting on helping them out here but he needs a breather. He wants to continue this conversation but now isn't the time. Today isn't the day for this. It's his daughter's birthday. The first birthday he's got to celebrate and he wants to enjoy it. Doesn't want to be consumed by the unanswered questions.

Karen watches as her children disappear. She's not blind. She knows her son is upset but she also knows Peyton and her concern right now lies with the young mother before him. 'Wow, this is beautiful' She gushes as she takes in the cake. Adele's name has been iced across the top above a pretty accurate illustration of the nine year old sat with Raven. 'Honey?' Karen touches her trembling arm.

'I'm ok.. I...I just...maybe this wasn't a good idea'

'It's just a party and by the looks of things you have everything under control in here' Karen notes the prepared food.

'You're surprised' Peyton assumes.

'No...well, I was having visions of that birthday surprise you did on Luke's sixteenth remember?' Karen teases. 'You'd organised that day out, only you'd not thought about anything. How you'd get to the gig, how long it would take to get there, who was paying for it-'

'I'm not a scatter brain sixteen year old anymore'

'I prefer the term dreamer' Karen fondly corrects her. 'You couldn't be more organised right now'

'Mm, my husband helped me with developing that skill' She mutters. 'Being organised saved him from having to suffer any embarrassment at the hands of his wife' She sighs heavily and stops messing with Adele's cake. 'I didn't want this to be that. I wanted it to be relaxed and I, I just want Addie to have fun and be a kid, you know? But here I am turning it into the same staged performance-'

'Peyton breathe' Karen cuts in. 'It's not that. This isn't going to be that. It's half a dozen of her class mates and some family. It's going to be chilled and having a load of food prepped means you can enjoy it too and just let everyone help themselves. Honey I'm right here with you. Ok?'

'I'm really glad you're right here with me'

'Come here' Karen pulls her into a hug. 'Whatever you and Luke were just talking about that's put you on edge forget it. You can deal with it later. Today's about Addie and we're going to give her the best birthday she's ever had. Okay?'

'Okay'

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

It's strange for him. Being here. There had been a time when he'd thought he'd never be able to set foot in his house. It held too many memories of his wife and the daughter he wasn't sure he'd ever see face to face again. But his life had changed dramatically over the course of the last six months. His physical disabilities are no longer something that has him feeling depressed. His instead grateful. Grateful to be alive. To be able to come to his grandaughter's birthday party. To see his daughter's life slowly coming together.

Come 2'o clock the nine year old's surprise at the gathering of people arriving at the house had been nothing but a joy to watch. Peyton and Karen had set up the barn with hay bales and party decorations and it was more than apparent that the handful of children and adults were having a lovely time.

Even so, Larry wasn't oblivious to his daughter's unease. 'Darling what's wrong? You seem...flustered?'

'Nothing Dad, I, I'm fine'

'Don't think my physical disabilities mean I'm incompetent mentally- I can still read you Peyton Elizabeth. What's wrong?'

'I don't think that Dad-'

'I'm teasing. What's wrong?'

'...nothing really I just, these kind of things make me anxious...'

'It's just a few kids. They're having a wonderful time'

'They are?' A shriek of children's laughter sounds from across the barn.

'Does that answer your question?'

She sighs. 'I know I'm being ridiculous, I just want it to be nice for her'

'Honey she's having a lovely time. I got a smile and more than two words out of her earlier when Luke bought them to come get me'

'That's nice to hear...' She bites her lip, her stare fixated on the birthday girl. 'Her last birthday was kind of a disaster I just really need for this not to be'

 _She jumps as she notices him surveying her as she flits around the kitchen. 'Is everything okay out there? I'm just going to cut this up to put in their party bags and then I thought we could do pass the parcel before they all go' She rambles._

 _She knows when he doesn't answer that he's not happy._

 _'What's wrong?' She glances at him as she removes the eight candles from the birthday cake._

 _'You tell me' She stops her task to fully regard him. A knot instantly forms in her stomach because she's more than familiar with the expression on his face. And she doesn't need to take a wild guess as to what has rage simmering in his blue eyes._

 _'I excused myself' She warily responds. Her voice is a perfected soothing drawl. 'He approached me. I politely answered and then I came out here'_ _He sniggers and she bravely approaches him. 'Baby you're getting yourself in a state over nothing'_

 _'Nothing?' His bark has her body jumping. 'Watching you flirt-'_

 _'That's not what you saw! It's not. I'm your wife-'_

 _'I know that but you seem to forget'_

 _She closes her eyes and breathes in and out. It's no good. He's too far gone. That realisation has grief burning deep in her gut. 'Everyone's still here' She opens her eyes. 'The party will be over in an hour. Lets just, just, let's talk about this later' She swallows. 'Please it's her birth-'_

 _The slap coincides with a sinking feeling in her stomach because she's failed in reeling him in. She blinks away the tears that have been summoned by his heavy hand, her reddened cheek sending a prickling sensation from her nose to her eyes. She knows the drill. Knows that it's best to stay quiet but it's her daughter's birthday and her desperation to make sure her child can enjoy her party has her trying to explain._

 _'I'm sorry!' She whimpers. 'He came over to me, what was I meant to do?' She quietly wonders. 'I was just being polite! He was asking me about where I got Addie's birthday cake made- that's all we were talking about- He wanted me to do his little girl's cake in a couple of weeks- No!' She lurches forward hands coiling round his arm because he's reaching for the said cake that she'd spent the most of the morning decorating and she knows exactly what his intentions are. 'It's her cake' She hisses. He easily escapes her hold, sending her flying backward with force. She slams into the counter top behind and crumbles to the floor, the cake she'd gallantly been trying to save following a split second later._

 _She's whacked her head on the sideboard and she clenches her eyes shut as she waits for the dizzying feeling to dissipate a little. She's uncaring to her jarred body that will inevitably ache for days, it's her daughter's demolished cake along with an array of other broken plates and utensils that has_ _a sob passing her lips_ _._

'Peyton?' Larry's coo breaks through her trance. 'There you are. Where'd you go to?'

She blinks. 'Sorry I was just...thinking'

He hesitates before daring to ask. 'Why was her party a disaster last year?'

 _'Mum-' Adele comes to a halt as she enters the kitchen, her little eyes widening at the mess. She's holding her little sister's hand and after a beat she's spinning in front of Alexa and pushing her back out the door._

 _'Ad-die-'_

 _'Shh' Adele crouches down to Alexa's height. 'Mummy must have gone to get the party bags from the garage or something Lexie'_

 _'But-but I, I need her' She holds up her finger. 'It hurts'_

 _'I know' Adele sweetly kisses the finger. 'Look' The older sibling takes off her most prized birthday gift; a silver charm she'd been given that morning and slips the chain over her younger sister's head. Alexa's eyes peer down at the fairy hanging around her neck that she's been eying up for the most part of the day. Something that clearly hasn't gone unnoticed by Adele. 'You can wear it'_

 _Alexa sniffles. 'It's yours A-Addie'_

 _'Yeah but I don't mind sharing and you need it's magic powers right now. That little fairy will make it all better' A small smile forms. Adele uses the sleeve of her cardigan to wipe away the tears that have settled on Alexa's rosy cherub cheeks. 'Is it working?'_

 _'Uhuh' She hiccups._

 _'Good. Why don't you go show my friends and I'll come in a minute kay?' She shoos the appeased infant, relieved to see the normally defiant little girl following her instructions as she excitedly hurries back down the hall in search of the party._

 _Adele slowly turns back around and edges into the kitchen._

 _'Mummy?'_

 _Peyton blinks. 'D-don't come in here Addie I- go back to the...' She trails off because the birthday girl has rounded the centre counter. Her large green eyes scan the floor before settling on her mother._

 _'Baby I'm so sorry...I-I'll fix it o-okay? I-I'll make a new o-one' She's referring to the destroyed cake that's upturned on the tiled floor._

 _'It's okay Mummy. It's just cake'_

 _Peyton shakes her head. 'It's not just cake. It's your birthday cake' She scrambles onto her knees and shuffles toward the mess._

 _'It's ok, I got to blow out the candles and see how pretty it was'_

 _Her innocent words are no consolation and a tear races down Peyton's cheek. 'Was-was that Lexie with you a minute ago?' She changes the subject as she carefully extracts shards of the shattered cake stand from the chocolate sponge._

 _'She wanted you cause a balloon burst on her finger. I think it just frightened her really- I gave her my necklace to make her feel better'_

 _'You're such a sweet girl, thank you baby' Peyton takes an exaggerated breath in an attempt to dislodge the lump in the back of her throat._

 _'Mummy?' Peyton's blurred vision skitters to her daughter to see her extending some ice wrapped in a dishrag. 'Your lip is bleeding'_

 _She runs her tongue over her bottom lip and is quick to taste the familiar metallic that confirms Adele's observation. 'Baby go back to the party'_

 _The eight year old drops to her knees beside her Mother. 'No Mummy' She holds the ice up to her mother's bust lip._

 _Peyton winces and gently takes over holding the cold cloth. 'Thank-you-I'm-kay' Her words are muffled as she continues to press the ice to her mouth. 'Please-'_

 _'I don't want to. I want to be with you'_

 _'I know' She removes the cold compress. 'But I want you to go enjoy the rest of your birthday ok?'_

 _'I can't'_

 _'Please. Sweetie Lexie will come back looking for you in a minute or, or your Dad and he'll, he'll be cross with me for letting you see this'_

 _'He did this' She vehemently announces. 'It's cause you talked to Catherine's Daddy isn't it?'_

 _Peyton grimaces, her nostrils flaring. It was bad enough that her daughter knew what her husband did to his wife but the fact that she was now clocking onto the reasoning behind his temper was just as awful 'I'm sorry honey I was just trying not to be rude, I, it, it's not wrong for me to talk to other grownups but Daddy, he, he gets jealous sometimes and I, I'm so sorry' Peyton squeezes her daughter's hand. 'I'm sorry I've ruined your birthday, I, I'll make it up to you I promise'_

 _'You haven't ruined it Mummy. Don't cry'_

'Peyton?' Larry encourages.

 _'_ It just wasn't...the best.' She swallows.

'Well I don't think this party could be any better sweetie. You've done a great job. I'm proud of you, you know?'

Her stare trails to him then. His eyes are fixated up at her and she realises that without being able to tilt his head he must be straining them with where she's stood. She helpfully moves and perches on a hay bale before his wheel chair so she's at his level and his eyes can easily watch their target. 'Thanks Dad but it's a few party decorations and a birthday cake'

'A bloody great birthday cake. It's more like a piece of art. You could do something really special with those drawing skills sweetheart'

'You sound like Luke' She shakes her head with a bashful smile.

'He's a smart boy...how is that going? You and Luke?' She nods. 'That's all I'm getting?'

'What do you want? A report' She mutters uncomfortably. 'We're taking things a day at a time'

'You're happy?'

She licks her lips. 'Nothing is...easy but I...I'm happier than I've been in forever, I am'

'Things would be easier if you confided in him sweetheart'

Her brow furrows. 'Don't Dad'

'I'm not telling you what to do... You need to do what you think is best but sweetheart lord knows you've not spoken to anyone in great detail about anything. There's no shame in being vulnerable...especially not with the person you're in love with...'

'I'm going to have to tell him at some point' She mutters, her eyes shift to look over at the tyre swing where the man in question has been roped into giving the children pushes. 'I know that' It's a realisation that's perhaps just hit her. 'He has questions and... I thought I could ignore you and Karen and get away with never having that conversation but I, I think I might be kidding myself'

Larry smiles sympathetically.

'I just don't want to talk to him about any of it' She whispers. 'It's bad enough you and Karen knowing but Luke...'

'Darling Luke has only ever loved you, you know nothing will change that right?'

She chews on the inside of her cheek. She does know that. But humiliation and shame bubble in her chest. 'You, you don't know what I feel like Dad...Addie fell over this morning' She shares abruptly.

'I heard'

'Luke was flapping and even suggested we take her to hospital to get checked out. That was over grazed knees'

'He's new at this. When you were really little I worried about every single thing you did. You didn't make it any easier on me mind' He moans. 'You were always getting into mischief and dragging Luke along with you'

'Exactly. I was always the leader. I was the tough one. He's sensitive and if he's freaking out over grazed knees-'

'I think you've done a life time's worth of being tough darling. Maybe it's time you let Luke have a go at that. He might surprise you...it would also help for him to know for his relationship with the girls...for him to understand'

'I...I know..I know you're right..I know I'm going to have to talk to him but I just...I'm not ready to burst this pretty bubble I've got going on...the last couple of weeks have been...' She doesn't have words to describe the euphoria. 'I never thought I could have this back that I...I just want to hold onto that for a little bit longer, is that so wrong?'

Larry smiles sadly as he watches her watch Lucas. 'It's not wrong'

'He's so good with them' A small laugh passes her lips as she watches Alexa giggle delightedly at Lucas's antics.

'As are you sweetheart, as are you'

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'You having fun?' Lucas enquires. He's surprised to see the birthday girl approaching him when all her friends are gathered round her new basket ball hoop.

He's spent most of the last hour watching his daughter race around with her friends with Alexa and his niece and nephew trailing behind, a sight he's pretty sure he'll never get sick of.

'Uhuh. I didn't know I was having a party'

'Your Mumma wanted it to be a surprise. Good surprise?'

'Uhuh'

'How's those knees?'

'They're fine'

'That's good to hear. I thought we might have to amputate your legs earlier' She rolls her eyes and clambers up onto the fence. Lucas's hand wavers indecisively. He wants to hold onto her and make sure there's not a fraction of a chance of her falling because she's had more than enough tumbles for one day but he stops himself from being the overprotective parent. 'What're you doing over here with me when you could be with your friends?'

'You were by yourself'

'That's alright. I was enjoying watching you play'

She ducks her head and smiles. He sees. But said smile soon morphs into a pondering expression. 'Have you argued with Mum about what I said this morning?'

Lucas leans on the fence as he looks up at her. 'Is that what you were hoping?' He raises his eyebrows.

'No...maybe'

He laughs despite her admission. 'You're not going to make this easy on me are you?'

She shrugs. 'Are you mad at me?'

He pauses. 'No. You're feeling a lot of different, confusing things right now and that's ok...I won't give up though Addie. Know that. You're my daughter and you can hate me and push me away but I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be here for you'

She swings her leg over the fence so she's straddling the top wooden bar. Her hair has come loose from her hair tie and a haphazard lock flaps across her flushed face and he's remembering her mother with that same look of determination shining resolutely in her eyes. An expression he realises Peyton doesn't seem to wear much anymore.

'Gees, you're like your Mum right now' He notes.

'Everyone always says that'

'She's beautiful so it's not that bad huh?'

'She says I don't look like her. She says I look like me'

'Of course you do' He nods with a laugh. 'She's absolutely right. You do look like you' He can hear Peyton saying those words, hear her telling her daughter she's her own person, that she can be whoever, do whatever she sets her heart on.

Adele smirks. 'I don't know why she says that. I know I look like her. I like looking like her' She confides suddenly.

'I think your Mum just means that you're free to be whoever you want. When I said you look like her just now I didn't actually mean your pretty face. She was always climbing everything, just like you'

'She was?'

'Uhuh. I'm not too into heights so it wasn't my favourite game but I followed her everywhere'

'I don't think she likes the outdoors much anymore'

'No? I think she does...could you run around like this where you use to live?'

'Not really'

'It was a city?'

'No. A forest'

'That sounds cool. That explains why you like climbing'

'Not really. We didn't really play outside much' Adele runs her finger across the grain of the wood. 'It can get real cold in Canada' She adds after a beat as she clocks Lucas's intense gaze.

'Oh. I see. This must have been quite a shock to the system then huh?'

'I like the weather here' She tilts her head up to the sky. 'The sun feels so much warmer like a hug'

Lucas smiles. 'I think Raven would agree with you there. He's a little sun worshipper'

Adele turns her attention to the sunbathing pup that's sprawled not far away. 'You'd think he'd get hot under all that fur'

'He will. He'll disappear soon enough and go find any water he can to cool off in'

'And then come back and shake on me' Adele's nose crinkles. 'He likes doing that'

'That only means he loves you...'

'It does?'

'Uhuh. He only shakes on his favourite people'

She smiles that smile again.

'Hey Addie?'

'Mm?'

He hesitates, he knows his next question is perhaps crossing a line. 'Can I ask you something?'

'Okay?'

'What's your name?' He's trying to get to the bottom of his earlier interrogation on her mother.

'What?' She looks at him like he's crazy. 'Adele'

'I mean your full name?'

'Adele Luca Delaney...'

'It's always been Delaney?' He watches her carefully but she doesn't miss a beat.

'Yes. Why?'

He sighs and shakes his head. 'No reason' Perhaps he's loosing his mind. Perhaps he read into something that wasn't there at all. Perhaps her unease was for other reasons entirely. Perhaps it was just the mere thought of her husband that had her clamming up before him.

'Does it have to change to Scott now because I'm yours?' Adele wonders, assuming his reasoning for this line of enquiry.

Her question catches him off guard. He blinks. 'No...no it doesn't have to change'

'You don't want it to?'

'I...' He sighs. 'I just want you to be happy. I want you to have whatever name feels right' He carefully decides, silently ignoring the strange longing at the thought of her being Adele Luca Scott.

'If it was changed to Scott would Mummy and Lexie's last name be Scott too?'

'Only if your Mum and me got married and only if she wanted them changed'

'Can you be married to two people at the same time?'

'Well no, but when someone is widowed that doesn't count'

'What's widowed again?'

'It means when someone's wife or husband has died...anyway we're getting a bit ahead of ourselves aren't we? You told me this morning you didn't want me and your mum together and now we're talking about marriage' He smirks but Adele is too wrapped up in her thoughts.

'If you two were married would you have legal rights'

He squints at her. 'Legal rights?'

'I'm not yours legally am I? On paper I'm someone elses'

'Well I...I've not actually talked to your mum about that but no, I suppose you're right...how do you know about stuff like that?'

'I'm not a baby. I know how stuff works Luke. I've read Matilda. Miss Honey has to sign documents to adopt her and become her legal guardian so, so if on my birth certificate it says you're not my Dad then you can't have rights to look after me can you?'

'Well...I suppose legally no. To be honest I don't know much about legal stuff. It's something we'd have to look into...but it doesn't matter what it says on paper. All that matters is what you know and I know'

'If I'm not yours legally then I can't live with you right?'

'Sweetheart you're not thinking I'm going to try and take you away from your Mum are you?' He worries. 'Is that what you're worrying about when it comes to me and your Mum? That if we ever split up I'd try and take you away from her?' He speculates what could be bothering the nine year old. 'Because that wouldn't ever happen. I promise you. We'd never get into a custody battle over you'

'But if you, if you and Mum got married and you, you adopted Lexie and, and we proved I was yours you'd, you'd get rights?'

'Well yes I think so'

'And, and then no one, no one could take us away from here could they?'

'Addie what're you talking about? No one's taking you away. Your Mum would never take you away from me. Not now. When she left before she didn't know about you at first and then...it doesn't matter about that. Just...she'd never do that. She wants me in your life sweetheart'

'I know'

'You do?'

'Uhuh' She jumps down from her perch most abruptly. 'I'm going to go find my friends now'

'But-'

She's gone before he can get another word out and he's confused as to what's just happened.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'So you weren't lying on the boat, you really weren't oblivious to Luke's feelings' Brooke smiles.

Peyton's anxiety had eased for a while but she's on edge again. Her eyes are on the little girl in Brooke's arms. She's got auburn coloured hair and there's a slight curl to it unlike her mother's straight locks. Her eyes are blue like her daddy's and her nose isn't dissimilar to her own daughter's and she realises in that moment that Brooke Davis's children are Adele's cousins. They're linked by blood. And soon everyone in Tree Hill is going to know that and she doesn't know how she feels about it. The knot in her stomach tightens. Soon everyone will be judging her; The girl that ran away...returns and Lucas Scott takes her back in a heartbeat...she doesn't deserve him. He's far too good for her.

'I'm really glad you two have decided to make a go of things. It's so good to see Luke so happy'

Peyton wants to run. She wants to do what she did when she was a little girl and run through the fields far away from this conversation. Because Brooke is right. Happy does look good on Lucas. And she's been the reason behind his lack of happiness. That's what her mind is focusing on. Not that she's also the reason for his current state of happiness.

'Peyt'

She jumps and reels back as Lucas's hand sweeps over her back.

He smiles sheepishly. 'Sorry, didn't mean to make you jump, you alright?'

Peyton ducks her head and nods, suddenly uneasy with Brooke's stare on them.

'What do you think about getting the sprinkler out? They've all been running around and look like they could use a cool down' He reaches for her hand.

'Er, yeah, yeah that's a good shout' She nods, her fingers wriggle free from his. 'I-I just need...' She lamely points to nowhere in particular.

'Okay...?' Lucas frowns at her hasty departure. 'Sorry Brooke I-'

'Go' Brooke bats her hand dismissively, granting him leave and he hastily pursues Peyton.

'Hey, what was that?' he closes in on her at the table in the corner.

'What was what?'

'You know exactly what' He argues softly.

'I need to cut the cake for the party bags' She dismisses.

'I'm not allowed to touch you in front of anyone?'

She sighs. 'It's just...it's...this is all weird' She's bumbles over her words.

'What is?'

'People seeing us together, knowing we're, we're...'

'Brooke and Nate?'

'No...yes, I don't know. Them knowing now means that the whole of Tree Hill are going know soon enough and...'

'And? We told the kids already, who cares about anyone else...I don't want to hide this'

'We're not' She sighs.

'What was that then? I'm not going to tip toe around Peyton. Especially if I've only got till the end of the year' He murmurs after a beat. 'That's what you told Addie right?' He instantly wants to take it back because he'd not meant to have this conversation right now but it's just slipped out.

Her eyes swivel to him and she knows exactly what he's referring to. She's been constantly scared of what might come out of Alexa's mouth at any given moment. Adele has learnt certain social cues that her baby sister hasn't. She knows not talking about the man she's grown up calling Daddy is what's keeping them all safe. She's caught on that he isn't a topic that her mother is fond of. She sees it in the way Peyton stiffens. Sees it in the way she averts her eyes and changes the subject. Alexa is oblivious though. Alexa is too little to comprehend the ramifications of her innocent little thoughts. She speaks whatever pops into her head. And Peyton can see her little eyes surveying, her brain ticking whenever she sees Lucas's hands touch her mother because even at 3 she's established that it's not allowed. But maybe Alexa shouldn't be her concern at all. Maybe it is Adele. 'She was upset a few nights ago...I need her to know her opinion matters, that's all that was'

'It does. Of course it does but she shouldn't get to call the shots on us Peyt'

'She doesn't, she isn't' Peyton busies herself with cutting up the cake into precise triangles.

'No? So if she turns around and announces she doesn't want us together at the end of the year you won't listen? You've promised her'

'Of course I'll listen'

He shakes his head despairingly. 'Peyton I...I'm not trying to put pressure on you. I know we're taking this slow but I don't want to go into this with you knowing that me getting to be with you is dependant on what our nine year old thinks right now. Tell me whether our daughter tells us we can or can't be together in a few months time you won't run away from me. Not again. Not if you want to be with me. Don't put me on a bloody timer'

'They have to come first Luke' She murmurs.

'They do. But you saying no to Adele isn't her not coming first. You following your heart is putting her first because you being happy equals them being happy' He's becoming louder in his frustration and her eyes flitter around the barn, anxiously trying to work out if their loitering family can overhear them.

'I know...Can we talk about this later?' His raised voice has her recalling Adele's last party. Recalling her husbands beseeching words.

He squints at her. Grits his teeth. 'Yeah, sure. Whatever' He grumbles before turning away. Only it's not like the past party because her husband would never walk away.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'I bring you cake' Nathan finds Lucas outside loitering on the wooden fence and tossing a ball for Raven. His best friend soon looses interest in their game because cake is a much better option.

'Thanks' Lucas props the paper plate on the wooden post, batting his hand at Raven dismissively as the dogs head rests against the post in a begging fashion.

'You get that?' Nathan hazards a guess as he gestures to the basket ball hoop.

Lucas nods.

'You went to town huh?' The younger Scott brother inspects the gift fixed to the side of the barn. 'Trying to impress Peyton by pleasing her kid?' He teases.

Lucas sighs grumpily. 'She fell over after about five minutes of playing so it probably wasn't the best idea'

Nathan looks at him then and shakes his head. 'Not every kid is a graceful little ballerina like Lil Luke. Kids fall over. All the time'

Lucas doesn't say anything and Nathan thinks his brother doesn't look so happy for a man who has suddenly gotten everything he's ever wanted. 'Is it not everything you imagined?' He drawls, his voice mocking as he starts to pick at Lucas's abandoned birthday cake, being sure to drop a big mouthful for the ever present Raven. 'Peyton, the girl of your dreams, a reality at long last'

Lucas rolls his eyes. 'If you've come out here to give me crap you can leave' He complains.

'Touchy, touchy...I'm happy for you'

'Sure you are'

'I am...I'm over the moon...'

'But?' Lucas sighs. He knows there's a but coming.

'But when you put someone on a pedestal like you have there's gotta be a moment when you realise she's just fucking human like the rest of us' Nathan bemusedly states.

'She's not. She's an angel' Lucas blurts, his words spouting free before his mind can filter them.

Nathan splutters on the cake, his grin wide as he looses interest on the tasty dessert so he can fully concentrate on his giddy brother, or more precisely return to his taunting.

'Forget I said that' Lucas mumbles.

'Uh uh. Wow. You've got it bad big brother'

'She's everything Nate. Imagine you couldn't have Brooke. That you knew she was out there but one day she just disappeared and you didn't see her for ten years'

Nathan's jest dwindles and he makes an attempt to compose himself because Lucas is serious. 'I know, I know...' His brother's theoretical situation paints a morbid nightmare. He can't begin to imagine how tough all these years have been on his sibling and he is happy to see his brother finally getting a shot at happily ever after. 'I am seriously happy for you Luke. You deserve this... If she's still everything you ever wanted why have I still got to see this brooding, miserable face of yours...have you been arguing with your angel already? You're meant to be in the loved up honeymoon stage'

Lucas exhales heavily. 'It's just...it's tough...it's not going to be plain sailing is it?...She's...I dunno'

'Different?'

'No, just, I dunno'

'It's going to be different Luke. Neither of you are the same age. You've both lived ten years of your life without each other. The spark can fade-'

'There's a spark. There's a hell of a spark still. There's just these moments when it's like...it's like she's not present'

'Kids take up a lot of thinking time Luke. Suddenly everything is about them. You don't have time to think about yourself'

'I know. I know that...but...it's hard to explain. One minute I feel like she's on the same page as me and the next I think she's...she's just not sure what she wants...'

'Give her a bit of time, with everything she's been through of course she's all over the fucking place. Just because she's not jumping into bed with you doesn't mean she's not on the same page'

'It's not about fucking sex Nate'

'It's not?'

'Who do you think I am? Of course it's not. I'm not fucking pressuring her' Lucas scowls.

Nathan chortles. 'I didn't say you were. You do do this weird creepy thing with your eyes pretty much every time you look at her though'

'I do not'

'Er yup you do.' Nathan bickers. 'I get it. You only had sex with her once right? You've built her up as the best night of your life, of course it's all you're thinking about-'

'I haven't built her up. That's not what I'm thinking about'

'No? She's still gorgeous...you're not imagining being with her?'

Lucas stomps his foot. 'Of course I'm bloody thinking about her. I've spent the last ten years thinking about her-'

'Right, thinking about one night spent together'

'It wasn't one night Nate. Don't trivialise it. It was my whole childhood. It was every day since I was fucking six. My desire for her isn't just based on one night. It's a lifetime of loving her. It's her now, have you seen her with those girls, she's amazing'

'But you are basing her on then. You're freaking out because she was all over you when you were eighteen and now she's not...but back then it was all so new, you were just two kids trying to figure it out. She was always a curious one...she doesn't need to be curious anymore- she's an adult, she knows how messy the physical part of a relationship can make things. She's been married, of course she's being a bit hesitant and jittery' Lucas grimaces, he doesn't need reminding of the fact she's been with anyone else. 'That in itself is probably weird for her...it's only been three weeks since you two decided to try and make a go of things...she's finding her feet and she's also trying to contend with two children's emotions; that's a tough gig Luke'

'Thanks for the psychoanalysis' Lucas rolls his eyes with a grumble.

Nathan smirks. 'I happen to enjoy the psychological aspect to my job. Getting inside someones head, working out what pushes them to do things'

'Mm. Funny really isn't it? How the biggest jock in high school actually ended up on his way to being an investigator'

'I dunno about that. Brooke's been yelling at me all morning telling me she wants me to quit'

'She's worried'

'I know. But she doesn't seem to get that I feel like it's more of a threat being a cop than an investigator. We're so getting off track here. We're meant to be discussing you'

'Mm. I was hoping you'd forget about that'

'You need to chill out big brother. I promise you that girl is head over heels for you'

'I hope so, I don't think I could handle it if she changes her mind'

'She's not going to change her mind man as Brooke keeps giddily chanting, you two are written in the stars' He claps his hands together to imitate his excitable wife. 'Just cause she doesn't want to hold your hand at her kid's birthday party doesn't mean anything'

'You saw that?'

'Mhm. And I also saw her devastated face when you walked out of the barn five seconds later'

'She did?' He looks guilty then. 'I know I'm being ridiculous. I just...I've already noticed when the kids are near she tries to, not hide us but she definitely avoids my touch and I...I get it, I really do. Those two girls lost someone they loved and she's only trying to protect them but at the same time they shouldn't get to govern this...you know? She told Addie that if she's not happy with us together by the end of the year than we'll split up' He sighs.

'Please, that kid loves you Luke, Peyton knows that. Adele might be fighting it but she can't hide that look she gets in her eye when you enter a room. It's much like her mother's. Maybe making that promise was easy for Peyton because she knows her daughter better than you. Knows that she'll have accepted this by then. That's not her letting her kid govern your relationship. It's her making her kid feel included, that's all'

Lucas is quiet for a long minute. 'Our kid' The two words barely travel but Nathan hears loud and clear.

'What?'

'Adele...she...well she's mine'

Silence.

Nathan's mouth drops open wide.

'Well? Aren't you going to say anything?' Lucas complains. He's looking for words of reassurance, not the guppy fish before him.

'Yours? Your kid?'

'Mine' Lucas clarifies.

'Well shit...I, I didn't see that coming' Nathan licks his lips. 'No wonder things are a little fucking tense'

'Things aren't tense'

'Man she's kept your kid from you? How can't they be tense?' He scratches his head. His defence for Peyton Sawyer dwindles as he becomes protective of his much respected brother.

'It's not like that...it wasn't like that...I...I'm not mad at her. I get it okay? All of this shit is because of him, because of Dan...how can one man be responsible for so much crap in my life? If he'd not made her leave we'd be married now, we'd have three kids. We'd be happy. Larry wouldn't be stuck in a wheelchair. Everything would be as it should be...she thought I wouldn't want her. She's spent so fucking long thinking I wouldn't want her'

Nathan presses his fingers to his temple. 'Does she know?' he wonders. 'Adele?'

'Mm. She's known for a while'

'Christ man...how...how is she doing? How, how are you doing?'

Lucas shakes his head. 'I...I'm, one moment I've overjoyed and, and the next I feel like I have so many questions, like there's not enough time in the world...I want to know everything about her. I want her to look at me like Jack and Gracie look at you. I want them both to look at me like that...'

Nathan stares dumbly out at the horizon.

'You know this isn't really the reassuring pep talk I was looking for right now' Lucas drones.

Nathan shakes his head. 'I'm sorry man, I just...I'm just a little bit shocked you know? I...I don't really know what to say...you're a Dad. You're an actual Dad'

'I don't know that I can really call myself that yet...I wouldn't exactly say Adele is thrilled at the prospect of me being her father'

'She will be, she will man. I promise you that will change. You're great with Gracie and Jack, I know that you're gonna be awesome at this. You've definitely won Lexie over so you know, that's one down at least' Nathan nudges him in the side, a slow grin appearing on his face. 'You're a Dad Luke...congratulations big brother'

Lucas smiles despite his concerns because he's a Dad and it makes him giddy even if the child in question isn't 100% on board with having him as her father. 'She's pretty amazing right?'

'She's so much like Peyton'

'Yeah but she, she's also, I don't know, she has Peyton's fire that's for sure but she's more contemplative, more-'

'You?' Nathan smirks. 'She can throw a ball too' He indicates over to the group of children gathered beneath the basket ball hoop. 'She's a natural'

Lucas proudly watches, his earlier regret over the gift long gone. 'Hey Nate?'

'Yeah?'

'Do you think you can do me a favour?'

Nathan'a brow furrows. His brother is a do it yourself kind of person. He doesn't ask for help. 'What is it?' He turns away from the children.

'Well Adele said something a few weeks ago that's been bugging me' Nathan waits for him to elaborate. 'She said Peyton's name is Peyton Delaney. And then, since then I've noticed that's the name Adele is writing on her school work. Adele Delaney'

'Big brother did you miss the part that she got married? When people get married they change their name' He drones sarcastically.

'I know' Lucas fires back irritatedly. 'But I also know that Delaney was Anna's maiden name'

'Anna?'

'Peyton's mum, before Anna married Larry her name was Anna Delaney'

Nathan ponders Lucas's words. 'Well sure that's a big coincidence but it's not impossible that her husband didn't have that name'

'I know...that's what she said when I asked her about it. That it's a coincidence but I...I'm sure she was lying...it just...I don't know, it doesn't sit well with me'

'Doesn't sit well with you?' Nathan cracks a smile.

'I know I'm probably being ridiculous, I just, she became flustered. I don't know, maybe I'm crazy'

'Maybe she just doesn't want you lingering on the fact that she's been married Luke'

'Maybe' Lucas nods. 'Can't you just look it up?'

'Look it up?'

'Yeah. See who her husband was. Addie said they were living in Canada earlier, that's helpful right? You'll be able to find record of their marriage. See who this guy was, what he did?'

'I'm not a private investigator Luke' Nathan frowns. He doesn't like this favour.

'I know, I know. I just, I know you can quite easily find that out'

'Easy?' Nathan snorts. 'Trailing through a load of records is my favourite thing to do' He grins falsely. 'Here's a crazy idea- why not try talking to her about it again?'

'I don't want to interrogate her Nate'

'Because enquiring into your girlfriend's previous life is completely out of order?' Nathan frowns. 'Man, how're you going to have an actual relationship with her if you can't talk to her?'

'I can! I just...Nate come on this is just a tricky subject. She's not volunteered any information about him. It's like this guy has been erased from their lives and I know it's gotta be hard I just...you could find records of her marriage right? You can find out a little bit more than what she's given me'

'And loose my job Luke. She's entitled to her privacy'

'I'm not some jackass that's hunting her down Nate. I just want to know why she's using her Mum's maiden name'

'You don't know that!'

'Well find out and just, let me know...please. Come on, I never ask you for anything'

Nathan is silent.

'Please Nate'

'Fine, fine. I'll see what I can find but I'm not making any promises. And you can pay me back by looking after Jack and Gracie next Friday'

'Sure, sure' Lucas willingly accepts the condition.

'I think I need a fucking drink... I'm an Uncle. An Uncle. I think I'm in a state of shock'

Lucas gives him a shove. 'You're in a state of shock? I'm the Dad Nate'

'Yeah' Nathan blindly pats his back. 'That reminds me, I should probably go check on my own kid. Jack was building mud pies. I'll get us a drink'

'Don't tell anyone Nate. I- we've not talked about-'

'My lips are sealed' Nathan imitates zipping his mouth shut and Lucas rolls his eyes as he backs away, knowing full well he's about to go fill in his wife in on this gossip.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'Why don't you stay' Peyton suggests.

'It's not practical honey' Larry answers. 'I can't get around in this house-'

'Your office can be converted into a bedroom and we can have a bathroom put in-'

'Darling we've talked about this'

'No we haven't. You've not even considered it'

'That's where you're wrong. I've considered the strain that would put on you, on your girls. On us. On our relationship. I don't want my daughter looking after me'

'She wants to'

'And I love that you'd do that for me but what makes me happy is this; today, getting to see you have days like this sweetheart. Getting to celebrate with you. Spend quality time with you. That's all I care about'

'Dad I'm the reason you're in that chair-'

'We've been through this. I won't hear you say another word about it. I'm in this chair through my own choices. End of... You can have me over for lunch next week, deal?' He proposes in an effort to placate her.

'Of course' Her head bobs.

'Now stop sulking and go and tell Luke to take me back to the home-'

'I can-'

'No I won't steal you away from the birthday girl'

Peyton sighs. Kisses his cheek. As always wills his unmoving arms to come to life and wrap around her. They don't. 'I'll go find Luke'

He watches after her as she heads into the house. Tries to memorise every moment of this view. His house. The sun dropping. His beloved child safe and back where she was always meant to be.

'You can come out now Addie' He murmurs. He might be unable to move but in a sense his disabilities have meant he's perfected other working senses to compensate, especially in the listening department.

Adele slips out from behind a nearby tree. 'How'd you...?'

'You move just like your mother only not quite as rhythmical' He tries to explain. She moves before him, her expression one of confusion. 'You get that from your Dad. Luke always was a bit out of time' He's talking to himself but she laps up every word. 'Tell me, have you had a good birthday?'

She nods.

'Well that's good to hear...I've not given you your present yet have I'

She bites her lip.

'One of the nurses helped me, it's just down the side of the chair. You see it?'

She edges closer to him. Catches sight of a small pale blue box. She hesitantly lifts it from it's hiding spot, nervously glancing at him before pulling the lid off.

'Do you know what it is?' Larry wonders.

She inspects the gadget, her head slowly rocking back and forth. 'No'

'It's a swiss army knife. It's got all sorts of knives and cool flippy out gadgets' Larry tells her enthusiastically. 'And that one is extra special because it was mine and then your Mumma stole it for herself. You should keep your eyes peeled in the trees, I swear she carved her initials in every one'

She runs her finger the shiny burgundy casing. 'Thank you' Adele's voice is small. Her little fingers work on easing some of the knives out. 'Mummy wants you to live with us'

'Mm' Larry murmurs.

'What did she mean? It's her fault you're in that chair?' She enquires.

'It's not her fault. I was a stupid man. I drove my car after drinking far too much alcohol. You should never drink and drive'

'Was Mum here, when you did it?'

'No. That's why she says it's her fault sweetheart. She blames herself for not being here'

'What's all this then?' Lucas has appeared, brow furrowed as he catches sight of the familiar sharp implement in his daughters hand. 'Really Larry? You've given the nine year old a knife?'

'She's sensible enough. She takes after her Daddy' Larry attempts to win over the concerned parent with a complement.

Lucas rolls his eyes. 'I don't think Peyton would agree'

'Well it can be our little secret huh Addie?' Larry grins.

Adele smiles and nods enthusiastically because this is a fun kind of secret, not the usual heavy burdens she's use to carrying around.

'I'll be really sensible I swear. I want to carve my name on all the trees Mummy has'

Lucas's serious expression falters then. 'That might take you a while kiddo but lucky for you I happen to be an expert in Peyton Sawyer trees. I'll help you if you like'

Adele smiles up at him.

'I've got to take Grandad home now, say goodbye and go hide that before your Mumma confiscates it' Lucas suggests with a wink.

'Bye...Grandad...thank you' Her voice is suddenly shy and she waves awkwardly before scarpering.

'Do you really think she's okay with that?' Lucas looks over his shoulder after his daughter as he begins to push Larry toward the car.

'Have you forgotten what it was like to be her age? Don't think I don't know all the things you and Peyton got up to. Making campfires and god knows what else'

'Exactly, I don't think we're the best role models for her her to look up to...and I can assure you your wonderful daughter was the mastermind behind every dangerous idea' He adds.

Larry chortles. 'Oh I don't doubt that she was. Adele isn't Peyton though Luke. I'd go as far to say she's the best parts of you both. Fearless and cautious. The perfect combination for a swiss army knife owner'

'You can tell Peyton that when she finds that thing' Lucas decides. 'She might have been fearless once but she's definitely not when it comes to those girls. She's a worrier' Larry bites his tongue. 'I get it though...Does it ever stop? This fear that you can't protect them from the world? That you're going to fail them?'

The older parent smiles. 'No. It doesn't stop. That's just being a parent Luke. All you can do is be there, do that and you'll be just fine'

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'Hey Cinderella'

She startles and drops the bin bag.

'Sorry I didn't mean to make you jump' He cringes because for a moment she looked scared just as she had earlier.

She doesn't say anything. Walks over to him and he cocks his head as her hands snake round his neck and she rises onto her tip toes to reach his height. Her sudden proximity a complete contrast to her earlier aversion to any display of affection.

She kisses him. Not just kisses him, kisses him hard, summons an approving groan from deep in the back of his throat.

His hand fists into her hair as he eagerly reciprocates.

Eventually she withdraws, letting the balls of her feet get a reprieve as she sets her feet flat on the ground.

'Mmm. What was that for?' He gruffly wonders.

'Nothing. Everything' She smiles shyly and that expression reminds him of the innocent sixteen year old that had let him kiss her for hours on end. 'Cause you're upset with me'

'No I'm not' He disregards, nuzzling his nose against hers. 'I'm really not. I'm sorry about today. I've been acting weird...it was stupid...I was being needy'

'No you weren't' She shakes her head. 'Not at all...I was being weird...I just wanted to make sure Addie had a good birthday and then I, I got wrapped up in thinking about us and how everyone's going to judge me...'

'No one is going to judge you'

'Luke I left you without any explanation, I broke your heart and everyone knows it and then ten years later I rock up with your child and you take me back, of course everyone's going to judge me!'

'You never cared what anyone thought before'

'I don't' She sighs. But she sort of does.

'All that matters is what I think and our family think and they're all just happy that we've found each other again Peyt...' Her head slowly bobs in agreement because he's right. Of course he's right. He's always right. '...which er reminds me...I er, might have told Nate that Adele is mine' He nervously watches her reaction.

'That's ok'

'It is?'

'Of course. She is your child. It shouldn't be a secret. I don't want it to be a secret. It's not that that makes me uneasy Luke it's just knowing everyone will know what a bitch I am'

'You're not a bitch'

'It's beyond me how you don't think that'

'Well I don't and I won't have you talking about my favourite person that way' Her strokes her cheek. 'You need to let go of the guilt Peyt. I understand'

She nods slowly. 'You understand that I'm not giving Addie control?'

'Yeah. I know. You just needed her to feel included in us. I get that. Her opinion matters. It does. I'm sorry for what I said...I just, the talks I had with her today have been going round my head on a loop and I, I guess I thought she was okay with us but she's really not is she?'

'She will be. You have to understand that she...she's processing a lot...she wants control and I, I've let her think she's got it but the, the thing is I know her. I know that she's growing more attached to you with every passing day Luke. It might seem wrong what I said to her but I know she'll come round'

'I hope so...'

'I know so...'

'She's conflicted that's for sure. I swear she was trying to get us to have an argument this morning and then in the afternoon she was talking about marriage'

'Marriage?' Peyton nervously repeats.

'Yeah and, and all the legalities... which was weird in itself. She's more clued up on that stuff than I think I am... I don't know if she's thinking I'm going to try and get custody over her or something but I assured her that wouldn't happen...am I her Dad legally?' Peyton's crumpled face is answer enough. 'Don't worry. It's oka-'

'It's not okay. I'm sorry' Her hands cover her eyes.

'It is okay. Like I told her, it's just a bit of paper right?' He gently pulls her hands away from her face. 'It's alright' He doesn't wait for a response. 'You should've waited till tomorrow to clean up. I would've helped you' He indicates to the near tidy barn, successfully changing the subject.

She shrugs her shoulders. 'You've already done enough today...' She walks backwards away from his wandering hands, chews on the inside of her cheek indecisively. She wants to say so much but doesn't know how to vocalise the thoughts that are going on in her head.

'Are the girls in bed?'

'Yeah...Want to push me?' She abandons the bin bag and instead twirls toward the hanging swing.

He smiles. 'Somethings really don't change then' He laughs as she pulls herself up onto the tyre.

She smirks but shakes her head 'I don't think I've been on a swing since I had Addie, I might not like it- my legs get ridiculously wobbly when I go up in her tree house' She shares.

'Lets find out' He pushes her, sending her soaring up the length of the barn.

'Nope, still love it!'

He chortles, enjoying the wide grin that's appeared on her face as she drifts back to him. 'I couldn't get Lexie off this thing earlier, she takes after you'

'I noticed'

'Mm. I saw you watching. Were you jealous of the three year old?' He teases, sending her higher.

'No. I was enjoying watching you with her actually' She moves her body back to help with the momentum. 'Maybe I was a little jealous' She admits, closing her eyes.

'How many times, don't lean back like that!' He grabs the tyre and halts her fun. 'Your head will crack open if you fall' She laughs at his complaint because he use to screech that at her on a daily basis.

'At least Addie takes after me a bit' He proudly tells her.

'She didn't want to go on?' Peyton wonders. She finds it hard to predict her daughter at times. Sometimes she's fearless but sometimes she's more cautious and wary. It's her unpredictability that often leaves Peyton wondering it it really is a personality trait she's inherited from her father or one that's been instilled in her.

'Oh no, she went on, she loved it but she wasn't a fan of letting Lexie have a go. She wanted to hold onto her the whole time. It's like she's fearless when it comes to herself but a worrier when it comes to anyone else' He bravely stands in the ring of the tyre and holds onto her tight before pushing off to get it moving once more.

'She's a good big sister'

'Uhuh'

Peyton leans back again. 'Eurgh' He complains, hands grappling tighter at her hips as her jerking movement has the swing moving more haphazardly. 'Peyton!'

'You're such a scaredy cat' She laughs at his pained expression.

'I don't get how you still like this game' He shakes his head, not enjoying the sensation of his stomach turning as they sway back and forth.

'I remember you liked this game when I did this' She latches her legs around him then and stops leaning back. Their eyes lock. She bites her lip.

'Mm, it's the only reason I agreed on playing' He almost groans because her biting her lip like that still gets him going like it had all those years ago.

He kisses her this time.

His earlier insecurities over her aversion to his touch have dwindled, he's semi satisfied that it stems from nothing more than shyness around their family, concern over the guilt she's carrying in regards to him and their past. Something he wants to desperately rid her of, wants to make her see that he doesn't hold her responsible for any of it. Hopes he's conveying that right now in the way he's kissing her like his life depends on it.

The tyre is soon merely rocking gently with their movements. Unlike all those years ago when they'd done this, he doesn't put up with the rope that's lodged between them. It's suddenly more than unbearable. He pants as he blindly steps off of the tyre, stumbling slightly as his legs adjust to being on stable ground once more. He holds her perch steady as she slides off, not that she needs him to. There's a pause. An awkward moment. Their mouthes brief separation has caused his lapse in confidence. He's suddenly not so sure if she'll be ok with him resuming what they were just doing. She's wondering if he's thinking she's not as good at this as she once was.

His hand flutters over her cheek. 'Is this okay?'

She blinks. 'I thought it was' She hesitantly answers.

He smiles. 'Thank god' His hands close around her hips, assertively pulling her to him. 'I'm so not ready to stop' He husks.

She bites her lip and tries not to laugh. He's behaving like a giddy teenage boy, she an insecure teenage girl.

'We're ridiculous' She notes.

'We are?'

'Yes. We are' She confirms but doesn't elaborate. She takes one of his hands and tugs his bewildered form toward the stacks of hay on the far side of the barn.

'Why're we ridiculous?'

She releases his hand and lowers herself down onto a hay bale. 'Because I'm...and you're...and we...you know?' She flails her hands and he laughs then.

'Ok, there's been a lot of times that you've not made any sense but right now has to be up there' He teases.

'You're right. You're not ridiculous. I am'

'No' He drops down beside her. 'You're not'

'Yes I am. You don't know if you can touch me or not because one minute I'm giving you the okay and the next I'm...' She sighs.

'That's okay-'

'No it's not'

'Peyt it really is. I get it'

She lays back, her hair splaying out. 'But you want me'

'I have you don't I?'

'I mean...'

He squints down at her. Nathan's earlier words sound in his head and he wonders if she's feeling pressurised 'There's absolutely no hurry. Okay? I'm not thinking about that. I'm not fussed-'

'You're not fussed about sex?' She kinks her brow.

Her bluntness has him suddenly feeling very hot. 'No' She looks deflated. 'Yes' She looks concerned. He doesn't know what the right answer is. 'We're taking this slow remember?' He hums instead but he's definitely thinking about things he's just claimed he's not as he looks down at her. 'Maybe I should go' He gulps because she's a picture right now and he's more than turned on.

She gulps in a breath. 'No. No don't...not yet...' She latches her her hands together at the nape of his neck. 'I've not got to be near you all day'

'That's because you kept running away from me' He teases.

'I'm not running away now'

'No. You're not' A crease forms on his brow as he struggles with temptation. She's so very close, he wants to shift even closer. She peppers kisses over his chin. 'I lied' He blurts. 'Right now all I'm thinking about is how much I want you' He vocalises his desire, not that he needs to, she can feel how much he wants her.

A mixture of unease and her own desire flowers in her stomach at his words, her hand seeking out his belt in all of a second. 'Have me then' She's quick to decide.

He groans as she expertly tugs free the strap from it's buckle.

'Wait, wait' He pants. 'No, not here' His fingers entangle with hers, halting her mission. He's not quite sure how they've ended up here when five minutes ago they were discussing their daughter.

'You just said-'

'I know. I want you but I also don't want it to be a quick roll in the hay and that's what this will be...literally' He smirks as he picks a piece of straw out of her hair. 'I don't want you doing anything you're not ready for'

'Why're you saying that?' She murmurs suspiciously. She wonders if Karen's loyalty to her son has caused her to confess certain truths.

'Because we agreed on slow and I know you're not ready. There...you...there're moments when you make that face'

'What face?'

'Like you're...I don't know'

'Is this about earlier? I told you, that, it was stupid, I just, I didn't feel comfortable with everyone here, watching us. I just, I don't know...'

'I know. It's not about that...not really. But you're clearly not completely comfortable'

'I wouldn't be making out with you if I didn't want to Luke' She exhales indignantly.

'I know' He does know that, he more than knows that. He knows her and in knowing her he also knows this; 'But I also think you'll push yourself to do more than you want to just to make me happy and that, that won't make me happy Peyt'

Her eyes are wide and her nostrils flare as she hastily swallows the sudden emotion that's in the back of her throat because his words reiterate the insanity she's been accustomed to, the horrors that had become her norm are no longer.

'Hey' Her gallant effort to disguise said emotion doesn't fool him. His fingertips coast over her cheek. 'What is it?' She shakes her head. 'Peyt?'

'I want you, I do' She murmurs.

'I know'

'Do you? I don't think you do' She's worried he thinks she's not yearning for him to the same extent he is her. Worried that he's misconstruing her anxiety for longing for her husband.

'Of course I do... I get it'

'I don't think you do...it's not that I...it's just...I'm scared' She blurts.

He licks his lips. 'That it'll be so mind blowing we won't be able to stop?' He's teasing because she'd once muttered something to that degree.

She smiles sadly because she wishes she still had the same concerns as her teenage self. The thoughts going through her head are much of the opposite. 'That I won't be the same. That it won't be the same. That I won't feel the same to you or-'

'Peyt' He drops his face to hers and shakes his head, smiling against her lips. 'You're insane. You know that?'

'They're valid concerns Luke!' She argues. 'I'm older. I've had two kids' _Desire_ _hasn't played a factor in this in forever. What if I can't..._

'That's a turn on' He disputes.

'What is?'

'That you've carried my child' He smoothes his hand over her flat stomach. 'If you're fretting about stretch marks and stuff that's ridiculous...you're so beautiful'

Superficial marks hadn't even entered her mind but now he's bought it up stretch marks are the least of her concerns. She's got far too many scars that will eventually require fathomable explanations.

'Touch me' She breathes suddenly.

'I am'

'No...touch...me' She tugs his hand down from her face, coaxing it down her side with a sudden determination.

His mouth goes dry because he understands her three husked words loud and clear. 'Peyt...'

'Please' She wants to be with him. She needs to know if she's going to be able to do this with him. And she's got to start somewhere.

He's hesitant. He doesn't like her blank expression. 'I don't-'

'Please'

He swallows. He relents with a small nod, unable to listen to another plea escape her lips. 'Do you know how often I think about all the times you let me touch you?' He drawls and his words are successful in drawing her back into him. His hand flutters beneath her dress.

'You do?' She answers breathily as his finger tips draw taunting patterns on her inner thigh.

'Mhm. All the fucking time Peyt' He exhales. 'Remember when I first touched you like this?'

'Mm...That was the first time I ever...'

'Came' He finishes knowingly because he'd been privy to that bit of knowledge at the time.

'Yes...everything was perfect then I...I thought it would only ever be your hands that touched me for the rest of my life' She breathes. His finger's dance ceases in all of a second. His self control lapsing with her confession and he abruptly shifts his hand to press hard against the triangle of fabric that conceals her. She gasps.

His face contorts because somebody else has had her and that kills him a little bit.

He slides his fingers beneath the fabric then. Because he wants to erase the thought of her husband. He needs to feel her. He swallows the mewling sound she makes. Kisses her hard. 'I wanted that too. You're all I've ever wanted, all I'll ever want Peyt' He exhales.

She's overwhelmed. She'd not been convinced that he'd be able to summon this kind of desire in her again, in retrospect that seems ridiculous; she's a hot mess.

She throws her head back and he pushes her hair from her face with his free hand. He's fixated on her, hanging on her every breath.

He's looking at her so devotedly and it prompts the apology that she gasps. 'I'm so sorry'

'You don't need to be sorry... for anything' He coos, his brow furrowed because he doesn't want her saying sorry. Especially right now. But she is. She's sorry for so many things. She's sorry for Keith. Sorry for leaving. Sorry for hurting him. Sorry for making him think it was his fault. Sorry for letting another man touch her in this way. Sorry for saying I do to said man. Sorry for not telling him about his daughter. Sorry that it took her so long to find her way back.

'But I...I am'

'Okay' He nuzzles his nose against hers hoping his answer will rid whatever thoughts are currently consuming her mind.

'I'm yours...I've always been yours Luke'

'And I'm yours' He echoes. 'Forever Peyt, I swear...stop thinking' he runs his thumb over her creased temple and leaves a trail of kisses down her exposed neck, determined to abolish her thoughts.

He wants to push her dress up. Wants to watch his fingers. Wants to rid her of all clothes and feel her skin pressed against his. But he won't. This isn't that. This isn't about him. This is about her. This is about giving her the release she's chasing.

'Don't fight it baby, let go' He coaxes.

Her hands flail suddenly, clawing into the straw beneath them.

He smiles at the blissful expression that soon encompasses her face, revels in the way she gasps his name.

She's seeing stars. Her toes curl. Her limbs shudder.

'You're beautiful' He utters. 'And smart' He adds with a smirk as he recalls their conversation from a few days ago.

He knows she's not yet back with him.

Her mouth is open wide and he slowly slides his hand from her underwear.

'That...you...' She slowly comes back to him and is shaking her head and he watches in amusement as she catches her breath. 'Thank you'

'Not necessary' His lips graze hers and he sweetly rearranges her panties and dress back into place, a sign that he has zero intention of trying to take this any further.

She silently disagrees because he has no idea how much of a big deal this is for her. How invigorated she feels. This hasn't been about her in a long time and he just made it solely about her.

'You look even more fucking beautiful right now, if that's even possible'

'That's just a lie' She's sure she's a sweaty mess.

He shakes his head and kisses her lips again. 'You need to learn to take a complement'

'Somethings don't change I guess'

'I thought you were so different now' He arches his eyebrow teasingly.

'Maybe not completely' She hopes.

'You still make the same face when you come' He crows.

She blushes and lightly hits his shoulder and silently wonders what that face is. Whatever it is she's sure he's the only person to get her to make it because she's only ever felt anything so intense with him.

'It's hot. Don't worry' He chuckles and it vibrates against her lips.

'Let me' She's very much aware of what he's just given her and he's yet to receive anything in return. Her hand is on route to his pants but he catches her wrist before she reaches her destination.

'Uh uh. That was all about you'

'But you're-'

'Doesn't matter'

She tilts her head to the side, again is wondering if his mother has broken her trust and confided in him because his gentlemanly ways are surely just an act. She can feel him hard against her thigh.

'What's that face for?' He gazes at her questioningly and she remembers in all of a heartbeat that Lucas Scott can't act to save his life.

'Why?'

'Why what?' He's confused.

'Why won't you let me...'

His shoulders rise and fall '...because I know you're exhausted and like I said before, we're aiming for slow and I'm trying my hardest to be a gentleman'

'You've never had to try to be that Luke' She reminds herself and him. 'You're always that'

'I'm not a complete saint. It's been ten years Peyt..I might have self restraint but ten years is a long fucking time'

'You've not had sex since me' Her eyes are wide.

'That's not what I meant' He backtracks. 'There have been...others' She looks relieved. She is relieved because she can't bear that he's been pining over her all this time. 'There's not been many occasions mind' He adds sheepishly. 'See I can't help but wind up thinking about you and well...that's not fair on any girl, pretending they're someone else'

She frowns and looks down. The relief is gone. He has been pining over her all this time.

'What? What is it?' He rubs her arms.

'I just...I hate that I...I hurt you so badly. That you...you've never...moved on'

'I wasn't so lucky in finding someone I loved as much as you to marry'

'I wanted to marry you' She blurts. 'Don't think I didn't. You would've always been my only choice Luke. I just...didn't see that ever being on the cards for me after Keith, I didn't think you'd ever want me.'

He nods sadly. 'We can have this now though Peyt...We get to have what we've both longed for for so long...This is good right? Us?'

'The best...' She agrees a little giddily. 'I'm still scared I'm...' She whispers, her hand interlinking with his. She plays with his fingers. 'You've been...ten years you've been building me up in your head Luke, I'm really not good...at this'

'What?' Her eyes glance up into his face and then skitter away because his expression is stern. She opens and closes her mouth, wants to take back her words.

'I just mean...I'm...I don't know...just, I don't want you to be disappointed and you're, you're going to be'

'I'm not' He disagrees emphatically. 'You could never be a disappointment Peyt'

'I..' She shakes her head, realises her error. This line of enquiry isn't a safe one. Her answers will only send alarm bells ringing if they're not already. 'I'm being silly. Ignore me' She smiles. A smile he suddenly can't buy.

'Why would you say that?'

'It's just been a while' She flippantly waves her hand. '...and you've been imagining me all this time. How can I ever live up to your expectation? Like today...Addie. If she'd known about the little party she would've been thinking about it, imagining everything that was going to happen but because it was a surprise she didn't have a chance to do that. It had no chance of not living up to her expectation' She rambles.

'Peyt you're forgetting something'

'What?'

'Anything I might or might not have fantasised about is based on memory, not imagination. That wasn't a disappointment just now was it? Me, touching you?'

'No that was...' A bashful smile touches her lips.

'Alright?'

'More than alright'

'Good' He smirks with finality. 'Just you letting me touch you is a dream in itself' His hands cradle her face. 'You and disappointing should never be put in the same sentence together. Ok? It's physically impossible for me to be anything but satisfied, okay?' She looks up at him through her lashes. 'Okay?'

'Okay' She relents.

'Good. Now as much as I hate to leave' He shuffles back, awkwardly adjusting his pants as he rises to his feet. 'I'm going to have to go'

'Go?' She follows his movements.

'Yeah. I'm sorry I just, christ you don't know what you fucking looked like just now...' He licks his lips, his face contorting as she stands. 'What you look like now' He lets his stare trail down her as she stands before him.

She wants to laugh at his dramatic expression but she can't because he's in discomfort and she doesn't want that. 'Let me-'

'No' He smiles. 'Not tonight sweetheart. Go inside. Run yourself a bath and get some sleep and I'll see you in the morning' He pulls her close avoiding his intended departure for just a moment longer. 'I love you...you were amazing today. You know that? Everything you did for Addie-'

She silences him with a kiss because he needs to stop speaking because it's all too much. She doesn't get how he knows the right thing to say all the time. He always was good at that though. 'I love you too' she echoes. 'So much Luke'

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'What're you still doing awake birthday girl?' Peyton husks as she peers round Adele's bedroom door.

'Where were you?'

'I was just tidying up a bit outside'

'With Luke?...I saw him out the window'

'With Luke' Peyton nods as she walks into the room. 'He was helping me' She wonders if her cheeks are as red as they feel. 'He mentioned you've had a few talks with him today'

'Yes... I decided you should marry him'

'What?' Peyton halts, her eyes wide because clearly Lucas's assumptions about their daughter's line of enquiry had been completely wrong.

'That way if Dad, not Dad, him, if he comes here then we'll be safe'

Adele's explanation leaves her speechless for a moment. 'Baby I can't marry Luke'

'I thought you loved him?'

'Yes but well, for starters we've only just got back together but also I...I'm already married aren't I? You have to divorce someone if you want to remarry'

'Not if you're widowed. Luke said'

'But I'm not widowed baby, that's just pretend' She sinks onto the edge of the bed.

Adele sighs. 'I thought if you married Luke me and Lexie would be legally his and then, then you wouldn't have to do what Dad, I mean him, you wouldn't have to do as he says because he, he wouldn't be able to take us away if Luke has custody'

'Sweetheart it's all a lot more complicated than that. No one is taking you anywhere though so it doesn't matter. He thinks we're gone doesn't he?' Peyton lays down beside her and snuggles up to her. 'Me and Luke won't let anyone take you away from here ever. I promise' She presses a kiss to her forehead. 'okay?'

'Okay'

'...have you been thinking about this all day instead of enjoying your birthday?'

'No Mum. I had the best day. It was the best birthday'

'Yeah?'

'Uhuh. Thank you' She abruptly wraps her arms around her mum.

'That makes me so happy' Peyton hugs her back fiercely.

'I told my friends Luke is my Dad. Is... that okay?' Adele whispers into her shoulder.

Peyton smiles. 'I think he'll definitely be pleased'

'Are you?'

She forces a smile and ignores her apprehension over Tree Hill knowing their business. 'Of course. I know you're confused baby. I know your feelings are all over the place but Luke he, it's not possible for him to be anything but an amazing father'

'Do you think I should start calling him Dad?'

'Whatever you want to do...I think when it feels right you'll just know, you don't need to force anything, you know what I mean?'

Adele nods slowly. '...Mum?'

'Yeah?'

'Do you think _he_ thought about me today?'

'...I suppose he did'

'...Did he know I wasn't his?'

'Yes'

'Is that why he was always mad at you? Cause of me, cause I wasn't-'

'No. No baby' Peyton firmly cuts her off. 'What he did to me had nothing to do with you...I don't know why he... We don't have to think about it anymore do we? He can think about us but we don't have to think about him. He's not worth it' Peyton holds the nine year old's hand and trails her finger over the memorised lines of her palm.

'Grandad gave me a present' Adele changes the subject and rifles under her pillow with her free hand to produce her swiss army knife.

Peyton kinks her eyebrow. 'Oh he did did he?

'It's meant to be a secret but I've never had a secret from you, you're not going to take it away are you?'

'I'm not going to take it away. I think I'm meant to but I'd be a massive hypocrite seeing as I had that at your age' Peyton resolves sleepily. 'Did he tell you that it use to be mine?'

'Uhuh. And his'

'You have to be sensible though Addie cause I'll be mad if-'

'I know. I will. I'm going to find all the Peyton Sawyer trees and put my name in them too. Luke said he'd help cause he knows where they all are'

Peyton kisses her cheek with a laugh. 'Peyton Sawyer trees' She murmurs.

'That's what Luke called them'

'When my Mum died my Dad told me she was still with me. That she was in everything. The flowers, the sky, the birds, the trees. I wanted to be with her so Luke helped me put my name in the trees with her'

'Is she still in the trees?'

'I think so. I can feel her more here than anywhere'

Adele blinks, her eyes heavy. 'In me?'

'Yes in you'

She yawns. 'Mum?'

'Yeah?'

'Will you sleep here with me tonight?'

Peyton smiles. 'Okay' She latches her arm around her daughter's body. 'Now close your eyes. You need to actually sleep'

Adele smiles jubilantly as she snuggles closer to her mother. 'I love you Mum'

'I love you more' Peyton declares, her hand flitting soothingly over Adele's forehead in an effort to lull her to sleep. She stares down at her daughter in the dim light of the moon. Takes in her features. 'You're so like him Addie' She knows her daughter is no longer with her, she's in that magical land between awake and asleep. She use to not try and dwell on the mannerisms and likeness between the nine year old and her biological father because it only resulted in her tears. Now it makes her heart flutter with joy. Because said man is no longer miles away. He's across the field. And said man has made her feel more alive this evening than she has in years. Despite everything, said man is still hers and she his and she thinks perhaps if she can just learn to focus on that everything really will be okay.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N** Thank you for all your kind reviews and feedback guys. So this chapter isn't the cheeriest. Not that this story is the cheeriest ever but felt like I should pre-warn! I didn't really want it to be all doom and gloom but the entire chapter I had written was creeping up on 30,000 words so consequently I've split it into two chapters. Peyton's secrecy when it comes to Lucas can only last so long and we're reaching the pinnacle of her collapse I promise. So think of this as part 1. Good news is that means I'm aiming to get the next one out by the end of the week!

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

There's a honeymoon period.

Smiles. Laughing. Happiness.

But it doesn't last. Can't last. There's too many underlying issues. They can't pretend they're living off an air supply song forever.

Adele drops her bag loudly on the kitchen floor and both adults break apart.

'Addie' Peyton steps away from Lucas, a little habit Lucas is eager to break. A habit he doesn't enjoy. A habit he's become more and more aware of. It makes him feel like they're doing something wrong. She runs her hand under her bottom lip. 'I didn't hear you come in honey'

'Clearly'

He's also noticed the glower he receives from the nine year old anytime he's been caught with his hands on her mother. That look makes him feel much like he had anytime Larry had caught him making out with his daughter.

Peyton clears her throat. 'How was school?' Her question is upbeat and unnatural.

'Fine'

'Yeah? What did you get up to then?'

'Stuff'

'Stuff?' Peyton nods. 'What kind of stuff?'

'Mum' Adele whines and shrugs her shoulders. 'I dunno. I can't remember'

'Sorry, we don't have to talk about school. Are you hungry? You want a snack?'

Lucas silently moves to the table and sits down and watches the interaction between mother and daughter. A silent bystander. Something that is also becoming a common occurrence. Something that he also doesn't enjoy.

'No'

'An apple? There's some chocolate chip cookies or-'

'I said no Mum. Lily's outside. We're going to play in the tree house'

'Ok' Peyton nods. 'You sure-'

The back door slams and Peyton wrings her hands together. She soon feels Lucas's blue eyes burning into her. 'What?'

'...Why do you do that?'

'Do what?' She busies herself with finding those chocolate chip cookies, maybe she'll just take some out to the girls instead.

He hesitates. He hates this. Hates that he feels a little bit like he's treading on eggshells...a little bit like he can't voice his opinion on his own child. 'I dunno...you pull away from me whenever she's near...you... pander to her' He exhales.

'Pander? Seeing if my kid wants a snack is pandering?' She grumbles.

'Our kid' He corrects. 'She was being moody and rude. I've noticed her getting like that anytime she catches me kissing you and every time you pull away like what we're doing is wrong'

'She's still not ok with this Luke' Her hand flails awkwardly. 'I'm not trying to hurt your feelings. I just would rather avoid upsetting her' She's found the biscuits and goes about setting some on a plate.

'I'm well aware that she's not completely okay about it but I think she's been more accepting since her birthday and the more we make her think she's got a reason to not be ok with us surely it's just going to make it harder in the long run. Hey, don't do that' She jumps. He's joined her over by the work surface and stops her hand from placing another cookie on the plate. 'She said she didn't want anything and if you ask me she doesn't deserve a plate full of cookies right now'

'I didn't ask you' She bleats. His brow shoots up. He swallows. So does she, her face crumpled. 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean that'

'Didn't you? Peyt I hate this' His hands waver before him. 'I know this is a big adjustment for you but you're not the only one that's finding this hard' He softly tells her. 'She's my child too but I feel, I've not had the time with her that you have. I don't have the relationship with her that you do. I feel like I have to report to you when it comes to her. I feel like you get to call the shots and that's ok but I'm...I'm just- I'm her Dad...I've not been her Dad Peyt. I want to be her Dad, not just hers. I want to be hers and Lexie's Dad. Like properly. You know?'

Peyton sighs, her green eyes saddened as they watch him struggle to find the right words. 'You do get a say. Luke I want to be in this with you, I really do. I want us to be equals'

'So if I'd just told her to quit speaking to you like that it would've been ok?' Peyton presses her fingers into her temple then. 'You wouldn't have liked it would you?'

'She'd have responded badly'

He nods. 'I know that but I feel...I feel like we're going to have to cross that bridge at some point. Don't you? How else are they going to realise that I'm here to stay? That I want to be their Dad for real if I'm not allowed to tell them off or voice an opinion' She chews on the inside of her cheek. 'I'm not going to spend the rest of my life never kissing you around them Peyt' He pushes her hair behind her ear.

'Neither of them need to see us making out'

'I'm not saying that. I just, I can barely touch you when they're present without you shying away. I know this isn't easy. I get that they've only seen your...' He doesn't want to use the word husband. Wants to forget the fact that she married. '..him touch you but we've told them we're together, it's not a secret and us tip toeing around them is only fuelling the concept that this is wrong. It's not wrong'

'I know it's not wrong'

'Do you?'

'What does that mean?'

He shrugs. 'I dunno. I'm just trying to put myself in your shoes. I'm trying to think how I'd feel if I'd lost someone I loved, someone I'd promised myself to for life. I'd...I'd probably have some feelings of guilt, like I were betraying that person'

She sighs. She wishes he wasn't so god damn sweet and understanding because he can't even begin to understand how she feels in regards to her husband. 'Well I'm clearly not a very good person because I don't feel like that ok? He's gone. You're not' She bleats.

'Was it that easy when you left. I wasn't there so you could just turn your feelings off and move on?' He suddenly grumbles a little harshly.

She's done avoiding his stare, her green eyes frantically seeking out his face because he keeps assuring her that she needn't feel guilty for anything but his blurted words only emphasise that he's definitely holding onto some hostility.

'I didn't leave you for anyone! What I have with you is different okay?...I knew you couldn't not be mad at me! I do feel guilt when it comes to you- I've told you! Everyday Luke, everyday. I always will. All I feel is guilt! Everything I've done to you, to the girls to-'

'Hey, hey, hey' His hands cup her face. 'Shh' He shakes his head. 'I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm not mad at you, I'm really not. Don't feel guilty. I don't want you to feel like that, really I don't. I'm sorry. I know why you left...I'm just...I guess I'm being insecure...it's hard for me knowing that you were with someone else' His fingertips flit over her cheeks soothingly.

She takes a shuddery breath and then her own head is rocking back and forth. '...You're not being insecure...I'm giving you reason to feel the way you are I just, I don't know how to do this, I'm just trying to keep them happy but I...I'll try harder to stop pulling away in front of them. I will. I promise...'

'Yeah?' A small smile graces his lips. She nods.

He kisses her then. Hard. Because her promise is a show of commitment, a declaration that she too wants just what he wants and that's all he needs to hear. It's different to how he was kissing her minutes ago before they were interrupted by Adele's return from school. It's not sweet nor gentle. It's more urgent and demanding than what she's become acquainted to in recent weeks. She's been grateful for his tenderness. She knows it's the panic attack she'd had in his presence that has had him determined to go at her pace. Only her pace is erratic. One minute she wants more and the next she's a nervous wreck and she can't pinpoint what it is that sparks her anxiety. Because right now she'd understand if she clammed up under his grabby hands. Because he's backed her up into the fridge and is holding her to the hard surface but she's not the least bit panicked and yet just the previous morning she'd felt jittery under his watchful gaze alone.

She is jittery ten seconds later when an almighty crashing sound has them tearing apart. She pushes past him and hurtles into the hallway with him closely on her tail.

The chair that had stood at the top of the stairs is now at the bottom. 'Adele!' There's no doubt in her mind who caused the earth racketing sound. And she's suddenly angry because for a moment she assumed an intruder was the cause, or more precisely, her husband.

Little feet sound from the upstair hallway, timidly approaching the bannisters.

'Lex what happened?' Lucas enquires.

'It wasn't me'

'No' Peyton knows full well that the three year old wasn't behind this. 'Where's your sister?'

Alexa points to the front door.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'Addie!' Lily pants as she runs after Adele. 'Slow down will you!' Adele doesn't. 'Lets just go up in the tree house like we were going to before'

'They won't find us down at the river'

'They're not following us! We're not allowed down at the river!'

'I don't care' Adele finally stops running in turn for a quick march much to Lily's relief.

'I don't want to be grounded this weekend. We've got Lydie's sleepover birthday remember?'

'If Mum will let me go'

'She already said you could'

'She says a lot of things she doesn't mean' She angrily huffs.

'I don't get it' Lily waves her arms in the air. 'Why are you so cross? They were just kissing Addie' She doesn't understand why her friend had insisted on spying on her big brother and Peyton. Not when they could have been playing.

'You don't get it'

'No I don't! That's why you did that though isn't it? You were clearly trying to get them to stop kissing' Lily interrogates.

Adele doesn't answer.

'I thought you'd decided you were pleased...that Luke's your Dad'

Adele doesn't answer.

'I don't understand. One minute you seem excited that your Mum and him are getting on so great and the next it's like you're completely against it'

Adele's emotions get the better of her then. She doesn't manage to conceal the loud sob that passes her lips. Her feet come to an abrupt halt and Lily's brown eyes widen.

'Addie' She chimes. 'What is it?!'

'I can't t-tell!'

'You can't tell' Lily repeats, trying to decipher her friend's admission. 'What can't you tell?'

'I can't tell when she, she's pretending!'

'Pretending'

'She, she doesn't l-like doing that'

'Doing what?' Lily grabs a hold of Adele's hands to stop her from moving away. 'Doing what Addie?'

'She doesn't like being k-kissed!'

'All grown ups like doing that' Lily softly refutes her statement.

Adele frowns and shakes her head. 'Mum doesn't! She doesn't and he-he's making her!'

Lily blinks. Adele breaks free from her hold and scuffs her shoe against a mound of hard mud. It needs to rain. The earth is dried out. The air is muggy.

'Just like Dad made her! Not Dad, _him!'_ She's found an abandoned stick and whips it at the long grasses as Lily watches on in horror. She doesn't think she's ever seen someone so mad. She's half tempted to run all the way back to her house and get her Mum because her Mum always knows what to do. But best friends don't run away.

'Addie' She eventually bravely approaches the angry nine year old, avoiding the branch that keeps slicing through the air. 'Luke isn't making her. Luke wouldn't do that. He wouldn't. He loves her. People kiss when they love each other'

' _He_ loved her too!'

'It's not the same. Luke isn't the same' Lily announces. 'He's my brother. I know what he's like. I promise he'd never hurt your mum. I don't know what your Dad, I mean, what _he_ did but Luke won't do that, he won't'

Adele's arm stops throwing her weapon around, exhaustion having her squat down.

'I'm never going to fall in love with anyone'

Lily slowly sinks down in the long grass with her. 'Not ever?' She wonders.

'Not ever'

'I don't think you get to choose Ad'

'I do. I do get to choose'

'Mum says it's, it's the best feeling in the world, that you feel like you've got loads of butterflies in your tummy'

'You're just a stupid kid. You don't know what it's like'

'I'm older than you so if I'm just a stupid kid, you are too' Lily scowls. 'You don't know what it feels like anymore than me'

'I do. I do know what it's like. You think it's something special but your Dad's dead. You never saw the truth. You think it's like all those stupid fairy tales and disney films. It's not like that Lily! They're just pretend. Happy ever afters aren't a thing'

'Sometimes' Lily whispers. 'My Dad never hurt my Mum Addie-'

'How do you know?'

'I just do' Lily crosses her arms. 'Just like I know Luke wouldn't either. Just because _he_ was horrible doesn't mean every man is. It doesn't. Luke is lovely. He'd not hurt anyone. You've played with him loads. He's never done anything to hurt you' She's torn. She's annoyed at Adele. Upset that she could think badly of the big brother she's always been besotted with. Frustrated that she seemingly doesn't believe anything her best friend is telling her. But on the other hand she's worried about the nine year old too. 'Please trust me Addie. I promise I'm telling the truth'

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'Are you alright honey?' Karen enquires. Lily nods but her usual smile doesn't touch her lips. 'Lil' Karen sits down on the side of the bed. 'What's our rule?'

Lily looks up at her wearily. 'Never lie and never go to bed angry?'

'What's happened?'

'Nothing'

'That's a lie. I know you'

'It's just...friend stuff'

'Addie stuff?' Karen wonders concernedly. Lily doesn't answer. Her lack of answer is an answer in itself. 'I heard she threw a chair down the stairs earlier' Karen mentions 'Were you there when that happened?' Lily stiffens. 'Lil you're not in trouble. You can talk to me about this'

'She's my best friend Mum'

'I know, that makes me so happy' Karen smiles. 'My baby girl and my grand baby' She sings. 'You'll be friends for life. I know it. And unfortunately that means you'll have your fair share of fall outs. All the best friendships do. Have you had a fall out?'

'Not really...she just said some stuff...' She stops abruptly.

'Honey, I love Adele, just like you do. If what you tell me goes beyond these four walls it's only for her own good, only because I need her to be safe and happy. That's what you want right?'

Lily nods.

'Were you there for the chair thing?'

Again she nods.

'Do you know why she did that?'

'Because Luke and Peyton were kissing' Lily murmurs. 'She thinks Luke is bad Mum. I keep telling her he's not. She says her Mum doesn't like...' She trails off, searching for the right words. 'She says Peyton doesn't like kissing and...and that Luke is making her' Lily frowns. 'I know that's not true. I told her it's not. I told her grown ups kiss because they love each other, he can't make Peyton kiss if she doesn't want to but Addie kept saying I was stupid'

Karen sighs, her heart aching with Lily's recollection. 'You're not stupid baby...' She expels. 'Addie is a bit confused and upset, that's all...it's not nice is it, if we're made to do something we don't want to' Karen's stare finds the fairy silhouettes that are painted on the wall above her daughter's head. She knows the days are numbered until said fairy's are covered with posters of girl bands and god forbid boys. 'Remember how you felt when Thomas Jenkins made you jump off that rock down at the river when you didn't want to a couple of summers ago?'

'I cried like a baby'

'You were angry and sad'

'So were you' Lily smiles at that. 'You and his Mum shouted so loud at each other that the birds flew away'

'Not my finest hour' Karen murmurs. 'What I'm trying to say is that it's not just upsetting when your choice is taken away, it makes you angry and frightened too. And you should never be made to feel like that'

'I was just a stupid kid Mum. I wouldn't let anyone make me do that now'

'It doesn't matter how old you are. You shouldn't be made to feel like you don't have a choice about certain things as a child or an adult. The feeling of fear that you had that day doesn't change as you get bigger, not really. We can use our words but if someone is physically stronger and doesn't listen to what we have to say sometimes we can't stop someone from making us do things we don't want to even when we're grown ups'

Lily bites her lip, her brow furrowed. 'Mum was Addie right?' She's confused as to where her Mum is going with this. 'Are you saying Luke makes Peyton kiss even though she doesn't want to?'

'No, no, no' Karen shakes her head vigorously. 'That's definitely not what I'm saying, your brother would never, ever do that. What I'm trying to say is that I think perhaps Adele has seen her Mum not getting a choice in a lot of things... maybe she's seen things that...' Karen swallows. 'Maybe Adele has seen things that have given her certain ideas about love'

'Luke isn't like _him_ though!' Lily exclaims. Her hand is quick to fly up to her mouth at her mother's narrowed eyed stare.

'Adele's talked to you. About her other Dad?' Karen treads carefully.

Lily's brown eyes are like saucers. She's just broken a promise.

'Lil this is really important'

'I promised I wouldn't tell. I promised'

'Ok. But see, I know all about Addie's other Dad honey. Peyton has talked to me all about it'

'That he...he hit her?' Lily whispers nervously. 'That he...he's alive?'

Karen shuffles closer to her then, her face contorted because she wishes she could've guarded Lily from this ugliness. She doesn't want her little girl knowing about any of this but it's too late for that. 'Yes I know all about that'

'Does Luke?'

'No. Luke doesn't' Karen shakes her head. 'Peyton's not ready to talk to him about that'

'I wish she would'

'Me too. But that's up to Peyton though honey, she will tell him, she just needs time and we have to give her that. She's been through a lot'

Lily's head bobs slowly.

'Addie has seen lots of horrible, horrible things and she's pretty confused right now. We mustn't be angry with her for getting upset with Luke. It's hard for her to trust that he isn't like the only father figure she's known'

'But he's not! And I've told her. He loves Peyton and Peyton loves him right?'

'Right. Adele will realise soon enough honey. It's just going to take a bit of time and well, I know it's hard because we love Luke but try not to take her changing feelings toward him to heart. She's just worried about her Mum. That's all it is and when she realises that Peyton is safe then she'll start to trust him completely' Karen strokes her hand over Lily's forehead. 'She's been having lots of lovely days with Luke, we have to concentrate on those days'

'That's what I don't get. She was playing basket ball with him for ages yesterday and then today...' Her shoulders rise and fall.

'I know it's hard to understand. She's going to have some rough days like today and when she does we just have to be there and hold her hand, remind her that Luke isn't like him. That's all we can do baby... Now, let me cuddle my little girl' Karen lays down beside her and clings onto the ten year old.

'Mum! You know I'm not a baby right?'

'Wrong. You'll always be my baby Lil and that means hugs whenever I want them'

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'Right Missy' Peyton rubs the remanence of suncream onto her own knees before reaching for the pale blue sun hat and pulling it onto Alexa's head. 'I think you're good to go'

'I don't want the sun hat' Alexa whines.

'You want to get burnt and be sick?'

Alexa huffs. 'No'

'Then the hat stays on' Peyton smiles and draws her close, planting a loud kiss on her daughters cheek.

'Mummy!'

'Lexie!'

Alexa wriggles out of her grasp and forgets about the despised hat, gleefully making her way off the porch and over to where Lily and Adele are happily playing with the hose in their swimming costumes.

'She's got a right little tan going on' Karen observes as she sets a tray down with two teas and a plate of biscuits on the coffee table.

'Mm' Peyton agrees. 'She's got Ian's skin. He always went brown'

Karen says nothing in answer.

'Do you think she thinks about him? Lexie I mean?' Peyton wonders hurriedly after a beat. 'I keep telling myself she's so little, that she doesn't understand and she'll forget him but, but that's like saying she'd forget me and I don't believe that for a second'

'She'll forget him because we'll make her. She's going to have so many lovely memories here that anything she remembers from her time with him will be long forgotten'

'She'll have questions when she's older though won't she? What am I meant to say?'

'The truth'

'What's that going to do to her?'

'She'll be okay because Luke already loves her to pieces and she's going to get to really experience what a father should be'

'What if she wants to see him, find him?'

'We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. She's not going to want to find him. Not when she knows the truth' Karen is certain of that. 'I don't think we need to worry about Lexie right now. It's Addie that's struggling'

Peyton's stare averts to the coffee table. Her hands reach for the tea cup and saucer before her. She takes a sip before responding to Karen's statement. 'Luke told you about the chair thing then'

'Yeah I might've heard about that'

'I tried to talk to her last night but she, she just denied it and then wouldn't say another word to me. She seems happier today at least. What did Luke say?'

'It's not Luke's explanation that left me uneasy'

'What?' Peyton looks up from her tea then.

'I had a chat with Lily last night. Turns out Adele's confided in Lil about a few things'

Peyton swallows.

'She seems awfully confused honey. She told Lily that Luke is making you kiss him and that she knows you don't want to really'

Peyton's eyes bug out. 'Oh god' Her stare focuses in on Adele who's currently laughing as she sprays Alexa with the hose, enticing a delighted shriek from her sister.

'They're having fun' Karen notes.

Peyton takes a sharp breath and hurriedly sets the teacup back on it's saucer as she tries to contain the abrupt tears that are daring to escape. She's not successful.

Karen's hand encases hers then and she squeezes before following Peyton's gaze back to the playing children. They're silent.

'She said that?' Peyton eventually whispers.

'That's what Lily said...I couldn't sleep last night thinking...she's seen more than him hitting you hasn't she?' Karen deduces. She slowly tilts her head to regard the young mother beside her, her face crumpling as she watches Peyton nod curtly.

 _The flashing blue and red lights are meant to signal help. They don't signal help. She's not fooled. Knows the car that's just had her pull off the road isn't her saviour._

 _'Mumma it's Daddy'_ _Her daughter does not identify emergencies with the lights either. She thinks they mean her father. But Peyton knows her husbands number plate. Also knows the driver of the vehicle behind her;_ _John Smith and_ _Eric Giles._

 _Giles is just a kid. New to the force, yet to be brainwashed. Smith is older. Has worked with her husband for as long as she's been married. Is loyal to her husband. A fact that has her knowing she's got little chance of talking herself out of this. They'd been so close. So, so close. She's tempted to put her car in drive and put her foot on the gas but her four year old daughter is in the back and she knows that won't play a factor in the car behind pursuing her and running her off the road. She won't put her daughter's life in danger._

 _There's a tap on her door and she drops her window._

 _'Ms Banks. I thought that was you' The officer smiles._

 _'John' She smiles back. 'Is there a problem?'_

 _'Your right tail light is out, did you know?'_

 _'It is?' She doubts thats true. 'No I didn't. I'll go get it fixed as soon as I can'_

 _'It's getting late, where're you off too?'_

 _'Addie had a party at the bowling ally. We're headed home now' She fabricates and prays her daughter doesn't chip in._

 _'How lovely. Did you have a good party Adele?'_

 _Peyton's head spins round to look at the four year old. 'It was fun wasn't it baby?' She hopes her eyes are enough to get the little girl to nod._

 _'It was fun' Adele nods._

 _'Yeah, who's party was it?'_

 _'A child from Sunday school' Peyton smiles tightly as she looks back to the questioning officer. 'T_ _hanks for letting me know about the tail light but if there's nothing else I'd really like to get going._ _She's tired- I want to get her home to bed so I can get Ian's dinner on the table for when he gets in'_

 _'Of course, of course. We'll do this quickly. Just_ _step outside the car for a minute'_

 _'What?'_

 _'You were driving a little bit recklessly back there, it's just protocol- I can't let it slide just because you're an officer's wife can I?'_

 _She frowns then because his accusation is preposterous. 'I was definitely keeping to the speed limit'_

 _'I have to ask you a few standard questions, that's all'_ _Her fingers tighten around the steering wheel._ _'The sooner you answer them the sooner we can get you on your way' He smiles into the back seat at a watching Adele and it's then that she conforms. She shuts the car window and opens the door._

 _'Mumma?'_

 _'It's alright baby. I'm just going to talk to the inspector and then we'll go ok? You wait there with Mr Flopsey for me' She reassures the four year old before getting out and gently closing the door, looking at the man before her expectantly._

 _'Giles' He calls to the assisting officer that's still in the vehicle behind. 'Can you come do a breathalyser test on Ms Banks?'_

 _'John' Peyton frowns and crosses her arms. 'This is ridiculous. I've not been drinking. I wasn't driving recklessly. Please, Addie is tired I just-'_

 _'It's just routine. You know that. If you're sober there's nothing to worry about is there?' He smiles. She hates that fucking smile. 'I'll be back in a second' He retreats back toward his car, pausing to speak in a lowered voice to his partner as they cross paths and then the younger, fumbling officer approaches her._

 _'Hi Ms Banks'_

 _'Hi' She nods with a sigh._

 _'Sorry about this' He's uncomfortable. He knows this isn't right. 'Can I see your licence?'_

 _She hesitates before irritatedly pulling open the car door and rifling in her bag for her purse._

 _'Mumma?'_

 _'It's alright baby. How's Mr Flopsey doing?'_

 _'He wants to go'_

 _'We will in a minute Mr Flopsey' She makes a goofy face at the little girl despite the turmoil flowering in her stomach. She ducks back out of the car and extends her licence to the young man._

 _'Thank you. Have you ever done one of these before?' He hands her the gadget to breathe into._

 _'No'_

 _'Just take a few deep breaths for me' He directs her._

 _She pauses._ _'It's Eric right?' He nods. 'Eric I've not done anything. I've not been drinking. See that little girl in there' She wavers her hand manically to Adele's watching little face. 'Let me get her somewhere she's safe. Please don't make her witness what he'll do to me when he gets here' She's not stupid. She knows her husband is being notified of her whereabouts._

 _'Giles' Her heart sinks because his partner is pacing back. 'You looked over her license lad?'_

 _'Everything checks out' He nods. 'Mr Jordan's garage is up the road Sir, we could drive her up there to get him to check over her car and-'_

 _'Ah Giles, that's very sweet of you' The older man cuts off. 'But I don't think Mr Jordan will be available at this time of night...Your husband was just on the radio. He was a little surprised to hear you're out this way. He's actually not far; he was called out to an incident off of Holly Avenue. He's just finishing up there and then he said he'll stop by and have a little chat with you'_

 _Peyton grits her teeth. Wants to slap the patronising look off of this man's face._

 _She knows her situation has quickly become dire. Knows that Eric is going to be little help. Knows she's got little time. It's the lack of time that has her acting brashly, not pausing to think. She breathes exaggeratedly into the device in her hand and then shoves it back to the younger officer. 'That'll come up clear. Do you want to do any other tests? If not I'll be leaving' She goes to open the driver's door again but a heavy hand cements itself to the surface._

 _'I'd advise you not to do that Ms Banks'_

 _'You can't do this John' She hisses. She's done with_ _the formalities_ _. 'I've not done anything wrong. I have rights. I want to leave' She steps back because he's suddenly too close for comfort._

 _Her eyes widen when he opens the door himself, retrieving the keys from the ignition. 'What're you doing?'_

 _'I think it's best I look after these. We don't want any unwanted accidents do we?'_

 _'Mumma?' Adele's agitated voice from inside the car has her taking action._ _She wildly moves around him and opens the rear door, unbuckling the four year old. 'Mumma?'_

 _'It's alright baby-'_

 _'Ms Banks please leave the child safely inside hm? We don't want her getting cold'_

 _She ignores the suggestion._

 _'You've done your breathalyser test. You've warned me about my tail lights. I'm not obligated to stay here so if you're not going to let me drive away I'll walk-'_

 _'Peyton' The officer's hand curls around her skinny arm as she hoists Adele out of the car. 'If you don't put her back I'm going to have to do it for you. We don't want to upset the child unnecessarily do we?'_

 _'Mumma' Adele's little hands cling to her. She's already upset. It's dark. She's tired. And she's bright. She senses her mother's unease and fear._

 _'It's alright Addie' She sways the four year old and stares at the older man before her. 'You don't have to do this. Please' She looks at him desperately, willing him to show her some compassion. 'I'm going to go now' She goes to make a step but his fingers contract. 'Let go' She growls._

 _Adele's whimpering begins._

 _'Giles take the child'_

 _'What?' The younger officer shakes his head. 'I, she-'_

 _'Now'_

 _He scurries over and follows the command, trying to wrestle the little girl from her mother's arms. Adele's crying becomes more hysterical in the tug of war, her mother's own screeching fuelling her distress._

 _'You're frightening her! Just, just stop. I- I'll put her back in the car' She relents, eager to stop her daughter's tears._

 _The younger officer retreats in relief. His eyes saying what his mouth won't. Sorry._

 _'It's alright, Mummy's right here baby' Peyton forces a smile as she sits Adele back in the car. 'I'm sorry. It's okay. Everything is ok'_ _Adele's breathing slowly evens out._ _'That's it. Look here's Mr Flopsey Rabbit' Peyton retrieves the soft toy that's fallen to the floor and props him on Adele's lap. 'Poor Flopsey thought you'd forgotten him. He needs you to look after him. You can do that right?' Adele nods. 'Good girl. Look Mummy's coat is here, you snuggle up under it and close your eyes tight' She drapes the jacket over her and coxes her to lay down. 'I'll be just out here. Everything is okay' She kisses the calmer little girl before reluctantly edging back out of the car._

 _'Thank you for cooperating Ms Banks'_

 _'Please you have to...' She trails off,_ _flinches at the brightness that suddenly flickers through the trees._

 _She's out of time._

 _'You can relax now. Your husband's here'_

 _Her said husband leaves his headlights on to offer them all a bit more light and is soon before them. He doesn't look at her. He greets his_ _colleagues._ _'Thanks John'_ _His smile is strained as his friend hands him his wife's car keys and license._

 _'No problem, you want me to hang around?'_

 _'No, no. That won't be necessary'_

 _'Okay. Good evening Ms Banks'_

 _She doesn't want to respond to the inspector that's just condemned her to the brutality of the man before her but she says goodbye just the same and offers them a thank you because she knows her husband won't be in the mood to tolerate her being rude._

 _She counts._

 _He waits until the police vehicle has pulled away._

 _Waits another thirty long seconds before speaking._ _'Well, are you going to say anything?'_

 _She thinks saying anything is pretty pointless right now but she gives it a go anyway. 'I just wanted to visit my Dad' She goes for honesty because Adele might be capable of nodding her head but she's not going to be able to lie about a non existent party under interrogation. 'He's not well, you know that'_

 _'Do you think it's acceptable to go about it like this?' His hand jabs toward the car angrily and she flinches because she's sure those hands are going to be colliding with her face in due course._

 _'I've tried talking to you about it before but you won't listen!' She shouts in a whisper. 'Can we just get Adele home she's so tired-'_

 _'Because you dragged her out of bed for this little fucking road trip!'_

 _'Ian!' She'd been hoping Adele might drift off to sleep but knows whatever chances of that happening are now banished because there's no way his aggressive bark wouldn't have travelled to her little ears. 'She's right there'_

 _His eyes trail to the car. Sure enough the wide eyed child in question is now on her knees, thumb stuck in her mouth as she worriedly peers at them._

 _'Hi darling' His voice is the polar opposite to what it just was. 'It's alright. Daddy's here now' He smiles._

 _Peyton crosses her arms and turns her back on him, unable to watch him cooing to the four year old. She hears him open the door. Hears him ask her about her day. Ask her where she's been. Where was Mummy taking her? Tell her that she doesn't need to be scared anymore because her strong Daddy is here to take care of her and he's not going to let Mummy take her away from her home. Tells her if she lays down and goes to sleep he'll make sure she gets the biggest ice cream tomorrow but she's got to be a big girl and stay right there._

 _His sickening words together with the headlights shining in her direction have Peyton edging to the front of her car. She faces the trees, her eyes taking relief in the darkness. Eventually he reappears._

 _'I just want to see him. He's my Dad Ian. They still don't know if he's going to be ok and I-I'm all the way out here' She can't keep her emotions in check._

 _'You think I'm stupid?' His smile isn't kind nor amused. 'You don't think I know what this really is? You don't want to just visit him, you're trying to leave me' His voice becomes low and she backs up away from him, toward the trees. She knows she's not going to be able to stop this and she wants to get as far away from the car as possible to try and avoid her child from hearing what's about to occur. 'We've been through this' He shadows her movements, edging into the darkness with her. 'That ring on your finger means you belong to me. You seem to keep forgetting that'_

 _'That's not what marriage is' She disagrees._

 _'When you said I do you committed yourself to me and you're going to have to start accepting that what I say goes'_

 _'Just because we're married doesn't give you the right to control me!'_

 _'It gives me every right'_

 _'_ _I want to visit my Dad-'_

 _'And I said no. For your own safety I've made a decision that you have to respect'_

 _'For my safety? My Dad isn't a danger to anyone'_

 _'He's clearly got a problem with drink'_

 _'No, no he hasn't. It was one time that doesn't mean-'_

 _'It means I don't want you or Adele near him'_

 _'Well you don't get to make that decision. He's my family!'_

 _'You're not seeing him'_

 _'I want a divorce' She blurts then. Her lips betray her. Her mind knows her cried announcement is not going to help her current situation one bit. She's threatened leaving before but this is something else altogether. She's talking about permanently ending their marriage._

 _His eyes are feral. He says nothing._

 _'You hurt me Ian!' She tries to rationalise her desire for a divorce. 'You hurt me and it's not ok. I don't want this for Addie-'_

 _'We've been through this' He grinds out. 'I'll get custody of her-'_

 _'I have proof of what you've done to me! I have photos and-'_

 _His hand lurches out and curls around her neck then. She winces as her back slams into the tree behind her. 'I've got a good mind to kill you'_ _Her fingers claw at his wrist._ _'You listen to me and you listen good' His breath hits her cheek as he growls into her face. 'The only way you're ever leaving me is in death. Is that what you want for Adele? To grow up without her Mother?'_ _She can't speak. Wonders if this is it. The end._ _'I could so easily take everything away from you' He taunts. She's on the verge of blacking out. He brings her as close to the edge as possible, watches her flounder and splutter for a long moment before his hand slowly retracts. His fingertips gently pressing against her chest. He thrills at the way her heart is thumping beneath his hand. Thrills at the way her chest is heaving as she tries to get air to her deprived lungs. Thrills at the control he has. He presses his forehead to hers, feels her heavy breaths hit his lips. 'I give you life baby. This feeling you have right now. The relief. Remember that I'm the one that's giving you that, I'm the one that liberates you'_

 _She grimaces when he kisses her, shies away. She can barely breathe as it is, not that he's mindful of that. His hand locks on her jaw and a whimper passes her lips because she's anticipating being choked again._

 _'Don't pull away from me'_

 _'Let me go' She wheezes._

 _'Let you go' He echoes, seemingly pondering her request. 'You don't tell me what to do. Do you know how dis_ _respectful you've been today?'_

 _'Disrespectful...you just strangled me' She croaks._

 _'Clearly not hard enough'_

 _'No more' She begs, her hand grappling at his wrist again._

 _'I want an apology'_

 _She hesitates. Hesitates for a second too long because his knee swiftly jerks upward into her stomach._

 _She flinches, a muffled grunt sounding from deep in her chest. She's not quite sure how she's still standing. 'I'm s-sorry' She's quick to surrender a breathy apology._

 _'You're going to start doing as you're told aren't you?'_

 _'Y-yes'_ _Her hand has shakily found her stomach as she stoops over, trying to ease the sudden sickness the harsh blow of his limb has induced._

 _Her eyes flicker to the car behind him, relieved not to see any sign of Adele._

 _'You're going to be obedient?' He jerks her up to stand straight and she endeavours not to make a sound at his dizzying movement._

 _'Yes'_

 _'Do you know how humiliating getting that call was?'_

 _'I'm sorry' She hums softly. 'I just wanted-'_

 _'You're my wife. You need to stop thinking about what you want all the time. It's your duty to make me happy. To please me'_

 _His profession strikes her harder than anytime he's physically hit her because he truly believes his words. She can see that. And she's more aggrieved by that than anything he's ever done or said to her before._

 _She doesn't want this life. This isn't what she signed up for. She classifies his beliefs as absurd._

 _He watches her absorb his declaration. 'What?' He taunts. 'You don't agree?' He can see that much from her inability to mask her disgust. But she won't verbalise her differing views._

 _'I do' She bravely looks into his eyes._

 _He sneers, a dark chuckle vibrating in the back of his throat._

 _Her fingers bawl into fists. It's in her nature to want to claw at any part of him she can but she stops herself because she can't fight him and win._

 _'What have I told you about lying sweetheart?' He croons but is seemingly uninterested in enticing any humiliating answers from her right now. 'It's a good job you're so beautiful'_

 _His nose brushes hers and she glues herself to the tree behind her to stop herself from evading his touch._

 _He kisses her then. Languidly. She does as she's meant to. She kisses him back harder despite still feeling winded from his attack._

 _Her mind is racing._ _Her main objective since his arrival was to get Adele home and safely into her bed away from all this but she realises now that returning will not be returning to safety. Returning will mean returning to a life of torment. Something she doesn't want for herself or Adele. Something she's yet to resign to. There's fight left in her, he's yet to completely eradicate her spirit._

 _Her hands are her ally as they assist her in feigning submission. She pulls herself closer, runs her finger tips up and down his torso. She's in search of her keys. She knows they're in his pants pocket but she's got to make her enthusiasm convincing to a certain degree._

 _'I'm sorry' She murmurs as his lips start to stray down her neck. 'I'm sorry'_

 _'I like that you're headstrong baby, but there's a line and you need to know when enough is enough'_

 _She nods. 'I'm gonna be better for you. I promise' She husks, her hand is between them now and cups him through his pants._

 _He looks deep into her eyes then._

 _She knows he's deciding whether she's being sincere._

 _Her hand's ministrations soon have him bucking against her, his mouth latching over hers once again and she feels like she's winning. Seduction is the only power she has._

 _A power that soon has him distracted and his mind addled._

 _He's oblivious to her retrieval of the keys._

 _Her heart races faster than it's ever raced in her life as she continues to use her other hand to distract him._

 _The jangle as she finally eases them out of his pocket can't go unnoticed though._

 _He jerks back and she doesn't waste a second. There's zero hesitation as she thrusts her knee hard against him, her hand simultaneously jabbing out in a similar motion, the groove of her keys making contact with his cheek. He stumbles back. Hisses. Groans. And she's gone in a heart beat. Feet racing back toward her car._

 _She so very nearly makes it. Perhaps would have were it not for her unstable limbs. She trips over a branch. Falls. Scrambles to her feet. Is a breath away from her car_ _and a chance of escape when she's wrenched backward._

 _'Fucking bitch'_

 _Her mouth opens wide in a silent scream. She hears the cracking sound as her wrist is twisted back and the keys are ripped from her grasp. It coincides with a sharp excruciating pain that has the world spinning around her. She hits the ground a second later._

 _'That was so disappointing sweetheart' He spits._

 _Her silence and unmoving form are a give away to her plight._

 _He watches her. Knows he's caused more damage than intended because she's not begging, her eyes are screwed shut._

 _'My, my arm'_

 _'Why do you always do this? Why do you make me do this?' Her injury only irritates him because he's going to have to get her medical attention._

 _'I'm sorry. I'm sorry_ _' She nods deliriously, her declaration fuelled by fear._

 _The pain isn't subsiding but she's acclimatising to the throbbing enough for her to tilt her head up_ _, bravely seeking out her tormenter._ _He's bleeding. Her assault with the keys has broken the skin not far from his right eye._ _'I..I think I need a hospital Ian' She whispers._

 _'Yeah?' He squats down and she warily cowers into the car for support._

 _'I think it, it's broken' His hand finds her cheek as he regards her pitiful form._

 _'Does it hurt?' His free hand reaches for the limb she's cradling_ _._

 _'Don't-don't touch-' Her eyes widen, her mouth gaping wide as his fingers grip her wrist firmly._

 _She uses every last ounce of strength not to let the agony his touch summons sound from her mouth. A scream is brewing in her chest but still she manages to contain it because she's not about to distress Adele. She prays she's asleep. Prays their scuffle hasn't disturbed her._

 _'Shh' His affectionate coo along with the contrasting gentle fingers on her cheek has her gasping for breath. Her panicked green eyes pleadingly stare up at him. 'I know' He nods. 'This is what happens; W_ _hen you betray me, you betray yourself' His fingers disengage._

 _The relief is minute._

 _'That's it, breathe baby...it's only fair that you feel this. This pain, it's just a fraction of what I feel every time you're disloyal...here, l_ _ay back'_

 _She grimaces as he helps her lower herself back until she's horizontal. It doesn't help. She feels like she might throw up. She blinks. Swallows repeatedly. 'I...I need a hospital' Her voice cracks as she looks up at him._

 _'And I need you but you're persistently forsaking our marriage'_

 _'I'm sorry, I won't any...more. I swear'_

 _'I know' He agrees. 'I won't let you.'_ _Her nostrils flare, her tears overflowing._ _'Look at you, even when you're a snivelling mess you're beautiful' He pushes her hair back from her face. 'Shh, it's alright_ _' He begins to leave a series of butterfly kisses across her face._

 _'Please Ian I need..'_

 _'You need me' He nods as he_ _gently shifts her listless legs._

 _'What're-'_

 _'Shh' He resolutely situates himself between her limbs and h_ _er eyes expand as she makes out his hand_ _unbuckling his pants._

 _'What're you doing?!' She grits her teeth together as she hurriedly cranes herself off the ground, using her good arm to help her scuffle back across the dirt. His hand snares her calf and yanks her back, any false pretences of compassion gone and despite her efforts to stay quiet she can't help the cry that passes her tremblings lips because her thighs are scraping against the ground and his rough jerky movement has sent another wave of pain down her arm. 'No' Her eyes skitter up to the car. She still can't see Adele's face but knows that the four year old only needs to clamber up onto her feet and look out the window to see them. 'She's right there' She hisses. 'Later, not here' Panic flares in the pit of her belly. His actions are breaking the established routine she's become accustomed to. This has never played a part in his punishments. She tries to sit up again as he grapples with the fabric of her dress. 'You're going to do this with your daughter right there?' She growls lowly. Adrenaline is suddenly pumping through her body. He pushes her back, his weight quickly locking her to the ground. 'Please she's right-'_

 _'Be quiet then' He grunts as his rough hands claw at her underwear, jerking the cotton to the side._

 _'Stop' She whispers. He's blurry above her, her tears making it difficult for her to focus._

 _'You get me all worked up and expect me not to have you? What you don't understand sweetheart is you can't beat me_ _._ _You'll do what I say. You'll respect me'_

 _'I do- I will, I promi-'_

 _He pushes into her then and she can't stop the sound that passes her trembling lips. She's never been forced to do this. He's been rough with her. He's held her down in a way that's frightened her but she'd always been a willing participant to begin with. This isn't that. This is about one thing only. Control._

 _'Stop' She frantically pushes against him with her unharmed arm but he easily propels her battling wrist to the ground._

 _'Mumma?' Adele's muffled voice is unwelcome. It's like a knife to her heart. She ceases her struggle in all of an instant, ears straining. 'Mummy?' She ca_ _n tell that the four year old is in the front seat. Can hear that she's trying to open the door and d_ _espite the piercing sensation running down her right arm she throws her hand against the door, a guttural noise sounding from the back of her throat at the blinding pain the movement summons._

 _'Don't open the door!' She all but screeches, her panic escalating._

 _'But Mu-'_

 _'Don't open the door!'_ _She gasps. 'It-it's okay Addie. J-just close your eyes' She begs, her own vision dipping. 'Please baby. Just-just stay there'_

Peyton's hand flits up to wipe away the tear that's settled on her cheek. 'When he got off me she was standing in the headlights. She didn't stay in the car, she'd gotten out the other side at some point' Peyton shakes her head. 'I can still hear her crying. I tried to stay conscious for her but I blacked out and when I woke up again she was gone and I was at the police station and no one would listen'

Karen stands abruptly and walks to the wooden railing that borders the veranda. She blinks repeatedly.

'The report said I crashed the car and that I was over the limit'

'That's the night he had you charged with drink driving' Karen shakes her head in disgust because the obscenity of this man doesn't cease to amaze her. 'You didn't see Addie after that night' Karen's voice barely carries now.

'Not for three months' Peyton confirms. 'He took her to his parents' She mumbles. Her eyes are glued on her children. Alexa has tripped up but Adele is quick to help her little sister up off the ground before they resume their game of chase. 'She must've been so frightened... When I saw her again she, she... they'd fed her the same lies. Told her we'd been in a car crash and that I'd been bad. That I'd been taken somewhere I could learn to be better' She takes a sharp breath. 'She was wetting the bed all the time and would wake up screaming. Begging me to be good so I didn't have to go away again...I did everything to make sure she didn't see anything like that again...I tried to be everything he wanted, I tried so hard but there were still times that I know I didn't do a good job of pretending and she knew...I, I tried so hard to make sure she forgot...I went along with the car crash thing. I told her it was an accident. I told her I'd broken my arm and had been poorly. I said it so many times...and she seemed like she believed it in the end...I don't. I don't know what she remembers. She stopped bringing it up so I stopped talking to her about it... I don't know what I thinking that night. I was so stupid. I was-'

'Stop it' Karen's angry delivery jars Peyton's head up to see the older woman looking at her. She notes the tears settled on her cheeks. The creases on her forehead. 'Don't ever talk like any of it is your fault. What you and those two girls have been through' She swallows. 'That is on him and all those fucking people that did nothing to help you. You hear me?'

Peyton's head slowly nods. She rises to her feet. Her recollection is a bleak reality that she's been living with for a long time. It isn't a reality for the older woman before her and Peyton can see her despair. 'I'm sorry I shouldn't have told you...' She hesitantly approaches, her hand flitting over Karen's back. 'I'm sorry. Don't cry. It's ok'

Karen abruptly turns to her, arms locking round her in a tight hug. 'It's not ok' She fiercely tells her. 'None of it is ok'

'I know I've let them down-'

'No, no' Karen abruptly withdraws, hands cupping Peyton's face. 'It breaks my heart, everything he did to you. To them. She shouldn't have seen all of this' She swallows the lump in the back of her throat. 'But you have not let those kids down. You've spent their whole lives trying to protect them'

'It feels a lot like I've failed them...especially Addie. I don't know what to say to her Karen...she doesn't understand that everything with Luke is different. I keep telling her he'd never hurt me but I've spent her whole life telling her I'm okay when there have been so many times that I've not been okay and she knows, she's smart...'

'All you can do is keep talking to her about it...I can't imagine how hard those conversations must be for you but you can't bury this. For her sake and yours'

'...I nearly told Luke the other day but then I...I imagine his face when he knows that I let his daughter see all of that-'

'You didn't let her see that. Jesus christ you used a broken arm in an effort to stop her from seeing that. You did everything to try and protect her. You were trying to leave with her'

'It doesn't matter. I married him. I put her in that environment. I did' A sob passes her lips. 'I was so-so stupid'

'Honey' Karen's own voice wavers and she pulls her back into a hug. 'You weren't stupid. I'm so sorry. We're the stupid ones. We thought you were happy and you needed our help' She consoles, rubbing her back.

Peyton sniffles. 'I really hate Dan Scott' She sighs after a pause. 'I'd never have left here if it weren't for him'

'Oh believe me baby I'd fucking kill the man if I could'

A wane smile touches Peyton's lips at that.

'What's happened?' Lucas's enquiry startles them both. He frowns as he looks between Peyton and his mother.

'Nothing honey. We're just reminiscing' She bats her hand and if it weren't for Peyton's avoiding eyes he'd have been inclined to believe his mother's explanation. She's his mother after all. He's always appreciated her honesty, always thought they were close, that he could trust her. But doubt is flowering in his belly as he regards his mute girlfriend.

'Peyt?'

'I just, I need...I'll be back in a sec' Peyton mumbles and hastily migrates toward the house in search of something to stop her running nose.

'Peyton-'

'I'm ok Luke' She looks up at him then, gives him a watery smile and a weak nod 'I'll be back in a minute'

His stare follows her disappearing figure, fixated on the open door long after she's gone. 'What were you talking about?' He eventually rounds in on his mother.

'What?'

'Don't treat me like I'm stupid Mum- What were you two talking about?'

'I told you-'

'You're lying. Why is she crying? Why're you crying?'

'I'm not. Darling-'

'Since when do you lie to me? I'm your son-'

'Lucas you're-'

'Don't tell me I'm overreacting. I know she's keeping something from me and I'm beginning to think you know what it is. Why can she talk to you and not me?!' He huffs angrily.

'The girls are watching you right now. Reel it in' Karen hisses.

Her tone has his eyes darting across the front lawn to see Lily, Adele and Alexa all staring in his direction.

He scrapes his hand through his hair and paints a smile on his face. 'Hi you three! You better not aim that hose over here or you'll be starting a war!' He hollers in an overly bright voice. Alexa is the only one that buys his performance.

None of them answer him but eagerly return to their game.

'You realise you've just initiated them plotting to drench us right?' Karen not so bemusedly asks as he sinks onto the wooden bench.

'I just told them they better not'

'Oh darling, I love you but for someone so smart sometimes you're oh so clueless'

He huffs. He does feel out of his depth every now and again with the children she's speaking of but he's okay with that. He's learning. Parenthood is all new to him. Peyton isn't new to him however and he doesn't like feeling clueless when it comes to her. She was always an open book and he craves that openness they'd once shared.

'Why don't you take Peyton back to hers and I'll have the girls here for the night?'

'You don't have to do that' He sighs.

'I want to. You've been hogging my grand babies too much the last few weeks Lucas Scott. I have rights'

Her teasing draws a weary smile onto his face. 'Well, I can't have you suffering withdrawal symptoms can I?'

'No, that wouldn't be a pretty sight' Karen agrees. 'She's ok Luke...just be gentle with her. When she's ready to confide in you she will'

'So she is hiding something then?' He deduces, squinting accusingly at his mother.

'I didn't say that'

'No. You're just talking in bloody riddles' He sighs.

'I'll tell you one thing' She jumps to her feet most abruptly. 'Your war is coming and I'm waving my white flag soldier' She runs toward the back door. 'Not at me! Not at me!' Screeching at the gleefully approaching children that are armed with hose and buckets of water. Not a moment later their target is successfully hit.

'Nice Mum' Lucas groans, drenched. 'So much for having my freaking back'

All three girls giggle delightedly before turning and running back across the lawn.

'Oh you better run!'


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N** I'm never hinting that I'll have a chapter with you by a certain time again! I'm sorry to anyone that was waiting on this- I know how bloody annoying it is to think a chapter is soon to arrive and it doesn't! I just couldn't get a few things as I wanted...Anyway although late here's part 2- hopefully the length will make up for the wait!

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'Luke'

Peyton stares at the set table. The prepared dinner. The flowers he's picked from outside that are sat in a glass in the centre.

'Dinner is served madam'

'You really didn't need to do this' She's more than a little in awe. He'd been insistent over her going to take a bath and relax while he sorted them food.

'I wanted to' He pulls out a chair for her. 'Come sit' His eyes linger on her. 'How was your bath?'

'Nice' Her head bobs and her curls bounce and she suddenly wishes she'd put more effort into her appearance instead of just throwing back on the strappy green sun dress she's been wearing all day. 'You made this?' She edges over to the table and sinks into her seat, eyes scanning the plate of food.

'Mhmm, I'm alright at the cooking game' He winks as he sits in the opposite seat. 'I actually kind of like it'

Her brow kinks and her eyes skitter up to him. 'Really?'

'Mhm. Is that so hard to believe?'

'I hate cooking'

He smirks. 'Yeah, I'd noticed'

'You had?'

'Yep. You're damn good at it though'

She shakes her head. It's not a natural skill. It's something she's worked hard at. Lucas's efforts are far more skilled. He's got a natural understanding of flavours. 'This is _damn_ good' She wavers her fork enthusiastically. 'What even is it?'

'It's just chicken Peyt' He bemusedly tells her.

'I know that' She rolls her eyes. 'I meant the sauce'

'I know' He smirks. 'Nothing fancy' He proceeds to reel off a list of ingredients that leaves the impressed blonde before him even more befuddled.

'Whatever it is it's seriously tasty'

'Well I'm glad...that smile sure does make me happier than your tears'

She licks her lips and slowly puts her fork down. Takes a sip of the red wine before her. 'I'm ok. Really I am. The bath was a good shout'

He nods. 'You were really upset earlier. So was Mum' He always use to have a hold over her; a look was all it had once taken to have her divulge her deepest feelings. Now she's a closed book and it's more than bothering him.

'I didn't mean to upset her'

'I'm not having a go at-'

'I know...I'm just sorry I upset her' She avoids his stare and returns to her food, slowly resuming eating. As a young teenager his ability to read her had been overwhelming but now the prospect of letting him in as she had then is more than overwhelming; it's frightening. Because she's so very scared of him knowing her secrets. She knows he's frustrated. Knows the conversation is impending and she's trying to prepare herself for the ramifications of that but it's hard. It's all so very hard.

He watches her. 'Is it the anniversary of your Mum?' He perseveres. 'That's next week right?'

Her eyes jerks back to him. She swallows her mouthful. 'How do you...?'

'Of course I know when it is. I was here when it happened Peyt. I held you when you cried every year. How could I forget?'

'I forget myself these days' She murmurs. 'It's been a long time'

'The pain doesn't ever go away though does it?'

'I guess not. You just learn to carry it. To focus on the good. She's in Addie and Lexie'

'And you'

'I hope so'

'So...that's not what you and Mum were talking about then' Peyton sighs. 'You always use to tell me everything...I was your first choice. Not my Mum' He reaches for her hand.

'I know'

'I feel like you're...you're hiding something' She nods. 'You are...hiding something?'

'I was talking to your Mum about Lexie's father' She admits. 'I don't want to talk to you about him...surely you get why'

'I get why but...well, this man, he was a part of your life for a long time. A big part of yours and the girls life. You can't erase that and I wouldn't want you to. You don't have to hide him from me. If you're...upset..if you miss him that's ok. I mean of course you miss him. But I...I'd rather know than guess what's bothering you...I don't even know his name Peyt' She opens and closes her mouth. 'I'm not going to say I'm not jealous of this guy. I know that's unattractive but of course I am. He's had the life I always imagined for myself. He's had you. Of course I'm jealous but I'm also grateful- Do you think I'm that much of an ass that I'd resent you for being happy, for making a life for yourself? I'm grateful that he gave you that and-'

'Luke' She whispers, her fingers inching away from his touch. 'Please stop...' She really needs him to stop. She runs her hand through her hair. She's emotionally exhausted from her conversation with Karen. She can't go there with him too. She takes another gulp of her wine. 'I... just can't talk about this right now okay?' She begs him to understand. 'You've got nothing to be jealous of. I was never his. Not really. I'm not just saying that to make you feel better. I left my heart here with you all those years ago. I wasn't off living some happily ever after without you. My happily ever after was written with you, you can't rewrite that shit Luke'

'No' He smiles sadly. 'So you weren't happy?' He watches her jittery movements. She doesn't answer. 'I've ruined our dinner haven't I?' He moves his food around on his plate with a sigh. He wanted her to open up not close herself off but he can see the wall built high.

'You've not ruined anything' She reaches for his hand. 'I will...talk to you about him. I'll talk to you about all of it okay? I will...But right now I just want to be with you... we're alone Luke, we, we've not been alone, like properly alone for more than a couple of hours. Let me have tonight with just you' She abruptly gets up and he squints at her as she migrates around the table to him. He puts his fork down. Shifts his chair back.

'What're you...?'

He startles as she sits herself on his lap. 'You're so...' She strokes her hand over his cheek.

'So?'

'...amazing' She murmurs. 'Cooking for me'

'It's just dinner Peyt' He's bemused by her awe.

'But it's not... you've been working all day'

'Still not a big deal. I love you'

She kisses him then. She believes him when he says that. She's not tiring of hearing it. She doesn't think she ever will. It's not like when her husband had said it. It's not the same at all. She can differentiate between the two. Ian's I love you's had been about control and authority. Lucas's are the polar opposite. His are pure and true.

They feel so good together.

He kisses her back with just as much fervor that the only coherent thought she can summon is that she needs to be closer. Wants to be as close to him as she physically can. Wants him. Nothing but him. She abruptly lifts herself off of him, returning to standing on shaky legs.

He assumes he's done wrong. Assumes he was coming on too strong. 'Sorry-'

'No' She smiles, her head rocking back and forth. 'Come on' She edges backward toward the hallway.

'Where're we going?'

'Upstairs...' His mouth is suddenly dry. 'Are you coming?'

He all but leaps from his seat and she bites her lip, her expression amusement and nerves.

'Upstairs' He repeats. 'Why?' He shadows her steps. He knows why. He knows why by that look in her eye, by the way she's twirling that lock of hair around her finger and her cheeks that are blushed.

'You know why' She murmurs.

She's within his reach again now. A hand settles at her waist, the other fluttering over her cheek. His brow arches suddenly.

'Mum having the girls that was her idea I wasn't...I'm not...I wasn't expecting this...to...'

'You don't want to sleep with me?' She needs it in black and white. She can't deal with this floundering.

He smirks at her bluntness. 'I most definitely Do. Want. To. Sleep. With. You' He drawls. 'But I swear I didn't expect...I just wanted to get to the bottom of why you were so upset earlier. I don't think I've done that at all yet'

'I told you'

'Mm' It's a defeated grumble.

'Be with me'

'You're sure?'

'You don't want to?'

'I want to, you know that' He smiles coyly. 'But I've told you we can wait. I don't want you feeling pressured. It's really no big deal. We've established that I'm good at waiting' He's done it for the last ten years.

She doesn't give him the smile he was aiming for. She doesn't find anything amusing about how they've both been longing for each other for so long. 'I feel zero pressure' She corrects him. It's the honest truth, he promised slow, he promised and he's of course kept to said promise. So much so that it's been starting to make her feel a little crazy 'I think we've worked on the slow thing long enough. Are you going to make me beg?'

He laughs. 'Well somebody's a little impatient'

She nods. She is. She's dwelled on the more morbid details of her relationship with her husband for far too long today. She's eager to rid every god awful memory from her mind and instead replace the horrific with love. With Lucas. He can make her forget.

'So?' She apprehensively watches him for a moment but then remembers she's done being the weak, submissive girl. She doesn't wait for his answer. She sharply takes his hand and leads him up the stairs.

They're both silent on the climb.

She only turns back to face him as she reaches her room.

He smiles. 'Hi'

'Hi' She ducks her head as shyness creeps up on her but his hand halts her endeavours of hiding, cupping her chin and guiding their lips back together.

She melts. Completely.

So much so that she doesn't even realise he's backed her up into the dark bedroom, not until he's blindly reached out and found the light switch, cascading them into light.

Her hand flits out just seconds after and returns them into darkness.

'What're you doing?' He smiles and flicks the switch again.

'Can we have the lights off?' She's a little breathless, her voice deeper than usual.

He pouts. 'Why?'

She shrugs her shoulders.

'I want to see you Peyt'

'I'm just...shy'

She watches a crease form on his forehead. She wants to let her finger creep out and smooth over it but she doesn't. That line hadn't been there moments ago. It hadn't been there at all when they'd been dating all that time ago.

'For someone that's oh so shy, you weren't all that shy about dragging me up here' His voice holds jest but the bashful look he was seeking doesn't appear on her face. 'Ok' He surrenders, casting the room back into dim light. 'Curtains stay open though' He compromises. He'll make do with her painted in the moon's light but he can't bear complete darkness.

'Okay' She agrees.

'It's just me Peyt' His fingers flutter over her cheek.

'I know'

'Have you changed your mind? Cause that's absolutely fine-'

'I've not. I want to'

'Yeah? Cause you seem a little different to a few minutes ago'

'I just got nervous'

He nods. 'We've done this before' He murmurs softly.

'I know' Her heart races. That night had been one of the best of her life. He's made it apparent that it's one of his too and she doesn't want his memory of her to be tarnished by them doing this again because she's not the same girl he slept with all those years ago. She feels like that person is a stranger altogether, feels like it was a lifetime ago. 'I'm not that same person though Luke' She mutters. She knows she's tried to make that clear to him already but thinks he should be alerted again because she doesn't want him to be disappointed, thinks he's inevitably going to be but maybe pre-warning him again will soften the blow.

'We've been through this' He shakes his head.

'I know...I'm just nervous it won't be like it was when we were together before'

'I hope it's not'

She frowns because she'd thought they'd been perfect together but his words have her suddenly doubting it hadn't been the same for him. He laughs. 'You were perfect silly girl' There he goes reading her mind again. 'I'm just hoping I'll last a bit longer that's all, mind you I'm not sure that's possible'

She smiles her own smile then and shakes her head and he laughs again because she is shy and she's reminding him of a fifteen year old Peyton Sawyer that had once stood before him.

'It's weird. You're you but you feel different' She quietly confesses as she toys with the fabric that covers his chest.

'You've said that before- Is it bad?'

'No, no. Not bad.' She looks up at him and he wants to turn the light on again because he knows there's a blush colouring her cheeks and he wants to see it.

'See, you're not the only one that's oh so different' A small laugh leaves her then because it's funny to her because he's just the same just older. 'What's so funny?'

'Nothing' She smiles. 'You're just. You might feel different but you're you plus a bit of scruff' She strokes his prickly chin.

'And so are you...not plus scruff' He adds with a chuckle. 'You're you, only a Mother now'

She's sure that's not the only difference he's noted about her. 'I've not done this in a while Luke' It has been a while. But it's more about the last person she did this with that has her stomach in knots. Because this hasn't been enjoyable for her. Not in a long time. She can't even remember the last time she enjoyed this. It's been something she's had the habit of approaching like a chore; something she had to get done. Only she's perhaps only painfully aware of how wrong that is in this moment. Because sex wasn't meant to be _that._ It wasn't meant to be any of the things it had been with her husband. But she always knew what her husband wanted, what he wanted from her, what he expected from her. She doesn't know what Lucas likes. Doesn't know what he's going to want and that makes her nervous.

'Me neither' He exhales. 'How about we go really slow?' He proposes. 'And you just have to say the word and we stop'

Her eyes well at his assurance and she blinks furiously because she doesn't want him to see. But god she can't help it. Him saying that, it makes her feel safe because her words have never been able to stop it before.

'Hey, it's alright'

'I'm sorry. You're just, you're really sweet Luke'

He gently tugs her to his chest.

'That's not really what a guy wants to hear' He teases but his smile is amused.

'Well you should take it as a complement' She continues to fiddle with the material of his t-shirt and he thinks she looks almost childlike in that moment. 'Most people wouldn't be so patient'

His smile wanes and his head ducks to her level, eyes squinting at her. 'I love you, it's not about being patient. I just want whatever you want. I just want you to be happy.' He assertively declares. And she remembers telling her daughter something along the same lines when she'd tried to explain how love is selfless. She wants him to stop because she fears she's going to completely break down in tears if he keeps saying things like that. 'Albeit I'd find it difficult but I'd be able to live without this, without us being together this way, if that's what you wanted'

'I don't want that though Luke' She whispers with a shake of her head. 'I just...' She's teetering with the truth but she knows what that'll mean. Knows that'll end what they're about to do and she just wants tonight. 'I just want you to enjoy it'

'Believe me. You don't need to worry about that...'

But she is.

'Guess what?' He changes the subject. 'Addie nearly called me Dad earlier'

'Nearly?'

'Uhuh. We were having a water fight and she screeched something along the lines of Da-Luke' He laughs. 'I mean it might not have been her going to say that but...' His shoulders rise and fall.

She smiles because his excitement at the small "maybe" development with his daughter makes her heart flutter. 'She asked me after her birthday if she should start calling you Dad'

'What did you say?'

'That she should do whatever feels natural. That it'll just happen...is that alright?'

'Of course it is- she was so like you today Peyt' He's swaying her in a slow dance, his humming voice the song. 'She couldn't stop laughing and it, it could've been you at that age'

'She does that snorting thing that you do when she can't stop laughing'

He smirks. 'Yes. I noticed. God I love that. I love how she's you and me at the same time, that you can see us both and yet she's completely her own little person'

'She's so like you. She's made it impossible for me not to think about you everyday Luke' She whispers.

'Yeah?'

She realises this little chat has been an attempt to calm her nerves because his hand has located the zip at the side of her dress now. 'Yeah'

'Tell me how she's like me'

'She's smart'

He laughs. 'So are you. I don't think you can claim she got that from me'

'I can because she thinks in the same way as you. She learns in the same way. She likes reading- especially anything about magical worlds and adventures'

He slowly eases the fastening down and her eyes lock with his.

'You know how she's most like you?' He drawls. She slowly shakes her head. 'The way she is with Lex, the way she looks out for her...she's fiercely protective, she gets that from you' He's got the zip all the way down now and his fingers graze up and down the strip of skin revealed. 'You were like that with me' his forehead presses to hers. 'But you don't need to be anymore' Her breathing staccatos as he eases the straps off her shoulders. 'You're wrong about me being the same you know. I'm stronger now. I'm capable of looking after you in the way you've always looked out for me'

'You always looked out for me too Luke' She disagrees.

'Not well enough. I should've known you weren't okay those last couple of days before you left here. I should've known something had happened'

'How could you? I didn't confide in you. You were consumed with grief. That's not weakness. Running is weakness' She shudders as her dress puddles down to her waist. She nervously anticipates him examining her exposed form.

'You're the strongest person I know Peyton Sawyer' He disagrees, slowly pulling his face away from hers a fraction. He groans as his eyes skitter down her. 'Also the most beautiful' He gently tugs the fabric the rest of the way over her hips and it drops to the floor leaving her in nothing but her panties.

She adores the way he's looking at her. Not like he's about to devour her but like he wants to worship her. She squeezes her legs together. She's still overwhelmed that the desire that has been unknown to her for so many years has been discovered once more.

He licks his lips, gawping at her for a long moment.

'I know we agreed slow but you can touch as well as look' Her voice has his eyes darting back up to her face.

'Sorry' He blinks. 'You just, I've thought about seeing you like this a lot. I just needed a moment... god you're perfect' He hums into her mouth. 'God I want you so badly Peyt'

She takes his hand, draws his coarse fingertips up over the alabaster skin of her belly 'Have me'

His mouth descends upon hers in a passionate kiss then. He kisses her until she's lightheaded. Kisses her till neither of them can breathe. One hand explores the perfect breasts he's envisioned so many times while the other travels down her arched back, smoothes over her black briefs to cup her backside. Her skin feels like its on fire and she's swiftly changing her mind about slow. Slow is ridiculous. How can they go slow. There's a building urgency in the both of them.

'Do you have...' She suddenly pulls away gasping to fill her oxygen starved lungs. Despite the disorientating hunger, the matter of contraception surfaces in her consciousness. She's not considered birth control in the lead up to this which is sort of ironic considering it's something she's monitored closely in the past. 'I'm not on anything. I don't have anything-'

'It's okay' He pants.

'I don't think we're ready to even talk babies Luke-'

'No Peyt' He's puzzled by her assumption that he doesn't think it's necessary to discuss contraception because that couldn't be further from the truth 'I meant it's okay I've got protection' His hand delves into his pocket for his wallet. 'Not because I thought we'd be...you've met my Dad right?' He jokes 'I like to be prepared'

'Of course you do. Sorry I...' She shakes her head. She feels silly. Thinks she probably seems insane but it's just she's not had control over this in so long. 'I will go on the pill I just-'

'It's alright, we can discuss it later. Whatever you want us to use is cool with me but for now...' He continues with his search.

She smiles. Her heart flutters. She knows it shouldn't but she'd had to go to great lengths to get the pill without her husband knowing but Lucas wants her to do what she wants. Lucas thinks she has every say when it comes to matters of what drugs she does and doesn't put in her body and whether she should or shouldn't bring another child into the world and that makes her giddy even though she knows it shouldn't because it should be the norm. It should be normal to want to discuss things like family planning. Her husband hadn't agreed.

He's found the small silver packet and it shimmers in the moonlight as she takes it and discards it on the bedside table for the time being.

His hand snakes around her waist in all of a second because suddenly any space between them is unbearable. She smiles as he pulls her so her back is flush to his chest, his lips trailing a scorching path down her neck. 'I'm feeling... a little under dressed Luke' She murmurs disjointedly.

'Not from where I'm standing' His voice is raw and she gasps loudly as one of his hands palms at her breast while the other drops lower, fingers grazing over the crotch of her panties. He smirks as her head rests back against his shoulder. He revels in the way she squirms, pressing herself into his hand, the way she's suddenly biting her lip again, her fingers clutching onto his arm to keep herself steady. He wants so much. He's like a over-wound spring on the verge of vaulting. He wants to let his hand venture into her underwear. Wants to lay her on he bed and kiss his way down her body. He wants to feel her legs wrapped around him tight. He wants it all. Wants to give in to the overwhelming primal extinct that's pulsing through him.

She twists around, evading his advances before his fingers ease beneath her panties and she's lost to it all. Like him she too has her own wants. She wants to rid him of clothes first. Wants to feel their bodies pressed together again. Skin on skin. She wants and he's made her feel comfortable enough to actually do as she wants. She eases his t-shirt up and he gets the hint, hurriedly hoisting it the rest of the way off before chucking it to the floor.

'Better?' He wonders.

'Nearly' Her determined hand locates his belt and when she starts biting her lip again he groans loudly.

'You need to stop with that. I'm really trying my hardest to keep it together here Peyt'

'You are?' She slows down with her task as she looks up at him.

He smirks at her because her question is ridiculous because there's no way she can't feel how much he wants her right now. He answers by letting his mouth crash back down upon hers, muffling her shrieks of surprise.

She wonders how she could ever have been so miserable earlier today because that life is done with. She's got what she's always wanted. She's got Lucas Scott. She's suddenly got the life she's always dreamed of. The hellish past doesn't matter anymore. But it can't be erased. It can't. And despite her wanting this, wholeheartedly wanting this, her body is still on guard. It's ingrained in her. It shows in the way she stiffens when he lowers her onto the bed, shows in the way she shifts her hands above her head out of habit. Waits to be pinned down, for him to lose control as lust gets the better of him.

His feet stumble out of his jeans and boxer briefs and he half crawls half falls onto her, her legs involuntarily jerking inward. 'Sorry' His voice reminds her body that it doesn't have to prepare for an attack. 'I didn't mean to squish you' his exhaled words encourage her thighs to fall apart and cradle him instead.

'You didn't' Her hands cup his cheek. 'I love you Luke'

'I like hearing that'

'I love you' She repeats seductively. His breath hitches in the back of his throat and he drops his head to hers. 'Are you ok?' She wonders because his hand that was just tracing over her underwear has ceased most abruptly.

'I'm just reminding myself this isn't a cruel dream' He rumbles.

Her fingers inch between them, brushes against his arousal. 'Not dreaming Luke'

Her small hand on him has him growling. She's playing out so many of his fantasies right now and it's almost too much. 'Fuck' He grunts. She contemplates the way he seeks out her eyes. Notes the way he wants to be in this with her. Her desire to give him pleasure is the polar opposite to her indifference when it came to her husband getting off. Him getting off was just a means to an end for her. This isn't that. She doesn't want this to be over anytime soon. She wants to see Lucas fall apart. Wants to be the one to give him that 'As, as... much as I don't want you to stop... I'm, I'm not going to last long if you keep that up Peyt' He rasps and gently takes her hand to end her maddening caresses, instead bringing her dainty fingers up to his mouth to leave a kiss on her palm.

'I want.. need...' She doesn't know what she needs. His familiar scent and the feel of his hardness beneath her fingertips has sent her into a haze of euphoric arousal. She needs him. 'I need these off' She utters breathily, shimmying beneath him as she tries to get her underwear down.

He eases back, gladly assisting her in the removal and he really wishes there was more light. He purposefully moves back a little more so he's not blocking the moon's rays. Gulps as he untangles the black cotton from her feet and looks down at her.

She's got the condom packet in her hand and he notes how her fingers are shaking, notes how she looks a little clueless, maybe almost naive. 'Here, let me' She can hear the kind smile in his voice. He takes over blindly going about the task with ease. 'You still want to do this right?' He croons softly. He hopes to god she hasn't changed her mind right now.

'I've never wanted anything more Luke. I want you' She asserts. She really hasn't. She doesn't know what to do with herself.

'Can you feel how much I want you?' Her breathing hitches as he settles back between her legs; there's no longer anything separating them and he's positioned himself so he's pressing right against her entrance.

'Mmm' She shifts her right leg higher to hook around him and he shudders at her movement, his arms straining as he stops himself from rocking into her. He feels strangely like this is their first time all over again. He's got a lot of emotions wrapped up in the night they'd both lost their innocence. He spent a lot of years thinking he'd hurt her that night, perhaps that's why he's being extra attentive. Or maybe it's because he's wary of how wrought up she is with her own nerves. Whatever it is he hesitates.

'Peyt I'm-'

'It's okay' She nods. She knows he's holding back. Her tiny fingers run through his messy hair, down the back of his neck, exploring his muscular shoulders. Her reassurance has him giving in to his desperate drive to be inside her. He slowly rocks forward. He's barely inside her when her eyes flutter shut.

'Look at me' He gruffly demands. It'll be his only demand. He wants to see her, has to be with her in this in every way. She's quick to comply. 'Stay looking at me baby' Her nose grazes against his as she nods breathily. 'I love you Peyt, stay looking at me'

'I love you' Her mouth opens wide as he looses his battle to be disciplined and thrusts into her completely with her priceless declaration. She contains her whimper, she's well trained in containing sounds of discomfort but he's not blind. He feels her tense. Sees it in her eyes.

'Sorry I' He swallows. Holds himself motionless. 'Fuck' His nostrils flare. He tries to focus on her. Tries to ignore how heavenly she feels. 'I didn't mean to do that so-'

'Shh' Her fingertips linger soothingly on his face. 'I'm ok Luke. I'm more than ok'

'Yeah?' He husks uncertainly.

'Mmhm' She knew it was inevitable. It didn't matter how ready she was; the time since she last did this together with her inability to relax her body was always going to mean the pressure of him filling her would result in some pain.

'You're sure?'

But the initial discomfort at his sudden intrusion doesn't last long. It diminishes significantly and she wants to laugh at his concern because she's accustomed to pain and this isn't even on the scale she's well acquainted with. 'I promise'

He's not entirely convinced by her answer. His hand slides beneath her, pressing her to him as he rolls their tangled bodies so she's suddenly on top and she completely clams up then.

No weight pinning her down. No hands holding her wrists down. He needs her to be in charge of this. Only she doesn't know how to do that. Her hands splay against his hard chest.

'God you feel so good' He grunts, his fingers running up and down her, mapping out her body, identifying the changes, appreciating every curve.

Everything about this is bizarre to her. Foreign. He's giving her so much say. So much control over everything and if anything it's overwhelming. She's so use to wanting this to be over quickly that she doesn't know quite how to react to the longing she's experiencing. She wants so much. Needs so much but her thoughts and worries are crippling.

She stays perfectly still and he looks up at her with concern. 'Does it hurt?'

She blinks. Shakes her head. 'No you're...nothing's wrong' She internally begs the conflicting thoughts to stop.

She runs a hand over her flustered face and he sits up with her, his fingers shadowing her touch. 'You're not a very good liar'

He's wrong. She knows for certain of that. Because she is good, more than good. It's how she's survived. Only she's not had to lie in some time and perhaps her wall isn't built so high these days in Tree Hill. Perhaps it doesn't matter how high her wall is built or how much she lies. Perhaps he sees anyway. Perhaps he knows her.

'Sorry, I'm not very good at this am I?' She's sure her worst fears are quickly becoming a reality. There's no way she can't be a disappointment right now.

The moonlight is cast over his face and she watches a mixture of bemusement and confusion form in his eyes. 'What're you talking about?' He pants. He's finding it hard to concentrate and hold a conversation right now, is dying to give into the animalistic desire to lead this.

'I just-I don't, it's, I-it's like I've...I don't know what I'm doing' There's not a manual to this. She knows that. Only there has been. There's been a very strict manual for her when it concerns this. As screwed up as it is, doing this freely has her more anxious than being forced. 'Tell me what to do. I'll do whatever you want'

'You're overthinking Peyt' He decides. He's not wrong. His finger trails over her bottom lip. 'It's me, it's us' His thumb comes to rest on her chin and gently presses, urging her lips to part. His tongue slips into her mouth and engages in a slow dance as he gently guides her hips, a noise sounding deep in his chest because this game of musical statues hasn't been the easiest to abide by and the feel of her rolling her hips is nothing short of glorious. Their mouthes separate for air, their breaths matching. 'Okay?'

'Mm' She mewls, her thighs clenching around him as she finds a rhythm, ecstasy blossoming in her belly. His hands slip away from her hips in favour of roving and she realises neither one of them is domineering this in that second. He surrendered control to her and she's surrendered right back. They're equals. She throws her head back as his mouth suddenly finds her breast, summoning a moan of approval from her that indicates she's slowly being freed of all inhibitions.

It doesn't last long after that. They're both wound far too tightly for it to ever have been the slow, drawn out affair they'd spoken of.

Ever the gentlemen, he ensures she finds her release first. His hand moves between them and she cries out within seconds, shuddering irrepressibly and dropping her head into the crook of his neck. Her limbs tire. Her rotating hips lapsing into a lazy motion. Her walls pulsing around him have him lurching in a frenzy, flipping them over urgently. He smiles at her sated expression as he clutches her legs around him. 'Don't you dare go to sleep on me Peyton Sawyer' She smiles dazedly. 'Tell me you need me' He pleads in a ragged breath.

'I do. I do need you Luke. You're all I need' Her mouth gapes open again as he chases his own release. 'Oh god' She's already in a blissed out state and the building euphoria that creeps up on her in all of a second has her hands clawing at the sheets beneath her.

'Come with me baby'

'I can't' She can't fathom climaxing again in such quick succession.

'Yes you can' He grunts through his teeth. He doesn't have to tell her to keep her eyes open. He's lost in them. Hypnotised. He falls and takes her with him and he's sure he's never felt such intense physical nor emotional pleasure before. Arms and legs give way to the blinding waves. They're seeing stars. Collapsed, tangled together. One. Breathless, sweaty hot messes. But the most content of hot messes.

There's only three comprehensible words that can be exchanged. 'I love you. I love you. I love you.'

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'You don't have to keep checking in on me. I won't run away like last time' Adele whispers to the hovering figure in the doorway.

'You're awake' Karen murmurs.

'Uhuh'

'I know, why don't you come and have a special hot chocolate with me?' She quietly asks, striving not two wake the other two children.

'I can?'

'Sure, come on'

Karen watches the nine year old diligently check her little sister is wrapped up beneath the covers before carefully clambering over Lily's sleeping figure and tip toeing out of the dark room.

Karen's arm wraps around her as soon as she's safely out of the bedroom. 'Can't sleep huh?' Adele's shoulders rise and fall as they walk down the hallway into the kitchen. 'Are you worrying about your Mum?' Karen ushers her onto a chair before flitting around the room and commencing in making Adele the promised warm drink.

'She was upset earlier'

'Luke will look after her' Adele doesn't say anything. 'I think he was going to make her a nice dinner' She shares as she fills the kettle with water.

'Him? Make the dinner?'

Karen looks at her over her shoulder. 'Uhuh. He's quite good you know?' Adele looks at her disbelievingly. 'Did your other Dad not cook?'

'No. Just Mummy...why did we have to stay here?'

'You didn't have to darling. I just thought it might be good for your Mum and Luke to have some time to themselves tonight'

'Why? We're not a pain'

'Oh no' Karen pauses in spooning the chocolate powder into two cups. 'Of course not. But sometimes it's nice for Mum's and Dad's to be able to talk freely without little ears listening' Karen smiles at her. 'You like being a spy huh?'

Adele looks down at the table top.

'You like protecting your Mum and Lexie hey?' Karen pours the boiled water into the two mugs and gives the drinks a stir before taking them over to the table. 'Leave it for a moment it'll be too hot' She advises as she puts one on a coaster before the quiet child. 'It's tough looking out for people all the time isn't it?'

'I don't mind'

'No, I suppose you don't. We look out for our family don't we? Even if it is hard sometimes' Karen pulls out another chair and perches before the nine year old. 'You don't have to worry about your Mum when you're over here sweetheart. Especially not when she's with Luke. He'll always look after her.'

'...You were crying earlier too' Adele mutters after a lengthy pause.

'Yes. I did get a bit upset' Karen acknowledges.

'What were you and Mum talking about?'

'We were talking a bit about before you all came here' Karen shifts Adele's mug closer to her. 'Here, give it a blow. I reckon you can have a sip now'

Adele follows her instruction.

'Ok?'

'It's good'

'Good' Karen smiles and takes a sip of her own beverage. 'Honey?'

'Mm?'

'I want you to know that you can talk to me. About anything at all' Adele nods slowly. 'Your Mum has told me about your other Dad Addie' Adele startles at this. 'He wasn't very nice to her was he?'

Karen watches the little girl expertly feign confusion with an ease that most definitely shouldn't come naturally to a nine year old. 'I don't know what you're talking about...'

'I know you're Mum told you it was really important not to talk to anybody about this but sweetie, we're family. You can talk to me about anything'

'I...I think I might go to bed now' Adele abruptly stands up.

'Hey' Karen grabs her hands. 'You've not finished your hot chocolate yet'

'That's ok'

'Addie it's alright. Do you know what being your Nana means?...I will always be here if you need me. And I love your Mum as if she were my own daughter. I really do, I'd do anything for her and it breaks my heart, all the things you've all been through. That's why I got upset earlier. Because your Mum was telling me about the awful things your other Dad did' Karen sighs. 'You don't have to talk to me about it but I just want you to know that you can'

Adele is silent for a long minute. Her stare slowly flitters up into her hopeful Nana's face as she sinks back into her chair.

'I didn't like my other Grandma very much' She discloses quietly.

'No? Why's that?'

'She said lies about my Mum sometimes'

'Yeah? That's not very nice. I'd never do that sweetheart. She wasn't your real Grandma though was she? I am and you can trust me'

'She's Lexie's though'

Karen nods. 'Yeah. But Lexie's lucky, you know why?'

Adele slowly shakes her head.

'She's got you and your Mum and all of us. It doesn't matter who her Dad is or about her other family because she's part of ours now and we'll always love and look after her won't we?'

Adele's head bobs with a sudden determination. '...Lexie still talks about him sometimes. She doesn't know everything I know. She saw sometimes but I tried to protect her'

'That's because you're a wonderful big sister' Karen blinks repeatedly, determined not to let the child see her emotions get the better of her. Not twice in one day. 'You know Luke would never hit your Mum right?'

'Did Lily's Dad hit you?'

'No. Keith loved me. He loved Luke too and that's how I can promise you he'd never hurt your Mum. Lucas learnt everything he knows about being a man from Keith' She explains. 'I know it's probably going to take you a little while to be able to believe what I'm saying but you'll see. Your Mum and Luke will argue, everyone argues but the most that'll ever happen in those arguments are words, nothing more'

Adele takes a lengthy slurp of her hot chocolate, her cautious eyes regarding the woman that is watching her.

'I...'

'You?'

'I like Luke...but Mum says that my Dad, not my Dad, him, Mum says he wasn't horrible to her to begin with so how do we know Luke won't change too?' She rambles.

Karen nods in understanding. 'How well do you think your Mumma knows you sweetie?' Adele's brow furrows in confusion. 'Pretty well? Maybe better than anyone else in the world?'

'She knows everything about me'

'Right? Sometimes I bet she can guess what you're thinking too or maybe what you're going to do before you even know yourself'

'Uhuh'

'Well I'm Luke's Mum. I know him just like your Mumma knows you. I know that he's going to spend the rest of his life trying his hardest to keep your Mumma safe and to show you and Lexie what a father should be' Karen asserts. 'And I know you probably have your doubts honey, I know it'll take a while for you to believe me but one day you'll know I'm right. You will. And until that day, if you're worried or frightened about anything Luke says or does you come to me ok?...you don't need to throw chairs, we can just have a chat about it' She gently suggests. 'Does that sound like a good plan?'

'...I just wanted them to stop kissing'

'I know'

'She didn't like doing that with _him._ I know she didn't'

'Maybe not...but you know what? I know that she does with Lucas'

'How?'

'Cause when she was a teenager she'd sneak over here after her curfew just so she could kiss Lucas' Karen confides with a laugh at the memory.

'She did?' Her mother being oh so disobedient doesn't seem conceivable.

'Oh yes, I don't think she'd have bothered if she didn't like kissing Luke do you?'

'...I guess not...'

'You were born out of so much love Addie. They were inseparable. They went everywhere together and Lucas cried every night for a solid year when your Mum left'

'Cried' Adele looks up at her doubtfully.

'Cried' Karen confirms. 'Just as he cried the night you all turned up here and when he found out that you're his daughter Addie'

'Cried' The nine year old can't fathom this. 'Boys don't cry'

'No? Why not? They have feelings just like girls'

'My other Dad never cried'

'Well that doesn't really surprise me. It sounds like when he was upset he got angry' The tears that have been contained suddenly break free and race silently down the nine year old's flushed cheeks. 'Oh honey come here' She pulls the usually tough child up and swoops her into her arms and despite Adele's age her arms lock around Karen's neck, her legs around her waist. 'It's alright you cry baby' Karen coos. 'It's okay, everything is going to be okay. Your safe here with us'

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

There's a cold spot next to her when she wakes.

Her heart sinks.

A million thoughts run through her mind. The main being. _I wasn't good enough._

Three minutes into her monologue of self hate she's interrupted. 'Morning pretty girl'

She startles as he appears with a tray. Pancakes. Orange juice. Coffee. Toast. Eggs. Flowers.

'Hey' His smile has quickly vanished, his eyes concerned as he hurries over to the bed, setting his banquet down on the chest of draws. 'What is it?'

'Nothing' She shakes her head and inspects his efforts.

'Peyt' His thumb wipes away the tear that's settled on her cheek. 'You're crying'

'I...' Her eyes slowly trail back to him and as soon as he wins her stare he sees exactly what she's been thinking.

'You thought I'd gone' He grimaces. 'Shit. Peyt I never, never-'

'I know... I just...' She shrugs her shoulders. 'It's silly'

'I'm sorry'

'No I'm sorry. I did do to you what I thought you just did to me'

'Not my favourite morning' He admits. 'But this is, well was until I made you cry' He strokes his hand over her face. 'Why on earth would I have left you?'

She shrugs her shoulders bashfully.

'Silly girl'

She smiles. 'You made me breakfast'

'Yep. I thought you might be extra hungry. We sort of abandoned dinner last night'

Her face falls. 'I'm sorry, you went to all that effort and I dragged you away-'

'God don't even think about that' He takes her hands. 'You can drag me away from absolutely anything for that! Last night was quite possibly the best night of my life'

'It was?' She wishes she didn't need to hear that but god does she.

'Mmhm...Was...it ok? For you?' Her inquiry has him nervous that she doesn't share his opinion.

'More than ok Luke' She quickly assures him.

'Yeah?'

'It was everything and more'

He grins widely. 'I like my t-shirt on you' He tugs at the fabric that drowns her slight form.

'I got cold in the night. Do you want it back?' Her eyes trail over his bear chest.

'You can keep it' He shakes his head but then his brow kinks.

'What?'

'Well, I'm not that apposed to you taking it off'

'Oh really?'

He smirks wolfishly 'Nope' He pulls the covers back to reveal her smooth legs and groans at the sight. 'I think you were right'

'Right about what?' She bites her bottom lip, blindly making sure the shirt is pulled down as far as it can go whilst watching his fingers tickle over her calf.

'To be worried all those years ago, about us not being able to stop' Her eyes jolt to his then. 'I don't think it'll ever be enough'

'You said you could live without this last night' She's bemused, but her voice comes out as a croak.

'Mm but then you let me have you and...' He lifts her leg, draws her knee closer to his mouth so he can leave a kiss there. She bites her lip again and he looses his train of thought '...You know what that does to me you do that Peyton Sawyer'

Her head slowly rocks back and forth and he thinks she knows all too well. She shrieks when he seizes both her legs and gives them a firm tug, making her slip further down the bed.

'I'll just have to show you then' He crawls up her and she relishes at how his weight feels against her. Relishes in the way she aches all over but in the best way. Not in the way she usually does. Not because her limbs have been tensing, not because she's bruised from the touch of rough hands. Because she's exerted herself, because her body has moved in ways it doesn't usually. 'Is this okay?' His confidence has lapsed a little and he's suddenly wondering if she's as eager as him to resume the activities of the previous night.

'Uhuh'

'You feel alright?'

'Uhuh. A little...sore but in a good way, you know?'

'We don't have to do anything if-'

'I want to' She cuts off. 'I've never felt better, I promise' She coyly emphasises. '...Do you feel alright?'

'Never better' He smirks. 'God'

'What?'

'You're just so...'

'So?'

'Beautiful. I mean you just woke up and you're perfect'

She shakes her head. 'I am not. You're one to talk'

'What?' He kinks his brow.

Her eyes follow her hand that's trailing over his torso. 'You're so...fit'

She blushes when he laughs.

'I'm enjoying how easy it is to make these cheeks go red' He cups her face. 'I use to have to work real hard at that. Do you miss my scrawny teenage body Peyton Sawyer?'

'You were never scrawny' She snorts. 'That was me, is me'

'Is that what you call these?' His hands have snuck higher under the t-shirt, smoothing up and down her thighs. 'Because from where I am they're pretty fucking amazing'

'You always did like my legs'

'Uhuh. Like is a bit of an understatement' He nods and his nose brushes against hers. 'Know what else I love?'

'What else?'

'Your eyes. I could drown in them all day' He hums. 'And these' He takes one of her hands and presses it to his cheek. 'Perfect dainty artist hands'

She laughs at that. 'Now my hands are perfect too?'

'Look at them' He grabs her wrists and waves her hands in front of her face.

'You're ridiculous'

'Oh? So you don't have an opinion on my hands anymore then?' He begins to run said hands up and down her sides, knowing from past conversations that she most definitely does have an opinion.

'That's different'

'How so?'

'Your hands can write words. That's sexy Luke'

'Yours can draw. That's sexy Peyt. Want to know what else is sexy?' She squeezes her legs around him in answer and he smirks. 'You in my t-shirt'

'We've covered that'

'Mhm. Maybe we should uncover that' He begins to tug the t-shirt up but her hands cover his, halting his efforts. 'You're not still shy' He tickles her sides and she shrieks, hitting him lightly.

'I hate that. Don't do that' She complains.

'Let me take this off then' He bargains. Her hands don't move from where they're determinedly holding the fabric in place. 'What's wrong?'

'Nothing is wrong' She timidly searches for a plausible excuse.

'No?'

'No'

He embarks upon distracting her instead and walks his finger over her rising and falling chest. 'I forgot these. I definitely love these' He gleefully watches her nipple harden through the cotton as his palm begins to mould over her right breast. He mischievously ducks his head, his eyes watching her face as he trails his tongue slowly over her other nipple, ignoring the undesirable material hiding her.

'Oh my god' Her hand disappears into his hair and while his clever tongue continues it's ministrations his fingers disobediently find their way beneath his t-shirt to touch the soft skin he wants to see so desperately. He smirks successfully when she makes zero complaint. His lust filled eyes survey his handy work; the fabric concealing her chest is now wet and doing little to disguise her breasts below. Not that that's what she's trying to hide. He's befuddled by what has her so insecure about him seeing her body in the daylight but he's hell bent in ignoring her wishes. He's pretty sure he's almost got her to the point of not caring about her rule already; she's writhing beneath him. But he's certain he knows exactly how to have her completely forgetting everything. 'Where've you gone?' She grumbles because his hands have disappeared and his mouth is gone and she wants them back right this second.

'I have to taste you'

She swallows thickly, her eyes darting down most abruptly because her whole reasoning for keeping her shirt on was about trying to keep him away from any scars but if he's going down there...

'Don't do that'

'Why?'

'Because it's your turn' She decides.

'How'd you work that out?-'

'Because' She sits up. 'You've been doting on me since I got here and-'

'Shush' He yanks on her legs to get her flat on her back again. She gasps. 'I like _doting_ on you' He chimes. 'Who says doting Peyt?'

'I...do apparently' She raises up on her forearms and swallows thickly as his lips kiss her covered belly.

'Sometimes you're really well spoken these days' His voice is husky. His voice alone has her wanting to push his face to his destination but then she remembers she's meant to be dissuading him from his target.

'Am I?'

'Uhuh'

'I don't think saying doting classifies me as well spoken Luke'

'No' He agrees as he sinks lower, blowing tormentingly over her lower abdomen. 'But it's not exactly you'

'No? What would I say?'

'You'd call me out for...fussing. Being Needy. Clingy' He decides.

She laughs. 'I don't think I've ever thought that'

'You did at that party down at the river court when I kept trying to hold your hand' He refers to an incident that was forever ago but yet she can recall it with the clarity of yesterday.

'Not trying more like not letting go' She corrects. 'That was our first proper argument'

'Uhuh. You won'

'No. I just made you realise that if anyone else hit on me I'd be telling them to fuck off'

'There you are' He grins at her cussing and blindly shifts his t-shirt up just a little to expose her. 'And then after that night I seem to remember getting told off a lot for not holding your hand enough' She laughs because she's sure he's right. 'How have I been doing on the hand holding quota recently?'

'I'd say just the right amount of attention and space for my perfect, dainty artist hands' she jibes.

'That's good to know' He keeps his eyes fixed with hers as he gropes for her left leg, gently lifting and hooking her slender limb over his shoulder.

'Luke you really don't have to-'

'I want to' He dismisses. She suddenly thinks perhaps it's fine. Perhaps he won't see from the angle he's at. Perhaps he's too consumed by what he's doing. 'You have no idea how much Peyt. I've always regretted never getting to do this to you. Don't you want me to?'

She pulls her lip into her mouth and he shakes his head because she definitely knows what she's doing. He slips his hand beneath her, playfully pinching her backside and enticing a shriek from her. He grins wickedly and as his mouth trails a path up her inner thigh she soon becomes silent, her stare locking with his dark blue eyes once more.

She gives up trying to hold herself up the second his mouth touches her _there_. She drops back onto the bed, eyes closing tight.

He's always had a good reaction when he's done this in the past but like everything with Peyton Sawyer, doing this to her is completely different to any other girl. It's different because she's all he's ever wanted and making her feel good is the biggest turn on. He thinks there's perhaps no better sound to the whimpering noises she's making.

At some point her fingers tangle in his hair and he's pretty sure she doesn't even know what her coaxing hand is doing.

He smiles and pauses to look up at her, his delight dwindling as he notes the tear on her cheek.

'What's wrong?'

'Don't stop'

'But-'

'Nothings wrong' She smiles. 'It's just that good Luke' She pants.

'Yeah?'

'Mm. Don't stop'

He chortles at her demand and nearly does as requested but something has caught his eye. His t-shirt is rucked up past her belly button now and the scattering of white marks at her side have him distracted in all of a heartbeat.

'What's this?'

She blinks. Knows instantly what his inspecting finger tips are looking at. She's been cloaked in the overwhelming desire pulsing through her limbs so much so that she'd momentarily forgotten her task of keeping him away from seeing what he just has.

'I fell' She arches her back. She feels like she might combust if he doesn't finish what he's started. 'Don't stop' She hopes he's as absorbed by her as she is him to forget about the markings.

He tilts his head and properly investigates the area, noting more jagged white lines that make a pathway down to her right thigh and are only really apparent when you get up close.

'Jesus Peyt, you've got scars running the whole way down. Fell how? On what?'

She realises her arched back is only giving him better access to the scattering of scars that travel round to her back and she instantly flattens herself against the mattress.

'I'm a klutz is how. On a glass table' It's a truth of sorts. She's just leaving out certain details. Like the hands that had sent her falling into it.

'Christ...is this why you wanted the lights off last night, why you don't want me to see you naked?'

She bites her lip. 'Maybe'

'Peyton' He shakes his head. 'You're beautiful' He misunderstands her desire to keep them hidden. Misunderstands it for insecurity. It's not that. Sure she doesn't think they're attractive but it's more about her wanting to avoid getting into a long conversation about it because her truths will soon become lies. 'So beautiful. These don't change that...jesus I can't imagine how much that hurt'

She nods. It had. A lot. 'It didn't feel great but what you were just doing did' She hints.

'Sorry' He can't help but smile at her exasperated face. 'You want me to get back to that?'

She nods with a shy smile and he begins to shuffle back down her but before his mouth goes where she desperately wants it he's speaking again. 'You must've lost a fair bit of blood'

'Mm, I had a blood transfusion' She hurriedly tells him. 'I might need one again if you leave me all high and dry'

'The last thing you are right now is dry baby' He laughs at her choice of words. 'And I have every intention of finishing what I started. Take the t-shirt off'

His pleading face has her relenting in all of a heart beat.

His mouth waters at the sight of her.

'Happy?'

He answers by roughly pulling her down the bed, his tongue swiftly returning to where she's aching for him most.

She moans loudly.

At some point her other leg finds its way over his shoulder too. Thighs locking around him. One of his hands migrates up to her chest, thumb brushing over her nipple. The other settles on her belly. Enjoys the way her muscles constrict.

And when she falls apart under his touch he watches her intently. Delights in the way she looks at him like he's her saviour. Little does he know he actually is. He really truly is.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

It's nearly noon when Karen drops them off because Lily has a dance recital.

'Where's Mummy?' Alexa chimes.

'She's sleeping kiddo' He's tried his best not to disturb Peyton for the last hour or so, he after all is the reason why she's so tired. A thought that had bought a little smile to his lips. In fact he'd struggled to stop smiling since he'd left her angel like form fast asleep, so much so that his jaw was aching somewhat.

'But it's late' Alexa is amused by the news of her mother being in bed, her nose crinkled. 'We've been up forever'

Lucas smiles. 'She's a right lazy daisy today isn't she?'

'Uhuh a real lazy daisy' Alexa agrees, enjoying the rhyming words. 'Lazy daisy. Lazy daisy'

'We'll wake her up in a bit ok?'

'Uhuh'

Adele stares at him hard. Has been staring at him hard since she walked through the door with her mother nowhere in sight 'I want to see her' Her mother not being present sends alarm bells ringing in her ears because it's never been a good sign. It signifies a bust lip. A black eye. Or worse.

Lucas nods. 'You can Addie but just let her have a bit longer hey? She's tired' His hand instinctively blocks her path as she makes for the stairs.

'I want to see her' He startles at the nine year olds alarming growl.

'Hey' He crouches before her. 'She's sleeping. You can see her in a bit-' He grunts as Adele's foot sharply kicks him in the shin, stifling any remaining words. He rubs at his leg, head craning to watch the determined child rush up the stairs. 'Adele!'

Hobbling he slowly follows.

He's soon up the hallway and he hears Adele's distressed calls as he lingers back outside the bedroom.

'Mum! Mummy!'

'Addie?' Peyton lurches upright from her slumber, her voice gruff with sleep and slightly panicked. 'What's wrong?'

And then he hears the nine year old's sob and his feet carry him round the door to survey the scene.

He watches Peyton give up at clutching the bed sheet to her chest in favour of tugging the child down onto the bed to swaddle her in her arms. He can't decipher the stuttered words being cried into Peyton's shoulder but he can hear the mother's reply 'No, no, no. I'm fine baby. I'm absolutely fine. I promise. I'm better than fine' He hears every syllable of her cooed words and his alarm grows. Because her soothing answer implies that her daughter's words are suggesting otherwise and he doesn't know why the nine year old has decided that her mother isn't ok.

Peyton catches his eye and she doesn't need to speak. He knows she's asking him to give them a minute. Knows he's being asked to leave the room and he wants to argue, is about to do so but Adele has taken note of him and her hysteria peeks.

'Get out! I h-hate y-you- I-'

'Hey' Peyton grasps her by her upper arms and rotates her smaller body back to face her. 'Honey! Don't speak to Luke like that-'

'I h-hate him'

He swallows thickly and hastily departs, pulling the door too behind him and Peyton wishes they could go back just an hour when she'd been in his arms, safely cocooned away from the world. She hasn't missed the look of devastation that just masked his features and she's inclined to go after him but he'll have to wait because the upset child in her arms is her priority. She wishes she could go back and she wouldn't have let herself fall back asleep. She'd intended to be dressed and with it on her children's return. Not like this.

'I h-hate h-him'

'You don't mean that'

'I do'

Peyton blindly reaches onto the floor, seeking out the t-shirt she knows was abandoned somewhere when Lucas had finally gotten his way. She's relieved to locate it and pulls it on before laying back down and pulling Adele under the covers with her. 'Shhh' She brushes her hand over her daughter's red cheeks and pushes her damp locks behind her ear. 'Honey try and calm down. I'm absolutely fine'

'Y-you a-always s-say th-that and-and y-you're n-not. You're l-lying'

Peyton shuffles further down the bed so their faces are at the same level. She nods. 'I'm not lying baby. I did use to lie' She admits. Her confession has Adele's sobs subsiding as she regards her mother. 'You're nine now. You keep telling me you're not a baby and you're right. You're not but see, you'll always be my baby and I only ever want to protect you' Peyton murmurs softly. 'I use to tell you I was ok when I so clearly wasn't huh?' Adele sniffles and nods slowly, her hair becoming static as it rubs against the bedding. 'But I'm not lying to you now'

'I k-know what he-he's d-done to y-you' Adele whispers but Peyton hears. 'He's m-made you do...that' And she feels sick in all of a second because her daughter's accusation is both painfully childlike and beyond her nine years all at once.

She freezes for a moment. She doesn't know how to handle this. 'Luke hasn't made me do anything' She wants to clear that up right away.

'I know what sex is Mum'

Peyton swallows thickly. This isn't what she had in mind when it came to talking to her daughter about this. It's not what this conversation should be. 'I know you sort of do' Peyton nods. 'They talked to you about it at school right, just before we moved here'

Adele's head nods slowly. 'I knew before then though. Sarah from Sunday school told me'

'What did Sarah from Sunday school tell you?' She gently asks because she's intrigued to know how accurate another child's explanation would have been.

'That it, it's a wife's duty when you're married so you can have a baby-'

'You don't have to be married and it's not a bloody duty' She interrupts.

'But then you go to hell'

'I thought we'd agreed there is no hell?' Peyton arches her brow, she's realising her daughter might be holding onto notions that have been brainwashed into her.

'It's just what Sarah said'

'Well Sarah's wrong okay? Sex, it's a lot more complicated than just making babies Addie and it's never something you have to do.' She exhales heavily because she's felt like it's something she hasn't had a choice in in a long time but that's the last thing she wants Adele to know. 'There's so many feelings wrapped up in it. When you're in love with someone you get butterflies in your stomach when you see them. They make you smile all the time. They'd do anything for you. They want to look after you and you want to look after them right back. And suddenly just being around that person all the time isn't enough. I know it's hard to understand because I remember being your age, I, I remember not getting it. I remember thinking I'd never, never want to have sex' She plays with Adele's hand. 'But then...well as Luke and I got older I wanted to be with him all the time and then I, I got these feelings that are hard to explain until you've felt it, it's like you can't get close enough, and when you come together in that way it's, it's beautiful, it's the most magical feeling in the whole world' She reveals.

'You're lying. You don't like it. I know you don't like it'

Peyton sighs. 'I'm not lying baby-'

'You didn't like it with him! You didn't'

Peyton's heart palpitates unpleasantly. 'Why do you say that?'

'Because I know!'

Peyton licks her lips and nods. '...I...I...do you remember that night?... Do you know what I'm talking about?' She watches the nine year old carefully.

'The night you crashed the car?'

Peyton pushes her tongue to the roof of her mouth. 'I'd hoped you'd forgotten but you haven't' She whispers, fearing that speaking any louder will result in a sob escaping from her own mouth because her conversation with Karen has made it all so fresh and raw. She knows she'd not been able to hide her abusive marriage but she'd worked endlessly in ensuring that neither of her daughter's had ever again been witness to the atrocities that Adele had been witness to that night. She'd ensured it by being obedient and she'd hoped the little four year old had blocked it out. 'Is that what you remember? Me crashing the car?'

'No. But that's what Grandma and Grandpa said happened..they said you'd been drinking and, and that's why you had to go and stay at that hospital because you'd been bad and when you came back you told me you'd not been bad. You told me the crash was an accident'

'What do you remember from that night?'

'You said we were going far away to somewhere special'

Peyton frowns. 'I did?' She shakes her head at her carelessness. Knows how naive she was back then to say something so mindless to a child because she'd not managed to follow through. 'I should never have said that to you. I guess I really thought we were getting away that night'

'You were going to bring me here weren't you?'

'Yes. That's what I was trying to do'

'You didn't crash the car' Adele whispers. 'The police found us and...and you tried to get me out the car but they wouldn't let you...you told me to hide under your coat and close my eyes but I..I didn't listen' Peyton's distress peaks as Adele's eyes fill with tears. 'Then _he_ came. I couldn't see you but I could hear you and I- I wanted to help you- You told me to stay in the car but I didn't listen. I got out and he...was doing that...you didn't like it-'

'You're right. I didn't like it but that wasn't sex Addie' Peyton hushes her. 'That's not what sex is. It's not' She cups Adele's face and looks into her panicky eyes. She struggles to find the right words.

'You-you wouldn't wake up. I-I thought you were-were dead'

Peyton's face crumples. 'I'm so sorry baby'

'He said you were sleeping but you-you wouldn't wake up'

'I know. I wasn't sleeping. I had a broken arm and was in a lot of pain, sometimes when, when you've been hurt a lot you pass out...Addie what he did to me then wasn't sex. When it's not consensual it's not sex ok?' She swallows thickly. She wants out of this conversation. Wants to erase her child's scarred mind.

'What's consensual?'

'It means when you give permission. When you want to do something. If you say no it should mean no. You should never be made to do anything you don't want. When you're a consenting adult sex is beautiful but if, if you don't want to and that other person doesn't listen and forces you it can also be the worst feeling in the whole world too and then it's not sex at all it's rape'

'Rape' She repeats and Peyton cringes because she doesn't like that word coming out of her daughter's mouth, she doesn't like this conversation at all.

'Right'

'He did that to you. You said no'

Peyton nods slowly. 'Yes. I said no. What he did was not ok...it, it was ugliness and cruel...anybody that forces you to do something you don't want to, well they, they can't possibly love you'

'He said he loved you all the time! Why did he do that?'

'I don't know baby. I really don't. But that wasn't love. I was trying to leave him and he wanted to control me and that, that's not how a relationship works. A relationship is about being a team' She draws a heart on Adele's hand with her finger 'Lucas would never ever rape me. If I said no he'd listen. And if he said no I'd listen. We don't want to hurt each other. We only want to make each other happy'

'He really didn't hurt you?'

'He really didn't hurt me' Peyton confirms. 'I want to be with him in that way. I love him so very much. When I'm, when I'm with Luke like that it, it never feels bad, it feels like, it feels like he's just another part of me. Like we, we're two halves of a whole...Honey I was the happiest I've been in a long, long time until I saw these tears' Peyton smiles sadly.

'Do you love him more than us?'

'What? No! No it, it's just...different. I love you and Lexie unconditionally'

'What's unconditionally again?'

'It means no matter what. It means that you can do anything at all and I'll still love you. You can make me as angry as I can be and I'll still love you. Always. But being in love with someone is different to that kind of love...it's about trust. I don't love Luke more. That's not possible...but I gave my heart to him a long time ago and I left a piece here with him all this time and I, I've finally got it back, that's the best way I can explain it'

'You're not lying?'

'I'm not lying. Baby I'm not frightened of Luke. I was scared of Ian a lot' She admits. 'I did things I didn't want to, I said things that I didn't think or agree with, I let him tell me what to do because I felt like I didn't have a choice and none of it was right. It wasn't. And I know you know that. I know you know I was always pretending, always trying to hide everything from you and Lex. I did that because I was trying to protect you from it all. But that's not how it is with Luke, I'm not pretending anymore. I don't have to. Baby everything with Luke is the opposite to how it was with him'

'You promise?'

'I promise honey. On all of our lives. Luke will never hurt any of us. Ever'

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

Adele apologises to him. But he can't let it go.

It's not that the nine year old had kicked him. It's that he doesn't understand why. Nor does he understand her panic or tears. He doesn't understand any of it. He wants to understand.

The day is tainted now. He'd been in heaven. Peyton had given herself to him completely. They couldn't have been closer but now she seems so very far away because she doesn't answer his interrogating questions. She's a pro at deflecting. He'd be well within his right to loose his temper with her but he's not an ass. Or maybe he's just a parent now and the parent in him thinks that regardless of what he's feeling his young daughter clearly needs some reassurances because one thing he knows is she cannot feel safe around him. Not if she'd assumed her mother was laying up in bed harmed...by him. The alarm bells are ringing in his head but he stops harassing Peyton for answers. Thinks he too would rather have this conversation privately and away from young ears. Instead he offers to take them to the Rivercourt. Offers to spend some time alone with both girls so she can relax.

She wonders if his suggestion is just a ploy to interrogate her children instead. She thinks she should go with them but maybe an hour alone will give her time to establish a more plausible story.

As they walk out the door and he kisses her goodbye she knows by his steely expression that on his return there'll be no more avoiding this. He wants the truth. She knows she's run out of time.

She's so wrapped up in her distress about the impending conversation that she's more than a little startled by the knock at the door.

'Nathan' She jumps and automatically takes a step back. She doesn't understand why he's here. The last few times she's seen him he's been out of uniform. She's filled with the same unease that she had been that day when Lucas had reintroduced again. Only her angst isn't just to do with his uniform; it has everything to do with the kook he's giving her.

'Hey Peyton. Can I come in?'

He notices her expression. Sees the fear. It's suddenly beyond obvious. And she sees him see. Senses something in the way he's regarding her. Her hands cling to the door. 'Lucas isn't here. He's down at the river court with the girls'

'I know he picked up Jack to go down there with them. I was hoping to catch you before he got back' He offers her a smile that she doesn't buy. 'Can I come in?'

She hesitates but then her feet obediently carry her backward as she lets him in.

'Thanks' He moves slowly into the kitchen. Keeps his distance. He doesn't want to scare her off. That's the last thing he wants to achieve by this. She swallows. 'I was hoping we could talk' He watches her carefully. She doesn't look jubilant at the prospect. Anything but.

'Talk?'

'Yeah'

'Has something happened?' Her mind has gone into overdrive. He's confirmed he knows her children's whereabouts and she's suddenly frightened that someone's hurt. 'Are the girls ok? Is Luke ok-'

'Everyone's fine...Come and sit down'

She doesn't move.

'This is about me and Luke isn't it? You don't think we should be together after everything I put him through, for keeping Addie from-'

'What? No' Nathan shakes his head. 'Peyton I don't think that. I'm not here about Lucas' He's not come to have a go at her for mistreating his brother. Her eyes are wary and he can no longer dismiss that anxious look as the stresses that come along with uprooting two children, loosing a husband and adapting to being a single parent. No. He'd been so very wrong in his assessment. 'You want to tell me why your picture is up on our system?'

She swallows. Looks down. Looks to the clock. Wonders how much longer Lucas will be. 'What...what system? What do you mean?'

'Peyton' He takes a hasty step forward and she reels back against the wall.

'Woah-' He shakes his head. 'Hey. I'm not going to hurt you, you know that right?'

She closes her eyes tight. She can feel it all slipping; the mask she's wearing. The safe haven that this place had become to her is out of reach. He knows something. She's not stupid.

'I'm on your side here. Just don't lie to me- I know it's you. It's not good; what's been written about you. If you weren't the love of my brother's life I'd be hauling your ass down to the station right now'

She shakes her head vigorously 'Nathan I...'

'I said _if_ Peyt. Just...just explain it to me. Come sit down, I want to help you but I can only do that if you're honest with me' She's frozen and he slowly moves closer to the wall she's up against. 'Come on' His hands gently encase her arms as he coaxes her away from the wall. 'Sit down'

She pushes her tongue to the roof of her mouth. Blinks away the tears in her eyes. But she can't help it. Him holding her, however lightly, it doesn't matter. The sound of his boots against the hard floor, the clanking sound that's horribly familiar. The sound of cuffs knocking against his belt. 'Hey' He's quick to note her tears. 'It's alright' She sniffles and nods as she sinks into the chair he's taken her to. He pulls out another to sit directly in front of her. 'Talk to me'

'I...I don't know what you're talking about Nathan' She keeps her eyes fixated on her hands.

'Peyton Luke asked me to see if I could find anything out about your husband'

Her stare jolts up to him then. 'Wh-what? When? Why?'

'He was confused. He said that you've been using the name "Delaney" for any paperwork, for yourself and the girls too. He said that was your Mum's maiden name though' She can't breathe. 'I told Luke that it would be pretty coincidental for you to marry a man with the same surname but not completely out of the question' Nathan continues. 'I couldn't find any records of your marriage with that surname though because he was right...it's not a big coincidence. It was your Mum's maiden name wasn't it?' She doesn't answer. 'Your married name is Banks' His voice is gentle but interrogating all at once. He's using his skills as an officer to draw out the truth. 'Which begs the question why aren't you using Banks? Some might assume maybe it was too hard. That you wanted a fresh start but it doesn't really add up does it? If you loved someone you wouldn't do that. I certainly wouldn't...'

'You've told Luke about this' She blurts suddenly.

'No. Not yet. I wanted to talk to you first...Your husband isn't dead is he?'

Her face crumples then and she's silent for a long minute. 'I...I never meant to lie'

'I believe you' He doesn't doubt what she's saying is a lie. 'I also believe you're not a high risk to those kids; I've watched you with them since you got back and you're nothing but a wonderful Mother so why is there a warrant out for your arrest?'

Her heart palpitates at an unhealthy rate. 'What? There's what?' Her panic can't be feigned. He can tell this is news to her. Her face is quick to go as white as a sheet. 'Oh my god he...he knows...he...he knows' She's not talking to him. She's talking to herself. She lurches to her feet. The chair scrapes against the hard floor.

'Peyton' He follows her to standing. 'Slow down' Nathan halts her haphazard pacing, caging her against the sideboard. 'Did you do those things? Did you drink and drive with Adele in the car? Did you-

'No. None of it ok. Whatever you've read' She shakes her head furiously. 'I didn't. I swear Nathan. Whatever it says isn't true. I'd never put them in danger. Never'

'You made it look like you all drowned' He decides. After reading her record it hadn't taken long for him to search her name. Her married name. He's seen the news articles. Seen the pictures of mourners gathered to say their farewells to the presumed dead.

She sucks in a breath and then she's nodding.

'Why?' His eyes are narrowed. Focused. Waiting.

'I...I...'

'Why? Nobody does that unless they're desperate'

'Luke is going to be back in a minute with the girls' Her voice barely carries across the space between them. 'Please...'

'This isn't good Peyton. I know you don't know me that well but I'm worried about you. I've only come across this warrant because I was looking for you but it's only a matter of time before someone recognises your face on the system. I can't protect you if you don't tell me what's going on. I'm not the only police officer-'

'No you're not' She cuts off. 'My husband happens to be in the same profession as you Nathan- you've clearly found out that much!' she's done being silent, her voice louder now, aggressive almost. He's shocked by her sudden fierce expression. 'So you see, none of it matters' She wills him to see sense. 'Please go'

He ignores her plea. His feet glued to the ground below him. Everything is slowly becoming so clear to him. So horribly obvious. 'What happened?'

'I couldn't do it anymore' She spurts before she can stop herself.

'Do what?'

He's not going to leave. Not until he hears the truth. And she gives it to him.

'It would've killed me. I could survive him hurting me but not them knowing and they saw more and more everyday. It was tearing me apart' She rambles. And it's out. Just like that.

'Your husband hurt you?'

She sucks in a breath and nods once, avoiding his eyes because that question makes her feel completely humiliated.

He swallows thickly. His fingers bawl into fists. The protector in him wants to hit something. Hard. He can't say he's surprised. The possibility of domestic abuse was at the forefront of his mind but it doesn't matter that he was prepared.

'Did you report it?' He's trying to stay focused and not get emotionally effected by her devastating confession, despite his lurching stomach. He struggles to disassociate himself as he usually would though because this isn't a stranger before him. This is the girl he knows his brother wants to be with. This is family.

She almost laughs. She's indulged him with the truth. Now it's time to make him leave and understand why he can't save her. Why no one can. Why the only way he can help her is to pretend he's not seen what he has.

'Report it? It's a bit hard doing that when the people you report shit to are working for the accused!' She grinds out. 'Do you think I didn't try to leave?! I tried Nathan...But, but when Adele was four he found me before I got far. Broke my arm and then took me down the station- that's when I was charged for drink driving and it didn't matter that I hadn't...of course I hadn't been but it didn't matter that there was no evidence...it didn't matter what I said. He is the police.'

Nathan feels a rage growing inside of him. Because she's talking about corruption in a system that is in place to protect people from assholes like this, to stop shit like this happening. It's what he fights for every day.

'I'm a good mum. I'm-'

'I know' He softly answers. 'He knows you're not dead Peyton. This warrant was put out three weeks ago'

She swallows thickly. She's already figured that out; her husband knows she's alive. Adrenaline is pumping furiously round her body but shock and fear have her unmoving. 'I...I made him think Dad was dead in case, in case he figured it out, so he wouldn't come here.' She reassures herself.

'Peyton come on!' He shakes his head. 'He's going to come here eventually. This is where you grew up. This is where you have ties'

Her head bobs. He's right. She's stupid. She's so, so stupid. 'I have to leave' She realises. Her thoughts are incoherent as she struggles to make a decisive course of action. She'd not been ready for this. Why hadn't she been ready? She'd let herself get caught up in the fairy tale that Lucas Scott was. She doesn't get a fairy tale though. She's remembering that now. 'I have to go-'

'That's not what you need to do. What about Lucas?'

'I...'

'You can't do that to him Peyton! He doesn't know about this does he? There's no way he wouldn't have fucking mentioned it to me' He looses his cool. 'He would have wanted my advice. Why haven't you told him?'

'Because! He's happy! I've been the cause of so much unhappiness in his life and I, I'm actually, we're actually happy and I...I wasn't never going to tell him I just-'

'You need to tell him now. You're not going to up and leave in the middle of the night again' He snaps.

'I-'

'Do you know what that did to him? All these years, he never moved on. Adele is his kid. He loves you. He adores Lexie. You're telling me you're prepared to run away from him again? To do that to him again?!'

'I don't want to!' She hisses. 'You've read all that stuff that's written about me Nate. If he finds me, if he finds us, you have no idea what he could do to me. I'll be lucky if he kills me. But if he can control himself he won't do that. He'll have me put away for a bit, it's my word against a load of documents. If he doesn't get me to do time, he'll send me to some mental health rehabilitation centre. Get me taking drugs I don't want to take until I'm a zombie. I'm not doing that again! I will not be taken away from Addie or Lexie, I won't leave them with him. I've got no proof of anything. You don't understand okay? I'm in too deep. He knows too many people, the only thing I can do is run'

Her blurted rant has silenced him. She's just divulged a lot in the space of a minute and he's trying to process it all.

'I'm not a cop but I'm not stupid! I know exactly how everything works, just as well as you do. If he shows up here you won't be able to save me. You'll be able to get me a few days tops of him being questioned before being released. It's all you can do. He's above you and he has friends in even higher places. He's got people that can vouch for him and he's made sure that I don't'

'You might not have had there but you do here! You can't live the rest of your life running. This is your home. Don't you want your children to feel safe? Like they belong?'

'Of course I do. That's why I left! Do you think they felt safe living under the same roof as a man who beats their mother?' She snaps. 'If I stay and he comes here, if he finds me he'll get custody of the girls and I won't let that happen-'

'If you won't listen to me, I'll go get Luke to talk some sense into-' He walks toward the exit but she throws herself in front of the door and shakes her head.

'No. No please'

'Peyton, Adele is his child too! He has rights. And-'

'Please Nathan. I'm begging you!' She pleads.

He studies her for a long moment, his heart pangs because in all of a second he knows the reason behind her wanting to withhold this information from Lucas.

'He won't think any less of you, he's not like that-'

'No? Adele has seen things that no child should see Nathan! He might not have known about her for long but he loves that little girl just as much as me. I got Lexie out in time. She's too little. She'll forget but Addie...I failed her. I failed his daughter. I hate me. He'll hate me, he will!'

'He won't. This isn't your fault. None of this is on you'

'He'll stop me from going' She continues to dispute. 'You know he will but he can't protect me from this person. You don't know what he's like. Luke might be able to get custody of Addie but even then it could take months and it's unlikely given Ian has been her Dad a hell of a lot longer! It'll have to go to court and Lexie' She trembles. 'Lexie isn't his and...' Her fingers shakily rise to her face.

He's quiet for a long moment and her hands become clammy as she apprehensively awaits a response.

'I won't tell him' He finally murmurs.

'Thank you-'

'Because you're going to- you have to Peyton' Her relief dwindles as he shakes his head dismissively and she grows anxious again. 'He can't not know this. I get why you've not confided in him, I get this is difficult for you and if this warrant for your arrest wasn't out I wouldn't push this but you haven't got time anymore. If you don't tell him I will. You know I'm right, you know now is the time to be honest with him'

She takes a shuddery breath.

'I'll track the progress on the investigation into your disappearance, I'll track his movements so we'll be prepared.'

'You can't track him' She's irritated now. 'You don't know him. You don't know what he's capable of'

'I'm not going to let anything happen to you' He announces assertively, taking a hold of her hands. 'I'll figure something out'

'You can't protect me. The only way of me being safe is for me to leave. He's going to come here I can't, I can't-'

'He'll come here' Nathan agrees, he sees that as being a fact, an inevitability. Her eyes are wide and glassy as she looks into his face. 'But you can't just keep running, what kind of life is that for the girls? For you?'

'They'll understand when they're older, when they know I'm protecting them' Her voice is quiet, a choked whisper.

'And what about you? What about you and Luke'

'He deserves better-'

'You know that's not true. Jesus since you returned he's a whole new man. Not a new man, he's him. He's not been him for a long time. You don't have to give this up. If what you say is true I just need time. We'll figure it out' She blinks. 'Currently things don't look good. The evidence against you is substantial' She sniffles and watches him pace back and forth across the kitchen. 'But I'll figure out a way we can catch that bastard and have him put away. I will Peyton. I swear. But in order to do that you've got to stay put and you're going to have to be honest with Luke'

'There's too many if's Nathan! You can't guarantee me anything!' Her eyes are manic with fear, hysteria coiling around her insides as she realises her worst fears are a reality. She'd woke up this morning feeling like she was living in a dream. Seemingly she was. This life was always too good to be true. She'd finally surrendered to her desires and for what? To hurt Lucas all over again. 'I...I just can't...how would you feel? If you found out Brooke had been...' She trails off.

He clenches his teeth together. 'I'd feel much like I do right now. Angry and devastated. But I'd be thankful she was honest. Because I could help her. I'm the only that could help her through that. And I could protect her better for knowing it too'

'I don't want to need protecting' She whispers. 'I don't want him pandering over me and thinking I can't look after myself'

'Ok, protecting is the wrong word. Supporting you' He rephrases. 'He already knows you're hiding something. He's never asked me to do anything for him before, least of all something he knows could put my job on the line. But he did and concern for you was the motivation behind that. If you leave, you might as well kill him because I don't think he'll survive loosing you again. Please don't do that to him. He doesn't deserve it. And you deserve to be happy too Peyton. Please.'

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'Look Addie, Daddy's here!' Alexa jabs her finger through the air and points toward the house at the police vehicle sat outside.

Lucas's brow creases as he looks down at the three year old and then to Adele. His daughter's eyes are wide and she's stopped in her step.

'That's Nathan's car Lex' Alexa looks up at him then and he wonders what connection her father had to the police for her to associate the vehicle with her Dad. 'Remember. you've met Nate a few times now. He's my brother. He's a policeman'

'It's not Daddy?'

Lucas pushes his tongue to the roof of his mouth. This is the first he's heard either one of them reference the man.

'Of course it's not Lex' Adele answers, grabbing at her sisters hand. 'How can it be? He's gone. It can't' She firmly states, yanking her sister further up the lane. 'Come on. I'll race you'

They run ahead, Raven excitedly joining in their game and Lucas's pace quickens behind them to keep up. It's not Alexa's innocent question that has him feeling uneasy. He knows all too well that the concept of death can be a hard one to grasp for a child. It's his daughter's reaction that has his mind whirling. Panic had filled her green eyes and he's not fooled by her game of chase, knows she has a sudden urgency to get to the house.

'Girls' He calls softly. Alexa's little legs stop to look back at him but Adele won't be stopped. Raven halts, his head twisting from the runner and back to his owner, undecided on who he should stick with. 'Your sister's fast huh?' Lucas hauls Alexa up into his arms to stop her escaping. Eventually Lucas wins Raven's dilemma and he loyally trots back to walk along side his owner.

'Uhuh. She usual lets me win'

'Yeah' He's noticed that too. 'Did your Daddy have a car like Nate's Lex?'

'Uhuh. We're not meant to talk bout him though'

'You're not?' She's more than got his attention now.

'No. Is Nate nice?'

He squints at her. Adele has disappeared into the house now and he slows his pace a bit because he's eager to continue with this line of questioning. 'I think so. Did you not think so at Addie's party? He was playing with you for a bit right?'

'He's Jack and Gracie's Daddy'

'That's right'

'He was silly'

'He can be silly' Lucas agrees. 'What was he doing that was silly?'

She's playing with the collar of his t-shirt and it takes her a while to spit out what she's trying to say because her little eyes are concentrating on what her hands are doing. 'He kept...he kept...'

'He kept?'

'Pulling funny faces' She smiles and looks up into his face. 'Like this' She demonstrates and he can't help but laugh at her sweet face.

'That is kinda silly'

'Uhuh...my Daddy isn't very silly'

'No?'

'No. But he does fly me. I like it when he flies me. Can you fly me?' They've reached the house now and Lucas doesn't answer her because there's an unavoidable commotion coming from inside. 'Luke?'

'It's alright Lex' He lets the three year old down. 'Here, do you think you could be my big helper. Raven is really thirsty. There's a bowl round the side- you think you can fill it with water from the hose?'

'By myself?'

'Uhuh. You're so good at looking after him. I know you can do it'

'I am nearly four' She holds up five fingers but quickly corrects herself, pushing her little finger down with her other hand.

'Yes you are' He smiles as she hops down off the steps. 'Come on boy. I'm gonna get you a big tasty drink I am' She chatters away and it's not until she's rounded the house that Lucas's smile wanes. He hurriedly pushes the door open.

'But-but you promised Mum-'

'Now Addie! Just do as I say'

'But-'

'I know you know how important this is! You know I wouldn't be doing this if I had a choice! Just do as I say!'

The shrill words are sounding from upstairs and Lucas's head tilts up the staircase.

'Peyton' His brother's voice is placating and his confusion as to what is going on peaks. 'Come on just slow down, Luke is going to be hear in a sec-'

'Adele I'm not going to tell you again. Go and put your things in this bag'

'I don't want to go though!'

'Now!'

Lucas is half way up the stairs when the nine year old darts past him, her tears unavoidable.

He wants to follow her to her bedroom but his brother and girlfriend's conversation has him walking toward their voices instead.

'You need to calm down-'

'Please don't tell me what to do-'

'I just-' Nathan notes his older brother in the doorway then, his words dying.

Lucas's eyes skitter around the bedroom that has become a war zone. There are clothes strewn everywhere. A bag on the bed. She's manically moving around the room.

'If you want to help me then help me by making sure Luke doesn't stop me-'

'Stop you what?' She spins around then. He takes in her tears. Her wide, startled eyes like a rabbit in headlights. 'What is going on?' Her head slowly begins to rock back and forth. She's a mess. She's not thinking straight and that realisation makes her nose sting. 'What's happened?'

Her hand rubs beneath her lashes but no amount of dabbing can disguise her bloodshot eyes.

'Nothing' She shakes her head.

Lucas's stare averts to his brother.

'Luke' Nathan holds his hands up. 'I-'

'What's happened?' He repeats a little harshly. 'What're you doing in here?'

Nathan shifts his weight uneasily. His gaze skitters back to Peyton but she's found an interest in the floor in the last five seconds. 'I just stopped by to see you' He lamely answers. 'You weren't here'

'No. Because I was at the River court. But you already knew that' Lucas offhandedly retorts. He edges further into the room.

'Where's Lexie?' Peyton frantically wonders.

'Outside with Raven'

He watches her move to the window to confirm his answer.

'Why're you packing a bag?' She doesn't answer quick enough for his liking and she jumps when he snaps her name. 'Peyton?'

'I...I have to go Luke'

'Go?' He'd already got that a trip was on the agenda. 'Go where?'

'Away' Her voice wobbles.

He nods but he doesn't understand and the lack of information he's getting has him loosing patience. 'Why?! Am I included in this little get away?!'

'I think I should give you guys a minute-'

'Stay there Nate' Lucas barks.

'I...coming here was a mistake' She mumbles and Nathan closes his eyes in frustration because he just wants her to spit out the truth already for both his brother and her own sake.

'Yeah? You weren't saying that this morning were you? Is this about Adele? Is this about whatever the hell that was with her earlier?'

She opens and closes her mouth.

'Peyton' Nathan implores with an encouraging nod.

'Oh, so you're in on whatever this is too are you?' Lucas snaps. 'You know I find it kind of insulting that you'd rather talk to my brother about whatever the hell this is instead of me Peyton' He spouts.

'It's not like that' She whispers.

'It's not? I feel like everyone around here is in on some big secret! You keep lying to me. I use to know when you were lying but I don't anymore and that scares the shit out of me.'

'I'm sorry'

'Just tell me whats going on'

Adele's reappearance interrupts them. She's still holding the backpack she's been issued with, still empty. 'Baby' Peyton sighs.

'I'm scared' Her daughter's confession has her taking the nine year old in her arms.

'It's alright. I'm sorry. You don't need to be scared. Everything is alright'

'You're lying Mum. You promised no more lies' She mutters softly.

'You're right. I'm lying. Everything isn't okay. But I really need you to be my brave girl right now' She looks at Nathan. 'Do you think you could take them over to Karen's and stay with them?' She wonders.

'No I don't wanna go with him Mum please-'

'Addie it's alright' Peyton's face crumples because she knows she's made her daughter's distress in her whirlwind of hysteria. 'You can trust Nathan. I promise. I'll come get you in a little while okay?'

'But..'

'You don't need to be frightened baby. Nathan will stay there with you okay?' She looks up to the man in question pleadingly.

'Of course I will. You're safe with me Addie'

'What about you?' Adele hums.

'I'm right behind you' She coxes the worried little girl toward the door with a reassuring nod.

Lucas stays silent. He has so many questions swirling round his head and despite his daughter's obvious anxiety he can't seem to say a single word to her. It goes against his every instinct because this is his child and his child is clearly in distress but he just needs to be alone with Peyton. He just needs the truth. The whole truth. He can't fix his daughter's anxiety until he has the truth.

'It'll be alright Peyton' Nathan extends a crumpled piece of paper to her and awkwardly pats her arm. 'Just show him'

The look he sends Lucas as he vacates the room says a thousand words. _This is serious. Be patient. I will do anything I can to help you._

She moves to the window. Watches for both her girls to be led safely across the field.

'Baby'

She jumps when he touches her.

'I need you to start talking'

She nods but says nothing, her eyes still on Adele and Alexa. Adele keeps looking back to the house, Nathan gently coaxing her to keep moving.

'They're ok' He hums, despite his concerns otherwise. 'What's this?' He tries to take the document that Nathan had handed her mere moments ago. Her fingers constrict around the piece of paper. 'Let me see Peyt'

She looks up into his face. He sees. Sees her fear. He still knows her. He knows her so very well and he knows she's got a big dark secret and it shakes him to the very core. He's been so patient. He's not pressured her in any way. He's not wanted to give her an excuse to run for the hills. But he can't let this go any longer because she's running anyway and that can't happen.

'Come on' He gently pries her fingers open and she takes a shuddering breath as she reluctantly surrenders the document to him.

'Don't hate me Luke' She whispers.

'That's never going to happen' He brushes the tear away that has settled on her cheek. Presses a lingering kiss to her forehead. And then his eyes greedily skitter down to the piece of paper.

 _PEYTON ELIZABETH BANKS._

She wrings her hands together. Watches him read the offending warrant.

It feels like forever before he speaks. She crosses and uncrosses her arms again and again.

'I don't understand' He finally mutters.

'No' She nods, she doesn't suppose he does.

'This is your married name, Banks?'

'Yes'

'You lied'

'Yes'

'This is a warrant for your arrest Peyton' He's worked out that much.

Her nostrils flare. 'Yes' She whispers.

'For kidnapping? What have you done?!' Her eyes glaze over. She doesn't speak. 'I've been pretty understanding when it comes to everything you've kept from me but how are we meant to build a relationship on lies Peyt?'

'We can't...I know I just...don't know where to start'

'How about the beginning?'

She licks her lips and nods nervously.

'Okay' He sinks onto a chair and patiently waits for her to start confiding.

She opens and closes her mouth. Her hands interlock in front of her but just as quickly they move to her sides, flex, palms flattened against her thighs as she struggles to find words.

'Peyton' He impatiently breathes out her name and she jumps. 'It's just me. Why're you so scared of talking to me?'

'Because I don't want to hurt you!' She exclaims. 'I...I don't want to hurt you...I know this is going to hurt you'

He swallows. 'Don't you think this is already hurting me?' It's not accusing. It's a truth. His voice gentle. 'I want to help you. It's killing me knowing you feel like you can't talk to me' He rises to his feet again and approaches her. 'Baby. I promise you. Whatever it is, we'll get through it'

She takes a shaky breath.

'Tell me' He pleads.

'It...it's...'

'Yes?'

'It's about my husband' She quietly discloses, so quietly that he can barely hear.

'Okay' Lucas nods. A thousand thoughts go through his head in the space of thirty seconds.

'He...he's not...he's not dead' She admits in a rush.

He can feel her hands trembling within his and his fingers instinctively grip hers tighter to try and steady her limbs. He squints at her in astonishment. 'Not. Dead'

'No' She pushes her tongue to the roof of her mouth.

'I don't, I don't understand' He licks his lips. Swallows. Tries to hydrate his dry mouth. 'Why would...why would you lie about that?'

She grimaces. 'I know it's awful but I-I couldn't face telling you the truth and I knew you, you'd quit asking questions if, if you thought...that'

Lucas doesn't say anything. His eyes burn into her. Ears straining. Waiting for the long anticipated explanation. It doesn't come. 'So you're...you're divorced? Separated?'

'No'

'No?' She watches a crease form on his forehead, knows he's trying his hardest to remain calm. 'So you're still in a relationship with this guy?' He's confused. His patience is quickly dwindling.

'No' She wishes her mouth would form words.

'You're not making any sense' He lets go of her, his hands flailing in front of him as he paces. 'You're not divorced or separated but you're not in a relationship? How does that make any sense-'

'I ran away' He halts. His head cranes back to look at her. Her eyes avert to the ground.

'Ran away' He echoes.

'Yes...he thought, he thought we were dead. At least I thought he thought we were dead'

'Dead'

'Yes...I wanted him to think we'd drowned. That we were gone. For good'

Lucas is frozen. 'Why?...'

Her bottom lip wobbles, her eyes slowly meet his, illuminated with unshed tears that are on the brink of overflowing.

Her wall is down. He can read her. Knows exactly what she's saying. Knows because there's been more signs than he can count. Indications in her behaviour that he'd sought out other plausible reasonings to explain. But he can't pretend anymore. He walks back to her and reaches for her arm. She follows his finger trailing down the scar there.

'You did this ice skating' He almost begs. The lump in the back of her throat stops her from answering. 'You did this ice skating' He repeats.

She slowly shakes her head.

'No' He pleads. Suddenly he wants to stop this confession because his heart is breaking.

'I tried to leave so many times Luke...'

His face contorts with her whispered words.

'He. Hurt. You?' He tersely asks, he wants confirmation. She hesitates. 'Peyton?' She nods. He releases her, blinks, his legs feel like they might give way. He shakes his head. His hands claw through his hair.

'Luke' She tries to ease the tornado of emotions that are brewing in his chest. 'I'm sorry'

His head jerks to look at her. Eyes pitch black. 'Sorry?' He repeats in disbelief.

She nods. Her vision a blur of colours now.

He's back before her in all of a second, arms swaddling her. Too many things are whizzing through his head. Too many questions that stop his mouth from telling her she has nothing to be sorry for but his strong embrace wordlessly conveys just that.

'The girls- he laid his hands on them too?'

'N-no. No. Not them' She gulps. 'But, but they saw. Adele she...She's s-seen th-things she, she shouldn't' She babbles into his chest. Lucas's hands tighten. 'And-and he-he knows I'm-I'm a-alive. He knows'

'It's alright, it's okay. You're safe here'

'No- he, he's going to come here. He will. He, he knew this is where I grew up and that, that' Her hand flounders to the crumpled document. 'He's put that warrant out for-for my arrest. He, he's in the police...If he finds us he, he'll take me back there. He will, if he doesn't kill me he'll take me back-'

'He can't do that Peyton'

'Yes he can! You don't understand. There's all these charges against me- drink driving and now kidnapping and, and a medical record that suggests I'm completely unstable! He'll get custody of the girls. You won't! I have to go. I have to get them away from-'

'Hey, hey' He cups her face. 'Look at me. I'm not letting anything happen to you or the girls'

'I love that you think that but you, you can't save me from him Luke' She whispers. 'You don't know what he's capable of, what he, he's done to me'

He swallows thickly. 'We'll figure it out' He nods his head assertively.

She abruptly pulls her top up. She's ripped the band aid off and now she needs him to accept the seriousness of her situation. 'This, I didn't do this by accident. He threw me into the table'

Lucas blinks.

'You know what I did wrong? I went for a coffee with a group of Mums from Addie's school. I'd not asked if I could'

He turns away most abruptly. He thinks he might throw up. She stares at his back. His shaking shoulders are unavoidable.

Her lip quivers. 'Luke' She bravely closes the gap between them, her hand resting on his back as she peers around him.

'I'm sorry' His apology is muffled behind his hand in his effort to hide his obvious distress. 'I just can't...' He can't fathom such evil.

She runs her thumb over his cheek to wipe away the tear that's settled there. 'Baby I'm ok' His eyes lock with hers. He notes her sudden change. Her sudden endeavour to be brave, to look after him. She always was the strong one. It always had been in her nature to look after him. To protect him. 'He'll kill me for being with you though, he will, he'll kill me. So you see? I don't have a choice. I have to go' She mouthes. 'I'm so sorry that I, I've dragged you into this I, I let myself think that we, we could be together but-'

'We are together- if you're going anywhere I'm coming with you. I'm not loosing you again' He hoarsely declares. 'He needs to be put away for this Peyt'

'That's never going to happen though. I, I know you're probably thinking I'm fucking stupid and that, that all we have to do is report it but it, it's not like that Luke. He's made it impossible for me'

'I don't think you're stupid Peyt. I get why you want to go and we'll go tonight if that's what you really want but I, I just think there's no harm in talking to Nate about this' She clings onto him suddenly. Needs to be in his arms. 'What about your Dad? Don't you at least want to say goodbye?'

'He'll understand'

'He knows?'

'Yeah'

'You told him?'

She hears the evident hurt. 'I...yes'

'And my Mum?' He assumes.

'Dad did. Don't be mad at her I, I made her promise not to-'

'Why wouldn't you tell me this?!'

'I'm sorry I just, I didn't want to have this conversation with you. I didn't want you to look at me differently'

'Look at you differently?'

'I just wanted you to see me as you did before! I just wanted to be with you as me'

'You're still you- I've told you-'

'Am I?! You have it in your head that I'm this tough girl'

'You are. Anyone that has survived this kind of shit is the definition of fucking tough Peyt. Why do you always try your hardest to be brave around me? You don't have to be fucking brave with me.' The rage inside him is swirling uncontrollably. 'I...I thought you fucking missed him, I thought-'

'I know' She has known that. Has watched him struggle with the possibility that he'd be forever sharing her heart with someone else.

'Where is he? I'm going to kill him- I'll kill him-'

'Luke' She coos softly. It's the consoling voice of a mother. 'It's ok'

'It's not ok Peyt' He disagrees. Her words always made him feel better but they can't right now. Nothing can make this better. Because this is a morbid nightmare and he wants to wake up right now. He wants to go back to this morning and change the course of their day because his head is pounding and all he can see is the angel before him being harmed and he can't handle it. He can't handle any of it. 'It's not okay'


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N** It's been forever I know. I'm sorry for the wait. This has been a bit of a tricksy chapter for me and I've had a lot of things going on (like moving cities) which hasn't left much time!

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'Luke' She sighs. He's sitting on the bed surrounded by the pile of clothing she'd made during her manic episode. She's not sure how long he's been sat there. Long enough for her to be concerned that he's never going to move again.

She crouches down, kneeling before him on the floor. His eyes slowly find hers as her hands latch over his. 'You need to stop now' She quietly hums.

'Stop what?' He wants to pull her back up to standing. Doesn't want her cowering before him. It doesn't matter that that's not what she's doing. It's suddenly all he can see; her being belittled. Being forced to beg.

'Stop whatever it is your thinking. It's not helping'

'You just told me that the man you married, the man that you've been with for practically the last ten years has been abusing you all this time. How, how can I stop thinking Peyt?' Her face contorts in answer. 'How could anyone hurt you?' He shakes his head, his eyes begging her to blurt that he's misunderstood. That this is all a sick joke.

'There's no point trying to understand' God knows she's spent enough time trying. 'Some people aren't good Luke...'

'We're not talking about someone that's fucking misguided Peyt. This isn't a bad person. It's fucking evil' He curses. Abruptly looks away from her with what she classifies as disgust. It's not. It's rage.

'I'm sorry' Her hands shift off of his lap.

His stare jerks back to her then. She does look like she's cowering before him now. 'No, no' He grapples for her retreating fingers. 'Don't apologise. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for yelling I'm just, I'm so...I've never been this angry I-'

'I'm sorry' She repeats, her face screwing up because he just told her not to apologise. 'Sorry' But she seemingly can't help it. She's even saying sorry for saying sorry.

'None of this is on you Peyt. None of it'

'But it is' She whispers. 'I left Luke. I didn't tell you the truth back then and I kept Addie from you. I married him! I said I do to him! I know what he did to me wasn't my fault directly but me being there was my fault! I made choices that put me there. With him'

'Because I let you down!'

'What?'

'I should've tried harder to find you! I thought you were fucking happy, I didn't know! I-'

'This isn't your fault- don't do that. I knew you'd do this. Don't start blaming yourself for everything he did to me. Please, that's just going to kill me Luke. It has nothing to do with you'

'It has everything to do with me. I love you' He disagrees. 'Knowing you've been hurting kills me'

'Don't think about the time I've been gone. Think about the time I've been back. You've made me so happy. You've made my girls happy. You'd given me a future Luke I'll forever be-'

'Don't start talking like that future is over before it's even began' He interrupts. He's on his feet now and lifts her up off the floor easily. He stands tall. He's taking action. He wants to get her out of this house and away from this room. Away from the disarray of half packed luggage that is urging her to flee. Suddenly the small space between them and the rest of his family is too much. He wants everyone safely before him. 'Just, lets...I think we should go see the girls. Addie was really distressed' He murmurs decisively.

She's not fooled. She can read him. Of course he's worried about the children but she knows he wants his brother's advice.

She swallows thickly. 'I didn't mean to loose it in front of her but I just...Nate took me be surprise. He was asking me all these questions...it was all too much' She's cursing herself for the way she'd screamed at the confused nine year old. 'He's not going to call this in is he? He's won't take me down to the station-'

'He won't do anything we don't want him to Peyt'

'Even if it's his duty?' She fretfully wonders.

'We're his family. We're his duty'

'I'm not! I'm not his family. He owes me nothing-'

'He's a good man. He fights for what is right. So he does owe you something. He owes you protection and help and he'll do everything he can. You must trust him. You wouldn't have sent him over there with the girls if not'

'I do trust him. I do. But I don't trust that he understands what Ian is like'

His jaw juts out. Again she misinterprets his expression. She sees pity, sees everything she's been dreading. He opens his mouth but her blurted 'Don't' kills the words that had been on the tip of his tongue.

'What?' His hands hold hers tight.

'I don't want you pitying-'

'That's not what I'm doing.' He snorts because he wishes he was level headed enough to be feeling anything resembling compassion right now, all he can focus on is his rage. 'I will only ever look at you with fucking admiration' He declares hotly. 'I just...there'll never be enough justice for what's been done to you but I can't...you're talking about walking away, running away and I want this bastard to face charges for this. Surely if that's possible you want that too?'

'...of course I do' She nods tearfully. 'I just don't think that is a possibility' She pulls her hands free of his and presses them to her temple. Her head is beginning to ache. '...if...if you really think, if you really want...I'll do what you want. I'll do whatever you want. If you want me to stay then...'

His head is pulsing too. He's confused by her erratic behaviour. Confused by how she's most suddenly changed her tune when she'd so fiercely announced that they had to leave not even forty minutes ago. He's concerned because he knows she's not changed her mind on the matter. Not really. Fleeing in her mind is the best option and her relenting is only forcing him to consider that her abrupt submission is fuelled by something more sinister, is perhaps fuelled by her fear of him becoming irritated with her...him hurting her. A part of him is certain that of course she doesn't liken him to her husband but he can't help but be concerned that that's the case.

'I want to do whatever you want Peyt' His voice is soft. Calmer. Fingers whisper over her cheek. 'I...I'm not trying to tell you what to do. I just think it would be worth chatting a little more in depth with Nate and the sooner we do that the better we'll both feel and then we'll be able to make a decision...together'

She sniffles. 'Together?'

'Together' He nods. Their noses bump together. 'Of course together...You know I'd never, ever hurt you don't you?' He whispers. She wishes he didn't need her to clarify that.

'You don't need to ask me that'

'No?'

'No'

He licks his lips. Studies the little frown on her face. '...Last night' He breathes. 'You...you were' His assertiveness is gone.

'What?' She whispers.

'You were nervous'

'You weren't?'

'Yes but you...it was a different kind of nervous to what you were when we had our first time'

'It wasn't our first time Luke. Of course it was a different kind of nervous'

'Okay' He scrapes his hand through his hair. He knows this is all coming out wrong. He knows by her expression that she knows exactly what he means. Knows she's not keen on continuing down this avenue but he can't not. 'What I mean is that I...I couldn't pin point what it was but now I...I think you were frightened' He hoarsely expels.

'I wasn't. I'm not. I've never been frightened of you' She disagrees. 'Last night and this morning meant more to me than you'll ever know. I wanted you. We were kids the last time we did that. Of course I was nervous. I told you- I told you I was nervous. I told you I was nervous about it not being the same, of me not being the same and-'

'Did he force you?' He abruptly cuts off her rambling because she's repeating herself and he knows she's merely saying words in an effort to shut up his line of enquiry.

She's silent. She doesn't know what to say to that. Doesn't know what she can say. She takes a step back. She wants out of this conversation now. His hands clasp hers before she gets far. He's remembering the words she'd said. _I'm not very good at this. I don't know what I'm doing. Tell me what to do. I'll do whatever you want._

'Luke' Her head is already swivelling back and forth.

'He made you didn't he?'

She sighs. 'He made me do a lot of things' She whispers. 'I'd not made a decision about anything in a really long time before I came here'

'Right. And that extended to the bedroom?'

She closes her eyes. Shakes her head. 'No I just, I...I obviously didn't...I didn't..' She cringes at her nonsensical mumbling. 'I don't want to talk about this'

'No I'm getting that. But I think it's important we do. Did he rape-'

'I learnt to be what he wanted' She hurriedly tells him as his thumbs coast over the backs of her hands in what's meant to be a soothing manner but she can't be soothed. She can feel her cheeks growing hot.

There's a lump in the back of his throat. 'What he wanted' He echoes.

She looks into his sad blue eyes. 'I never thought I'd have that again; what you gave me last night. Sex has, it's, it's been...a chore.' He grimaces and she hurriedly continues. 'You made it not that. I wanted you. You made it about us. You made me remember'

'Remember?' He croaks.

'That I don't belong to him. That I still belong to you'

'You don't belong to anyone' His voice becomes dangerously deep.

'I want to belong to you'

He feels like he might be sick. 'No. No you don't! We're one Peyt. There's a difference. I don't control you. You don't control me'

'Right' She nods. 'But see I do belong to you Luke. I always have. I left my heart here with you the day I left...for a while I kidded myself into thinking it would go away. The ache. I told myself we were young and stupid. I told myself we'd never have lasted. I told myself I'd just saved us both a lot of heartache. But it was a lie. All I did was create pain...being with you that way last night and this morning, I was scared, you're right but not in the way you think. I was scared I'd forgotten how to...be me...with you...but I felt like me. Us. I felt alive...I know I'm probably not making sense' She closes her eyes. 'But I...I wasn't scared of you. I was scared of me, of, of me not being able to...I don't know...' Her lashes flutter as she looks up into his eyes. 'I love you. So much Luke. And if it weren't for the girls I would've probably told you so a lot sooner but I... they have to come first, I need them to be ok. It doesn't matter about me I just-'

'You matter. You being okay is key to them being ok Peyt. You being okay is everything to me. I love you so, so much'

'I know. I'm so sorr-'

'Shh. No more sorry's' He squeezes her hand and blinks determinedly before a tear rolls down his cheek. 'Come on, you'll feel better once you've got the girls in front of you again' His arm goes around her and grief consumes her because he's different. His touch is different to what it has been in recent days. It's nervous. Unsure. Painfully delicate. And it makes her want to scream that she's not a china doll. But she doesn't because this isn't just hard for her. She knows that. She's just dropped a huge bombshell. Of course he's jittery and cautious. And it doesn't matter anyway...she supposes she should start coming to terms with loosing this, loosing them all over again. Because she's sure it's only a matter of time. Her bubble has been burst. Her husband knows she's alive and she knows he won't stop until she's back in her rightful place.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

Adele is peering through the window at them as they approach the house.

Peyton wraps her cardigan tighter around her and feels that familiar guilt rush over her as they get inside and are faced with the nine year old's rosy cheeks and watery eyes.

Alexa is oblivious to the goings on it seems, successfully distracted by Karen with playdough. She's too busy to even look up from their "pizza" making to say hello.

'Mum?' Adele nervously breaks the tense silence.

'I'm sorry honey' Lucas watches Peyton squat down before their daughter. Watches her transform before his eyes, become resilient and reassuring. Become the girl he's been faced with for months now. And it makes his heart ache all the more because it's not real. None of it's been real. It's a facade and god is she good at it. She'd never been able to act to save her life and he's stunned by how effortlessly she seems to be able to summon the strength to do so, especially right now. 'I didn't mean to frighten you' She holds Adele's hands tightly. Ignores the watchful presence of Nathan and Karen. Her gaze focused on her eldest child.

Adele's stare flutters to Lucas and he takes a shuddering breath. He's seeing her through new eyes. Seeing her for the first time. Understanding what he hasn't been able to before now. Understanding that look his daughter is giving him.

He's thankful when one of Peyton's hands settles on her cheek and guides her accusing stare back to her because his eyes are welling for the hundredth time in the last hour.

'I promise it's going to be okay' Peyton murmurs.

'Are we leaving?' Adele's words are whispered. They're meant for her mother and mother alone and suddenly all other adults in the room feel as though they're trespassing on a private conversation.

'Luke' Nathan nods toward the hall and Lucas is only too eager to escape with him because he's on the brink of loosing it. He'd only just about got it back together but seeing Adele again. Knowing now what he hadn't before. Knowing everything these little girls have been through, of course he's on the brink.

Karen is thankful for Nathan's presence too. Thankful that the two siblings have become so close over the years because her son doesn't need her right now. She's his mother. She knows what he needs. Knows he doesn't need to be swaddled in love and kisses. Knows he doesn't want her telling him she's oh so sorry and that everything is okay. She knows he needs to vent and Nathan is the best person to help him through the rage bellowing deep inside him. She's needed here. Her grandchildren need her and Peyton...she swallows. Peyton needs a mother. A mother she's not had in far too long.

'I'm gonna talk to Nate Peyt' Lucas croaks. She nods without looking up at him and answers Adele's question.

'I don't know yet baby. We're deciding'

'Deciding what?'

'I...I don't...'

'Mummy and Luke want to talk things through a bit more sweetie' Karen hums supportively, a strange relief floating over her as they're left alone. 'You're all safe here. Nathan is here-'

'Just because he's a cop doesn't mean he's good' Adele scowls, uncaring if the man in question is still in earshot or not, unlike Peyton who beckons her to keep her voice down.

'No. But being your Uncle means he is' Karen disputes.

'You can trust Nathan Addie' Peyton affirms.

'He's one person. He can't protect us'

Karen grimaces at the nine year old's observation. Grimaces because she's worrying about things that a child shouldn't have to. Her worries are beyond her years. Her worries are the same as her mother's.

'Is he coming here Mum? I know I said I didn't want to but I was being a baby. I'll be brave. We can go. I'll be good and-'

'Shh' Peyton draws her into her arms and holds her tight. 'You're already so brave Addie. Try not to worry ok? We're sorting this out'

'We're?' Adele dubiously wonders.

'Yes. All of us' Karen pipes up. 'We're a team now you know?'

'A team' Adele repeats.

'Yes. It's not just you, Mummy and Lexie anymore and when you're a team you make decisions all together. Not alone'

Adele looks back up into Peyton's face. 'Karen is right' The drained mother hums as she slowly rises back to her full height, her hand slipping round Adele's shoulders as she pulls her into her side and walks her to the table.

'Mummy why is everyone sad?' Alexa's chimed question gains all of their attention.

Peyton smiles wearily and strokes her free hand over the 3 year old's messy mop of hair. 'I'm sorry jitterbug' Peyton taps her nose.

'You've been crying. People cry when they're sad' The child observes knowledgeably, suddenly more than aware of the tense atmosphere.

'Yeah, I'm okay though. Whatcha making?'

'Pizza!' Her concern evaporates. She's easily distracted, a smile on her face as her round eyes return to the playdough before her. 'Mine has bugs and strawberries on' She giggles at the thought.

'Scrummy. My favourite' Peyton plays along.

'You can have a slice' Alexa gleefully extends a vibrant array of mushed dough into her mother's hand and watches as Peyton animatedly feigns devouring her creation.

'Mm. You think you can make me some more?'

'Uhuh'

'Maybe Addie will help' Adele is already rolling a piece of unused dough in her hand and gets the hint, perching herself on the side of her little sister's chair. 'Thanks baby'

Karen wordlessly ushers Peyton away from the busy children. Waits until they're half way down the hall before she takes her in her arms. A sob passes Peyton's lips less than a second later 'He needed to know honey' Karen coos into her ear.

'I-I know, I just, I wanted more t-time. I- I didn't want it to be like th-that, like th-this'

'It was never going to be easy. You couldn't plan it'

'But it-it's not just telling Luke- _he_ - _he knows...he knows. He knows_ I'm alive. He-he's going to come here. I know he will eventually' Peyton takes a shuddering breath.

'I meant what I said just now. We'll figure it out sweetie. I promise you'

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

Lucas sighs. He's been listening to his brother speaking for the last half hour. Nathan's words have been somehow consoling, diplomatic and logical all at once and despite his current emotional turmoil Lucas can suddenly see what he perhaps hasn't before. Can see why his brother is constantly progressing in his field of work. He's good at this. Like really good.

'Are you mad I didn't tell you first?' Nathan wonders abruptly as he contemplates his sibling's silence and in that moment he's just that. He's merely a man standing before his brother wanting to help. He's not a cop.

'No of course not...I mean maybe it would've been easier coming from you but I know why you didn't Nate' He trails off. Hears the familiar creak that signals someone is about to open the door. Both siblings twist their heads.

'Peyt' He jumps up from his seat as she peers around the door. 'Are you okay?'

She nods. 'I'm fine'

His head bobs. 'Yeah?' Her glassy orbs suggest otherwise.

'Yes. Don't fuss' Her smile is weak but it's jesting. She's referring to a conversation they'd had just this morning when he'd told her she'd once called him out for fussing over her. This morning feels forever ago though and he's not sure he's capable of not fussing over her right now. Or ever.

'Sorry, I, I just...sorry' He nervously answers. He's wary of upsetting her. Of doing the wrong thing. Saying the wrong wrong thing. Being the wrong thing.

'I know you're frightened right now but you do have options Peyton' Nathan speaks up then.

'Options' She echoes.

'Yes, options. Why don't you join us?' He suggests.

She walks further into the room and carefully shuts the door to deter her children from thinking they're welcome to this conversation.

'I was just telling Luke that I can get one of my colleagues down here-'

'I don't want to talk to anyone else right now' She hastily interrupts. 'This is all off the record right? You're not reporting this to anyone, you're not on duty right now are you?'

'You're just talking to Luke's brother right now. The department I work for isn't like that of your husband's though Peyton. You can trust Tree Hill's division'

'Nate wants to help' Lucas highlights.

'I know and I...I'm sorry about earlier' She murmurs as she sinks onto the sofa, Lucas dropping down beside her. 'I was acting crazy-'

'Not at all' Nathan bats his hand. 'I bombarded you and naturally you were concerned about what this means for you'

She bites her lip. Lucas watches her. He's not the least bit turned on by her little habit now as he had been less that twenty four hours ago. It's not the same. This isn't seduction it's worry.

'The thing is, I know what this means for me. You say I have options but realistically I have two. One I have a chance of surviving the other ends in my death sentence'

'I understand why you think fleeing seems like your best choice right now but these games of chase only end in you getting caught'

'Not if you keep running'

'It doesn't have to be like that though. What if we can catch him instead?'

'There's not enough evidence. I told you-'

'I know. And that is our biggest hurdle but we can start building a case nonetheless.'

'On what? My word?'

'Your statements yes. The children's statements-'

'I don't want them involved in-'

'Did they ever witness him being violent toward you?' Despite his claims that she's talking to her boyfriend's brother right now he can't just forget all of his training and right now he wants to get some key facts straight.

'I, I tried not to let that happen but there were instances when I couldn't...'

'You couldn't control when he'd strike'

'No' She agrees. 'But I can control what they see and talk about now and...' She shakes her head.

'Peyt, they're already involved' Lucas exhales softly. 'They're a part of this'

'Children aren't reliable sources. Their words can be so easily orchestrated. They won't win this battle for me and I don't want to put them through that'

'You're right' Nathan agrees. 'Their testimony alone won't but we can get prerecorded sessions done with them that wouldn't subject them to a court appearance. We're getting far too ahead of ourselves right now anyway...Do you have photos of any injuries you attained?'

'Not really' She sniffles. 'I had been documenting it at one stage but he destroyed it all. I have a USB stick of photos. It's the only thing I took but they're mainly the girls. There's probably a few pictures of me on there where you might be able to see some bruising but nothing obvious'

'They'd be good to have a look at anyway. Would you let me sift through those?'

'O-okay- now? It's back at the house-'

'Later is fine...You said he broke your arm earlier'

She nods again.

'Did you go to the hospital after that?'

She swallows. 'Yeah but it...I was taken their by officers. They told the staff their version of what had happened- no one would listen to me'

'I'm just thinking it might be good if we can get our hands on some medical records if you let me know the name of the hospital I can look into that'

'I'm sure there's plenty of those rocking about but they're not going to paint me in the greatest light'

'That doesn't matter. If we get a Doctor to look you over thoroughly here it's likely we'll be able to contend any inaccurate records. Quite often when someone has been abused Doctor's can find hints that suggest so from scans just from the nature of how past injuries have healed. Have you had any other breaks?'

'Not like my arm. Maybe some fractures'

'She's got scars down her side from when he pushed her into a glass table' Lucas pipes up then.

Nathan nods. 'That's all good stuff' His stare darts away from his brother's glare then. 'I mean not good just-'

'I know. It's okay Nathan' Peyton shakes her head with a small smile. 'The more scars and injuries I can give you the better right?'

'Right' She puts him at ease unlike his brother. 'Do you remember the first time he showed any violence towards you?'

Her calmness falters then. She opens and closes her mouth and then looks to Lucas. 'Luke?'

'Yeah'

'Why don't you go check see if your Mum is ok with the girls?' She softly suggests.

'Why?' He squints at her.

'Because I, I don't think I can do this with you in here' She honestly confides, her heart aching at his saddened expression. 'Please I don't want you knowing all this'

'I...I need to know this Peyt. I'm only going to imagine and' He scrapes his hand through his hair. 'Trust me, what I'm imagining right now isn't great'

She takes a shuddery breath.

'Maybe you two should talk about this by yourselves later and just let me and Peyton have a chat alone right now Luke' Nathan proposes softly.

He knows his brother isn't going anywhere by the look that is sent in his direction then.

'Baby' Lucas takes her hand. 'I know me knowing this is hard for you. I get it, I do but put yourself in my shoes for a second'

She sighs heavily before nodding curtly. 'Okay'

He expected more of a fight. Her surrendering doesn't fill him with jubilation.

'Are you sure?' Nathan enquires. 'I can make him leave you know' He smiles.

'No he...he's right, it just saves me retelling it anyway right?' She tries a smile of her own but it doesn't reach her eyes. Nathan shifts in his seat because he knows she's going to have to go through this more than just the once if she takes this further. He doesn't say so though. Doesn't want to put her off the idea of seeking help from the police when she has every reason to doubt them '...He...When Addie was nearly one I, I went with him to a party and, well everything was fine but when we got back and...' She slides her hand out of Lucas's and licks her lips. 'He was different with me when we were in bed together he... he was rough... In a way I, I didn't like, it's like he couldn't hear me. See me.' She squeezes her hands together and avoids looking at Lucas. Doesn't want to see the anguish she knows awaits her.

Unlike Peyton, Nathan risks looking at his brother, his heart clenches because he knows his sibling is barely keeping it together with Peyton's confession. Despite knowing this is all information that Lucas needs to hear he wishes he'd have left under Peyton's duress because it would make the questions he's got to ask a lot easier were he not present right now.

'He raped you?'

'No just...didn't listen. I told him to stop. He wouldn't'

'That's the definition of rape Peyt' Lucas lowly declares.

'I know what rape is' She meekly answers.

'I asked you earlier-'

'Luke' Nathan cuts off with a shake of his head and a glare that tells his distressed brother to shut up. 'Did you try and leave after that first altercation?' Nathan attempts to reel them back in because they're both floundering on the edge, at risk of being lost to the inevitable emotion that's bubbling beneath the surface.

'After he, he was really apologetic. He said I'd made him jealous. That seeing me talk to other men made him feel overly possessive. He said it wouldn't happen again'

Lucas shakes his head and stands up. Peyton watches him stride toward the window, his back to them. She doesn't know what was worse. Him being beside her or him being as far away as possible.

'I know I was stupid but he, he'd never been like that before, he'd not and at that point I, I still thought he was someone he wasn't' She blabbers.

'You're not stupid' Nathan disagrees. 'No one chooses to enter into an abusive relationship. Domestic abuse of this nature frequently starts off like this. With the odd occurrence, explained away with words and you're so invested in that person that you let it go. That's not stupidity, it's just believing in someone...How long was it before he hurt you again?'

'Probably just a month or so...he hit me'

'Did something in particular fuel his aggression?'

'I'd laughed at something one of his friends had said. I felt crazy. He made out like I'd been the biggest flirt but I' She shakes her head. 'I wasn't. I'm not'

'Even if that had been the case it really doesn't condone anyone doing that to you' Nathan emphasises. 'So would you agree that jealousy was a key motivation in his violence towards you?'

'He didn't like me talking to men. It didn't matter what it was. Just a thank you or hello was too much. Me talking to you right now wouldn't be acceptable'

'And after that first time he hit you did you consider leaving?'

'I had a bag packed within seconds but he barricaded me in his study. He went on this long sob story about how the guy I'd been laughing with had had an affair with his best friend's wife and how terrible his day at work had been, that there'd been a robbery and a kid had been shot. He felt responsible. Blah, blah, blah. I know it's fucking ridiculous but I remember actually feeling sorry for him. His speech went on for so long and I was so naive. I listened. I believed every word. I told him if he ever raised his hand to me again I was out that door. I meant it. And when he did I was- I tried.'

'How did he stop you?'

'He locked me in the basement that time. He took Adele away. Told me he wouldn't bring her back until I agreed to his conditions so I, I did but as soon as I was alone again I went to the station. I reported him and it's then that I realised'

'Realised?'

'That I was in this web. Trapped. I wasn't just escaping him I was escaping a whole town of people'

'They didn't take your report seriously?'

'Of course. My husband was notified straight away' She drones sarcastically. 'He took it seriously'

'He hurt you?'

'Somewhat' She mutters.

'Do you know the names of those people you reported it too?'

She nods.

'Can you write them down?' He fumbles in his pocket and slides a notebook onto the coffee table between them. Her eyes widen. 'I'll do a little bit of snooping' He answers her uneasy gaze.

'But...' She hesitates.

'If you decide you don't want me to take it any further I'll drop it. You have my word Peyton' He extends a pen out to her and only with his reassurances does she begin to scribble down on the notepad. 'And names of anyone that contributed to you not being able to leave, anyone your husband is particularly close to, anyone that would be loyal to him' He watches her loopy handwriting scrawl down the page, slowly making a list.

Lucas stays silent, his back still resolutely to them. He's seemingly frozen. His teeth grit together as the sound of her pen goes on for what feels like forever. He wants every single person condemned for being a bystander to her torment.

'Okay' She swallows. 'I...these three at the top, they work with him and then these, these are family members' She puts stars next to several names toward the bottom of the list.

'His parents?'

'Yeah and brother and sister-in-law'

'And they knew what was going on?'

She nods. 'To an extent anyway'

'His Mother knew?' Lucas's disbelief has his head craning round, the question blurting across the room.

'...she thought I was in the wrong. She thought my defiance wasn't following God's path'

'They're religious?' Nathan carefully coaxes her attention back to him because he can see her panic escalating under Lucas's gaze.

Peyton swallows. 'I don't think you can call it religion. Religion that I grew up witnessing was faith and love. That's not what that was...they hid behind it, excused their actions because of it'

'When did he break your arm?'

Her mouth is dry now. She swallows.

'Take your time'

'It was shortly after Dad's accident. I'd sort of resigned myself that I wasn't going to be able to get away but when that happened it, it motivated me to try again. I had to come here. I so badly wanted to come home...Adele was four and he, he was working late one night so I, I got her out of bed and put her in the car'

'He found you though' Nathan can only assume.

'His colleagues did...they wouldn't let me go and then he turned up and...things turned ugly...he...he...'

'He?'

'I thought he was going to kill me' Lucas closes his eyes tight with her confession. 'His hands were round my neck. I couldn't breathe. But then he...he stopped...for a moment I kidded myself that I could still get away' She sighs. 'I nearly made it back to the car but he caught up. Broke my arm and then...' She swallows.

'Then?'

'He...I couldn't stop him...'

Nathan has already determined what happened next. 'He raped you'

'Yes' Lucas' face crumples. She keeps her eyes firmly on her hands. '...he wouldn't stop' Lucas' hands bawl into fists. 'He'd never done that to me before, not like that at least- I-I was saying no before it even started' His nostrils flare. His heart pumping at an unpleasant pace. 'I tried to make him stop. I couldn't make him stop. My arm...I couldn't...'

'Where was Adele?' Nathan softly asks.

'...In...in the car. She...I tired to be quiet, I really tried to...but she...' She swallows the familiar lump that lodges itself in the back of her throat whenever she recalls the night in question. 'She heard me she, she tried to get out...' Lucas's fingers slowly unclench as nausea encompasses him. He blinks. 'I used my broken arm to try and keep the door shut but she...she got out the other side...she saw and-' She stops because Lucas abruptly strides past them.

'Luke wait' She's on her feet. Cringes as the door bangs against the wall.

'He's alright' Nathan halts her from following his raging brother.

'...Is he?' She wonders as the sound of retching travels to their ears from down the hall in the bathroom. She shakes her head.

'He'll be alright' Nathan rephrases.

'How would you feel if Brooke had let Jack see that?'

Nathan gulps. 'That's the last thing that would ever cross my mind; You didn't let Adele see that. This is something that was done to you. To the both of you and that's all Luke sees' He feels sick to his stomach too so god knows what his brother is feeling. 'I'm so sorry that you went through that Peyton'

She bites down hard on her bottom lip to stop it from wobbling.

'Come sit back down. It'll be easier if we just talk alone won't it? Luke will be ok, he just needs a minute' She sighs shakily and tries to refocus, tries to forget about Lucas and instead concentrate on Nathan. 'You're amazing you know that? You got away. Do you know how many cases I see like this? It hardly ever ends like this Peyton'

'It's not ended though. Has it? He's found out I'm alive somehow. He's coming for me'

'Will you let me try and help you?'

'What happens when he gets here and you accuse him of a million things that can't be proved? What then? You get me a few days. You'll be able to get me that at most. I know where I stand Nathan'

'You don't stand alone anymore. That's where you stand. I'm not saying this is going to be easy. I'm not saying that but let me do my job. Let me help you. I swear to you if it comes to it I'll be telling you to leave. I know you've been surrounded by people that haven't helped you. That couldn't be trusted but that doesn't apply here. You can trust me'

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'How could you not tell me Mum?' They're on the porch. He's ghostly white. He accepts the glass of water being held out to him.

'Larry asked me not to Luke. She asked me-'

'How did any of you think it was a good idea to keep me in the dark about this! I love her!'

Karen winces at his harsh tone. 'I know baby but she didn't want you to know-'

'I don't care what she wanted-'

'Well she's spent the last ten years having someone not care about what she wants. Larry and I thought it was about time her wishes were granted' Karen hotly retorts. 'I know you're upset. You have every right to be. But don't be mad at us. Be mad at him...she had to be the one to tell you. It's her story to tell. Can you blame her for trying to keep you in the dark? She's been wrapped up in so much misery. She's been revelling in just being with you Lucas'

'I knew something was wrong!'

'I know' Karen murmurs.

'You've seen me worrying about her. You've known everything I'm feeling'

'Honey I encouraged her to talk to you. She was going to talk to you but she needed to do it on her terms. How you react to this is important. I know you're hurting right now, I know you're feeling a billion different things but you need to be her rock. You hear me? If she wants to go you go with her'

'What?' Lucas blinks. Stares hard at his mother. 'I know you Mum. I know your dream is for me to be living over there across the field with her. To be near to you. For us all to be a family. You're telling me if she wants to leave here you'll support that?'

'I want you to be happy. Peyton Sawyer has always been wrapped up in that. What I need is for you, for the both of you to have your happily after and if that's not here then so be it' She hoarsely declares. '...from everything she's told me I...I'm...if he comes here I'm concerned that whatever protection we have in place won't be enough...I think he'd sooner she were dead than living a life away from him Luke, I can't bear the thought of any of you getting hurt...those little girls...' She shakes her head. 'They have to come first'

He gulps. He feels light headed. His mouth opens and closes. 'Addie she...' He sinks onto the porch step. His legs can't hold him up any longer. He shakes his head. He can't bear the thought of all the things his young daughter has seen.

'I know Luke' Karen slowly sits down beside him.

'I just...jesus I was so happy this morning and now I, I don't think I've ever felt worse Mum. Peyton, she's my whole world. She's always been my whole world- I thought she was happy, I thought-'

'Shh' Karen's arm goes around him.

'And Addie' A tear races down his cheek. 'She's my little girl'

'Your little girl is safe. Your little girl is learning that her Daddy is the best kind of man there is. And your little girl is right there Luke' Karen softly hums.

Lucas's head jerks up to see the nine year old loitering not far away.

'Come here honey' Karen beckons her grandaughter over. 'It's alright'

Adele slowly approaches them from her hiding spot.

'You're crying'

'Told you boys cry too' Karen smiles at the bemused child. 'I'll let you speak to your Dad alone shall I? I think you're the best person that can make him feel better right now' Karen rises up to her feet without waiting for an answer.

Lucas wipes hastily at his eyes. 'Are you alright kiddo?' He enquires gruffly.

She regards him curiously. 'Where's Mum?'

'She's talking to Nate'

'She'd been crying when you got here' She notes stiffly. 'She was crying in the hall with Karen too. I heard her'

'Yes' Lucas nods. '...Me and your Mum had a long talk'

'Talk' Adele repeats.

Lucas's face contorts because now that he knows the truth he hears the accusation in Adele's statement. 'Yes talk. I've not hurt her Addie' He emphasises. 'I'd never hurt her. You know that right?'

Adele nods slowly.

'I'm not sure you do...Your mum has told me about...him...She's told me everything'

'Why're you crying?'

'I...I'm, I'm...devastated' He admits. 'It, it's not nice to hear all the things he...' He shakes his head and abruptly pulls Adele to him in a tight embrace. 'I'm so sorry' He gulps. 'If I, if I'd known I, I would've come. You hear? I would've stopped him. What he's done it, it's so very wrong. You do know that right?'

She can't find words. Can't fathom his distress.

'I realise now that you, you've been worrying that I'll hurt her haven't you?'

'She says you won't ever do that' She quietly confesses into his shoulder.

His hands clutch at her little forearms as he withdraws from his tight hug to regard her carefully.

'She's right. Never. Never. Me and your Mum might fight, everyone has arguments from time to time but we'll always argue with words not fists. That's how it's meant to be. You don't need to be frightened of me. It kills me that you're frightened'

'I'm not'

'No? You thought I'd hurt her this morning didn't you?'

'She said you didn't'

'Addie I love her, hurting her, anybody hurting her breaks my heart. I want to protect her. I want her to be happy. That's all I want. All I've ever wanted'

'I know...'

'Yeah?'

'I just...forget...sometimes...I think'

Lucas nods uneasily. 'Well, well when you forget you tell me okay? I'll remind you'

'Okay' She whispers and lets him pull her down onto his lap. 'Do we have to leave here?'

He plays with her small hands. 'I don't know. I hope not but if we do I'm going to be coming with you this time ok?'

'You are?'

'Of course. I'm not going to let anything happen to you. You, your Mum and Lexie are my whole world' He watches her carefully. 'Nathan is helping us. He's not like him. I swear. He's a good policeman and more importantly he's your Uncle. He's going to advise us on the best thing to do'

'What if he comes here? What if he takes us?'

'No' Lucas shakes his head vigorously. 'I'm not letting anyone take you anywhere'

'He knows we're alive that's why Mum wants us to go isn't it?'

He regards her carefully. He wants to lie but he's painfully aware of all the lies his daughter has been told and he so badly needs her to trust him. 'He knows yes'

'He'll find us'

'I won't let him near you Addie. Any of you'

'You don't know him' She points out. 'He does what he wants. I don't want Mum to go back to that hospital she, she can't'

'Hospital?' Lucas whispers.

'He'll take her back there he will. I don't like it when he, he makes her take tablets. She's different'

'Tablets?'

'I use to think she had to take them to make her better but I know it's not. They stop her smiling. She stops being her. She sleeps more'

He exhales shakily. He didn't think any of this could get any more horrendous. 'Did she take tablets all the time?'

'Not all the time. Just when she was bad'

'Bad? There isn't a bad bone in your mother's body. There's not. She's not bad'

'I know' She likes the way his head shakes adamantly back and forth. 'When I was little I use to think she was' Her voice is small with her admission. 'I was mad at her cause sometimes I didn't get to see her and I missed her and I thought it was cause she'd been bad but he's the bad one'

'Yes. He's the bad one' Lucas agrees firmly. 'You...You and Lex spent some time away from your Mum then?'

'Just me...it was before Lexie. I had to live with Grandma and Grandpa for a bit'

'How long for?'

'I dunno. I was just a little kid. It felt like forever. I was so mad at her but now I'm bigger I know I wasn't mad at her really I was just upset and scared cause I wasn't allowed to be with her'

'I'm so sorry sweetheart' He tucks a lock of her hair behind her ear. 'You shouldn't have had to go through that'

Yet another tear escapes his glassy eyes and she follows it as it trails down his cheek. Her little hand eases out of his and wipes it away. 'Mummy is a lot tougher than you' She smiles.

'Oh I know that' Lucas laughs wearily. 'Your Mum is amazingly strong'

'Lu-cas' Two small arms suddenly latch around his neck. 'Why're you all hidings from me?' Alexa dramatically wonders. 'I've been looking all everywhere'

'You have?' Lucas tilts his head and paints on a bright smile for the three year old.

'Uhuh. Karen says I can't disturbs Mumma and Nate. Lily is still not back from her friends and you've been hiding out here'

'We weren't hiding Lex. We were just talking' Adele rolls her eyes at her little sister.

The three year old abruptly lets go of Lucas and hops down the steps. 'Where're you off to?' Lucas laughs at her short attention span.

'I gots to gets some sticks for the Carlos, Roland and Cleo'

'Huh?'

'If we're staying here they're gonna needs some food to munch on and they like sticks' She hollers as she skips around the garden in search of some fallen sticks.

Lucas glances down to Adele who is still perched on his knee. 'What's she on about?'

'Goblins'

'Goblins?' Lucas repeats.

'Uhuh. We have goblins that protect us' She puts her hand up to her mouth then. 'She thinks they're real but I just made them up so she wouldn't get scared' She whispers.

'Oh' Lucas squints. 'I see. Goblins hey? Not into fairies then huh?'

'Fairies aren't strong enough to get the bad guys'

'They've got pixie dust'

'Which is good for flying but not much else. Goblins are strong. One little flick and you'd be knocked over'

'Really? Well I'd better behave around your goblins then huh?'

'Uhuh' Adele smiles and then slowly averts her eyes back to her sister. 'She only brings them up when she's feeling frightened... She likes it here. So do I. I don't want to go away from here'

'I know. We're definitely not going anywhere just yet okay? Not until we've talked everything through with Nate'

'But what if he comes here soon? If he knows about you and Mum he'll, he'll...he might kill her. He might kill you'

'Let me worry about that ok? I'm not letting anything happen to anyone'

'You promise?'

'I promise. Okay?'

'...Okay...' She looks up into his face then. '...You were sick'

'You heard that?'

'Uhuh'

'I, I'm okay I just...I got upset and it made me feel ill, I'm feeling better now'

'You still look upset'

'I'm still upset Addie but this makes everything better'

'What does?'

'Holding you'

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

She wakes with a start. Shoots upright. She's not in the bed she's become accustomed to waking in and it takes her a moment to get her bearings.

'You're okay' Lucas's whispered words have her eyes darting to him. He's sat at his desk, laptop poised before him. 'You fell asleep in the lounge. You were out for the count and I wanted you to be comfy'

'What...what time is it?' She's confused. She's lost all sense of time. Her mind and body exhausted over her traumatising confession.

'Just after 3am'

'It's the middle of the night. What're you doing up?'

'I've been watching you mostly' He admits sheepishly.

'Come to bed' She shifts back to make room for him but quickly becomes aware of the little body behind her. She cranes her head, noting her two daughters snuggled up beside her.

'I wanted you all together where I could see you' He explains quietly.

Alexa's small body tosses then urging Peyton to pull herself from the warmth of the bed, un-wanting to disturb the two sleeping children. She diligently makes sure they're both sufficiently wrapped up in blankets before migrating to where he's sat. She doesn't hesitate in sitting herself on his lap, her hand stroking over his cheek.

'You should be in bed too'

'I can't sleep right now'

She frowns. She doesn't know what to say to that. She knows she's the reason behind his inability to sleep. Her eyes flitter to his computer screen, her frown deepening as she's faced with image of herself with her husband.

'What're you looking at?'

Lucas sighs. Were he not so tired he'd have probably had his wits about him enough to close the open tabs before she'd joined him.

'Sorry I just...I thought I'd google...there's all these news articles from when you disappeared'

'Yeah' She knows.

'I just wanted to... I don't know'

'Did it help?' She wonders. She's spent months trying to hide the man in question and she doesn't know how she feels about Lucas looking through pictures of her with Ian.

'Not really...it's just fuelled the rage' He admits through gritted teeth. She doesn't say anything. Regards the current image. 'It doesn't look like you' He mutters. There's a dainty cross dangling round her neck that has had him contemplating her beliefs. She can't not agree with his observation. 'You went to church a lot huh?'

'Mm. I told you, faith was at the core of his beliefs'

Lucas shakes his head in disgust. 'More like a fucking disguise you mean'

'Well yeah. He used it to excuse his behaviour' She realised that long ago. 'The church he's a part of is corrupt. Almost cult like I suppose. It's not like going to a service here'

Lucas swallows thickly. 'Are...are there others?'

'Hm?'

'Other women. Girls like you, that don't want to be there. That want to leave'

She tilts her head to the side. 'I don't know. I...so many of them seem brainwashed. So many of them have grown up in that environment. They don't know any different. I was the only real outsider that was a part of the community. Everyone else seemed to be shunned...I remember overhearing the reverent telling him I'd be trouble and hard work' She rolls her eyes. 'I thought it was funny at the time...I was so stupid and naive. When I think about all the things I dismissed when he first took me there'

'Don't do that Peyt. You can't be blamed for being young. It's not your fault'

'I still feel so stupid'

'That's the last thing you are...did you believe any of it? His...faith I mean?' He wonders.

She chews on the inside of her cheek. 'I guess for a time. I mean I went along with it to begin with. But back then I believed in a god too so...'

'You don't now?'

'I...would you hold it against me if I said no?'

'I'd never hold anything against you...you're allowed to believe what you want...When Keith passed I teetered with faith'

'You don't believe anymore?'

'I don't. I go to church every now and again to make Mum happy. I feel...spiritual I guess...I'm not so sure about the god part'

'For a long time I thought I was being punished for Keith...and now I know the truth. I mean what did I do so wrong? If there is a god what did I do for all this? I was a good person'

'You're still good Peyt' His hands ghost over her cheeks. 'Bad things happen to good people. It's not fair and sometimes there is no rhyme and reason. But...but we can try and...I suppose we can try and, and take from it...'

'What good is there to take from it?'

He ponders her question. 'There's not' A sad smile touches his lips. 'Only that I'll cherish you all the more and protect you from anymore harm until my dying breath Peyt' He declares. 'You don't have to go back to being that girl again' He follows her gaze that is lingering on the image of herself still on the computer screen.

'It's not me' She swallows. She's so put together. Her hair straight and pulled back at the sides. Her dress fitted yet conservative. Her eyes blank. She reaches out and closes the page. 'It's not me. I'm here, with you'

'Yes' He holds her hands, draws her fingers to his lips. Kisses her knuckles, his expression pondering. '...why didn't you ring me Peyt? Ten years. You could've picked up the phone. I would've come. I would've got you out of there. Didn't you think I'd come?'

'I nearly rang so many times...' She whispers. 'At the time seeing you again meant telling you about Keith, meant the possibility of-'

'You really think I'd have tried to get you put away for an accident?' He sadly wonders.

'I didn't want you to hate me and then I...I didn't...I was...humiliated' He catches the tear that rolls down her cheek. Swallows the lump in the back of his throat. 'You always looked up to m-me. You, you've always th-thought I'm so st-strong-'

'You are strong. This doesn't change that. Needing help, needing me isn't weakness. When we were growing up I leaned on you so much Peyt. I relied on you. You were my backbone. But you never seemed to get that all I wanted was to be yours too. We all need someone sometimes'

'I...I know...I...even if I'd called...I really don't think it would've made a difference. He wanted me and he wasn't going to let me go...he would sooner have me dead than let me go. That's why I made it look like we drowned...'

'I wouldn't have stopped. Not till you were safe. All of you. I wouldn't Peyt'

She nods. She does know that. 'But you doing that could have resulted in you winding up dead Luke'

'I would've been okay with that as long as you were out of there'

'I wouldn't. You think I could have that on my conscience? You think I could carry on knowing you weren't in this world anymore?'

'It felt like you didn't care when you left'

'I know. I know I made you feel like that but it's the furthest thing from the truth Luke. I swear'

'I know, I know'

'I thought of you every day. Even when he, he got inside my head you were still there. You were what kept me sane on those dark days Luke...' She looks back into his eyes. 'When I had to be strong for Addie and Lexie. You know I've never been very good at following rules. You helped me'

He doesn't say anything. He doesn't take comfort from her words. He doesn't want to have been a voice in her head coaxing her to be submissive. He wants to be the voice of reason that coaxed her to leave. Run. Seek help.

'She thought I'd hurt you this morning didn't she?' He blurts eventually, his voice hoarse. 'Addie' That much had been clear to him at the time but now he can't even try to convince himself otherwise. There's no denying it and it's making him queazy. Peyton doesn't answer. 'She's been thinking I'd hurt you this entire time' Everything suddenly makes sense. The child's hot and cold behaviour towards him is crystal clear. It's got nothing to do with her adjustment to the fact he's her father. It's got everything to do with the man that has spent years mistreating her mother. 'Hasn't she?'

'I...She's gradually realising you're not like him Luke. She is but there, there's still moments...I was stupid this morning. I didn't mean to fall back to sleep'

His jaw juts out, his eyes illuminated with emotion. He blinks.

'It kills me that she's spent this whole time thinking I could hurt you...The look she gave me this morning' He shakes his head. 'She thought I...I'd raped you didn't she? Because she saw that...she saw-'

'Please don't. When I start thinking about what I did to her that night I can't-'

'What _you_ did?' He whispers. 'Peyton you were raped' His eyes flitter to the sleeping children as he hisses quietly. Convinced they're still in the land of nod, he continues. 'It's not what you did. It's what was done to you. To the both of you. God you, what you both went through that night is not your fault. Don't ever think that' He begs.

'I shouldn't have tried to get back to the car. I should've just stayed out of sight with him. Let him do what he wanted but I thought I could...' She shakes her head. 'She wouldn't of seen any of that if I'd just-'

'Shh' He pulls her into his chest. 'You fought Peyt. You did what you've always done since the day I met you. You're a fighter'

'It didn't feel like that' She mutters. Inhales sharply. Swallows the emotion thick in the back of her throat. Changing the subject is essential. '...I've tried to make sure she knows right from wrong Luke' Her voice wobbles. 'That she knows how she should be treated, how I should be treated but, but sometimes it was hard cause I just, I needed her not to act up to him. I needed her to follow his stupid rules so it, it's no wonder she's not very trusting but she...god Luke if you knew the difference there's been in her in just this short time' A tear races down her cheek. The pad of his thumb catches it. 'I've spent so long thinking I'm screwing them up but when they're with you I know they'll be alright'

'You've not screwed them up. They're amazing Peyton. And that's you' He grits his teeth.

She tilts her head to look back at the sleeping children. Predictably Adele is curled neatly in a ball, her sister the polar opposite; Alexa tangled up in the sheets, limbs in all directions. 'If anything happens, if...' She sharply turns back to look into his face. '...you'll look after them won't you? If something happens to me-'

'Peyt-'

'Please listen. I, I just need you to promise you'll look after them...that you'll put them first. Before me. They can't go back there-'

'They're not going anywhere and nor are you. Nathan is going to help.'

She nods. But her words are conflicting. 'You don't understand what lengths he'll go to' She whispers. 'I just need to know you're all safe...I'm putting you all in danger. Maybe, maybe you could take the girls and, and go somewhere new. Just the three of you. I don't want that but, but I'm being selfish-

'Selfish would be leaving me again. They can't be away from you and I can't either. I don't think I could handle that. Not again' He hisses, his anguish at the mere prospect overwhelmingly present.

She swallows. 'I'm sorry. I'm not. I won't...I just...I'm scared Luke' She admits in a rush. 'I can't go back to that'

'I'm not going to let that happen-'

'You can't promise me that though, you can't' She gulps. 'I know Nathan will try his best but I just-'

'We're going to put cameras all around the property. Nate will track his movements. He'll start trying to build a case if you officially report it. If things get risky or are just too much we'll just leave. We'll go and start again somewhere brand new. But I know deep down that's not what you want. I know you want to be here. I know you want to be close to your Dad' She nods again. He's not wrong. This is where she wants to be. '...if you don't want that though, if, if you'd rather just go now then we'll do that' He backtracks. 'I'll do whatever you want Peyt. Whatever you want'

'...I've had this dream, this dream that I'd be right here. With you. That I'd have this life with you'

'It's not a dream anymore'

'No... The reality is you've got a fugitive in your bedroom'

His hands cup her cheeks. 'Mhm. I'm more than okay with that' He teases in an effort to ease her sombre expression. It doesn't necessarily work but she shifts closer, settles her head on his shoulder and links her arms around his neck. He yawns.

'You need to rest'

'This is exactly what I need right now' He begs to differ.

'You can hold me over there in bed Luke. Horizontal. Eyes closed. You know that thing called sleep? Some people like it'

He smiles at her mumbled words because she sounds like the girl he knows. 'You think Addie will be upset finding me in bed with you'

'She'll be fine'

'I don't want to cause her anymore distress Peyt. I don't want to give her any reason to hate me'

'She's never hated you, she's just known the men in her life to be one thing. It's taken time for her to realise you're not that'

'...she said something to me earlier. She said she...she didn't want you to go back to the hospital. That she didn't want you to have to take tablets again' She sighs. 'You left that out earlier'

'No. You just jumped ship before I got to it' She corrects. 'I told Nathan everything'

'I'm sorry I...I couldn't listen- I- it was a lot-'

'I know. It's ok'

'...You were in a hospital?'

Alexa stirs. Peyton knows their voices are starting to disturb the sleeping infants. Knows by her daughter's movements that she's close to waking up.

She pushes herself off of his lap. 'I don't want to wake them that's all' She answers his look. Takes his hand and tugs him toward the back door.

They both shudder as the night's air hits them. She says nothing. Her hands wrap around herself. 'It was a mental health facility' She eventually murmurs.

'How...how can that even, how does that happen?'

'He has this Doctor friend that owes him a few favours. After _that_ night he, he made out that I'd been drink driving... My medical record makes me out to be someone that's struggled with all sorts of mental health issues...He had me admitted after that night...I wasn't mentally ill, I really wasn't' She whispers. 'I came out feeling like I was though''

'He had you taking drugs?' Lucas tersely asks.

'Anti-depressants...stuff for anxiety...'

'Jesus christ...' He shakes his head in disgust. 'How long were you there?'

'A few months'

'And when you came out you just went back home and resumed family life?'

'I came out of there like a zombie Luke. I was so out of it and scared by that point-'

'I'm not judging you'

'I, I know but I just, I want you to understand why I stopped trying to leave. Addie hated me. She was wetting the bed all the time. One day she, she caught me fighting him on taking the medication I was on and she, she begged me not to be bad, to do what I was told' She blinks. 'In that moment I...I realised how much it was all hurting her so I, I did what I had to. I tried to be what he wanted..' She puts her hand over her face. 'I...I found out I was pregnant with Lexie a couple of months after I was back...'

His jaw juts out then.

'I know what you're thinking. I know you're thinking how could I let him touch me after he'd raped me like that but-'

He snorts. 'Cause I'm sure you had a lot of say in it' His nostrils flare.

'...I didn't fight him' Her voice is barely audible. 'For the most part I just, I did what he wanted. I tried to be what he wanted. It wasn't as bad-'

'You sleeping with him because the ulterior would result in him forcing you is still rape. It doesn't make it any better to hear Peyt-'

'It wasn't as bad as _that_ night though. I was out of it half the time to begin with anyway...so out of it...'

'That makes me feel so much better' He sniggers. His hands have bawled into fists. He wants to hit something. Hard. He needs to go for a run. He needs to try and rid his mind of the god awful images her words are conjuring in his mind. '...sorry'

'It's alright' She abruptly presses her forehead to his.

'What happened...' He tries to do what his brother is trained in. Tries to disassociate because he doesn't want her to stop. He needs to hear it all. Needs all the information.

She doesn't need him to clarify what he's asking. 'I...I didn't want her. I know that's awful'

'You didn't want a baby with a man that was hurting you? The last thing that is is awful. It's human'

She gulps. 'What I did wasn't human...I...I tried to...I didn't want...I didn't want it for Addie and I didn't want it for that unborn baby either so I...'

'You?'

'I tried to...' She mumbles and looks at him, tries to convey without words what she's attempting to confess.

'You wanted an abortion?'

'He wouldn't let me- it wasn't up for debate so I...'

'You tried to cause a miscarriage?'

She nods once. 'I threw myself down the stairs. I did all sorts of awful things. But nothing worked' A tear races down her cheek. 'A world without Lexie makes me feel sick. What kind of mother tries to kill their own child?'

Lucas swallows. 'It wasn't like that. She wasn't a baby at that point. She was something that had been done to you. She was a choice that you didn't get to make'

She shakes her head. 'All the things I did, I could've killed me too. Imagine what that would've done to Addie. She'd have been there fucking alone with him'

'That didn't happen though Peyt'

'No...Lexie saved me'

'Saved you?'

'She came early...not surprisingly given everything I'd done... He blamed the tablets for my behaviour. Stopped force feeding them to me...the second she was in my arms all I felt was love, I felt fucking awful. I could've lost her. I don't know how she made it...She really is a miracle. She shouldn't be here right now. She bought me back to life. Bought me back to Addie. I, I felt more like me than I had in a long time...'

'She's a special little girl'

'They both are'

He nods. He knows that. He doesn't need convincing of that in the slightest. 'You are' He thinks perhaps she does need convincing in how special she is.

'I'm not'

'Yes. You really are'

'I'm scared of how you make me feel Luke' She whispers. 'You make me feel like everything is going to be ok'

'That's a bad thing?'

'You can't fix this. I know you want it to be ok but...' She sighs. 'If he finds out what we did last night...this morning...'

'Don't let him ruin that' Lucas shakes his head. 'I couldn't bear it if you regretted-'

'I have a thousand regrets but you'll never make it onto that list. Ever'

He drops his forehead to hers. 'It is going to be ok. Whatever you want to do, we'll do. I give you my word Peyt. I'm not going to let anyone else hurt you. Never again. Never'

Her heart flutters with his declaration. How could it not? She tilts her head. Her breath whispers over his lips.

'We...we should go back in. You're cold' He edges back but her hands curl into his shirt tight.

'Please don't do that to me' His brow furrows. 'Don't suddenly think you can't touch me. I'm not a china doll' She breathes. 'I, I know it, it's a shock. I-I know I've broken your heart today. I, I know you're hurting and I know everything I've told you is repulsive but I'm still me and-' He cuts her off. Or more precisely his mouth does. He kisses her gently but assertively. His hand smoothes firmly down her side and draws her in until she's flat against his chest and her legs have turn to jelly.

'I could never be repulsed. I just don't want to remind you of him in anyway' He pants. 'That's why you had a panic attack that night isn't it? Because you thought you were with him'

She opens and closes her mouth. 'No I...I don't know. I didn't think you were him, I just, I started thinking about him and it just, it sent me over the edge I guess'

'Just, just promise me you'll tell me if I'm doing something that, that-'

'I promise. Promise you won't suddenly start treating me like a vulnerable little girl because-'

'I promise...you're a fierce Raven Peyt. Not a little girl'

She smiles at that. '...I want to stay here Luke' She whispers. '...in Tree Hill...for now at least...'

Lucas swallows. '...yeah? You're sure? You're not just saying that?'

'No...I don't want to spend the rest of my life running. I, I want the girls to have this. To have you. To have a family. A real family'

'We can all have that...and... him?'

'I...I'll talk to the police...I'll make a statement...'

'Yeah?'

'I...He's spent ten years tearing me down, it's my turn now right?'

'Right...And you change your mind at any moment I'll be following you wherever you want to go. You're in charge of this. You get to call the shots ok?'

'No. We do... Together right?'

'Together'


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N** It's been forever I know. I'm sorry for the wait.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'Don't worry about me for a second'

'He knew you were here Dad!' She's pacing. She's making him feel dizzy. 'He knew the name of this place-'

'And we've told everyone on security. Ok? Nathan has asked them to put another panic alarm in here and for me to be watched like a hawk' He rolls his eyes. 'All of which is unnecessary'

'It is necessary' She argues. 'This is serious Dad! If he believes I'm alive he's not going to believe anything I told him before and you'll be his first visit I know you will. I don't understand why he's not come here already' She pauses and looks out the window. 'Has anyone suspicious been lurking? Maybe he's sent someone else. I-'

'Honey' Larry cuts in. 'Please come sit down. You're giving me a headache'

She looks back at him in a panic and hurriedly does as requested. 'I'm sorry. I'm scaring you I-'

'You're not scaring me. I mean I am worried, of course I'm scared just not about me. If he comes here it's fine, there's a few things I'd like to get off my chest' He smiles. It's not returned.

'This isn't a joke Dad'

'No. I know honey, I know. But I'd rather the authorities energy was put into protecting you not me. Since you made a statement it feels like they've been ensuring my safety not yours!'

'That's not the case at all. They can protect us both'

'Mmm' He grumbles. 'When was the last time you slept?'

'I'm fine' She wraps her arms around herself.

'You look exhausted'

'Well I've had a few things on my mind' She mutters.

'Yes. I know'

'I think we should sort for you to go stay somewhere else temporarily-'

'No-'

'Or come home at the very least so we're together-'

'I'd like you to stop focusing on me. I'm not what matters in all of this Peyton. You are...Are you sure this is best? You staying here? I, I understand what Nathan is saying, I do but I don't know...' He sighs.

'My first instinct was to run. But that instinct is fear. I want to stay and I know what Nathan is saying is logical. I either run for the rest of my life or face the music'

'There's nothing wrong with running if it means you're safe'

'And make the girls live like that? They're settled here. I know Addie is scared right now but she can be happy here. All I want is for them to be happy'

'They're not going to be happy if your ten feet underground' He blurts. 'Sorry...I'm sorry I'm just...'

'I know...I don't want to feel like this my whole life though Dad. I don't want to be constantly looking over my shoulder. I've been living in fear for so long that I was only just starting to get use to not waking up with my stomach in knots. I was just getting use to waking up with a smile on my face. I want to wake up like that everyday and the only way I'm ever going to have that is if he's in prison'

'I want that too, that's all I want sweetheart'

'Then help me be strong enough to stay. Don't ask me to leave because I really don't think it'll take much persuasion, I feel like I change my mind every half hour and I'm trying to do the right thing for once. I've let Luke down so many times. I can't let him down again'

He watches her carefully. '...you haven't let anyone down but I...ok, ok. Of course I'll support your decision baby'

'Thank you' She whispers. '...I don't know what I did wrong. I just keep wracking my brains. I don't know what's given him reason to think I'm alive'

'Don't think about that. You have to concentrate on helping Nathan get as much evidence against him as possible. That's your priority right now. Ok?'

'Ok'

'And I want you to have a safe house set up. Because you need to be prepared to flee if Nathan hasn't got a solid case by the time he comes here. You have to promise me that if there's not a solid case you're going. You hear me? Not by yourself this time. With Lucas. Ok?'

'I know Dad. Luke is already making arrangements for that sort of scenario'

'Of course he is. I'm so glad you've got that boy'

'I don't think you can call him a boy anymore Dad'

'You'll always be kids to me Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer. Always'

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'Hi'

'Hey' Nathan greets. Her eyes drift to the box in his arms 'Cameras' He explains.

'Right' She nods.

'Luke about?'

'I convinced him to take Raven for a walk with the girls'

'Driving you crazy then?' He smiles.

'No...a little' She sheepishly answers.

He laughs. He knows his brother. His brother is driving him crazy so he has no doubt he's being more than intense with the girl before him. 'I want to kill him right now so lord knows how you feel. I'm surprised he left you alone'

'It was on the condition that I have this on me at all times and don't answer the door to anyone' She holds the phone he'd issued her with just the previous day.

'I'm touched that you broke the rules for me'

'Do you think he'll be cross?'

He laughs but then realises she's serious. 'Of course not. I'm sorry if he's being a bit full on right now-'

'He's not. He's just worried'

'Yeah' Nathan nods slowly. 'But I imagine it's not easy being told what to do with everything you've been through'

'He's not telling me what to do' She disagrees.

Nathan watches her stand a little taller. Notes all the blatant tell tale signs he'd missed before. The obvious attributes of a surviver of domestic violence. She's defensive. She's also eager to please. '... I'm dying for a coffee. Got any brewing?' She realises it probably appears as though she's hesitant to let him over the threshold and hastily pulls the door open wide for him to come inside.

'No. But I can make some. Sorry, come in'

'It's alright' He dismisses her apology. 'I'd forgive you for never wanting me to step foot in your house again after the way I went about things. I'm the one that should be apologising Peyton' He sets his box down on the kitchen table. 'I feel I could've dealt with the situation better-'

'You were trying to help' Her back is to him as she goes about making his requested coffee. 'I just, I've...nobody has been able to help me and I...' She shakes her head and is silent for a long moment. He waits patiently. Wants her to speak freely. '...I gave up talking to anybody about this a long time ago..' The kettle rattles as the water starts to boil. 'I understand everything you were saying but you, who you are, it's hard for me to trust...I know it's ridiculous but your uniform has me breaking out in a hot sweat and wanting to run in the opposite direction'

'It's not ridiculous. I'm sorry I should've changed before I came over-'

She laughs at his sweetness then. 'I can't have you changing every time you're in my presence Nathan. I just need to get use to it I guess. I survived making a statement didn't I? I didn't think I'd be able to walk in there and do that without having a nervous breakdown but you allowed me to do it in a way that made me comfortable'

Nathan sits down and watches her finish their drinks, her spoon clinking against the mug. 'None of us at the station are like your husband'

'I know'

'But that doesn't mean I'm not going to have to earn your trust. I understand that I need to earn your trust. I don't want you to feel ambushed in anyway, I'm sorry if that's what it felt like. It's just, you see I, don't tell Luke this but I've actually become rather fond of my big brother' Peyton stops stirring the coffees and turns to face her guest. 'And since you came back, well, he's a different man. He's happy' Her eyes glaze over. '...No, no' Nathan's face crumples. 'Shit' He rises to his feet. 'I was being nice, don't cry! I meant that you make him happy!'

'I know, I know' Her head bobs and a little laugh passes her lips again. She retrieves their drinks and carries them over to the table. 'When anyone says anything nice about me and Luke I...' She sinks into the free seat and Nathan hesitantly returns to his spot. 'I spent a long time thinking I could never be with him and...it still feels like I'm dreaming. I'm just, I guess I feel like I'm on borrowed time now. I'm trying not to think like that. I'm trying to convince myself everything will be ok but it's hard. I'm waiting for this bubble to burst'

'It's completely understandable that you feel that way. Staying is brave though darling. Truly. If I have anything to do with it this bastard is going to be behind bars in due course...I wanted to give you and Luke a couple of days to yourself but I've come to talk to you about how we move forward' She takes a sip of her hot drink as he delves into the box, presenting her with it's contents. 'I think once these are up everyone is going to feel a lot better and Luke might be a little more manageable' He jokes.

She smiles. 'I hope it'll make him and Addie a little less on edge'

'Addie worried?'

'I can't seem to hide anything from her anymore'

'Maybe I'll wait until they're back before I start and she can help so she feels safer?'

'If that's no trouble, I'm sure you've got other things to be doing-'

'Not at all. You're family Peyton. We're talking about making my niece not frightened. I've always got time for that' He sweetly declares. 'Besides there was some other things I wanted to discuss while Luke isn't breathing down my neck'

'Oh?' She nervously murmurs.

'I managed to access some more records on the system. Your husband is thorough'

'Yes' She dryly answers.

'But whoever filed this was sloppy' Her brow furrows as he pulls a folder out of the box before him and slides it toward her. 'I got in contact with the hospital you were treated at that night you were charged with drink driving' She startles. Feels her stomach knot instantly. 'Don't worry-'

'What if he goes there and, and they tell him there's been some officer from Tree Hill asking after me? He's probably-'

'I didn't ask just for your file to be sent over. I accessed files for a few dates around that night and made up some vague story about some missing person case that I had reason to believe had been at the hospital during that time. I promise you no one will be none the wiser that I was looking solely for your records' She calms a little. 'Not to brag but I'm not awful at my job. You're safe hands ok?' She nods slowly. 'Your injuries were documented at the hospital..did you know that?'

'Isn't that normal procedure?'

'Yes, but it's not normal for there to be quite as thorough a report. Nor photographic documents'

'Photos?'

'Yes. Photos that don't really match up with the police report of that night' She opens the folder. Her stomach turns. She's not seen these photos before. She knows when they're from. She can't remember them being taken though. Can tell by her expression that she was in a state of shock. 'You don't have to look at those' Nathan hastily goes to shift the images out of the way but she stops him.

'It's ok. I want to...I don't remember these being taken'

'You don't look terribly with it' Nathan notes. 'I see car crash victims all the time. Those pictures and the medical report don't reflect the injuries or incident described in the police report' It's blatantly obvious to him that said photographs are not of somebody that has sustained injuries in a car crash. He's sure any sane person wouldn't need to study them for long to see the finger print marks on her arms and neck. He's haunted by the last image. It's the only one of her face and her eyes can't disguise the truth any better than the bruises that mar her skin. 'I know these must be tough to see but this is some form of evidence Peyton-'

'It's not enough to convict him. There's no hard proof of anything here- all of this can be talked away with lies' She's quick to dispute because her husband is a professional liar and she's seen him talk away many an incident.

'Maybe' He nods. She's not wrong. 'But there's proof that not all is as it seems at the very lease' He slides the word document to the top. Her eyes scan the medical report. _Car crash victim._ _Abrasions to upper thighs. Shattered wrist._ _Patient in state of shock._ _Bruising to neck resembling that of strangulation._ 'There's proof that it's a cover up. Whoever filed that knew what had happened to you Peyton. Medical staff usually only take photographs of this nature for police reports, as evidence' Her eyes linger on the last line and what it suggests. 'Someone who treated you that night clearly knew you needed help. If I can track down the member of staff that wrote this we'd be able to get a reliable source to testify that would hold up in court'

She can see an excitement in his eyes. She's not excited. She won't let herself get caught up in hope. 'I...I don't...all I remember is no one listening to me at the hospital. I told them Ian broke my arm. I told them he raped me' She slams the folder shut abruptly. She can hear footsteps crunching on gravel outside. Her ears have become well trained over the years. 'They're back. Can we not show Luke these?' She slides the folder back to him.

'If we take this to court he's going to see all this' He softly tells her.

Peyton nods. 'Yes but I just...not yet' She shakes her head.

'I know' Nathan doesn't need her to explain.

'I also don't want him to see some of these' She hurriedly produces a USB stick from her jean pocket and extends it to him. 'Karen has lent me her laptop and whilst Luke and the girls have been out I've sifted through all the photos. When I left I just, I copied the whole folder off his computer onto this because I wanted all the pictures of the girls' She glances to the back door as she hears her children's approaching voices. 'It's the only thing I took. There's nothing on there that will support me. There's a folder of just me. Like...indecent pictures'

'Naked-'

'Not that indecent, some in underwear, images I'd rather never see the light of day. Photos that will no doubt be used to demonstrate that I'm some vixen' She expels hurriedly. 'And all the family photos of me smiling and...' She shakes her head. 'A photo will say a thousand words to a jury'

'Yes. It can' Nathan taps the closed folder that sits between them. 'The photos in here speak volumes' He grasps the usb. 'And we'll be prepared for these ones. I'll take a look. The most important thing is that it won't be a surprise. We'll work with it'

'I'm...they're...' She suddenly wants to snatch the mini stick back. 'They're not me. I-'

'You really don't need to explain whatever's on here ok?' He cuts her off. 'I've seen it all Peyton. I can't be shocked by anything and you certainly don't need to explain yourself'

'I just don't want you to look at them and think they're real. It, it's...they're not. It wasn't like that. It was easier to be what he wanted'

'I know. I promise you, I'm on your side here. Nothing can disguise the truth from me. You know what happens when men like your husband loose the power they've always had? They become sloppy in their desperation to take back control. I guarantee he'll slip up' Nathan positively tells her.

The door springs open then and despite her preparation for their arrival she still jumps.

Nathan subtly slides the usb stick into his pocket, his other hand resting firmly over the incriminating folder.

'Is everything ok?' Lucas skips his hello. His brother's presence suddenly fills him with dread.

'Everything's fine. I just wanted to run a few things by Peyton'

'Where're the girls?' Peyton hums.

'They're washing Raven. What things? Has something-'

'Just when it would be convenient for her to see a Doctor here' It's not a lie. He did come here for that too. He's just not got round to mentioning it.

'Right' Lucas murmurs as he drops into the seat beside Peyton. 'Are, are you okay with that Peyt? With doing that?'

'Uhuh' She smiles at him. 'Don't look so worried Luke'

'I just don't want you to feel like you're being pressured into anything'

'I don't'

'I'll book an appointment for you then, I'll explain to the Doctor so you don't have to have that conversation'

'Thanks Nathan'

'No problem'

'Not just for that for...what you're doing'

'Definitely no thank you is required there' He shakes his head dismissively. Adele and Alexa bound through the door then with a rather wet Raven. They giggle as he shakes dramatically.

'Eurgh, not in the house Raven!' Lucas groans.

Peyton smiles because her daughters are smiling. 'Mummy Raven was so funny, he got all muddy and Luke got mad and he wouldn't get, get out of the puddle!' Alexa tells her animatedly.

'What a rascal'

'Uhuh'

'Look your Uncle has come round to put up some cameras'

'Hey girls. Do you want to help me set these up Addie?'

'I can help' Adele nods.

'Cool'

'And me!' Alexa tugs on his trouser leg.

'And you' Nathan agrees and ruffles her hair.

'My Daddy has these' She loops her hand through the cuffs on his trouser leg. 'You gotta put them on the bad guys'

'Yeah' Nathan agrees.

'But Mummy isn't a bad guy so he's bad when he puts them on her'

Peyton's stomach knots because she can feel Lucas stiffen beside her at the three year old's innocent words and what they imply. Nathan is quick to change the subject. 'Here, you think you can carry this Lex' He issues her with a small box of screws.

'Yup'

'I think we'll start upstairs. Lead the way Agent Addie'

The children both march ahead.

'Wait. What's that?' Lucas's eyes haven't been blind to the folder that his brother has had a particularly tight grasp on since he walked through the door.

'Oh just some filing I need to do. Brooke's gonna be pissed. I promised I wouldn't bring work home this week but it needs to be done' He slides it back into the box only to have Lucas confiscate it.

'Don't lie to me'

'Lucas' Nathan sighs. 'Give it...' His words cease because his brother has already opened the offending document. His eyes avert to Peyton who looks resigned. 'Sorry'

'It's ok' She gestures for him to leave and help the children and waits until he's gone before she faces an unmoving Lucas.

'These...you...you...you're...' His fingertips rest over her bust lip.

'Don't look at them Luke. I, I didn't even know they existed. Nathan contacted the hospital where I was taken that night and they sent him over these records...it, it's good. One of the medical staff has suggested in the report that there's signs of strangulation which obviously doesn't line up with the police report from that night-'

'No shit. No written bloody report is needed to see that' He grinds out.

'Honey' She brushes away the tear that has settled on his cheek. 'Look at me' She draws his stare away from the images in his hand. 'Look I'm fine. That was a long time ago. I'm here in the now and I'm fine'

'That it happened a long time ago isn't any consolation Peyt' He whispers. 'It only emphasises how long you've been suffering through shit like this' He wavers the folder.

'But I'm not now'

He pulls her into his arms and holds her tight. '...You said no secrets' He murmurs after a moment. 'You weren't going to tell me about this were you?'

'I just didn't want you to have that picture stuck in your head right now. You're already majorly stressed'

'I have to know everything. Be in on everything. I don't want to feel like you and Nate are keeping stuff from me to protect me because I, I don't need protecting. I want to protect you and-'

'I know...I'm sorry...I just don't...' she sighs and gives up explaining her desire for secrecy because there is no explanation other than she doesn't want him seeing photos of her like that. But he's right. She promised no more secrets. '...I just gave Nathan the USB of photos too' She blurts. His head withdraws from her neck and he leans back to look at her. 'You know I mentioned it to you? Well I, I looked through them all while you've been out and I, I've given it to him to have look through. I know you want to see photos of the girls when they were younger but there are photos on there that I don't want you to look at. Photos that paint us as a happy family and, and photos of me in underwear that make me look like some...'

'Peyton' He presses his forehead to hers. Wonders why she's more worked up about a USB stick of images than she is of the folder on the sideboard behind them. 'Shh'

'They're not real Luke'

'I know. I know'

'I don't want you seeing those'

'You don't want me seeing those more than these? Cause in my eyes nothing can be worse than these'

'To me they're worse because I, it's like I'm, it's like I'm a liar and I've been off living this happily ever after but it, it's not like that. It wasn't..it's just wrong. It's all so...'

'Wrong?' He supplies. 'It's all wrong Peyton. Just because you're not bloody or bruised doesn't suddenly mean I'm going to think all of this is a lie'

'You're not?'

'I know you. I trust you'

'You do?'

'Of course I do' He strokes her cheek. 'I'm not him'

'I know you're not...I've betrayed you in so many ways. That, that's how I feel' Her words become a whisper.

'No. God you haven't done anything wrong'

'It doesn't feel that way'

'Because you've been conditioned to think so many things Peyt but god it's not true'

'...I do know that really'

'...what Lexie just said, did he do that a lot? Restrain you?'

'Not really' She sighs. 'She's got that in her head because he made a song and dance about doing so one night. I was in the middle of reading her story when he got home and came barging in ranting about how dinner should be ready and...' She trails off.

'I want to kill him. I've never felt like I could ever be capable of that but I think I am. I think if I was put in a room with him I'd...' He shakes his head.

'No you wouldn't Luke. Because you're human. You're a real man. You know right from wrong' She runs her hands through his hair. 'And that's why I love you'

'I'm not so sure Peyton. You're everything to me and the things he's done to you. He doesn't deserve to be in this world'

'Who are we to decide that?'

'Who is he to fucking hurt you? Humiliate you in front of your own children?'

'I stopped asking myself those questions a long time ago'

'What did he do after he cuffed you?'

'This is pointless. We're talking about one little incident, that night wasn't especially bad. It just sticks in my mind because the girls were there, because Lexie got upset. I don't want to talk about this Luke. I feel like all I've done for the last few days is tell you things I wish I never had to and I know, I know there's certain things you need to know but there's certain things you don't. He hurt me. The girls saw awful things. You've heard the worst of it, I promise you have. Please don't ask me to describe every single thing'

He sighs. Nods slowly. 'I'm sorry'

'Don't be sorry' She shakes her head. 'I'm sorry. I'm just so tired of talking about things I try to pretend on a daily basis never happened Luke'

'You can't pretend Peyt'

'I know' She whispers. 'But you make it easy to' She latches her hands around his neck. 'When it's just the two of us I can pretend I've been here with you all this time. I can pretend I never missed a second of being with you'

'I wish I could pretend with you'

'Try. Imagine I just got back from cheer practice. Imagine Dad's out and you've snuck round-'

'I never snuck round. You were the one that snuck'

She smiles. 'Yeah. I was'

'We're not sixteen anymore Peyt'

'No. But we can be for ten minutes' She coaxes his face closer because she needs his mouth on hers and quite frankly she wants to distract him. But it's a fruitless task. He'll play along but he knows her game and he can't be distracted. Nothing could distract him from the images he's just seen. They'll be imprinted into his mind forever more.

He gently eases back. Smiles. 'I should help Nate'

She blinks. Nods curtly because he's doing what she doesn't want. He's treating her differently and god does she know that's not his fault. Rationally she knows he's just processing but she can't help the worried butterflies that flap in her stomach. Worry that he's not going to be able to get past this. Worry that she's loosing him all over again.

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'Karen'

'Hey honey. I bought some lasagne over'

'You and Luke are spoiling me way too much'

'Nonsense' Karen bats her hand dismissively.

'It's really not. I'm not gonna be able to remember how to use a toaster at this rate' Peyton smiles as she accepts the dish of food and goes about locating space for it in the fridge.

'So Addie still isn't back at school' Karen murmurs as she peers out the window. The two children she'd just greeted are still busily making mud pies where she'd left them.

Peyton slowly closes the fridge door and sighs as she turns back to face the older woman. 'I know I should...I just want to be able to see them'

'That's completely understandable honey'

'Nathan said he'd go have a talk with the school with me and Luke at the end of the week so they're up to speed with everything. I think I'll feel happier after that. I'm sure once I resume their normal routine they'll feel more at ease and I want that. I just need to let go of my own worries I guess'

'Your worries are completely understandable, it'll get easier honey'

Peyton smiles wearily. 'Everything is easier with you here' She murmurs.

Karen wraps her arm around her then. 'Well I'm not going anywhere'

Peyton drops her head onto the older woman's shoulder. 'I've got a doctor's appointment later that Nathan set up. I think they're gonna give me x-rays and stuff. Would you mind coming? I've not told Luke, I don't think him coming will do me or him any good'

'No' Karen agrees. 'Of course I will sweetie'

'Thank you'

'I know you've got a lot going on right now honey but I, there's something I wanted to talk to you about because I think you'll be upset if I don't' Peyton lifts her head off of Karen's shoulder then and looks at her inquisitively. 'I bumped into Brooke in town earlier, I think perhaps you should talk to her'

'Brooke?' Peyton's brow kinks in confusion.

'She...she's...'

'What?'

'I think she might think something is going on between you and Nathan'

Her words ring loudly in Peyton's ears, her whole body seizing. 'W-what?' The statement throws her. 'She said that?'

'No, well she might as well have'

'But I...what?!' Her eyes are wide. 'I'm not, nothing is! How could it? He's Luke's brother! I love Luke-'

'I know that darling' Karen rubs the flustered blonde's arm. 'You don't need to convince me of that'

'Why would she even think that?!'

'Well I suppose you have been spending a lot of time with him lately. And there have been times when you've been with him by yourself'

'So anytime two people of the opposite sex are alone together it translates as an affair?' She feels like she's been catapulted into her husband's presence in all of a heartbeat.

'No, no! Of course not. That's so not what I meant honey'

'What's wrong?' Lucas murmurs. The rising voices have drawn him from the living room and one look at Peyton's face tells him all isn't well.

Karen watches the girl before her hesitate before answering. '...Brooke thinks I'm having an affair with your brother'

'What?' He blinks then smiles bemusedly.

It takes her off guard. She realises then that subconsciously her limbs had instinctively been bracing for a blow. She'd anticipated his anger or suspicion. He's not about to hit her though. Of course he's not. She fights against the shock that has rendered her speechless for a moment. '...It's not funny Luke'

His amusement quickly diminishes because she's visibly distressed. 'I'm sorry, it, it's just absurd'

She gives him a watery smile of her own then because there's not even a little ounce of doubt in the man before her. He trusts her. She's not use to being trusted. She's not use to her words counting for anything. 'You really believe that don't you?'

He pulls her into his arms then and Karen silently vacates the room in search of her grandchildren because she's sure there's no other person that can console Peyton right now. 'Of course I do silly girl' He squints at her, brushes her hair back from her face. 'Why? Shouldn't I?'

'Yes of course you should I just...I'm use to having a 5 second conversation with the postman and it being interpreted as flirting' Lucas doesn't accuse her of those things. Lucas trusts in a way that her husband has never been able to. 'You trust me'

'Of course I trust you Peyt' He looks concerned. His hand scrapes through his hair. 'Jesus I don't just trust you, I know you. I'd know if you had a thing for my brother'

She nods slowly. 'Why doesn't Brooke know?' She whispers.

He sighs. 'I think you've been spending a lot of time with him lately and well I can see from her perspective that it might appear sort of weird'

'But why?! I'm not doing anything wrong'

'Of course not-'

'If she were meeting you for coffee I wouldn't care'

His eyes narrow accusingly then. 'You wouldn't?' He probes doubtfully.

'I wouldn't!'

'You use to think I had a major crush on her'

'I was a stupid kid then. I'm not now. I know you're not into her and even if you were I know you wouldn't do that to your brother! Do you have a problem me being on my own with him?'

'Absolutely not!' He shakes his head because suddenly he feels like he's the accused. 'Absolutely not'

'Sorry, I'm sorry, I just'

'Shh' He coos because she's trembling.

'I don't want people perceiving me as some, some home wrecker-'

'Peyt you're not. No one is thinking anything of the sort. This is just a misunderstanding. Brooke is one person. An insecure, irrational somebody who just needs a bit of reassurance. That's all, try not to be offended. This has got nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. Her parents marriage hasn't been without it's ups and downs. I don't think she'd mind me saying that her Dad hasn't exactly been faithful to her Mum and well, it's left a mark. It really has...Nathan hasn't told her about the case he's trying to build, he hasn't told her anything that's been going on'

'What? Why on earth not?'

'Because he takes his job seriously. It's not his business to tell. It's his job to be discreet. It's his job to respect people's privacy. It wouldn't be professional if he were going home gossiping about the members of the public he's encountered'

'I'm not a member of the public! Brooke might not be related by blood but she's my child's aunt through marriage. I don't care her knowing. Has Nate mentioned this to you?'

'No, I'd have told you. He probably thinks we've both got enough problems'

'Being a strain on his marriage isn't ok with me! He should've just talked to me'

'I know. We'll fix it, it's fine ok? If you're comfortable with telling her your story you can confide in her or if you'd rather Nate just tell her I'll have a word'

'...I, I'll talk to her. She, she's been through a lot with those kids, I hate to think her stressing about something unnecessarily and it all being my fault'

'I hate the thought of you stressing unnecessarily. Which you are. One chat will fix this ok? I promise you don't need to be getting upset about this. Ok?'

'...ok'

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'Hi'

'Hi' Brooke tersely answers.

'Can...would it be ok if I come in?' The brunette hesitates before pulling open the door. She doesn't say anything and Peyton licks her lips nervously as she walks into the house. It's not like she imagined. But then the girl before her isn't the teenager that she'd once been intimidated by. It's homey. Pictures of children are scattered everywhere. It's warm and inviting. 'Where's the kids?' She tries to fill the void.

'Jack's at a friends. Gracie is Napping'

'Right...'

'Why're you here Peyton?' She crosses her arms.

'I...I'm sorry for turning up unannounced. Luke gave me your address because, well Karen said she'd run into you and...and I just need you to know that nothing is going on with me and Nate Brooke' She doesn't beat around the bush. 'Absolutely nothing at all'

She watches angst from on the face of the girl before her. '...He's suddenly not around a lot and you always seem to be in his most recent calls. If...if you're not having an affair what're, what're you doing with him? Because apparently being his wife doesn't give me the privilege to know what all your little secret meetings are in aid of!' She hisses her irritation. Her stressed voice a giveaway to the fact that she's been having this same argument with her husband for days now.

Peyton nearly rolls her eyes because she's still confused by Nathan not just being honest with his wife. She doesn't know if to be touched or mad at the man in question. She can't help but be touched though because it's been a long time since her wishes were respected, since her privacy was protected.

'He's been helping me Brooke'

'Helping you?'

'Yes...I just assumed he'd have come clean to you' She wrings her hands together. 'I suppose it's a privacy thing. I'm beginning to see he takes his job very seriously. I'm sorry that you've been thinking...I swear we're not having an affair'

'No?' Brooke's eyes are narrowed. 'I don't know you Peyton. I don't. Not really. I remember a twelve year old you quite well. She didn't like me very much. I don't think she'd have qualms with stealing my husband-'

'She would. She does. Brooke I swear, nothing is going on. I love Lucas' Peyton swallows. She's use to being told she's a flirt, that she's behaved inappropriately around men but Brooke isn't her husband. 'It's always been Luke. No one else'

The brunette sniggers then. 'I'm sure your husband that's watching down on you will be pleased to hear that' Peyton opens her mouth to respond but Brooke doesn't give her time. 'You can't deny you've been spending a lot of time together. I walked in on you two at Karen's cafe the other day. He said he was at some work thing. He lied to me. He never lies to me'

'But he didn't. Don't you see? It is a work thing.' Peyton opens and closes her mouth, collecting her thoughts. She feels awful because she supposes Nathan being with her is suspicious. She can suddenly see why Brooke would jump to the assumption that she has. 'I swear to you, I never, I'd never, ever do that' Her bottom lip trembles. 'I don't like him like that! And he's not interested in me either, he's, he's only got eyes for you. And, and even, even if, in some alternate universe I, I did want that I'd, I'd tell you. I wouldn't go behind your back. I'm not a cheater' She hears her words and realises they're a lie. Because she is a cheater. She's cheating on her husband. '...My husband isn't dead Brooke' She comes clean.

Brooke's face contorts into confusion.

'I, I took the girls and I, I ran' She expels.

'I don't understand'

'He wouldn't let me leave. I tried to leave but he, he was never going to let me. So I, I had do something drastic. I know it, it sounds crazy' Brooke slowly sits down. She's taken completely off guard. 'I, I was hoping I'd be safe here but Nathan he, he...he found that there's a warrant out for my arrest...I'm not having an affair with him, he's been helping me try to build a case, he's been helping us figure out what we're going to do if Ian turns up here'

'Ian...that's your husband?'

'Right. I, I tried to make him think we're dead but he...he's looking for me.'

'He knows you're alive?'

'He wouldn't have put a warrant out for my arrest otherwise...he's in the police force too' Peyton answers Brooke's confused expression. 'Which is why Nathan has, has been trying to help me...right now if Ian comes here and finds me he, he'd find it pretty easy to get custody of the girls. He could get me put away for kidnapping'

Brooke doesn't say anything, is hindered speechless.

'I, I'm so sorry. I, if I'd known he wasn't confiding in you...I shouldn't have put him in that position, I should've made sure that he'd spoken to you about what he's been helping me with I should've. I can't imagine what you've been thinking but please, please believe me, I, I'd never, I love Lucas. I've spent the last ten years wishing I was here with him. I wouldn't put that in jeopardy and I, I wouldn't do that to you-'

'Peyton stop, it's okay, really' Brooke cuts in. She's heard enough. 'Nate refuses to discuss cases. He doesn't want me or the kids involved. He says for my sanity and safety and for obvious other reasons regarding peoples privacy...I should've trusted him. I just...get a bit crazy sometimes I guess'

'You're not crazy. I get how it looks. I'm so sorry'

'Don't be...I'm just a little stunned. I...I've spent the last two days feeling certain that you two were...and I, I'm so relieved right now but not because...' She shakes her head. 'Christ I, I don't know what to say'

'You don't have to say anything. I should never have put Nathan in that position. I've caused you unnecessary stress and-'

Brooke bats her hand dismissively. 'I think we need something a little stronger than tea or coffee' She rises to her feet. 'How do you feel about wine?'

Peyton blinks. 'Er...sure'

'He hurt you then I take it?' Brooke asks, her stare firmly on the task her hands are completing.

'...yes' Peyton answers after a beat.

Brooke stops then, her stare averting back to the blonde. 'Peyton I'm so sorry'

'Don't be'

'Does Luke know?'

'Yes'

'I bet he took that well'

'Mm. I wish he didn't know. If it were up to me he wouldn't know'

'Honey he had to know'

'Imagine it was you Brooke. That you had to tell Nathan you've spent the last ten years trying to get away from someone that's meant to love you. Imagine telling Nathan that Jack and Gracie have seen you covered in blood on numerous occasions. That they've seen things that no child should'

'You think he holds you responsible for that?'

'No. It's Lucas. Of course not. He's blaming himself. I know him. he's put all this on his shoulders'

Brooke tilts her head to the side. 'Well lord knows you shouldn't be carrying it all on your own shoulders'

'...He won't touch me now...' She blurts. '...he's gone from being so touchy to always being at arms length...sorry you didn't need to know that'

'Honey' Brooke grabs her hands. 'I know you don't know me that well but we're family, maybe not by blood but our children are cousins. That makes us sister-in-laws as far as I'm concerned. I'd really like it if we were friends'

Peyton smiles. 'I'd...like that'

'Yeah? Well friends are allowed to tell friends what's bothering them. And it seems you have a lot on your plate right now and I'm all ears'

'...I've never been very good at talking'

'No' Brooke grins. 'Remember when all the girls would have sleepovers? We'd all chat about boys for hours on end and you wouldn't say a word'

'I wasn't boy crazy'

'The funny thing is you were the most experienced one out of all of us'

Peyton's brow shoots up. 'No. I wasn't. Luke and I weren't, we didn't get together for a long time'

'I know but there's more to a relationship than sex and you had the bit down that everyone seems to struggle with at the age of twelve'

A small smile graces her lips. 'He was my best friend'

'Did that change after you got together?'

'No...it was just more...intense'

Brooke smirks. 'I bet. Years of you two dancing around each other' She sighs dreamily. 'Does it feel like that now?'

'It did...until he found out... Now he can't get me being raped out of his head'

Brooke slowly puts her glass of wine down. '...I...your husband?'

'Sorry. You didn't need to hear that either' She puts her head into her hands. 'I've not spoken about this with anyone for years and now suddenly it's like pandora's box has been opened and it's all I bloody talk about'

Brooke runs her hand through her hair. '...I, I thought you just meant, not that it's any less of a big deal if he hit you but I didn't realise that too' She feels sick to her stomach.

'For the record a beating can be a hell of a lot worse than having sex'

'Rape isn't sex'

'No...it's really not' She nods slowly. 'I think I'd kind of forgotten that. Luke reminded me what it, it's meant to be like' Brooke's eyes glaze over. 'I felt like me again and now, now he doesn't want that with me'

'Oh he does. God how couldn't he? Look at you?' Brooke grapples for the blonde's hand. 'Look at me' She sternly demands. Peyton startles, her stare jerking up. She's surprised to see the emotion in the brunette's eyes. 'I've never forgotten how Lucas Scott looked at you at school. I'd have given an arm and a leg to have anyone look at me like that and for a long time I thought no one ever would. He still looks at you exactly the same way. He's just upset sweetie'

'...I know. You're crying. Why're you crying?'

'You just told me something pretty upsetting' Brooke frowns. 'God you really do think I'm a heartless bitch don't you?'

'No, no!' Peyton shakes her head. 'I'm sorry! Of course I don't...I just, I, I'm sorry I've been around people that don't care, that haven't helped me and now, now I'm here and everyone is being so nice. I mean Nate, I, I don't know why he's helping me but he is. And Karen has been amazing, she had every reason not to have anything to do with me after I ran away and Luke, Luke is the last person that should be forgiving me and I'm just, it's overwhelming. And I'm just, I don't know why you're all being so bloody nice. Half an hour ago you thought I was sleeping with your husband and now you're-'

'Honey' Brooke abruptly gets up and hugs her. 'Shh'

'I'm so sorry Brooke. I'm so sorry about Nathan'

'It's fine. It's not you. It's me being an insecure cow and my husband being annoyingly good at his job. My Dad's infidelities have had an effect on me and as much as I trust Nathan I, I vowed I wouldn't be like Mum. I won't be blind and I won't put up with it so every now and again I drive myself crazy and Nate is amazingly patient and reassuring and doesn't take it personally when god knows he could'

'I'm so sorry I didn't like you at school'

Brooke laughs then. 'I think you might've been within your right. I was full on'

'No. You're so...nice'

'Why thanks'

'...I guess I had a good run huh?'

'What do you mean?'

'Of everyone here not thinking I'm completely crazy'

'You're not crazy'

'I feel it, a lot'

Brooke softly strokes the blonde's back. 'Well you're not. What has Nate suggested you do?'

'Work on a case so when Ian shows up I can try and take him to court...he's so optimistic. He's not met Ian though. The girls have me wanting to run. It took me so long to get them out of there, I don't think I could handle letting them down again'

'You're not letting them down. You're fighting for them'

'...I know but the worse case scenario is me going back to that. Luke and Nathan aren't saying that out loud but that's the worse case scenario. Addie couldn't do it. She's had a taste of what life is meant to be. She's suddenly got her real Dad, a proper Dad and Lexie, Lexie has come out of her shell completely, I don't think she'd handle going back to all those rules and-'

'It's not going to happen'

'That's what everyone keeps telling me Brooke but I, I'm their mother. I have to think about the worst case scenario. Imagine it was you and Jack and Gracie. What would you want to do?'

'Run' Brooke expels. 'Anything to ensure they're 100% safe' She admits. 'But that's the mother in me speaking. Not the rational, level headed woman that knows my husband knows what he's doing. Knows that he's the best at his job and that family is his number one priority. He won't stop until he gets that bastard behind bars honey. He won't rest. He won't'

Peyton swallows. '...what if I'm putting you all in danger too. I couldn't bear-'

'Don't think about that. Nathan will always keep us safe'

'I've already hurt so many people. I couldn't live with myself if anything-'

'Nothing is going to happen. Sweetie from what I can gather you've spent a long time protecting your kids. It's time for other people to protect you now...as for Luke, that boy wants you in every way. I promise he does'

'...he's scared to touch me...I knew he'd be like this. This is what I didn't want. This is why I didn't want him to know. He blames himself and he's scared he's gonna remind me of Ian. He's scared of hurting me and that's not even possible!'

'He'll come round honey. I promise he will. Don't be offended'

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'You know for someone who wanted their own bedroom oh so much you've been creeping into your little sister's bed a whole lot lately' Peyton whispers. The moon is shining brightly through the open curtains and Peyton know's Adele has drawn them back so she can see the twinkling stars. 'I know you're awake faker' Peyton gently sits on the edge of the bed and rearranges the covers around a sleeping Alexa.

'How do you know that?' Adele opens her eyes.

'Because I'm your mother. Your breathing changes completely when you're asleep'

'Like Lexie?'

The three year old snuffles as if on cue and Peyton smiles. 'No, not as loud as Lexie but you have your own little rhythm. When you were a baby I'd freak myself out trying to listen for your breathing. Sometimes I'd just lay with my hand on you so I could feel your little belly rise and fall'

'You'd never need to do that with Lex. She even starts talking sometimes'

'Uhuh. A chatterbox even in her sleep' Peyton agrees. 'Why're you in here honey?'

Adele's shoulders shrug. 'Just looking after her'

'Whilst that's really sweet, you don't need to do that. You've got your own bed, minus the wriggly three year old, I'm sure you'd sleep a lot better in there and you wouldn't be so tired tomorrow too'

'I can't protect her from my room'

Peyton frowns. 'You don't need to do that Addie. We're safe'

'You don't know that, you wanted to leave at first and you still don't know when he's coming Mum'

'I was scared' Peyton carefully clambers over Alexa and lays beside her older daughter. '...but that's because I forgot I'm not on my own. I forgot we're all a team now. Don't you feel better now we've got all these cameras up?' She affectionately pushes her daughter's hair back from her face.

'...Yeah I do'

'And if you press any of the panic buttons we talked to you about then that's gonna go straight to Luke's, Nate's and Karen's phones, plus alert the police here. Help will be here in a flash baby and your Uncle Nate is doing everything he can to track his movements-'

'How can he know for sure though?'

'He can't know everything but being a police officer means he does have access to a system of information and he knows a lot of people. We know Ian is definitely still in Canada at this point so you don't need to worry. We're not going to let anything happen to you and Lex baby. You know I'd never, never let anything happen to you'

'And who's going to protect you?'

'Luke is right here. He'll never leave us'

Adele looks up into her mother's intense gaze then. '...you're...'

'I'm?' The nine year old's gaze skitters to the ceiling. 'I'm?' Peyton murmurs softly.

'Different around Luke' Adele utters.

'Different' Peyton repeats a little louder than her daughter's hushed whisper. 'Bad different?'

'No...just...' She curls onto her side and plays with Peyton's hair. '...Did you have your first kiss with Luke?'

'What?' Peyton smiles.

'I just wondered' Adele shrugs.

'Well Miss nosy...yes' Peyton discloses hesitantly.

'Where were you?'

'When we first kissed?'

'Uhuh'

'In the barn'

'Our barn here?'

'Uhuh'

'Did you know then?'

'Know what?'

'That you loved him?'

'...yes. I think I'd known for a good while. But when you're young it's hard to know what those feelings are, or understand them'

'What is it like?'

'What's what like?' Peyton watches her carefully.

'Kissing' Adele looks at her exasperatedly.

'Well...' Peyton hesitates. 'I don't think you're ready to be thinking about kissing anyone Missy'

'Eurgh. I don't want to kiss anyone Mum'

'No?'

'No way. I just...you seemed like you didn't like it but now you seem like you do with Luke and I don't get it'

'Kissing someone because you want to, kissing someone because you love them feels so very different to kissing someone when you don't baby. I love Luke so, so much'

'So kissing is...nice?'

Peyton amusedly looks into her inquisitive daughter's face. 'Nice isn't a good enough word to explain it baby. It's magical...but only when you're sixteen at the very earliest' She hastily adds. 'Maybe eighteen actually. or twenty one, or thirty. Waiting is never a bad thing'

'How old were you?'

'I think we've done enough talking about me rascal. You're meant to be sleeping'

'I like knowing all about you though Mummy... why did you leave here?'

'I told you before-'

'I know, you said you were scared Luke would hate you. What actually happened? I see the way Luke looks at you. I don't think he'd ever hate you'

'...no. I think you're right. But you're so much smarter than me. I wasn't so sure of that back then. I was scared honey. I was so young'

'What did you do?'

Peyton sighs. 'I thought I'd hurt someone'

'Someone?'

'Keith'

'Lily's Dad?'

'Has Lil mentioned him to you?'

'Uhuh. He was murder-wait. Did you do it?! Did you-'

'No baby but for the longest time I, I thought what happened was my fault. We...we were down at the river when it happened. Just me and him. He was teaching me to shoot. And it all happened so quickly. One minute he was standing and the next he wasn't. I ran for help...but it wasn't me. It wasn't an accident. It turns out Dan did it'

'Dan?'

'Keith's brother. Your Dad's father'

'My grandad?' She frowns.

'Mm. Although I don't think we'll ever call him that. He's not a nice man'

'He killed his own brother'

'Mm. But he's locked away now'

'You thought you'd done it'

'Dan led me to believe I'd done it. He encouraged me to leave'

'...does Luke know that?'

'Yeah...he didn't but I've told him everything baby'

'Did he get cross?'

'No. He was sad that I hadn't told him. Sad that his Dad made me think that'

'Do...do you think if that hadn't happened you and my Da- Luke would've stayed together'

'Yes...but sweetie if I hadn't left your little sister wouldn't be here and I would not wish her away for a single second' She shakes her head. 'I'd go through it all again if it meant we still get her'

'I love Lex'

'I know you do'

'But I do wish we'd got to live here'

'I know. It's ok to feel like that Addie' Peyton runs her hand over her daughter's head again. 'But we get to live here now hey?'

'Mm...You must've been really scared when you thought you killed Lily's Daddy'

'...yeah' Peyton hoarsely murmurs. 'I was...and really sad...he was such a lovely man Addie. He would've been such an amazing Grandad to you. Your Dad loved him so, so much'

'...Luke cried when he found out everything'

'He was upset'

'He still seems sad sometimes'

'I know. He, he just loves us honey'

'He does' Adele smiles and Peyton's brow kinks as she takes in her child's suddenly giddy expression. 'I think I love him too'

'Yeah?'

'...yes' Adele whispers.

Peyton smirks. 'Do you know how happy that makes me baby?'

Adele smiles. 'A lot happy?'

'A lot, a lot happy' Peyton confirms. 'And you know who else that will make a lot, a lot happy?'

'Luke?'

'Uhuh. He'll be real happy if you tell him that'

'I dunno if I'm ready for that Mummy' Adele sighs then.

Peyton clasps her hand. 'That's ok. Whenever you're ready, whenever feels right'

'Have you told him that you love him?'

'Yes...but that's different baby. I never stopped. You've had to get to know Luke. I already knew him. And our relationship is a different kind to the one you two have'

'...yeah...I like the relationship you two have Mum'

'You do?'

'...yes. He's so nice to you and you smile a lot when you're with him. Even if you're worried or upset you still smile when he's with you. I like that. I like that you're different here'

'I feel different. Good different...maybe different isn't the right word. Like me again' Peyton settles on. 'So I don't have to break up with him after all then huh?' She teases.

Adele rolls her eyes. 'I was being a brat'

'No. You were scared. You're allowed to be scared'

'He was cross at you that you told me you'd break up with him if I wanted you to'

'Mm. I know. But he didn't know what he does now honey and if he had he wouldn't have been cross in the slightest'

'Would you really have done that for me even though you love him?'

'Yes. I'd do anything for you but you see honey, I know you better than you do and I knew you just needed a bit more time. I was confident you'd come round. I was confident he'd win you over and he has' She tickles the nine year old's side and Adele giggles.

'Mum' She whines and curls her arms around her mother's slender waist in an effort to stop the tickle attack. 'You're gonna wake Lex'

They both know the little girl in question won't be disturbed, will sleep through anything but just the same Peyton ceases her attack. '...I know you were worried about sharing me baby but nothing will ever come before you and Lex. Ok?'

'I know'

'Yeah?'

'Yes'

WONDERLANDWONDERLANDWONDERLAND

'She ok?' He wonders anxiously because she went to check on the two children a good while ago.

'Uhuh. Well asides from thinking she has to protect Lex'

He sighs because he doesn't like that one bit. Doesn't like that his daughter is on edge. 'Are you ok?'

'Yeah' She crawls into her bed and joins him.

'Yeah?'

'Yes'

'I thought the cameras would've reassured her'

'They have I think...guess what?' She smiles.

'What?' His eyes narrow as he looks down at her in the moonlight.

'I've got a secret'

He frowns because they've already agreed no secrets but judging from her expression he's pretty sure it's not a god awful secret.

'You're secrets don't tend to be the best kind Peyt' He's still dubious.

'This one is. It's one you'll like a whole lot'

'Oh?'

'Uhuh. But if I tell you you have to promise to act like you don't know otherwise I'll be in trouble with Addie'

'You're breaking a promise to our daughter?'

'You're trying to talk me out of telling you right now?'

'No, no' He quickly decides. 'I want to know. What is it?'

'She just told me that she thinks she loves you'

He smirks. 'Oh?'

'Uhuh. She's just not quite ready to tell you so yet'

She watches emotion fill his eyes. He swallows. Clears his throat. 'That's...nice'

Peyton smiles and crawls onto the bed beside him, resting on his chest as she looks into his face. 'You kay?'

'Yeah just...I love her too'

'I know'

'And Lexie'

'I know'

'And you'

'Yeah?'

'God yes'

'I love you' She strokes his cheek. 'I'm so sorry'

'Sorry?' He frowns. 'Never be sorry for loving me'

She smiles but shakes her head. 'Not that. I'm sorry that you're laying here getting choked up over your daughter loving you. That shouldn't be how it is. She should of grown up loving you, knowing you. You should know her like I know her-'

'I will. I think I know her pretty well'

'Yes. You do' She confirms, traces her finger over the scruff of his jawline. 'You're so wonderful with the both of them'

'I am? I feel like I'm majorly awkward at times'

'You're not' She brushes her nose against his before kissing him lightly. He reciprocates but she lingers and as she tries to deepen said kiss he gently withdraws with an uneasy smile and ushers her into his chest. '...You're being awkward with me though'

He threads his fingers through her tangled hair. 'What? No I'm not'

'No?...you're doing what I made you promise you wouldn't Luke. You're treating me like a fragile little girl. Are you never going to touch me again?' She mumbles into his t-shirt. His fingers stop trying to de-knot her locks and he looks down at her suddenly hiding face.

'I'm touching you right now' He feigns confusion.

'You know that's not what I mean' She calls him out, dares to peer up at him. 'You know what I'm talking about. You were all over me before'

He clears his throat '...We've got all the time in the world for that'

'You don't know that.'

'Peyton' His face crumples and he cups her face. 'We have. I'm not going to let anything happen to you'

'I know'

'I don't think you do, don't you feel a little safer now we've got all the cameras and alarms up?'

'I'm glad they've made Addie feel safe. She's been so much happier since. You're so much more relaxed too'

'But you're not?'

'I'm fine'

'Really?'

'Uhuh...I know him though. He's going to come here Luke. I'm not disillusioned in any way'

'I'm not disillusioned either. But we're going to be ready when he does Peyt' She nods slowly. 'We're going to get you justice. We're counting on him coming here and when he does Nate will be ready and we'll have a case and we'll make sure he goes away for every god awful thing he did to you'

'Yes'

'Don't say yes when you don't agree' She smiles. 'What?'

'I like that you can tell when I'm lying'

'...I use to always know what you were thinking'

'You still do'

'Do I? Peyt if I always knew, I'd have known you weren't ok all those years ago. I'd have known everything you were going through the second you arrived back here-'

'You might not have known what but you did know I wasn't ok'

'I feel like such a fool. I should've questioned you-'

'No. I like that you didn't pressure me. I needed to do it myself'

'You've not done it yourself Peyton' He softly points out. 'If it were up to you I'd still be in the dark about all of this'

'I'd decided I was going to tell you. I really had. I knew you had to know I just hadn't yet because I wanted to do it in the best way I could and it was the opposite of that'

'There was no way you could've broke that to me and it wouldn't have killed me Peyt'

'...I know'

He looks up at the ceiling for a long moment and she wants to erase the image of her with her husband from his mind. 'Remember when I use to sneak over to your house and sketch you?'

His face tilts back to her and he smiles. 'How could I forget that?'

'Those are some of my favourite days Luke'

'Yeah?'

'Uhuh'

 _She's straddling his waist, a sketchbook resting on his chest. 'God you're not making this easy' She complains_

 _'Sorry, would you like me to stop breathing' He wonders._

 _'That would be helpful' She smiles._

 _'I'm not a table'_

 _'I need to be this close to see you'_

 _'Liar. I think you just can't help but be as close as possible' He teases. She rolls her eyes and sticks her tongue out but he has got a point. 'I'm not complaining, in fact seeing as I'm being your model why don't you award me and remove that top of yours?' He laughs at the blush that works it's way up her cheeks and his rising chest has her pencil sliding in the wrong direction._

 _'Lucas!' She whines and gives up, tossing her sketchbook onto the bed along with her pencil. She goes to get up but his hands clamp down on her hips._

 _'No you don't, I didn't get my reward yet!'_

 _'You hardly deserve one! You're a useless model'_

 _'Oh come on, I've been sat here giving you my best work for the best part of forty minutes' He cranes himself upward to sitting and inspects her drawing. 'Gees Peyt' He gawps at the rough sketch. 'How do you do that?'_

 _'It's shit'_

 _'No. It looks just like me!' She confiscates the pad and throws it to the floor this time. 'Hey, careful! I could make millions out of that one day when you're famous'_

 _She laughs and shakes her head. 'You'll be married to me so it's not like you'll need to slyly sell some old sketches' She jests._

 _'Oh I will, will I?'_

 _'Uhuh'_

 _His hands are under her top and her mischief turns to concern. 'Don't you want to be?'_

 _'Peyton Sawyer the only thing I'm certain of in this world is that I want you to become Peyton Sawyer Scott'_

 _'Sawyer Scott hey? You don't want me to drop the Sawyer?'_

 _'Nope. I might even nick it'_

 _'Lucas Sawyer Scott' She smiles._

 _'Uhuh. Don't you think that's the way it should be. Why should you take my name and I not yours?'_

 _'Did I tell you I love you?'_

 _'Not today'_

 _'I do. I love you'_

 _'Yeah? So much you're gonna let me take this off now?' His mind is back on the t-shirt._

 _She rolls her eyes. 'I'm not wearing anything fancy under here you know'_

 _'No?'_

 _'Just a simple black bra'_

 _'Let me see'_

 _'Fine' She relents and he giddily lays back with his hands behind his head, surveying her as she pulls her top off. 'Don't look so pleased with yourself' She whacks him with her tee as she untangles it from her hair._

 _He laughs. 'But you don't understand Peyt. Wondering what you're wearing under your shirt has become a bit of a hobby of mine!'_

 _'Oh really? But wondering is so much more exciting than the underwhelming reality'_

 _'No' He frowns in disagreement. His hand runs over her stomach and up her side. 'You're so beautiful'_

 _She squints at him because he looks like an excited puppy and she doesn't understand why. 'I don't understand what the fascination with boobs is. They're weird. They're for feeding babies. And as far as mine go, small' She pushes the cups of her bra together and looks down at herself. 'I mean I'd get it if I was like Brooke Davis or something. She's actually got boobs that go like this and I bet she wears sexy lingerie' His hands pull hers away from herself._

 _'If you're not gonna be nice to these then no touching' He reprimands and sits back up. She watches him with fascination as his own fingers encase her far more delicately, trailing over the black silky fabric. His touch feels different to her own and she's suddenly aware that her breathing has altered in the last ten seconds. A shiver runs down her spine as he cups her more firmly, testing out the weight of her petite frame. He glances up at her. 'Wow you do turn off' He squints at her tauntingly because her sudden silence isn't a common occurrence in his presence._

 _'Not turned off' She swallows dazedly. 'Turned on' She corrects as she leans into his touch._

 _'Oh?' He kisses her chin and her hands disappear into his hair as always as he makes a path down her neck. She's soon giggling when he reaches that ticklish spot._

 _He smiles and opens his mouth, sucking a little harder. Her squeamish laugh turns into an approving murmur but it's swiftly followed by a light hit to his arm. 'Don't you give me a hickey Lucas Scott'_

 _'What about if I do it here?' His lips graze lower._

 _'No!'_

 _'Here?' Lower._

 _'No'_

 _She gasps because he's reached her chest. He looks up into her wide green eyes 'Can this come off?' She swallows. She doesn't answer immediately. 'You can say no Peyt. It's ok-'_

 _'No- I mean yes. I just, I was wondering how your eyes are so dark right now' She rambles and reaches behind herself, unfastening her bra for him._

 _'I want you is how' His voice is deeper all of a sudden with the anticipation of having her topless before him._

 _'You're acting like you've not seen me before'_

 _'I haven't!'_

 _'Oh? Who was I down at the creek with two weekends ago?' She's stalling releasing the clasp she's got hold of. 'Because that guy had me out of my bikini top within five minutes'_

 _'We were in the water. I could barely see you'_

 _'You had a good feel' She recalls. 'And I know you peeked when we got out'_

 _'Barely! You told me not to look. Why is this relevant right now?' He's lost sight of what they're bickering about._

 _She releases the butterfly hooks. 'I'm just nervous I guess' She admits. 'I don't like my boobs' His hands slide under the straps on her shoulders and help her remove the garment, his eyes staying focused on her face._

 _'I've been getting that' She's said the odd thing every now and again that suggest she's not comfortable with her appearance. 'But Peyt it's just me and I can assure you you're wrong. I know that's not a common thing in your world but you're so very wrong' He lets his stare skitter down then and groans. '100% wrong. Fuck. God you're perfect' His hands trail into his hair and he abruptly lays back down and gapes at her. Her hands settle on his chest to steady herself with his jolty movement. She stays sat up. Is conscious about leaning over him and what her body will look like from his angle if she does. Her denim skirt is rucked up and he can see a glint of blue underwear staring at him and he unconsciously licks his lips._

 _'Are you just going to stare' She murmurs after a moment of his gawking._

 _He blinks. 'Sorry, sorry I'm just making sure I have it saved to memory'_

 _'It's gonna be nothing but a memory in a sec'_

 _He bolts back up to sitting then. 'No' He whines at the prospect of her cutting this short. 'What's wrong?'_

 _'Nothing I just, I...you're not lying?'_

 _'I've never lied to you. And I can't bloody fake this' He jerks her hips closer, a hand finding her backside as he emphasises his predicament. She gasps. 'You're so beautiful Peyt and I want you so much. So much' He draws her face to his and sucks on her bottom lip then. Devours her mouth. He thinks they've truly mastered the art of making out now. They've practiced enough but god it doesn't get old. And now there's the added torment of hands being brave enough to seek out more and their bodies moving on their own accord. When she rocks against him like she is, it's enough to push him over the edge. He doesn't know how he's not ended up in that embarrassing situation as of yet._

 _His hands have found her unveiled chest and she murmurs into his mouth as his touch becomes a little more assertive, a thumb brushing over her nipple. He withdraws from their kiss because the noises she's making are far too delightful not to try and seek out more. He licks his way down her neck and bows his head into her chest, letting his tongue explore the delightfully soft creamy flesh. Untouched flesh. The mere thought makes him suck a little harder._

 _'Oh god' Her fingers are back in his hair._

 _'Ok?' He pauses briefly because despite his enthusiasm he's still navigating the unknown. Still unsure because he's never done this before and he knows she hasn't either and he needs to know she's ok._

 _'Don't stop. Don't stop'_

 _'Shh. I'm not, just come here' He shifts her until she's on her back beneath him before dutifully resuming his ministrations. Only this time his hand shifts beneath her skirt to where she's aching and she clutches onto him and whimpers at the combination of his fingers and his mouth. 'Oh my god'_

 _He's tempted to try and take this further. He's sure she wouldn't say no to anything in this moment. But she's soon making that delightful noise he's come to revel in and he forgets his own needs in that moment and focuses on making her fall apart. He knows she's no longer thinking, knows by the way her hips are moving that she's somewhere else completely. Knows by the unrestrained sounds she's making. Knows by the way she keeps saying his name that she's close. He doesn't think he'll ever get sick of this. Of her like this. Of her saying his name in the breathy way she is._

 _She gasps loudly as she falls over the edge and he_ _smirks, slowly drawing his lips away from her heaving chest. 'Ok?'_

 _'I don't know what just happened' It all happened so fast. Her eyes are closed and he lets his fingertips walk a path up the centre of her torso, watching her chest rise and fall as she tries to regulate her breathing. 'How do you always know what you're doing?' She opens one eye and suddenly becomes self conscious again of him inspecting her when he's still fully clothed._

 _He snorts. 'I don't Peyt'_

 _'It feels like you do. I didn't even know that I could...feel that from your mouth...' She looks down to where his fingers are still familiarising themselves with her chest. 'Maybe boobs aren't so awful'_

 _He laughs at her then. 'No yours definitely aren't. They're pretty awesome' She blushes and prods a light speckled mark on the top of her left breast. 'Sorry, I really didn't mean to do that'_

 _She shakes her head. 'You can give me all the hickeys in the world if they're out of sight' She decides._

 _'Someone's changed their tune'_

 _'Someone just had her mind blown...' She bites her lip as he finally tears his eyes away from her chest and lays down so their faces are level. 'I was nervous about you seeing me like this'_

 _'I know you were' She looks at him through her lashes. 'Are you still uncomfortable?' He wonders._

 _'No' She smiles. 'I'm not super comfortable but I don't think I care so much when you look at me like I'm the most beautiful girl in the whole world'_

 _'You are Peyton. You letting me see you like this has made today possibly the best day of my life' He grins. 'And seeing you fall apart, god it's the best thing ever'_

 _'I feel the same when you let me do that for you' Her hand is creeping toward his pants. 'You never urge me to touch you' She murmurs. 'I'm always making you touch me' She notes, because it's true. Since she let his hand disappear into her jeans that day at the creek she's been desperate for his fingers to recreate the same wondrous feelings over and over and he's only permitted her to return the favour on a handful of occasions._

 _'I just don't want you to feel pressured Peyt'_

 _'Do you feel pressured by me?'_

 _'No. I just told you, I love touching you'_

 _'What about me touching you?' She pops free the button on his jeans. His eyes skitter to her hand and he swallows thickly with the anticipation of her little hand going where he needs it most._

 _'You don't think I like you touching me?' He mutters, brow furrowed because she couldn't be more wrong or insane._

 _'I think you do. I think you're just too sweet and won't tell me what you want. But you don't need to feel like that. Don't you know you could ask me to do anything in the whole world and I think I'd do it for you Luke?' He groans because her precious hand is on him now. 'Do you want me to try with my mouth?' He startles, his eyes jerking back to her watching face. She smiles that sweet, innocent smile. 'I can't promise it'll be any good cause I don't know what I'm doing, unlike you who seems to know without knowing' She rambles. 'Shall I?'_

 _'I...god yes'_

 _Her hand suddenly disappears and he grunts with the loss. Watches her intently as she scrambles to her knees, a mixture of nerves and excitement dancing in her eyes. She's touched but not seen and is eager to even the playing field. Is desperate to give him the same sense of euphoria that he just gave her. She's about to help him tug his jeans down when the noise of a car pulling into the drive reaches her ears._

 _'Shit, your Mum's back. I'm not meant to be here'_

 _'What?' He blinks. Doesn't understand because she's off the bed and haphazardly seeking out her bra and t-shirt._

 _'Apparently they're on to our not so study filled study sessions and until you get at least a B in maths and I get a B in science we can't study together' She huffs. 'Didn't you get the lecture?'_

 _'No' He frowns as her head disappears under her top and he doesn't want her dressed. He wants her back on the bed. He wants her to continue with what she was just about to do. 'A little heads up woulda been nice' He complains and she rolls her eyes because he's always been a rule follower._

 _'You distracted me!' He knows that's a lie. Knows she avoided telling him she'd been banned because he'd have probably encouraged her to return home in fear of getting in trouble with her dad._

 _'Peyton' He whines because he knows his mother is gonna be in here in a flash to have this lecture and his pants are straining and this seems to have become a common occurrence; him in a state of utter frustration thanks to Peyton Sawyer._

 _'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry' She presses a chaste kiss to his lips. 'I'll make it up to you at Mouth's party on Saturday. I promise!' She cringes because she's sure his discomfort must be bordering on physical pain and she doesn't like that she's the cause. She issues him with a cushion to conceal his straining jeans followed by his maths text book that's sat forgotten on the bedside table. 'I'll see you tomorrow. I love you' He grabs her arm as she retreats and pulls her in for another kiss. 'I need to go Luke' She giggles but dutifully slides her tongue into his mouth for a brief moment before scarpering._

 _He sighs heavily and groans up at the ceiling as she races out the back door. He wills himself not to think about what she's just promised but his teenage brain won't play ball, never does when it comes to imagining his girlfriend._

'God you got me so hot and bothered'

'Did' She mumbles. He doesn't miss her bottom lip wobbling.

'Not did' He shakes his head. 'Peyton I've been the definition of a hormone ridden teenager since you got back and god that's not changed for a moment it's just, surely you understand. You say you're ok but I'm...I'm, this is all new for me. Knowing everything you've been through'

'I know. I know. But I, I promise I'm ok'

He nods slowly. '...Ok, but I think I need some time to know that you really mean that...'

'I do Luke'

'You would tell me wouldn't you? If you'd rather we just go?'

'I've told you-'

'I know but I feel like I've talked you into staying here and what you're saying doesn't really match up with you not believing we're going to be able to protect you. I, I don't want you thinking I'm controlling this or that you don't have a choice or-'

'I decided with you that this is what I want' She murmurs. '...the only think that keeps having me wanting to leave is the girls. If he comes and it all...goes to shit. If I have to go with him, you, you'll get them out of here and you look after them won't you'

'Peyton I've told you-'

'I know Luke but you never actually promised me and I want, I need to hear the words because I know you won't break a promise. Adele and Alexa, they come before me. Before us. Before everything. They can't go back to that. They can't'

'They're not going to and you're not either'

'You're amazing with them Luke but this is all new to you. Being a parent is sacrifice. And I'd give up my life for them in a heartbeat-'

'So would I. For all of you'

'So promise me' He squints at her. 'Promise me that if it comes down to getting me away or them you'll choose them. Every time' He swallows.

'...I promise. But it's not going to come down to that'

'No. But if it does' He nods uneasily. 'Thank you' She snuggles into him, feels a weight being lifted off of her shoulders. '...So back to the you not touching me thing...'

He sighs. 'I was hoping we'd avoided that. I just want to go slow Peyt-'

'We've done slow. I appreciated slow but we ended that game. You were done with slow before and yet-'

'I want you' He cuts off. 'You need to stop doubting that, I'm just...I...It's just hard not to think of you and him...Before I was able to just put that to the back of my mind. The thought of you with someone else was never something I wanted to linger on but I could deal with it because I thought you'd been happy all these years. Now I...Now I know differently I'm just struggling with...I can't get it out of my head and I know that's really fucking unfair on you- you went through this. I didn't and yet I'm making it all about me but god Peyton you hurting in anyway at all it makes me...' He scowls and she can see his cheeks have reddened despite the darkness.

'I wish you hadn't seen those photos' She sighs.

'Those photos only bought to life what my mind has had me imagining...Every time I try to sleep I just keep seeing you screaming for me to help you'

'Your imaginings aren't accurate. I'm good at being quiet. Silence was key. For me and for the girls' She strokes his cheek. 'Luke I spent night after night dreaming of being in your bed. Being with you. You can destroy every awful moment I spent with him. When you touch me it's like, like you're eradicating every time he touched me'

'I know you Peyton Sawyer. You're just saying shit to try and make me feel better' He accuses.

She smiles. 'Maybe a little...but it is kinda true...I know you too...You need to stop thinking your hands could ever be detrimental to me' She tugs his fingers to her chest. 'When we... before, it made me feel powerful. It made me feel like everything might be ok again. It made me forget' She licks her lips. 'I didn't think I could feel this ever again Luke, that I'd want...but I do want. I want you. So much I can hardly stand it' She admits. A small smile works it's way onto his face with her confession '...I went to see the Doctor the other day and-'

'Wait, what?'

'You knew Nathan was setting it up-'

'Yes but you didn't you tell me he had, I would've-'

'I didn't want you there. Your Mum came, besides it was just x-rays and stuff. We'll talk about the results in a few days'

He sighs. 'You've gotta stop keeping me in the dark about things Peyt-'

'I'm telling you now aren't I?'

'Yes' He sighs. 'I just wanted-'

'I know but I didn't want you harassing the poor Doctors. I'm only telling you because I asked to start taking the pill whilst I was there'

'...You did?' His brow furrows.

'Uhuh'

'But...'

'What?'

'It just, it seems unfair that you're putting drugs into your body so we can... and I'm not doing anything, I thought we'd talk about it before-'

'If I didn't want to I wouldn't have asked. I like that I have that choice again. That it's not a secret. That it's not a fucking mission to secretly get my hands on that kind of medication. Besides...it's not like you're not gonna do anything in return' She strokes her hand over his cheek and smiles coyly. 'Right?'

He rolls his eyes bemusedly. 'You can be real persuasive you know that?'

Her smile slowly dwindles then. Her hand retracts. 'Is that what you think I'm doing?' Her tone changes dramatically in all of a heartbeat. 'Don't feel like I'm blackmailing you-'

'Hey' He cuts her off. 'That's so not what I was saying' She's silent. 'Peyt?'

She feels stupid in all of a second because of course he wasn't suggesting that. She's being overly sensitive. '...sorry...'

'No I'm sorry'

'You didn't do anything' She runs a hand over her face. 'It's me being ridiculous. We don't have to do anything obviously...'

'I'll always want you-'

'You don't have to say that. Please don't say that if you don't mean it. I'm not like him. I know what that feels like. Having to say and do things you don't mean just to avoid an argument-'

'I'm not doing that. God I'm not trying to placate you'

'...you're not?'

'Nope. Me wanting you is a fact at this point. There's nothing that could ever change that' He cups her face. 'Don't you know how much I've longed for you all these years? That's not gonna ever change'

'...But it has Luke. I know it's a lot' She whispers. 'Knowing all the things I've done it, it's not attractive it-'

'Jesus stop. You're beautiful and anything you've done is the definition of bravery- you must know that?'

'I don't think submission is brave. I was weak for a long time'

'Staying alive isn't weakness. I'm so proud of you. I'm in awe of you...I can't even put into words how in awe of you I am...' He shakes his head. She bites her lip. 'Nothing has changed in how I want you ok? I'm just working through all these raging emotions I have.' He strokes her cheek. 'I'm frightened of doing anything that reminds you-'

'You could never remind me of him'

'No?'

'No. God you're nothing like him in anyway Luke. Nothing...when you touched me I...I liked it' She mutters.

He can't help but smile. 'Yeah?'

'Did you think I was faking?'

'I knew you weren't faking' He laughs then.

'How?' She wonders.

'I'd just know. I know you'

'I like that you know me'

'Me too...You did have a moment where you freaked out though. A moment that I just thought was nerves at the time-'

'I told you-'

'I know...you'd tell me though wouldn't you? If I was doing anything, however small, anything at all that made you uncomfortable?'

'I don't need to. You know me remember?' He gives her a hard look. 'I promise' She relents. 'So we...can?' He tries not to laugh but he can't disguise the amusement in his eyes. 'Are you laughing at me?'

'I'm trying not to. Sorry' She pouts. 'You're just really adorable right now'

'Adorable?'

'Uhuh. I love how much you want me'

'I don't want to be adorable' She sits up and tugs her t-shirt off in one swift movement. 'Am I still now?'

He licks his lips. 'No' Stares at her dumbly for what feels the longest moment, until she can't bear another moment, until she looses her nerve and her hands travel up to cover herself. 'No, no. Don't do that. What're you doing?' He tugs her hands away.

'I...don't know. You weren't moving-'

'I was appreciating' He smiles. 'Don't hide. God you're perfect' He runs his hand up the centre of her torso. Her skin looks even more of creamy white in the glow of the moon. 'And so sexy'

'That's not true' She shakes her head. 'I'm sorry'

'Sorry?'

'I've not bought anything fancy'

'Fancy?'

'Like underwear and stuff' She mumbles and her words remind him why he's hesitant for them to be intimate in any way right now.

He frowns. 'You don't need to do that, you're perfect just as you'

'I just don't know what's me. I...I stood in a shop for ages earlier today and I just, I kept picking up shit that I knew would make him happy. Not you. I don't know what you like. What sort of stuff do you like?'

He grits his teeth together. 'You don't need to buy anything to try and please me. It shouldn't be about me Peyt. You could be in anything at all and I'd still be turned on. If it doesn't make you feel good then I'm not interested'

'...I don't know what makes me feel good'

'Well nothing looks good on you. You should feel good in nothing'

A blush creeps up her cheeks. '...Do you like black and red?'

'What?'

'Underwear? Like stereotypical sexy?'

He swallows. '...Is that what he liked you in?' He dares to ask.

'He liked me in the full get up. You know, like corsets. Stockings. Garter belt'

He imagines her in said attire and swallows thickly but then another man intrudes upon his vision. Hands pushing her down onto a bed.

'I know it's probably sexy but I don't like that stuff. I...I feel like...an object being wrapped up in bows, I feel like I'm only good for one thing and I'm not even good at that one thing. I don't know how to be-'

'Peyton' He cuts her off, holds her hands tight. 'You know I see us as equals right? You know I don't see you like that'

'I want to be sexy for you though Luke. You use to think I was when we were kids'

'You are. God you are. This is about the both of us. Not just about me being turned on. What turns you on?'

She freezes. Contemplates his question. '...I don't know. You. The way you look at me. I was so scared of seeing you again, of you not looking at me in the same way as you did when we were kids'

'Peyton you're a woman, you're a mother. Don't you know how sexy that is to me?' He kisses her chin. 'And yet somehow you're still that kid I fell in love with. Nothing will change how I feel about you. Ever'

'You promise?'

'I promise' He easily agrees.

'...Remember when I dragged you into that closet at Mouth's Halloween party?' She wonders abruptly.

His brow furrows because he's not sure where she's going. 'How could I forget that'

 _'Peyton' His eyes are wide as she pushes him into the cupboard._ _'What're you doing?' He whispers._

 _'I promised' She smiles as she locates a light._

 _Her lips are painted a dark red, her eyes are accentuated with dark brown eye pencil, a glittery green eye shadow on her lids. She's the angel of darkness apparently. Every other girl here is a cat or a vampire. She's not every other girl though. She's given herself a dark back story that she'd spent half an hour rambling to him on their way here. Her character had faded within the first fifteen minutes though because she was having a good time and she couldn't disguise it. She'd had a couple of drinks and was a little tipsy. He'd confiscated the last one because he didn't want to repeat the night whens she'd first had alcohol. That had ended with her throwing up all over her Dad._

 _'Everyone will wonder where we are' He doesn't think this is a good idea. He's panicked at the thought of them being caught by their friends._

 _'Wonder where you are you mean. I don't fit in-'_

 _'That's not true' He contends._

 _'No? I'm not like the other girls Luke. All they talk about is make up and boys and it's boring'_

 _'I'm a boy. You can talk about me' He's teases._

 _'Eurgh. Why would I talk about us? That's ours...wait do you talk about me to your team?'_

 _'Of course not'_

 _'When I'm talking to anyone else I stand there and then realise I'm not listening to a single thing anyone is saying. I'm thinking about that album I got yesterday and how I need to get your opinion on the fifth track because I think you'll love it'_ _He smiles. 'It's not funny. Why aren't I like everyone else?'_

 _'You're just more special Peyt'_

 _Her eyes narrow. 'That's just a kind way of saying I'm weird'_

 _'No you're not. You think all of the girls out there are really into just make up and boys? Because they so aren't. They just so badly want to fit in that they're trying to appease a few certain people. You're not a rule follower'_

 _'Sometimes I feel like you're the only person that gets me'_

 _'You'll meet new people as you get older Peyt. You'll make other friends. Who knows, one day one of those girls might be your best friend'_

 _'You're my best friend'_

 _'Yes. I am' He nods. 'Although I prefer the title of boyfriend these days'_

 _'Oh really? Cause you get all the perks then?' She begins to sink to her knees._

 _His hands clutch her elbows, halting her decent. 'You don't need to-'_

 _'I know I don't need to. You wanted me to the other day. Don't you want me to now?' She drawls slowly, her brow kinked._

 _'God you're hot as a dark angel' He blurts because he can't stop looking at her lips._

 _She smiles. 'I feel ridiculous' She laughs._

 _'You don't look ridiculous'_

 _'You do' She giggles._

 _'You're not into Jack Sparrow?'_

 _'Who is?!'_

 _'Why didn't you say so?!' He pouts._

 _'Because you were so excited about your costume. Besides I knew I wouldn't need to worry about anyone hitting on you' She's joking and he tickles her sides._

 _'Well you coulda dressed as a ghost. All the guys keep ogling at you, I just had to warn Skills to keep his eyes on your face'_

 _'No they're not! You didn't'_

 _'Yes, yes I did' He strokes her face. 'You'd tell me wouldn't you? If anyone hit on you'_

 _'Of course I would. Don't you think I can handle myself?'_

 _'Oh I know you can. Better than I could. But still, they're all my friends and I'd, I'd be majorly pissed if they thought that was ok'_

 _'Why're you saying this?'_

 _'I dunno, you just hear of horrible shit Peyt. And it's often someone you know and I just, I want to know you're always safe and the way they were looking at you out there I just, I-'_

 _'Are you going all possessive on me?'_

 _'No. No. That's not what...They've been drinking and...' He shrugs. 'I love you. I'd die if anyone hurt you'_

 _She smiles. 'No one's ever gonna hurt me. I'm a dark angel Luke. I'm immortal. Plus I can turn into a Raven. Were you not listening when I gave you my detailed back story earlier?' She jests._

 _He laughs. 'I was listening'_

 _'Did you also listen to the part where I drag you off to a cupboard and...' She sinks to her knees and actually makes it to the floor this time._

 _'No I missed that part' She bites her lip and looks up at him as her hands seek out his belt. 'Is this really a good idea here Peyt?' His eyes flicker to the door. He keeps hearing shrieks of laughter._

 _'You don't want me to?'_

 _'That's so not what I just said'_

'I didn't know what I was doing. You liked it though didn't you?'

He snorts. 'That's a bit of an understatement...You kept stopping and asking if it was ok' He smiles fondly at the memory. 'I thought I was gonna pass out'

She bites her lip and shakes her head at her ridiculousness. 'I'm better now' She hums. He cringes and she grimaces with him because she knows he's picturing her doing that for her husband and lord knows that's the last thing she wants him thinking about. 'Sorry'

He sighs and shakes his head. 'You were perfect then Peyt. So perfect'

'I felt so grown up after that night and we were just stupid kids'

He laughs. 'Mm. We were. But it was fun being stupid kids right?'

'The most fun'

'I, I was so paranoid someone would hear us or walk in' His eyes skitter to the door because despite drunk teenagers not posing as a problem there's two little people that now do.

'I remember I didn't care. I was determined to do that for you...The girls aren't gonna come in' She can read his mind.

'How can you be so sure?' He murmurs.

'Because...I just am. I know them. Lexie has been sleeping through the night since Addie has taken to crawling into bed with her' She shuffles onto her knees and Lucas quickly grasps her by her arms before she scoots down the bed because he knows her intention.

'Not yet ok? Not yet'

'Why?'

'I'm not saying no Peyt just not yet...Maybe we should go away for a couple of days this weekend. I want you to see Brooke's parents log cabin anyway, in case for whatever reason you need to get yourself there at any point. We could stay up there for a few days'

'Really?'

'Uhuh. Well I need to check it's ok with them but if we can what do you say? Just the four of us? I think it'll help me relax and will just be a good distraction for all of us'

'...That sounds kind of perfect' She nods. '...and you'll let me touch you there?'

He laughs. '...we'll see. I'm gonna need you to put your t-shirt on right now though because this is becoming a problem' His hand coasts of her left breast.

'It doesn't have to be a problem'

'It is a problem only in that I'm struggling to keep my hands to myself'

'Well that needn't be a problem' She arches her back and leans into him and as quickly as his fingers were there they're gone again.

He groans. 'I'm using all my self restraint right now'

'You don't need to' She huffs. He softly strokes her cheek with a pouting smile. It's jest. It's him saying he's not going to budge on this. 'Fine' she resolves by thrusting her arms back into the tee he's holding out to her. 'But only if you promise'

'Promise?' He echoes.

'Promise you'll stop with this not touching me and me not touching you thing at the log cabin. You say you want to make sure I'm ok but I'm not gonna be ok soon because I'm doing a grand job of convincing myself you're never gonna want me again Luke'

He laughs. He can't help it because it's absurd and they're going round in circles. 'I want you so much right bloody now Peyton, how many times do I have to say it before you believe me?' He wonders. He wonders when this will end; him scared of being a reminder to her. Her scared he doesn't want her.

'Well then it won't be a hard promise will it?' She squints at him and he revels in that look because he's not seen it in forever. He's suddenly struck by that. He's suddenly been taken back in time and he's in bed with a stubborn seventeen year old that's determined to get her own way.

'I promise' His thumb runs over her lip. He won't have her tormenting herself 'Look at you all sassy and pissed off at me'

'Don't look so proud of yourself'

'I can't help it, I'll always be happy to see you feeling comfortable enough to express what you're feeling'

'You don't think I've been expressing how I feel?'

'To an extent. I've nearly got that wall down. I think there's a few more bricks. You built it high'

'...I suppose I did' She murmurs. 'I don't want there to be a wall Luke. It's just easy to see the risks in everything when you've been living how I have'

'I'm not a risk. I'm your safety net. Always'

She curls herself around him. 'Yes' She yawns. 'I've never seen you as a risk. Don't you know that? I'm the risk to you. Not you to me'

'That's nonsense'

'Is it? I broke your heart'

'Well you've made me make several promises tonight. I'm gonna ask one of you, just one'

'Anything'

'You don't know what it is yet' He laughs.

'I don't need to know'

'Promise if things get messy you're not gonna disappear on me again'

'I already said I wouldn't-'

'I just want you to promise'

'I promise' She hums against his chest easily.

'Good. Now you need to get some sleep' He can tell by her breathing that she's struggling to stay with him.

'I love you'

'I love you' He rubs her back, begins what's become a nightly ritual. Watching her. Memorising her. Tracing visible marks on her body that shouldn't be there. Begging to whatever higher being there may be out there to just stop this. To make it all go away. To make sure this angel is safe forever more. And then in a little while he'll go do the first of many vigilant checks on the two children down the hall.

'Just the four of us' She mumbles half asleep now. 'Cabin...you...me'

He can't help but smile because at least for a little while she can go to a happier wonderland and have a decent dream for once. At least that's what he hopes.


End file.
